Wife out of control

[Glorfindal]

Hi there,

I'm hurting enough - please don't put the boot in :-)

 

We got married in Thailand end of 2015.

She came back to the UK in 2017 (we had real issues with the immigration due to her terrible history) - she lived here for many years as an overstayer.

 

She has basically acted like a complete and utter mad person - 1 week of complete hatred and aggression, followed by 1 week of complete silence, followed by 1 week of sarcasm, followed by one week of "sort of friendly" - repeat, same again every month. She hit me a few times recently.

I mostly just sit there and take it, and have some video / audio recordings of all of these crazy times behavior.

I pay everything, of course, bought her car and computers and phone, etc. Also paid for an Open Uni course.

We have never had any form of intimacy ... 

 

Anyway, it is now too much. She is threatening me to ensure that I do the next 2.5 years application correctly (due in November) - the threat is along the lines of "if you do not do it, or it messes up, then I will just go to the police and tell them you have abused me"

 

Question: what is the best way to deal with this?

 

Of course, since her current spouse visa runs out in November,  it's best to do something now ...

 

I have read here how that she is entitled to 50% of everything I have ... even with such a short time of marriage and no contribution and no right to stay if seperated?

 

Any advice greatly appreciated.

 

G

 

:-(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[CLS]

Not sure if I should reply. Now I do it anyhow.

It’s a disease called psychopathy. Especially spread over large parts of Isaan. Google it. There are studies on this subject.



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[Glorfindal]

1 minute ago, CLS said:

It’s a disease called psychopathy. Especially spread over large parts of Isaan.

 

Thanks for replying ... she is from South Thailand, and actually from a very well to do family. Seriously nice people. She is very much the black sheep of the family.

[impulse]

Get an attorney.  Ask him/her what to do to protect yourself, your assets and your sanity.

 

Any advice you get here has a high probability of being wrong/ making things worse.

 

[CLS]

What shall I say? Something went wrong in her education.
It’s a behavior with no empathy, only selfishness.


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[sanemax]

42 minutes ago, Glorfindal said:

We have never had any form of intimacy ... 

 

Maybe thats the problem ?

[dirtybirty]

Be nice and just don't do the requirements for her new visa by by Thai lady. She me from thailand good luck

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[Glorfindal]

2 minutes ago, sanemax said:

Maybe thats the problem ?

It surely does not help ...

[CLS]

It surely does not help ...

The lack of intimacy cannot be the main reason because this was the premarital status already.
Maybe all is staged and her plan is to renew her visa and apply for permanent settlement. Only a guess...





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[Glorfindal]

2 minutes ago, CLS said:

The lack of intimacy cannot be the main reason because this was the premarital status already.
Maybe all is staged and her plan is to renew her visa and apply for permanent settlement. Only a guess...

 

thanks ...

 

It really is so stupid - I had every intention of helping her. Her hatred has grown out of control ...

[Enoon]

 

"if you do not do it, or it messes up, then I will just go to the police and tell them you have abused me"

 

Continuous recording on hidden video/audio to get more of this as well as the physical attacks.

 

Hopefully you will end up being the one who goes to the police with real, incontrovertible, evidence of abuse and violence.

 

PS:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Anti-Terrorism-Vest-Stab-and-Spike-Proof-Cloth-Cut-Resistant-Concealed-Vest-

 

 

 

[madmen]

How old are you/her?

[Nyezhov]

why are you here? get a lawyer

[impulse]

16 minutes ago, Enoon said:

Continuous recording on hidden video/audio to get more of this as well as the physical attacks.

 

Is recording someone without their consent legal in the UK?

 

[SteveK]

1 minute ago, impulse said:

 

Is recording someone without their consent legal in the UK?

 

Yes.

[Glorfindal]

20 minutes ago, Enoon said:

"if you do not do it, or it messes up, then I will just go to the police and tell them you have abused me"

 

Continuous recording on hidden video/audio to get more of this as well as the physical attacks.

 

 

I now carry a voice recorder around and have 2 cameras - one in my office and one in my bedroom (separate bedrooms) ... 

[SteveK]

If I understand correctly, you are still in the UK and she is blackmailing you into supporting her next visa application. You have two choices, go to the police immediately, or gather more covert evidence to cement your position, and then go to the police with the intention of having her deported.

 

In the case of a domestic dispute, the UK police don't always make the correct decision, and usually assume that the female is the one being abused. Therefore, gaining some very candid proof of how she behaves at home would make sure that you don't get screwed over by her lying at the police station.

 

Horrible situation, I hope you can sort it out. Was she always like this or only after you got married?

[yogi100]

18 minutes ago, Nyezhov said:

why are you here? get a lawyer

 

Cos the man obviously wants a bit of advice.

 

Just record and diarise as much as you can of everything that happens and YOU go to the police first. Report it the next time she attacks you. It's a nightmare situation to have to live with especially when you fear losing half of what you've accumulated in life.

 

But it's unlikely to come to that if especially she's got past form.

[Glorfindal]

17 minutes ago, SteveK said:

Horrible situation, I hope you can sort it out. Was she always like this or only after you got married?

 

Thanks for your kind words mate ...

 

she became like this after we married.

I just sit and take the abuse just now, and have indeed started recording as much as possible ...

So sad, I would happily share my life with her - not even as husband and wife, we used to be very good friends.

[Nyezhov]

23 minutes ago, Glorfindal said:

 

I now carry a voice recorder around and have 2 cameras - one in my office and one in my bedroom (separate bedrooms) ... 

If you got to protect yourself from your wife you shouldn't be married.

 

That's why my bed is automated...that nice Microsoft voice: thank you very much for the past 5 minutes,please remove your bills from the dispenser and exit to the left.....

[Kenny202]

Well and truly feel your pain. Went through a very similar relationship. First two years she was an angel. Sold everything back home, came to live with her in Thailand and the madness virtually started the first week I was here. I had all my belongings on the way to her home with no way of diverting them so had to tough it out for the first 8 weeks. Was an absolute nightmare that I couldn't extricate myself from. I think you will find it is a condition called Borderline personality disorder (BPD) which is rampant here. She had lied about everything....3 kids I didn't know about to different guys (she was 28yo). Having an affair with a Thai guy across the road. She had a dreadful past. I am a naturally distrusting person, had done as much due diligence as I could but when someone is a pathalogical liar, and you're in a foreign country it's not always easy to get to the truth. It took me 5 years to get rid of her and then 6 months of madness with her screaming at my front gate every other day, calling the police because I blocked her on FB etc. She was an expert at manipulating people and could garner sympathy. She broke into my house and refused to leave. I wouldn't confront her as she was extremely violent and irrational. Ended up with me down at the police station to let them take care of it. She tried to convince the police I had strangled her and nearly succeeded in turning it around to where she was the victim! I hadn't physically been near her for 2 months..... she had broken into my house and refused to leave and somehow I became the bad guy. I never abused her or even defended myself when she was having a tantrum in 5 years. But she always seemed like she would have loved me to give her a hiding. I put up with it so long I think more because I knew what the aftermath of breaking up with her would be. I was lucky I didn't get burned too much financially...I never married her thank christ but she did leave me with a 3 month old son who I have raised myself. Number 4 child she abandoned. There were many good times but in the end the bad far outweighed the good and I had no choice. She was becoming more violent, making all sorts of threats all the time. 

 

You will probably get plenty of advice saying just get rid of her etc. I understand it just isn't that easy. If I were you certainly go see a lawyer and be clear on your position. I don't think I would be running to the police just yet or you may find you end up in the hot seat. If she's anything like mine she will be a very convincing liar and without considering consequences stop at nothing to "win". I am not sure what rights she will have over you being married in England. Remember even though she may not show it she is in a foreign country and on your home pitch. Even with all the threats and bluff she will be uncomfortable about getting into trouble in England. The best advice I have read on this post is maybe wait until her visa expires. I know a friend who is married to his lovely Thai wife in England and Thailand, they have a child together and still found it difficult for her to live in England.What is the deal there do you have to re sponsor her?

 

How long does she have until the visa expires? I assume she will have to leave the country and come back again. Promise her the world re you will organise her return to the UK. Tell her you have found a guy who will organise her a permanent visa under the table so you will be lodging the application. Get her to fill the forms in etc. Thats when you make your move...or better still make no move. If it's not far away try and keep the peace and go with the flow for now. Don't give her any inkling you will flick her or she will latch onto some other guy and possibly get support from him. Then she will have the means to try and get to your assets etc. If you have to lie to her you have applied to renew her visa. Play her at her own game Thai style. Don't confront her head on.....just bide your time. Lie like a mongrel if you need to. You will find many of these people are cunning, but they are not smart. Once she is back in Thailand Sianara. Block her from everything. Usually they make a lot of threats etc but are too lazy to follow up on anything and at the end of the day she probably has nothing anyway. You will be of course envisioning worst case scenarios. Stay strong. Hang in there.

Whatever you do don't buckle. When things would get to the point of no return with mine she would become like an angel for 2 months or so, then the old nightmare would return. Like living in a cyclone, and after time it become your normal.... and you probably wont even know how bad it is until you step back and get away from her. Good luck

[faraday]

1. See a lawyer.

 

2. Talk to the Police.

 

3. Prepare your extrication plan.

 

And, good luck.

[CharlieH]

Go to your local Citizens advice center. They will advise and arrange a free legal consultation.

 

Get the facts and options and decide how you want this to go.

 

If you already know its over, then plan accordingly to protect yourself.

 

Sorry you have had a rough time, but there is more to come, you need the support of others so involve friends and/or family around you so they too can see whats going on (witness).It may help in future proceedings.

 

I am sorry to say that her long term plan from the start was to use you to get there and then change horses once the paperwork was done. You are not the first and wont be the last to get duped in this way.

 

Best of luck, stay strong.

 

 

[Framptn1972]

Before I talk about my wife, let me talk about her friends.

Long and Fran got married several years after my wife and I.  During the first year of their marriage she had come to stay with us(3 months) because she wanted to go back home and didnt love him. 

 

She had lived in US like my wife, same college so going home for what?  On and off thru the years she goes thru a "I want to go back to Thailand and dont love you phase"  and "I hate your family, you are spoiled phase".  Her mother dide when she was little Im told.  He has an excellent job traveling around the world and even schedules his time in Thailand so she and kid can meet there for his seminars and spend time with family.  She can go home anytime... 

He says it comes around holidays and her period.

 

My other friend Methi here in US had a younger friend who always liked him when he was at temple in Thailand.  During his cancer diagnosis and treatments they decided she will come to US and get married.. Say what?? I told my wife.   There is a large Thai/Lao community here in Tennessee. 

While he was recovering from treatments, guess what Gookgik came and my wife, friend Pranee and myself went to Clerk to get license and a local marriage office to get them married.  She stayed for several weeks and had him driving her around America and even help here look for possible eye Dr school in Chicago.  Also she wanted money and was hitting him. 

The friend of my wife was to the point, you get out of my house...  She apologized, went back to Thailand and then started demanding he send her so much money to support her although he had no job and doing cancer treatments.  Her brother had already been living here going to local college getting a "degree" staying at temple...  Her parents defended him but somehow she at moment is on FB with another man, but married.

 

From the beginning of my marriage my wife has always had an attitude.  Several times Ive hear, "if it weren't for kids Id be gone long time ago".  Even found diary, "Andy not the one I wan to marry" after a 1st year married argument.  Seems like when she and a friend above got citizenship they develop superpowers and disrespect....  She has Master's, good job.  We are debt free, but if she's not at work she's meditating or going to temple or helping friend at restaraunt.  The kids and I feel like roommates.  I tell her that's why Craigslist has hookers, lol to make her realize, Hey, what about husband and kids...  I tell her too alot of what her friend at top problem is Thai lakorn(soap opera)  Some woman is always screaming, talking loud, drama)

 

I kinda understand where your coming from, but it might be "Thai woman"

[BritManToo]

5 hours ago, Glorfindal said:

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Take her for a luxury 'makeup honeymoon' in Thailand then return to the UK without telling her.

Inform immigration you are no longer together to invalidate her VISA.

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, Glorfindal said:

So sad, I would happily share my life with her - not even as husband and wife, we used to be very good friends.

Same with my Brit wife after 30 years and 4 kids, but she was banging someone else and wanted me out.

I suspect your wife is banging someone else as well, women usually 'openly hate' after they've replaced you.

[Pravda]

4 hours ago, Glorfindal said:

Thanks for replying ... she is from South Thailand, and actually from a very well to do family. Seriously nice people. She is very much the black sheep of the family.

 

Is she from Surat Thani like my wife? My wife's family is also great, really nice and they seem to all like me..... except my wife.

[Curt1591]

Quote

She is threatening me to ensure that I do the next 2.5 years application correctly (due in November)

Maybe screw up the application and get her deported. Can't do squat from Thailand.

[totally thaied up]

8 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I suspect your wife is banging someone else as well, women usually 'openly hate' after they've replaced you

Mine had a boyfriend I did not know about for two years. She needed that two years to gain Australian Citizenship from me. As soon as she got her Citizenship, practically the day after, she flew back home for a holiday to see her boyfriend and that very day, I got a Letter of Demand from her lawyer asking me for a divorce.

 

Women can wait if it is to there advantage. 

[Kenny202]

8 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Take her for a luxury 'makeup honeymoon' in Thailand then return to the UK without telling her.

Inform immigration you are no longer together to invalidate her VISA.

I again would take this sort of route. You would be surprised how easy it is to play them at their own game. They lie and cheat and steal but assume you wont do it back. Promise her the world, give her an atlas. If I were you forget about the marriage stuff and legalities. Focus on getting her out of the UK any way possible then let things take their course. Don't pay her off in anyway. Leave her nothing but enough to get back to wherever she lives and promises to send more next week. She will have about as much hope pursuing you in the UK from Thailand as you would trying to take action against her in Thailand. Remember you aren't the first guy had problems with one of these women and hopefully if it comes to any legalities they will see through her ruse.