15 year old son

[Paul Laycock1]

My son who is at school in Loengnoktha is causing me problems with money.

He came in last night while I was sleeping, woke me but apart from confirming it was him Iwent back to sleep.

In the morning I noticed a large piggy bank which I have for small change had disappeared, unfortunately this is not the first time. My son had taken it to his bedroom along with a large serrated kitchen knife and sawed it in half.

How do you prevent this, other things have happened which I won’t cover here, do they grow out of it or what. Shouting or hitting him is not an option.

 

p.s if he asked I would give him some money, he already has had 200 to top up his phone, 40 for a haircut .

[cracker1]

Set him some regular duties around home. Lawns, gardens, clean windows, clean vehicles, feed chickens, etc and then pay him an agreed fare weekly rate. No work........No Pay.

[soalbundy]

Problems with teenage kids is as old as the hills, they have an adults body but the mind of a child which is slowly changing and hasn't quite caught up, bridges are collapsing and new ones haven't yet formed, think back to your own teenage days. Yes they grow out of it. Don't try to be a friend, he will have them already, he wants an adult who he respects and who shows him limits, firm kindness and understanding but not a doormat. I like Cracker1's suggestion. Make sure he knows that even taking money from the family home, if taken without permission, is theft.

[Ulic]

Funny, while I never got an allowance my younger brothers and sister did. My step-sister and half-sister got significant allowances. In later years my father told me not giving us an allowance was one of his big regrets. I still can't understand why. Just teaching kids to handle money I guess. Give him an allowance, but give him responsibilities as well. Give him chores to do, and things he has to cover with that money. Haircuts, clothes, cell phone charges etc....

[phantomfiddler]

The kid is a thief. Leave no money or valuables around the house.

[owl sees all]

Who said it?

 

"At 16 I was shocked at how little my father actually knew. At 20 I was amazed to know how much he had learned in just 4 years!"

 

Give him a bit of LAA (love and attention).

[Sheryl]

I agree re the suggestion for allowance tied to chores.

But I think it is also quite important to teach him that theft of any sort is absolutely unacceptable.

There needs to be a penalty, like confiscation of his phone for a week, no TV for a week or whatever else (nonviolent) you can realistically impose.

Don't shout but tell him in very firm tones that you are disappointed in him and his behavior was seriously wrong.

If you don't yoy are sending the message that stealing is OK.

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Brigante7]

Short sharp shock, tell him that if he steals anything again then he is out of the house, but don't use the threat unless you are prepared to carry it out.

 

 

 

Brigante7.

[Enoon]

 

Is his mother present in household?

 

And is she similarly concerned?

 

Because if he is mummys little bundle of perfection........

 

 

[allanos]

I see nothing wrong with corporal punishment.  Spare the rod and spoil the child.  Theft is a serious matter.

 

But first you need to set the ground rules.  He must be spoken to directly, and told what the rules are.  If he flagrantly flouts them or disobeys - first warning.  A repeat offence - give him a decent smack (not a flogging).

 

It is also an idea to write the rules down, and both you and he sign them jointly, and agree that they will be abided by on both sides.

 

If the boy is not presently getting an allowance, I believe it is important that he receives one, but there should be a quid pro quo; doing a couple of agreed household chores, washing the car once weekly, for example.

 

Make sure you keep his self-respect intact.  Talk to him man to man, but be sure he understands that as long as he lives at home, you are the boss, and he lives there according to your rules.

[Paul Laycock1]

I don’t disagree with anything said. Have tried all these things. He stays mainly at his grandmothers house (next door). I am disabled so can’t run around after him. My sister in law is my only help, the money was really a way of showing her two daughters how to save money.

I worry that one day the police will knock on my door to tell me of his death, yes he’s into motorbikes as well driving at break net speeds.

I don’t want to barricade myself in my house but it’s coming to that.

[scorecard]

15 minutes ago, Sheryl said:

I agree re the suggestion for allowance tied to chores.

But I think it is also quite important to teach him that theft of any sort is absolutely unacceptable.

There needs to be a penalty, like confiscation of his phone for a week, no TV for a week or whatever else (nonviolent) you can realistically impose.

Don't shout but tell him in very firm tones that you are disappointed in him and his behavior was seriously wrong.

If you don't yoy are sending the message that stealing is OK.

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

Agree, and explain the basics of budgeting and tell him you have to budget continuously, but don't expect him to understand all of that in 1 year. 

 

And ask yourself some questions question, 'were you good at budgeting at 16'?, and ask yourself 'did I want what the other kids have'? - peer pressure etc.

 

When my Thai son was At about 16 I always gave him the electric bills etc., etc., and cash and said 'please go this morning / afternoon and pay the bill and put the receipt on the kitchen table'.  It did help to make him realize that it costs money to live, etc.

 

 

 

[Paul Laycock1]

I live alone, his mother works and lives in Bangkok. She is aware of the problem but says what do you want me to do about it.

[KittenKong]

3 hours ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

hitting him is not an option

Why not? Nothing else will work.

[Paul Laycock1]

KittenKong, as far as I’m aware it’s illegal.

[KittenKong]

13 minutes ago, scorecard said:

And ask yourself some questions question, 'were you good at budgeting at 16'?,

When I was 13 I worked evenings and weekends and school holidays in a local shop, for which I was paid a proper wage. I knew all about budgeting and all about the value of money. I went on to be very successful, very efficient and very reliable in business, which allowed me to retire comfortably at the age of 50.

 

These days that would be illegal and the bleeding hearts would be crying over my ruined innocence and lost childhood. I think they are completely detached from reality.

[KittenKong]

1 minute ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

KittenKong, as far as I’m aware it’s illegal.

I see. That may explain why there are so many young thieves and losers here.

[Proboscis]

54 minutes ago, phantomfiddler said:

The kid is a thief. Leave no money or valuables around the house.

Yes he is a thief but that is because he has no money. Try being a 15 year old with no money. Even better, try being the age you are with no money. Very quickly, you have no friends because you don't even have the bus fare to visit them.

 

My advice to this father is to take an interest in the young man's life. Give him leadership, spend time with him. Go do stuff with him. You don't have to talk to him all the time but you do have to do interesting stuff together and build a relationship. He clearly cannot ask you for money for some reason - maybe he feels he loses face. Give him an allowance and give him chores - that way the money is his and he is entitled to it.

[Mavideol]

53 minutes ago, phantomfiddler said:

The kid is a thief. Leave no money or valuables around the house.

have to agree, mine started doing the same thing around 17, called the sheriff a couple times, it didn't got scared at all and kept doing it, started with small change and changed to bigger bills his mother had a tendency to leave the purse around until all cash disappeared.... a thief always a thief, lost contact when he went to jail but heard that he keeps going in and out of jail thus stealing more and more and he's or should be 28 now... sorry man but lost cases we are damned by the kids

 

[Greyhat]

You can get a haircut for 40 baht?

Edited January 25, 2019 by Greyhat

[KittenKong]

4 minutes ago, Proboscis said:

Try being a 15 year old with no money.

Try getting a job.

[Paul Laycock1]

KittenKong, yes the good old day’s. when I was 13 I used to deliver groceries for a store called Home & Colonial all for 10 shillings a week after school, not on Wednesday’s or Saturday afternoons as early closings.

I saved for ages for my first record player.

[chickenslegs]

You should try to find out what the stolen money is being used for. Probably just petrol, cigarettes, and bike supplies, but there could be an underlying problem (drugs, bullying, extortion).

 

 

[VocalNeal]

4 hours ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

and sawed it in half. 

 

He's not very smart. Should have stolen 1/3 to 1/2 by sticking a knife in the slot then returned it to where he found it.

 

I'm with the electricity bill idea and giving him chores. for chores 3xx baht/day is minimum wage work it out by the hour.

 

or He needs some pocket money/allowance which he has to make last the whole month. I think 100baht a day should cover it? But start at 50 baht/day. Ask around see what other kids get.

 

Also tell him that if he only gets the same education as an average Cambodian/Burmese worker then he will get paid the same as them.

[dotpoom]

"Spare the discipline ....spoil the child".

[fantom]

I would respectfully suggest there may be more to this than first appears.

There are a number of illegal aspects noted:

1. Theft

2. 15 years and riding motorcycle

3. Licence?

4 registration?

5. 'Riding at break net (sic) speed.

 

My immediate thought was the explanation lies in 5.

 

I am really sorry for your situation, thoughts of barracading yourself for example, and appreciate your efforts to remedy behaviors but you really do need outside assistance, perhaps you and your sister in law can first approach the school, they at least may have some contact information for you to follow up.

[VocalNeal]

44 minutes ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

yes he’s into motorbikes as well driving at break net speeds.

Oops sorry I think he might be a lost cause

[spidermike007]

1 hour ago, owl sees all said:

Who said it?

 

"At 16 I was shocked at how little my father actually knew. At 20 I was amazed to know how much he had learned in just 4 years!"

 

Give him a bit of LAA (love and attention).

 

Mark Twain. Duties. Kids that are not given duties and responsibilities are heavily challenged later on in life. Make him do stuff around the house. Have him wash your car. Have him clean the toilets. Whatever. Just make stuff up. But make sure it gets done. And use the word NO alot. Set limits, and figure out a way to enforce them. Thai boys are the most spoiled creatures on planet earth.

 

I have another suggestion for raising Thai boys. From the age of 3, start telling him he is nothing special. Tell him his sister is better, smarter, more ambitious, and more likely to succeed in life. Tell him he means little to the world, until he has made a contribution, and proven himself. Until then, he is nothing special, at all.

 

[baansgr]

past week suffering similar with 13yo daughter. Stole money  from her younger brother  and sister  and constantly  asking me.  I've explained  stealing is wrong and asked why and does she have any problems  at school with Bullying or anything. Hide your money but the worry is will he look elsewhere. Try to find the reason why that's what I'm doing 

[1FinickyOne]

My favorite nephew, a really good kid went into total monster mode for a while... hormones, I guess... he actually became frightening... it is raging hormones and they passed... he became a great person again...