I'm scared of having kids

[SuperTed]

OP - Asian and Western standards of good parenting are VERY different, especially down in the village. Your wife is a teacher, so hopefully that brings your parenting values closer to each other.

But I have found that in bi-cultural marriages, there are so many more compromises to be made than a monoculture marriage, because our rearing leaves us with entirely different expectations of who is responsible for what in the family, what is good and bad for kids, how family members behave towards each other, etc.

The problem is, one can compromise on a lot for love, but when it comes to kids, it is really difficult to compromise. We always want what we perceive to be the best for our kids. And that may often be different from what our Asian partners consider to be the best.

One simple example for Thailand - should the little one learn how to swim? Hopefully the Wild Boars have helped to change villagers minds on this, but Thai/Western views are polar opposites.

Have you talked through expectations for the kids with your wife? Are you sure you won't be disappointed with her approach to parenting, role with the kids, expectations of the kids, etc?

That sounds very stressful but kudos to you for stepping up. I hope you're doing ok now.

[catman20]

On 1/13/2019 at 12:29 PM, robblok said:

I never wanted kids and previous wife said she did not want them. In the end she changed her mind and it ended our relationship.

 

I would never take kids if I was not 100% sure about having them. You should want them otherwise it could be a nightmare for you and the kid. Nobody not you nor the kid needs problems like that.

 

Not everyone should have kids though people will look at you funny when you say such a thing. 

get a Vasectomy  i did wish id has it done 20 or 30 years ago. kids i thing are an over rated pass time.

[Khun Dondee]

Had my first and only child when I was 52. Never wanted any. My wife wanted one. The boy is over 15 now. Nothing has brought more joy to my life than that boy!

[murraynz]

i think this is up to the individual couple to decide.....but think about the difference in culture..

there will always be dissagreements on how to bring up the child...

[Cereal]

I'm 58 and never had kids. I went for a vasectomy when I was 18. The doctor threw me out lol saying I'd change my mind. I didn't. I went back at 30 and got clipped. I have never regretted. Not for a microsecond. 

 

Just reading your post it's clear that you don't want kids. Don't have them. They destroy freedom and give nothing but headaches, hassles, and crap in your life. They're also expensive. 

 

I cannot understand why anyone would want kids. I simply don't get it.

 

Be free brother. 

 

Choose life, not a life sentence.

[ThaiFelix]

Ive given up listening since a friend of mine told me the "great" news about how after trying for a long time his wife was now finally pregnant.  When I congratulated his wife 20 minutes later she said "oh thank you but I forgot to take the pill.....but only once!

[xtrnuno41]

SO many issues about kids. First i didnt want kids, but had them with a woman.

I grew into father hood and enjoyed it. Then my f****ing ex ended it by divorcing. 

Then you have trouble all the way afterwards and now i dont even see them anymore since longtime, even though they are grown ups now, thanks to indoctrination by my ex. They start ignoring me, so i gave up. They have brains and its wrong programmed?!

SO i had kids with a wrong woman and with me a lot of men more.

And sometimes you even have the wrong kids, you cant tell until its proven to you and leave you in pain.

Its a fact of life. Is it also a fact of life that a normal marriage doesn t exist anymore?

After all people change every time and marriage today isnt a solid thing anymore. 

I sometimes envy the people who can.

 

[todlad]

Do not live next door to your in laws. Chances are they are uneducated and mean well but if they are village people they will naturally teach your children to be village people. I know I am generalising here and not wishing to offend anyone.

 

Seen too many children raised by granny in a village: no attempts at pre school activities; no attempt to feed an eager mind and they speak only Thai and/or Khmer and/or Lao ...

 

I lived next door to the in laws with our Thai/Brit baby and one year was enough. We moved away. Takes an hour to drive there now.

 

We put our 1+ year old in a nursery part time and that was and is good. Eventually found a good one where main teacher is a native English speaker and assistant is a Thai speaker. I could not have a monolingual child here and that was a priority for me and is working well.

[moreem]

do you know that having kids is not an obligation ? it's just a hassle !

and if she really wants some, just run away for a newer puxxy !

 

 

[moreem]

28 minutes ago, xtrnuno41 said:

SO many issues about kids. First i didnt want kids, but had them with a woman.

I grew into father hood and enjoyed it. Then my f****ing ex ended it by divorcing. 

Then you have trouble all the way afterwards and now i dont even see them anymore since longtime, even though they are grown ups now, thanks to indoctrination by my ex. They start ignoring me, so i gave up. They have brains and its wrong programmed?!

SO i had kids with a wrong woman and with me a lot of men more.

And sometimes you even have the wrong kids, you cant tell until its proven to you and leave you in pain.

Its a fact of life. Is it also a fact of life that a normal marriage doesn t exist anymore?

After all people change every time and marriage today isnt a solid thing anymore. 

I sometimes envy the people who can.

 

finally somebody smart ! thank you !

 

[moreem]

2 hours ago, Cereal said:

I'm 58 and never had kids. I went for a vasectomy when I was 18. The doctor threw me out lol saying I'd change my mind. I didn't. I went back at 30 and got clipped. I have never regretted. Not for a microsecond. 

 

Just reading your post it's clear that you don't want kids. Don't have them. They destroy freedom and give nothing but headaches, hassles, and crap in your life. They're also expensive. 

 

I cannot understand why anyone would want kids. I simply don't get it.

 

Be free brother. 

 

Choose life, not a life sentence.

I love you for telling the truth ❤️

 

 

[moreem]

3 hours ago, murraynz said:

i think this is up to the individual couple to decide.....but think about the difference in culture..

there will always be dissagreements on how to bring up the child...

no ! usually it's women who decide and idiot guys just follow because they fear losing THE woman of their dream hahahaha

 

 

[catman20]

4 hours ago, Khun Dondee said:

Had my first and only child when I was 52. Never wanted any. My wife wanted one. The boy is over 15 now. Nothing has brought more joy to my life than that boy!

lets see if your singing the same tune in 3 or 4 year time. good luck anyway.

[polkop11]

As long as you can keep her without the kids, stick to your guns. If not, it is your call to make. Good luck, be happy!

[DJ54]

I have a son 41 and daughter 40. Son has a daughter 22 and a son 

just 5 mo months old. When I had children I kinda of picked up my

Dads work ethics which was work hard try to excel save money.

 

I worked hard and wife didn’t have to work. I was so work drive 

for two years I had 2 full time jobs  Graveyard shift home clean up a little go to next job. I was young at it wasn’t both on production line. 

 

In all the work I didn’t stop long enough to have time with the kids, 

Now with my son’s son just looking at the little make happy no matter what the day has brung. I’ve not see him yet hopefully this 

year. 

 

Kids are awesome and you should take time everyday to enjoy 

them. Whoever watches the child should be interested in helping 

them grow. I’m up here in the NE in a village and most grandmothers watch the children.

 

Don’t know because most in the village education is limited or the

person is too old to help the child. Boys up here are out of control 

no disipline make sure the caretaker is focused on your child growth.

 

Once you have a child you’ll be happy and not to worry a lot have had children there are road blocks at times but nothing one cant

handle. 

 

When in I was in China the niece would come visit and at the time 

the one child law was in place and people spoiled spoiled the children. 

 

The niece was screaming non stop and I said ok enough of that

took her too her room turned on the light and told her scream all 

you want when your finished come back out. 45 minutes she was

 cured of that she was 3 or 4 years old 12 years later she still remembers that evening. She a great kid smart and well behaved.

 

 My father was of the the corporal punishment types. I made up my mind I’d try to do it different. Never had to spank them I had a look

and they knew ohh Dads angry 

 

love the both great kids. 

 

Picture is of my grandson, my daughter has 2 adopted children and 3 from her husbands prior marriage, she loves kids but can’t have them. She great with kids..

[Different]

I doubt your manhood asking this question.

[LukKrueng]

On 1/13/2019 at 12:24 PM, akirasan said:

So I don't know what the point of this post is. I guess I just want to get it out, maybe hear from other people who have raised kids in Thailand about what their experiences have been like, any challenges they've faced, how their life is now etc..

simple really. It's either you want kids or you don't. All the reasons you give in the op are nothing more than excuses ie not your own house, don't want a house near mil, getting tired of full day teaching, seeing/hearing kids screaming.... playing with your own kid is not like playing with other's. Teaching your own kid is not like teaching other's. Even changing dippers for your own kid is not like changing for other's. So just be true to yourself - do you or don't you want kids?

[richard_smith237]

6 hours ago, Cereal said:

 

I cannot understand why anyone would want kids. I simply don't get it.

 

Be free brother. 

 

Choose life, not a life sentence.

 

I cannot understand why anyone wouldn’t want kids. I simply don’t get it.

 

However, I do understand that we are all different and wouldn’t consider life with children a life sentence, equally so I wouldn’t consider someone who chooses not to have children and imposing this view on others as sad and seeking confirmation bias.

As I wrote, we’re just all different.

 

Be be free brother....free to make your own informed choices.

 

Choose whichever makes you happy.

Edited January 14, 2019 by richard_smith237

[Ulic]

Just remember, you can have an opinion, but she will decide. If she wants kids and you are having sex she will end up pregnant. If that happens, just go with it. I have never been married and have no kids and I am very happy, but my brothers and friends (even divorced ones) say having kids is the best thing they ever did.

[moreem]

On 1/13/2019 at 4:21 PM, richard_smith237 said:

Op: given the thought going into your post, you’re the type of person who’d make a great parent... 

 

Don’t over think it - life is to be enjoyed, my Wife and I still do what we want to do (for the most part) and our life is complimented by our son, not controlled by it. He’s a good boy (5 years old), we travel a lot, do a lot...  the only limitation now is school holidays & early dinners! 

 

Being a parent takes effort, but to be honest, any aspect of an enjoyable & successful life takes effort. Enjoying the riches of a beautiful child is a complete game changer, the goal post shift, priorities change, from my point of view it’s incredible! 

 

Enjoy the ride... 

 

You just have to give up on your BM but the rest of your life is enjoyable, spend for a useless little monkey that will only bring problems !

 

 

[moreem]

On 1/13/2019 at 8:20 PM, villagefarang said:

In my opinion, you could turn that around and say it is unfair for a woman who wants to have children to marry a man who doesn’t, just to trick him or force to have kids and to pay for them the rest of his life. 

but this is exactly what happens most of the time. I feel so pity for these week "men" who accept all these women BS !

 

 

[sanemax]

13 minutes ago, moreem said:

 

You just have to give up on your BM but the rest of your life is enjoyable, spend for a useless little monkey that will only bring problems !

 

 

Thats quite rude , calling half Thai/felang kids "useless little monkeys"

[sanemax]

6 hours ago, Cereal said:

 

I cannot understand why anyone would want kids. I simply don't get it.

Be free brother. 

Choose life, not a life sentence.

Yes, choose a life , someone elses , give someone else a life .

We are genetically programmed to want kids , to keep the species alive (thats why you get horny)

[moreem]

22 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

That said, if people really don't want kids, that's entirely their choice - we're all different and what drives us differs. 

 

It would be interesting to hear from anyone who has had kids but wishes they didn't... 

 

If most people were not liars you would hear it more often.

But people who accept that they made the biggest mistake of their life are few...

 

 

 

[richard_smith237]

13 minutes ago, moreem said:

On 1/13/2019 at 1:21 PM, richard_smith237 said:

Op: given the thought going into your post, you’re the type of person who’d make a great parent... 

 

Don’t over think it - life is to be enjoyed, my Wife and I still do what we want to do (for the most part) and our life is complimented by our son, not controlled by it. He’s a good boy (5 years old), we travel a lot, do a lot...  the only limitation now is school holidays & early dinners! 

 

Being a parent takes effort, but to be honest, any aspect of an enjoyable & successful life takes effort. Enjoying the riches of a beautiful child is a complete game changer, the goal post shift, priorities change, from my point of view it’s incredible! 

 

Enjoy the ride... 

 

You just have to give up on your BM but the rest of your life is enjoyable, spend for a useless little monkey that will only bring problems !

 

 

You are also right.. the boy is totally useless... he doesn't even earn, cook or do housework, we have to buy and do nearly everything for him...   what is it with children?... take take take, selfish little brats... they don't even say thanks and then they go and wet the bed...  entitled useless little 5 year old monkey that only brings problems.... 

 

 

[sanemax]

1 minute ago, moreem said:

 

If most people were not liars you would hear it more often.

But people who accept that they made the biggest mistake of their life are few...

Maybe thats because people generally do not think that having kids is the biggest mistake of their lives ?

[richard_smith237]

3 minutes ago, moreem said:

 

If most people were not liars you would hear it more often.

But people who accept that they made the biggest mistake of their life are few...

 

 

Or you are just simply wrong and unable to confirm your suspicious without implying the majority of the population are liars because they don't agree with you and / or they can't accept they've made the biggest mistake of their life.... 

 

Either you and a small minority are right, or the majority are right... Or, more realistically, we are all just different and want different things and your views on parents with kids are as equally misguided as some parents views who suggest those without kids are missing out... 

 

 

 

[moreem]

35 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Yes, choose a life , someone elses , give someone else a life .

We are genetically programmed to want kids , to keep the species alive (thats why you get horny)

But unlike animals we are supposed to have a brain and know how stupid it is to follow any woman wishes...

 

 

[moreem]

22 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

 

Or you are just simply wrong and unable to confirm your suspicious without implying the majority of the population are liars because they don't agree with you and / or they can't accept they've made the biggest mistake of their life.... 

 

Either you and a small minority are right, or the majority are right... Or, more realistically, we are all just different and want different things and your views on parents with kids are as equally misguided as some parents views who suggest those without kids are missing out... 

 

 

 

 

Scared to lose moma ? so you just preferred to accept when she said that she wanted kids from a guy who is wealthy enough to pay for her whole life ?

Sad for many "men" in this world.

 

 

 

 

 

[sanemax]

3 minutes ago, moreem said:

 

Scared to lose moma ? so you just preferred to accept when she said that she wanted kids from a guy who is wealthy enough to pay for her whole life ?

Sad for many "men" in this world.

That is natural human/animal instinct though .

Females seek partners who are able to provide for their off spring and Males seek younger females who are fertile and will be around after they have gone