Towels - the leading cause of dry skin.

I just watched an fascinating documentary about the sun.
A good half hour's light entertainment.

Nice offer on Amazon -
If you buy all Adam & The Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand & deliver.

The local Subway shop is advertising for staff.

They are looking for someone to fill the roll.

I went online to try and find my ancestors,
but they're all dead.

Our goldfish died last night after my kids accidentally fed him small pieces of polystyrene.
I'm still trying to flush it down the toilet.

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.

Gravestones are a thing of the passed.

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings and he says,
"Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."

I like being self deprecating,
but I'm not very good at it.

What do you call a frustrated lesbian?
Mrs Cox.

Are you an old person suffering with insomnia?
well cheer up...at least you won't die in your sleep.

Do you know Murphy 's law?

Yes, if something can go wrong it will.

Correct. Do you know Cole' s law.

No, what's that?

Thinly sliced cabbage.

.

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

The local Subway shop is advertising for staff.

They are looking for someone to fill the roll.

Those guys make a lot of bread...

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

I like being self deprecating,
but I'm not very good at it.

I am not sure if I am meant to agree with you or not!

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings and he says,
"Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."

I wonder when he learned that?

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex.
I woke this morning with a huge correction.

If you have mixed the bottles up does that mean you now have a load of stiff cardboard on your hands etc after using some tissues

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

The local Subway shop is advertising for staff.

They are looking for someone to fill the roll.

Can you get your teeth into that job to make it realy fullfilling?

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

I asked my mate how long he'd been wearing an earring.
He said it was since his wife found it in his car.

Is he still wearing the suspenders and stockings?

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

Towels - the leading cause of dry skin.

Personnaly I don't like either towels or masseurs as they both seem to rub me up the wrong way!

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Nice offer on Amazon -
If you buy all Adam & The Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand & deliver.

They're trying to be Prince Charming, delivering Antmusic. Then again, they have to if they want to be Kings of the Wild Frontier (Amazon); otherwise their competitors would snatch all the customers. It's a Dog Eat Dog world out there; Hard to get a Room at the Top.

 

4 hours ago, fangless said:

I wonder when he learned that?

I'm not sure, but the story rings a bell.

Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

When 3 people have sex it's called threesome
When 2 people have sex it's called twosome
I guess that's why people call me handsome

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners
The lady says, "Come Again!"

The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."