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My foreign fiancé keeps saying that he is buying me from my parents

hhdoob

By hhdoob
in Marriage and Divorce

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SheungWan Gold Member

SheungWan

Posted
Posted

The point is not so much the money and whether the guy is a Cheap Charlie. It is how he is treating the girl. In his 30s, unemployed and supposedly completing a PhD? Yeah, right. Sounds like an unpleasant loser. Girl should run unless she has a complete picture of the guy's CV and what he has been doing the last 10 years and it all pans out. Good luck.

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spidermike007 Star Member

spidermike007

Posted
Posted

Judging by the outstanding way in which you have explained yourself, you are obviously what some of us would refer to as a "high functioning woman". In other words, you are smart, well educated, have a great command of the english language, have lived overseas, and are very articulate. It honestly sounds to me like this man does not deserve you, and you could do far better. Rather than him disliking the fact that you are Thai, he should be grateful for your heritage, and the fact that you grew up in a culture that celebrates femininity, is lighthearted, and fun loving, and all of the other attributes that go with being a Thai woman, which are many. That is a huge gift. Rather than making a big deal about paying a measly $3,000 for sin sod, he should be grateful that a woman of your caliber is ok with such a relatively small amount.

 

He does not appear to be sufficiently grateful for everything that you bring to the table, including supporting him! He does not want to pay for your meals? What kind of man does not want to take care of his woman? I sense that your issues are only going to multiply, once you tie the knot. He just does not sound like a serious guy. It appears that he has overachieved only with regard to one thing in his life. Finding you! 

 

Sorry, but I am just saying it as I see it. 

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theguyfromanotherforum Silver Member

theguyfromanotherforum

Posted
Posted

 

1 hour ago, NanLaew said:

Despite Nong, the hottest and most popular star at Rainbow 2 being understandingly multi-lingual, she doesn't exactly have a Masters from Europe now does she?

 

In subsequent posts the English gets a bit weaker. Coincidence?

 

Also 100k sinsod is a joke. The money is most of the time returned. No educated girl would stick with such a loser especially if her parents paid the bills and sent her through school. That's another troll alarm bell.

 

 

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Nyezhov Gold Member

Nyezhov

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

Judging by the outstanding way in which you have explained yourself, you are obviously what some of us would refer to as a "high functioning woman". In other words, you are smart, well educated, have a great command of the english language, and are very articulate. It honestly sounds to me like this man does not deserve you, and you could do far better. Rather than him disliking the fact that you are Thai, he should be grateful for your heritage, and the fact that you grew up in a culture that celebrates femininity. That is a huge gift. Rather than making a big deal about paying a measly $3,000 for sin sod, he should be grateful that a woman of your caliber is ok with such a relatively small amount.

 

He does not appear to be sufficiently grateful for everything that you bring to the table, including supporting him! He does not want to pay for your meals? What kind of man does not want to take care of his woman? I sense that your issues are only going to multiply, once you tie the knot. He just does not sound like a serious guy. Sorry, but I am just saying it as I see it. 

One of the most sexist things I have ever read in my life. "His woman"? "High functioning woman?" 

 

 

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spidermike007 Star Member

spidermike007

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

One of the most sexist things I have ever read in my life. "His woman"? "High functioning woman?" 

 

 

 

So sorry to have offended your highly PC sensibilities. As a man with full possession of my masculine nature, I have zero regard for the extraordinary weakness of society, in it's ever incessant demand for correct terminology, and it's constant attempt to not have it's paper thin skin ruffled. Just not who I am, thank you very much. The term high functioning woman is a compliment. The term high functioning man would be too. His woman? Yes, his woman. Is he her man? Of course he is. We are not talking about possession in the form of slavery. We are talking about a term of affection. Grow some thicker skin, please. 

 

Did you see the Gillette ad? I'll bet you liked what they had to say about toxic masculinity. 

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Enki Senior Member

Enki

Posted
Posted

Well,

 

your english is excellent. So why don't you grasp what your fiancé is telling you?

A "Sin Sod" is completely uncommon in Europe. 

A marriage with 200 guests is only done by _rich_ people.

Only stupid europeans are going to take a loan to organize a marriage. (Yes they exist. But most big marriages are done by the friends who collect and bring money ... of course that varies from country to country)

 

If he pays a sin sod *and* takes a loan for that, and takes another loan to pay for your marriage (in Europe the father of the bride pays for the marriage!), then all his european friends will make fun about him. Calling him stupid etc.

 

So how much does he earn? You want him to pay several times worth a monthly wage as either sin sod or to pay the marriage party or both? How is he legally getting a loan for that? What security can he give to get a million bath loan for something he considers completely stupid?

 

I'm in the lucky position that my wives brother has a stupid nephew who took a loan (via a fraud) on the land of his father. I pay a million to the bank to get the land back, and the land is transferred to my wife and I have the "usufruct" rights on the land.

 

So when they talked about "Sin Sod" I simply pointed out that I secured 18 acres land back to the family. 

 

There is no way in hell that I would have paid more than $10,000 (something like 30,000 Bath, to lazy to look it up) to the family of my wife for a simple ritual sin sod. If she does not love me enough to marry me without a *big* sum then so be it.

 

Understand your husband: if he uses the loan B100,000 he offered to buy a house, he has a house. If he busy a car, he has a car. If he buys an Elephant, he has an Elephant. if he buys a boat, he has a boat. If he pays a "sin sod" he just loses money, he gains nothing.

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theguyfromanotherforum Silver Member

theguyfromanotherforum

Posted
Posted
29 minutes ago, Enki said:

Well,

 

your english is excellent. So why don't you grasp what your fiancé is telling you?

A "Sin Sod" is completely uncommon in Europe. 

A marriage with 200 guests is only done by _rich_ people.

Only stupid europeans are going to take a loan to organize a marriage. (Yes they exist. But most big marriages are done by the friends who collect and bring money ... of course that varies from country to country)

 

If he pays a sin sod *and* takes a loan for that, and takes another loan to pay for your marriage (in Europe the father of the bride pays for the marriage!), then all his european friends will make fun about him. Calling him stupid etc.

 

So how much does he earn? You want him to pay several times worth a monthly wage as either sin sod or to pay the marriage party or both? How is he legally getting a loan for that? What security can he give to get a million bath loan for something he considers completely stupid?

 

I'm in the lucky position that my wives brother has a stupid nephew who took a loan (via a fraud) on the land of his father. I pay a million to the bank to get the land back, and the land is transferred to my wife and I have the "usufruct" rights on the land.

 

So when they talked about "Sin Sod" I simply pointed out that I secured 18 acres land back to the family. 

 

There is no way in hell that I would have paid more than $10,000 (something like 30,000 Bath, to lazy to look it up) to the family of my wife for a simple ritual sin sod. If she does not love me enough to marry me without a *big* sum then so be it.

 

Understand your husband: if he uses the loan B100,000 he offered to buy a house, he has a house. If he busy a car, he has a car. If he buys an Elephant, he has an Elephant. if he buys a boat, he has a boat. If he pays a "sin sod" he just loses money, he gains nothing.

 

You live in Thailand, so your rant doesn't make sense. The guy also lives in Thailand and is marrying a Thai girl. If he was marrying a Thai girl in Europe that would be another story.

 

Also unlike you, his girl's family did not scam him out of money.

 

And what is he doing in foreign land without a dollar to his name. Maybe his future wife could organize a gofundme campaign for this broke millennial livin' the dream.

 

I still think it's a troll.

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TallGuyJohninBKK Star Member

TallGuyJohninBKK

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, hhdoob said:

Since we both are paying some large sum of money for the wedding - he for the sin son, and I do for the wedding party. 

I think it is really unfair that he is saying or making jokes that he is buying me and stuff like this. I told him to stop saying all this but it keeps coming out when we get into fight.

Why can't he understand that my side has paid and invested much more in this than he does? 

Why is it embarrassing to him to bring 100k baht on the wedding day when everything else is already paid for by me and my parents?

 

I am trying my best to understand his point, but I can't help feeling so disappointed with myself being pregnant before marriage and having to go through all these troubles. 

I still want to keep the wedding and nourish this relationship and the baby. 

 

 

 

 

A couple of points here:

 

1. it sounds like your fiance is clearly not financially capable of supporting a family right now, much less funding a wedding  / sin sod, etc....  But then, based on what you wrote, that should be no surprise to you, as you seem to have been pretty clear on his personal situation.

 

2. Sin sod, despite perhaps being common here, is a totally foreign thing to westerners. We simply don't do that in the west, no tradition of that at all. So that's what leads, probably insensitively on his part, to the poor jokes re buying you off your family. Really, the issue of sin sod is something you and he should have discussed and come to some agreement on BEFORE deciding to pursue marriage.

 

3. I can't help but feel here like really the ONLY reason the two of you are actually considering marriage right now is because of the coming baby... And that's unfortunate. Do you want to have a baby now? Are you capable of being a mother now? And how's being a new mother likely to affect your career future plans and abilities?  Depending on the answers to those questions, perhaps you might consider terminating the pregnancy either inside Thailand if allowed or outside Thailand if necessary. And put off marriage until both you and any future husband are in a better place for making a marriage and family. (That doesn't mean, necessarily though, that you'd have to break up with this guy...)

 

But overall, it really doesn't sound like this is the right time and circumstance for the two of you to get married, and I didn't really read much in your comments explaining why the two of you ought to be married at all!!!

 

And if both you and your family and he are so tight on money, then why planning the very large guest list wedding and making an already strained situation even more difficult? For face and for your parents to show their friends and relations that you grabbed a wealthy farang husband (even though it sounds like he's piss poor...)

 

It seems there's a lot of common sense and good judgment lacking here.

 

 

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hhdoob Newbie

hhdoob

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Posted

Thanks for all the comments. I guess I'd better just seriously talk to him again that I am truly offended by what he said and hope for the best. I just want to work this out with him and focus on this pregnancy and the baby coming. I have no plan to terminate it, as I believe I do have a decent job, a condo, a car and a safe environment for raising a child. 

 

It is very true what someone has said before that the concept of sin sod does not translate well into western cultures. And just because we both speak English (English are not native language for both of us), it does not mean that we always understand each other. Sometimes, he does not want to bring this up, as he doesnt want to upset me and stress me out at this moment. While I have trouble letting go and ending the fight too, but ll try better anyway. 

 

No need for endless off topic debate. Topic is closed. Thanks. 

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Enki Senior Member

Enki

Posted
Posted
40 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

That is a huge gift. Rather than making a big deal about paying a measly $3,000 for sin sod, he should be grateful that a woman of your caliber is ok with such a relatively small amount.

Oh, you are right. I made the mistake to calculate it in my mind without checking back again and came to ~$30,000, off by one magnitude, how embarrassing!

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Enki Senior Member

Enki

Posted
Posted
20 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

In a society where your own family doesn't scam you out of money, your hiso highness.

Paying a Sin Sod i not a scam. Especially after the legal marriage. No idea what you talk about.

However he is not the only European who struggles with that concept. However as I pointed out in another post, I miscalculated the amount in $ ... IMHO he should get a job (instead of working illegally online) and get over it, $3000 is in fact not much.

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TallGuyJohninBKK Star Member

TallGuyJohninBKK

Posted
Posted
6 minutes ago, hhdoob said:

Thanks for all the comments. I guess I'd better just seriously talk to him again that I am truly offended by what he said and hope for the best. I just want to work this out with him and focus on this pregnancy and the baby coming. I have no plan to terminate it, as I believe I do have a decent job, a condo, a car and a safe environment for raising a child. 

No need for endless off topic debate. Topic is closed. Thanks. 

 

Sorry, I know you want to close the topic.. But if you don't mind me asking, what's your plan for taking care of the baby while you're working?

 

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theguyfromanotherforum Silver Member

theguyfromanotherforum

Posted
Posted
3 minutes ago, Enki said:

Paying a Sin Sod i not a scam. Especially after the legal marriage. No idea what you talk about.

However he is not the only European who struggles with that concept. However as I pointed out in another post, I miscalculated the amount in $ ... IMHO he should get a job (instead of working illegally online) and get over it, $3000 is in fact not much.

 

You also made a few other mistakes claiming the OP has a Masters in English. Put your reading glasses on please. 

 

Actually 1 Million baht would be a minimum for a woman of her caliber which would be promptly returned to both of them, of course.

 

But it doesn't matter because it's a troll post.

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poohy Gold Member

poohy

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Nyezhov said:

FWIW sweetheart, by my judgment as a native English speaker and as one who was highly educated in reading and writing when education meant something in the US, you are either an highly educated ESL who writes very well (with the proviso that its easy for me to see you are a non native speaker) or a very creative native english speaker/writer who can imitate an educated non native. 

 

Based on the writing skills I see every day, the second appears unlikely.

Never mind this girl and her problems what concerns me more, is you stated you are educated but according to your icon you are a Millwall supporter ????

(before panties get twisted its called humour) 

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bbi1 Gold Member

bbi1

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, sometimewoodworker said:

I accept that as you are managing to do a masters in Europe that you have managed to master English as well. Taking everything at face value the problem is that your finance doesn't have any real understanding of Thai culture. So the concept of Sin-sod is totally foreign to him. Regrettably he may just be too immature to appreciate that different cultures can be so diametrically opposed. He may never come to understand the concept, in which case it will be an ongoing problem that may lead to the relationship breaking down.

 

If you want to have a chance of continuing you will both need to talk for many many hours and remember that just because you are both speaking the same language does not mean that you understand each other.

Maybe they're both "too immature" as both of them don't understand each other's culture...

 

If they don't understand each other they clearly shouldn't get married or even be in a relationship together, as I have mentioned on the 1st page.

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Rimmer Star Member

Rimmer

Posted
Posted

A flame has been removed, here is the forum rule that you must have missed:

 

7) You will respect fellow members and post in a civil manner. No personal attacks, hateful or insulting towards other members, (flaming) Stalking of members on either the forum or via PM will not be allowed.

 

Some more grammar police posts have been removed:

 

3. If possible please proofread your post first, poor grammar and spelling can make the post difficult to understand. However be aware that not every member is a native English speaker and excessive posts regarding others spelling and grammar not only hijacks the topic but is poor netiquette.

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JimmyJ Gold Member

JimmyJ

Posted
Posted

This is the 3rd questionable one of these in the last few weeks.

 

There was the guy who found chat his fiancee was having with a guy, and I think he was the guy flying in from Hong Kong and planning a big wedding also or that was another one...

 

One thing I wonder about each of these newbie posters asking relationship advice is what I am going to ask hhdoob now -

What made you choose TVF (of all places) to ask for relationship advice?

 

If you've read a few threads in this forum previously you have to have noticed the attitudes of many posters here towards Thais, towards women, towards Thai women, towards relationships, towards life...

 

Just curious how you found this forum and why you decided it was the place for you to get advice?

And rather than from close friends/family?

 

(I'm wondering if all of these are the same guy?)

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HAKAPALITA Explorer Member

HAKAPALITA

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, kkerry said:

 

hmmmm... seems we have a moderator with a troll handle...

 

I mean, who else can close a topic... ????

 Mr Kerry..........You just Drive your Toyota, no wonder my Lazada delivery is late.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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