ไหว้ to older people I dont know too well

[superatoz]

hi all , 

 

i am confused if i should ไหว้ people whom i see often eg. people at the gym ( im in my 30s but many people  i look much younger then that )

 

i dont really know them well but i smile at them when i walk pass , is it like really necessary to ไหว้ them

 

or is just a smile suffice ? i wouldnt want to come off as rude to them as I of mix heritage ancestry and i look pretty local to them lol 

 

appreciate any advises from those who have been living in thailand long  as i dont have any foreigner friends here .

 

i asked my gf and she said " I dont really ไหว้ people i dont know well" -_- bummer 

 

 

[metisdead]

 Moving to the Thai language forum. 

[superatoz]

Just now, metisdead said:

 Moving to the Thai language forum. 

sorry about it ^^||

[amexpat]

Language forum? 

[allane]

-one doesn't wai strangers, unless for some reason, they have waied you. If you are waied on the street by a disheveled stranger, he is a beggar.

-one doesn't return the wai of service industry personnel such as waiters, hotel desk clerks and store clerks.  The exception would be if it is someone you have dealt with in the past, but even then, only if he went out of his way to give you some exceptional service in the past.

- in the workplace, the younger person wais the older person first, who then returns the wai.  This exchange of wais is done only the first time you encounter each other each day.

[superatoz]

1 minute ago, allane said:

-one doesn't wai strangers, unless for some reason, they have waied you. If you are waied on the street by a disheveled stranger, he is a beggar.

 -one doesn't return the wai of service industry personnel such as waiters, hotel desk clerks and store clerks.  The exception would be if it is someone you have dealt with in the past, but even then, only if he went out of his way to give you some exceptional service in the past.

 - in the workplace, the younger person wais the older person first, who then returns the wai.  This exchange of wais is done only the first time you encounter each other each day.

i wouldnt say that they are strangers but i see them on every other day  , and sometimes we smile at each other .

 

but does it mean the next time i see them or him /her i need to ไหว้  them ? cos some of younger kids they will ไหว้  me 

 

even if they dont know me well . just concerned if they will feel im rude . thanks for replies

[superatoz]

25 minutes ago, allane said:

-one doesn't wai strangers, unless for some reason, they have waied you. If you are waied on the street by a disheveled stranger, he is a beggar.

-one doesn't return the wai of service industry personnel such as waiters, hotel desk clerks and store clerks.  The exception would be if it is someone you have dealt with in the past, but even then, only if he went out of his way to give you some exceptional service in the past.

- in the workplace, the younger person wais the older person first, who then returns the wai.  This exchange of wais is done only the first time you encounter each other each day.

allane , 

thanks for replying , i dont ไหว้ service staff or younger unless they ไหว้ me , 

do u smile at everyone tho ? cos from where i come from we dont really smile at each other unless we know each other.

[allane]

- I never return the wai of a complete stranger.

-if I encounter someone I "know" on the street (such as a store clerk I have dealt with many times), I wai them only after they have waied me.

- teachers don't return the wai's of students.

-with respect to young people; 15 is something of a watershed age in Thailand;

  - if he is less than 15, you don't return the wai.  If he is 15 or more, follow the rules I have stated above.

- one more note re the workplace; age trumps rank.  I used to work at a school where the department head position was filled on a rotational basis. When a younger teacher took the chair that had been previously occupied by an older one, I saw the younger one still initiated the wai, even though she was now the department head.

[rumak]

Well if they ไหว้ you......ไหว้ not just ไหว้ back  ????  .   Don't worry about what "others" think, especially farangs !      I am surprised that if you can write Thai  i would think you can observe what situations Thais wai and when they don't ( like a waiter or doorman wais you..etc)

This situation is just a greeting from the people that see you at the gym .  It is quite informal, just an acknowledgement , like saying hi.   Heck, with another post on TV with many complaining that they are "ignored" by Thais,  you should feel honored

[allane]

In reply to Post # 7; like anywhere else, I walk around with a neutral expression on my face. That enables me to use a smile as a greeting. And to be honest, there have probably been times when I substituted a smile for a wai.

[superatoz]

8 minutes ago, rumak said:

Well if they ไหว้ you......ไหว้ not just ไหว้ back  ????  .   Don't worry about what "others" think, especially farangs !      I am surprised that if you can write Thai  i would think you can observe what situations Thais wai and when they don't ( like a waiter or doorman wais you..etc)

This situation is just a greeting from the people that see you at the gym .  It is quite informal, just an acknowledgement , like saying hi.   Heck, with another post on TV with many complaining that they are "ignored" by Thais,  you should feel honored

i dont feel ignored in fact i feel overwhelmed by people friendliness ,

 

so would u advise me to ไหว้ them or just smile to the elders ? 

 

in fact sometimes like air crew , i also return their ไหว้  for politeness .

 

 

[Lacessit]

Just smile and nod politely.

Thais have respect for age in Thais. They don't necessarily have it for older farangs.

[scorecard]

53 minutes ago, superatoz said:

allane , 

thanks for replying , i dont ไหว้ service staff or younger unless they ไหว้ me , 

do u smile at everyone tho ? cos from where i come from we dont really smile at each other unless we know each other.

This is an English language forum, why not use the English word wai.

 

 

[rumak]

38 minutes ago, superatoz said:

i dont feel ignored in fact i feel overwhelmed by people friendliness ,

 

so would u advise me to ไหว้ them or just smile to the elders ? 

 

in fact sometimes like air crew , i also return their ไหว้  for politeness .

 

 

well, if your arms are tired from working out at the gym,  just smile.   as for elders, learn their names and yell   "hi mate,  how ya doing "  .       OK, to be serious, its no big deal, but err (wai) on the side of politeness if you can.  Sometimes it feels awkward hurriedly raising a wai... but returning an elders wai is something i always do .....especially people in my village .   If i go see a dr or govt person i even wai first sometimes (never hurts to show respect if it helps to make life easier)

If we meet and you extend your hand for a handshake...... should i take it ?  

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Only wai people to whom you consider yourself 'inferior' or 'lower status'.

 

I'm Australian. We don't consider ourselves inferior to anyone. On the other hand, apart from our ratbag fringe, we don't consider anyone to be inferior to us either.

[jak2002003]

7 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I'm Australian. We don't consider ourselves inferior to anyone. On the other hand, apart from our ratbag fringe, we don't consider anyone to be inferior to us either.

That's a good attitude to life.

 

People saying to wai to people who you feel inferior to is stupid.  They don't understand the wai at all.

 

It's a formal way to show respect to someone.  Younger people wai to older people  because they are just showing the elder respect for... well just being older basically (and in theory having more life experience or knowledge of things lol).   

 

We are farangs.  It's not our custom or culture to wai anybody so we don't need to worry too much about it here.  Sure its nice to integrate with the Thai people, but if we made mistakes with a wai, or use it at the wrong time, they are not going to care at all, and because we are farangs they will understand we don't mean any harm or are being unfriendly or stupid.

 

For OP at the gym.  I would say do what you want.  If you wai at them you might look a bit silly, but you will also look friendly and a nice guy.  If you smile that is probably the best, or nod you head.  You might even say hello!!!!  Don't overthink it and turn it into a big deal.

 

Those bashing Thai people for their customs should realise we farangs have our own etiquette that many other nations find stupid and confusing.  Even the hand shake has rules about seniority, when to initiate, how long it should last etc etc. 

 

 

 

 

 

[tgeezer]

hi all , 
 
i am confused if i should ไหว้ people whom i see often eg. people at the gym ( im in my 30s but many people  i look much younger then that )
 
i dont really know them well but i smile at them when i walk pass , is it like really necessary to ไหว้ them
 
or is just a smile suffice ? i wouldnt want to come off as rude to them as I of mix heritage ancestry and i look pretty local to them lol 
 
appreciate any advises from those who have been living in thailand long  as i dont have any foreigner friends here .
 
i asked my gf and she said " I dont really ไหว้ people i dont know well" -_- bummer 
 
 

I situations like yours you are doing enough especially if you are not going to use any Thai.
As your girlfriend says about knowing them, if you are introduced and know the greeting Sawatdi krap it would be odd not to wai. before or as you say it. When you meet them again you wai them because they are among those whom you wai.
wai is also body language for an apology, If you tread on someone’s toe, bump into them etc. and feel the need to say sorry in either language a wai seems appropriate to me. If you enter a social gathering of Thais, drinks after a workout and you feel as though you are encroaching, a wai will help to make everyone feel comfortable. If people are clustered round the water fountain for example and you want to get by, a wai works like magic. Especially if you can manage “khoi thote duay krab”

Even though we are not expected to wai, it is appreciated when you do, I think that you already feel this so follow your instincts.




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[CharlieH]

Troll comment and bickering posts removed.

[sandbox]

I suspect it has more to do with deference, as in yield, than respect especially if the recipient expects it. The rules of its usage tend to indicate the vector of social hierarchy.

[naboo]

Don't ไหว้ strangers unless you are being introduced to them or doing business with them. This does not include service staff who will ไหว้ you but you do not need to reply. There are occasions I will walk into a retail situation and ไหว้ someone - for example when I bought my car the finance paperwork was handled by the showroom manager, we was in a senior position, he was older than me and we were now "doing business". Also if I have spoken to sales staff and want to consult with someone more knowledgeable, when they've made the effort to come to speak to me, we start with a ไหว้ - an example being when I was purchasing a rather expensive keyboard for my daughter and the salesman had taken me through his pitch but I wanted the opinion of someone who could play, they got a guy from another area of the store and, as he'd made an effort to provide me with more than standard service, I initiated a ไหว้.

 

With regards to the people in the gym, they are still strangers, a smile will suffice. If you've had an interaction that goes beyond seeing them in the gym, for example had a friendly chat over a fruit shake in the gym cafe, then you can ไหว้ them the next time you see them and subsequently if you feel you have built an ongoing personal relationship with them. The initial ไหว้ after the first conversation can play a role in continuing the relationship as it is recognition of the previous conversation you'd had - not doing so may not be considered rude but may be an indication that the conversation you'd had over the drink wasn't of significance to you.

 

I've been living here over a decade and have many Thai friends. We always greet each other with a ไหว้. In fact, I will shortly be visiting friends I've not seen for a couple of months and will be rocking up with a ไหว้ before grabbing a beer. Thai work colleagues also greet me with a ไหว้ every day (and a few jovial foreigners as well). Beyond that, the ไหว้ is used fairly infrequently (perhaps I ไหว้ less than I should), but whenever it is used it is a clear recognition that things are a little more formal (with the obvious exception of the unreturned ไหว้ in the retail situation).

[jackdd]

31 minutes ago, naboo said:

With regards to the people in the gym, they are still strangers, a smile will suffice. If you've had an interaction that goes beyond seeing them in the gym, for example had a friendly chat over a fruit shake in the gym cafe, then you can ไหว้ them the next time you see them and subsequently if you feel you have built an ongoing personal relationship with them.

I agree with this.

[tgeezer]

Troll comment and bickering posts removed.

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