In business news, Apple have just announced that although their profits are down, their turnover is still good.

Just got a taxi to the launderette. Cost me 1,000 baht.

I feel like I've been taken to the cleaners.

I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay this morning and thought to myself,

"I wonder what his handicap is?"

I collect old children's toys. If anybody has got any unwanted Toy Story characters,

feel free to give me a Buzz!

My wife is rapidly losing patience with my premature ejaculation problem.

At first she took it on the chin, but now it gets on her tits.

My son's school just called and said my son has swallowed his phone and it's got stuck in his throat...

I'm gonna ring his neck!

     I even didn't know

16 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

-0

35 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

     I even didn't know

 

I'm always up for a bit of pulchritude. But this a stretching it a bit too far?

I spotted Ronnie O’Sullivan at the garden centre yesterday.

I think he was eyeing up a plant...

#Fathers Day dad joke winners.

The Kiwi and Aussie were riding down the track when they saw a sheep with its head stuck in a fence.

Naturally, the Kiwi bloke jumped off his horse, pulls down his pants and goes to town having sex with the poor sheep.

Upon finishing he looks over at his Aussie mate; "Your turn brov. Don't want to waste the moment. The Aussie jumps quickly off his horse, removes his pants, bends down, and sticks his head in the fence.

Edited June 20, 20215 yr by owl sees all

If a Wizard uses magic to hold up a camera and take a picture of himself, is that a Spellfie?
 

Did you hear that the Devil is going bald?

Yeah, there’s gonna be hell toupee.

What language do bridges speak?

Span-ish

How do you measure the quality of my puns?

With a  sighsmograph!

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