Life in Thailand is a balancing act

by Shane Irvine

 

 

I didn’t come to Thailand to escape the United States and I didn’t come here to get married. I came here on a whim. I ended up getting married and living here nonetheless. My life in Thailand’s ‘land of smiles’ has been a balancing act. I’ve had to examine and consider the benefits of living in Thailand compared to the drawbacks of living here. One has to weigh both the positive and the negative.While living and trekking in Nepal for several months, I had been introduced to a Thai woman online through a good friend that knew her. After messaging back and forth for several months I decided to meet her during a visit to Thailand. I came with the intent of spending a few days in Bangkok and thereafter going to Pia. One thing leads to another and a year and a half later I’m married and living in Bangkok. Still haven’t made it to Pia, yet.Sometimes we build visions in our mind of what a place is going to look like and we have mental fantasies about what’s going to happen. Daydreams can be the joie de vivre that give us hope for happiness and ultimately becoming content with our lives. But, we know in the back of our minds that there is a difference between our fantasies and our realities. Nonetheless, I love living in Thailand and I want to stay here, at least for now.

 

Thai people tend to live for the moment. That is a trait I’ve learned to appreciate since coming here. As I say, I didn’t intentionally come here to escape the United States, but in reality, I have. I don’t like the direction my country is headed and I don’t like seeing old friends become politically adversarial. Every BBQ or social gathering becomes a breeding ground for contempt and disdain when politics are inevitably brought up. I’ve been back to California a couple of times and whilst there, in some ways I felt like I had never left and in other ways, I felt like I was in the twilight zone. Upon returning to Thailand I’ve felt a sense of rejuvenation, a sense of tranquility, adventure and a feeling that I’m truly living in the moment. Thailand has its flaws and I don’t deny that. No place is perfect, except where you’ve been and where you’re going, of course. But for me, life in Thailand is a balancing act. I’ve grown tired of the opulence and grandiosity of the United States where everybody is expected to be wealthy and successful. Where people are basically judged by the clothes they wear, the car they drive or the neighbourhood they live in. I’m learning to accept the laid back lifestyle Thailand has to offer and I now appreciate being mediocre. I wear shorts, aloha shirts, and sandals.

 

We have a 125cc scooter and I live in a 2 bedroom, 2 bath townhouse in a moderate neighbourhood. This is all we need. If we want to travel we either take a bus or hire a driver. My wife and I were married in our local Catholic church and are members of the church community. Instead of travelling around Thailand on commercial tour excursions, we go on church excursions all over central Thailand. It’s like being a member of a yacht club or a country club, except the people aren’t so snooty. Several times we have been up north to Ban Tok to visit with her relatives. I get to see Thailand from a perspective most tourists never get to see. Living in Thailand means that learning the Thai language is a priority. If you don’t learn the language, you are dependent on others to interpret for you. This, in turn, can foster feelings of isolation. Unlike Thailand’s next door neighbours, such as Malaysia, Thailand has proudly never been dominated by a western government. Malaysia was colonised by the British. Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia were previously colonised by France. Myanmar and Singapore were both colonised by the United Kingdom. In SE Asia, Thailand has had the least exposure to the European culture and has only in recent decades started teaching English in its schools.

 

One can go to Malaysia and find that almost 90% of the population speak English. Not so in Thailand. I have learned a vocabulary of several hundred words so far. I have also learned to read Thai on a limited basis. I can at least look at a Thai word and decipher the sounds. But, trying to understand replies in Thai has been my biggest obstacle. In English, we speak differently than we write. When we speak English to others who speak English, we tend to use phrasal verbs and cliches that don’t seem to make sense if you were to look at just the words themselves. When we say, “go for it, dude,” it’s in English but it doesn’t make sense unless you understand American slang. Even an Englishman might ask, “Aye? Go for what? And, my name is Charles, not Dude.”Thai people are the same way. They use phrases that they understand, but those phrases can be confusing when just looking at the words. In English, we have declarative, interrogative, imperative and exclamatory sentence structures. In Thai, a sentence is structured starting with the subject followed by the object and finished with the verb. They do not use tenses the way we do. Therefore, if you try to translate a sentence from Thai to English or vica versa, it just becomes a word salad.

 

Full Story: https://expatlifeinthailand.com/lifestyle/life-in-thailand-is-a-balancing-act/

13 minutes ago, snoop1130 said:

I have learned a vocabulary of several hundred words so far. I have also learned to read Thai on a limited basis. I can at least look at a Thai word and decipher the sounds.

You live in Bangkok where they speak central Thai, but she comes from Petchabun where they all speak Laos/Issan.

Which language are you learning?

My MiL comes from LomSak nearby, and speaks some unique village language, almost nobody can understand her when she leaves the village.

I would pick you up on one point.  Yes, its true that the Thais have never been dominated by a "western country", but they did surrender without an fight to the Japanese in WW2 (they called it neutrality, but still allowed the Japanese to use their country to invade neighbouring countries, so much for Asian solidarity) and become collaborates in slave labour on the Thai/ Burma railway.  They have a selective memory when it comes to that episode in their history. Oh and back in more ancient history, they were dominated by the Chinese.   

 a balancing act! - never see-saw that coming...

Learning the language is a continual challenge but quite rewarding... what I have noticed in the last few years, people seem to use tenses less often which can leave me puzzled but ever cognizant that time is an in the moment thing... and that is part of the easy lifestyle here... 

 

the language can give you insight into the people and culture. 

Regarding the language, yes, grammatically very different, not to mention the tones (which look harder than they are at first), but idiomatically, it's often surprising similar. 

13 hours ago, BritManToo said:

You live in Bangkok where they speak central Thai, but she comes from Petchabun where they all speak Laos/Issan.

Which language are you learning?

My MiL comes from LomSak nearby, and speaks some unique village language, almost nobody can understand her when she leaves the village.

Know the feeling, I've been trying to understand my wife for thirty years.

4 minutes ago, PerkinsCuthbert said:

Know the feeling, I've been trying to understand my wife for thirty years.

Save yourself some effort. Stop trying.

13 hours ago, Pilotman said:

I would pick you up on one point.  Yes, its true that the Thais have never been dominated by a "western country", but they did surrender without an fight to the Japanese in WW2 (they called it neutrality, but still allowed the Japanese to use their country to invade neighbouring countries, so much for Asian solidarity) and become collaborates in slave labour on the Thai/ Burma railway.  They have a selective memory when it comes to that episode in their history. Oh and back in more ancient history, they were dominated by the Chinese.   

Dominated by the brits when Burma was a colony. They took over the entire north of Thailand. The original fortress in Chiangmai was destroyed by Thailand because the brits thought it might be a threat. 

13 hours ago, Pilotman said:

I would pick you up on one point.  Yes, its true that the Thais have never been dominated by a "western country", but they did surrender without an fight to the Japanese in WW2 (they called it neutrality, but still allowed the Japanese to use their country to invade neighbouring countries, so much for Asian solidarity) and become collaborates in slave labour on the Thai/ Burma railway.  They have a selective memory when it comes to that episode in their history. Oh and back in more ancient history, they were dominated by the Chinese.   

Not to mention being repeatedly invaded by the Burmese over a long period and given a bloody nose in my time here in a border dispute with little Laos - largely courtesy of the incompetent general who later became PM - ring any bells?

6 hours ago, PerkinsCuthbert said:

Not to mention being repeatedly invaded by the Burmese over a long period and given a bloody nose in my time here in a border dispute with little Laos.

Not to mention the Khmer - the city of Siem Reap (where Anghor Wat and the other ancient temples are) means the defeat of Siam (old name for Thailand).

We say.....

What is your name?

 

Thai say

Your name is what?

 

Thats why hard to translate.

 

Also.......you broke Rule # 1.......dont fall in love with the first Thai lady you meet.

 

Like anywhere else in the world, there is a lot to see, to do, and to learn........and you pre-empted yourself from that........thats why ya still havent been to Pai.

 

Learning Thai is not mandatory because 99% of the places you go, there is someone there that knows English or at least enough to communicate.

 

Khun pud pasa ang grit dai mai krap?

Hopefully they say dai........then you are all set.

Life itself is a balancing act

22 hours ago, snoop1130 said:

Unlike Thailand’s next door neighbours, such as Malaysia, Thailand has proudly never been dominated by a western government. Malaysia was colonised by the British. Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia were previously colonised by France. Myanmar and Singapore were both colonised by the United Kingdom. In SE Asia, Thailand has had the least exposure to the European culture and has only in recent decades started teaching English in its schools.

you have  lot of misleading information, should have checked Thailand history/background before posting some non sense sentences... Thailand has been bending the knee for quite sometime, sure not colonized but bending the knee is another term for invasion/colonization/domination/surrender.....

7 minutes ago, Mavideol said:

you have  lot of misleading information, should have checked Thailand history/background before posting some non sense sentences... Thailand has been bending the knee for quite sometime, sure not colonized but bending the knee is another term for invasion/colonization/domination/surrender.....

.../vichy-like Collaboration/...

10 hours ago, Captain 776 said:

We say.....

What is your name?

 

Thai say

Your name is what?

 

Thats why hard to translate.

 

Also.......you broke Rule # 1.......dont fall in love with the first Thai lady you meet.

 

Like anywhere else in the world, there is a lot to see, to do, and to learn........and you pre-empted yourself from that........thats why ya still havent been to Pai.

 

Learning Thai is not mandatory because 99% of the places you go, there is someone there that knows English or at least enough to communicate.

 

Khun pud pasa ang grit dai mai krap?

Hopefully they say dai........then you are all set.

I have been living in Thailand for almost 14 years, and like many Farangs I have taught English in schools. When I started (teaching English), all the English subjects were taught by Farangs, but after only 1 year they started farming these out to Filipino teachers - nothing at all against Filipino teachers but the main problem is that Thai school children can't understand what they are saying. so I suppose the Phonics went out the window years ago.

I gave up teaching in schools after a few years and concentrated on teaching adults in teaching agencies, however I returned to teaching English for a short stint last year on a temporary/stand-in basis. There was not a single Filipino teacher in sight, but the main other change I noticed was that "Grammar" was taught by Thai teachers. Being as I was a Homeroom teacher, I was required to stay in the classroom most of the time - awful lot of marking to do anyway - and witnessed first hand the utter garbage the Thai "Grammar" teacher was exposing the pupils to, for example: Teacher's non-stop verbal diarrhea:  "You want hamburger"?, I want hamburger, she want hamburger, he want hamburger etc. etc." Besides the lack of Verbs, Articles and ignorance of Subject/Verb Agreement, my mind wandered to whether she actually knew what a hamburger was; e.g. where it was first made/invented (Hamburg).... then, thankfully it was time to go home. Footnote: My ongoing question is where do all the kids who learn English end up; certainly not in supermarkets or restaurants? 

11 hours ago, Captain 776 said:

Also.......you broke Rule # 1.......dont fall in love with the first Thai lady you meet.

Not so sure about that rule, most people I know that actually are in good marriages here, long term, are still with their first Thai love.
All others have relation after relation, most times never longer than 1-2 years. A 50/50 chance for something to work or fail I guess.

To the OP: Nice post, I like the title the most.  Also the sentence about the feeling that nothing had changed, I told a old friend yesterday; I could have been in a coma for 7 years and wake up today, and it basically comes down to the fact I have not missed out on anything back home. Also very rat race / fake / boring.

The feeling you describe when coming back is sadly enough not ever lasting, I love that and always get it after a week or longer away.
I guess the balancing part is something I am still working on / figuring out to be happy with, even after 7 years.

22 minutes ago, safarimike11 said:

I have been living in Thailand for almost 14 years, and like many Farangs I have taught English in schools. When I started (teaching English), all the English subjects were taught by Farangs, but after only 1 year they started farming these out to Filipino teachers - nothing at all against Filipino teachers but the main problem is that Thai school children can't understand what they are saying. so I suppose the Phonics went out the window years ago.

I gave up teaching in schools after a few years and concentrated on teaching adults in teaching agencies, however I returned to teaching English for a short stint last year on a temporary/stand-in basis. There was not a single Filipino teacher in sight, but the main other change I noticed was that "Grammar" was taught by Thai teachers. Being as I was a Homeroom teacher, I was required to stay in the classroom most of the time - awful lot of marking to do anyway - and witnessed first hand the utter garbage the Thai "Grammar" teacher was exposing the pupils to, for example: Teacher's non-stop verbal diarrhea:  "You want hamburger"?, I want hamburger, she want hamburger, he want hamburger etc. etc." Besides the lack of Verbs, Articles and ignorance of Subject/Verb Agreement, my mind wandered to whether she actually knew what a hamburger was; e.g. where it was first made/invented (Hamburg).... then, thankfully it was time to go home. Footnote: My ongoing question is where do all the kids who learn English end up; certainly not in supermarkets or restaurants? 

I can  understand  that as someone who has attempted  to teach English you have  been frustrated.

I do not  not  know if you  have any  capacity in any language other than English but i would  suggest that English is  in many ways  an  "orphan " language in so many ways even when  compared  to most  European  languages in terms of structure grammatically.

In terms of Thai language that does not incorporate equivalent grammar it is not so difficult to understand the majority  cope best  with dispensing  with the verbosity of English and  revert to their own structure  where " you want, the other want, (I) want is quite  natural where the intonation distinguishing statement from question in  intonation is the dictate.

In reality  knowing the origins  of  the "hamburger" is  irrelevant when compared to the fact that  a significant  number if  not the  majority  of   western children who are asked  where  milk  comes  from will insist  it "comes from the  super  market" ! Sorry. that is a  small  digression although relevant.

The  only way that can "teach"  proficiency  in  English  is  by  total saturation and  not  "subject"   classes.

In preference to the IELT approach I prefer the TESOL method which evidentially at least teaches better verbal communication even to those  many Thai  who struggle with the  difficulty of  comprehending their  own written Thai to anything  like an academic level.

For that reason alone  I congratulate  any non natural English speaker who  can communicate  with me  to the extent that I understand the subject and the context of  that communication  in English regardless of nationality or lack of  grammatical perfection. It is  perhaps  the  advantage  of  native  English speakers  that  due to the  global  variants  of the  language there is a broader willing  perception of those  variants.  

Despite that I can derive more  from the  waving  arm movements  of an agitated Italian than I  can from a telephone conversation with a Northern Scotsman.????

 

 

 

 

 

 

To author Shane: It is too bad you never escaped your California cocoon and traveled to rural towns in the Midwest in USA. People there are more authentic than trying to keep up with the facade of the Kardashians.

— Bangkok certainly doesn’t represent all of Thailand just as “glitzy” LA, New York, or Miami doesn’t represent the rest of USA.

 

 

Before I read the long article I looked up the author.

Then I didn't read the article.

Life is a balance everywhere you live. Good and bad....blah blah. And few people want of will to read essay posts. Blah blah. Sheesh.

On 5/16/2019 at 10:50 PM, Pilotman said:

I would pick you up on one point.  Yes, its true that the Thais have never been dominated by a "western country", but they did surrender without an fight to the Japanese in WW2 (they called it neutrality, but still allowed the Japanese to use their country to invade neighbouring countries, so much for Asian solidarity) and become collaborates in slave labour on the Thai/ Burma railway.  They have a selective memory when it comes to that episode in their history. Oh and back in more ancient history, they were dominated by the Chinese.   

 

Burma one side and Khmer on the other side at times held large chunks of Saim too...but hey let them dream..

On 5/17/2019 at 8:16 AM, kenk24 said:

Learning the language is a continual challenge but quite rewarding... what I have noticed in the last few years, people seem to use tenses less often which can leave me puzzled but ever cognizant that time is an in the moment thing... and that is part of the easy lifestyle here... 

 

the language can give you insight into the people and culture. 

There are no tenses in the Thai language, they use time words

 

1 hour ago, geronimo said:

There are no tenses in the Thai language, they use time words

 

Thanks - I was thinking of gumlung pie.. pom ja pie,... pie lao...

 

I guess that might be better thought of as time indicators or time words... my Thai is spoken Thai, street learned, not book learned or taught... 

3 minutes ago, kenk24 said:

Thanks - I was thinking of gumlung pie.. pom ja pie,... pie lao...

 

I guess that might be better thought of as time indicators or time words... my Thai is spoken Thai, street learned, not book learned or taught... 

As mine is Sir. Immersion is the best way

On 5/16/2019 at 7:50 PM, Pilotman said:

I would pick you up on one point.  Yes, its true that the Thais have never been dominated by a "western country", but they did surrender without an fight to the Japanese in WW2 (they called it neutrality, but still allowed the Japanese to use their country to invade neighbouring countries, so much for Asian solidarity) and become collaborates in slave labour on the Thai/ Burma railway.  They have a selective memory when it comes to that episode in their history. Oh and back in more ancient history, they were dominated by the Chinese.   

Why fight the Japanese, esp. after the Japanese rolled through China.....there would be no fight, massacre.  it's OK to surrender.  

 

Dominated by the Chinese.....not sure when, but imagine if Ghengis came here.....again, no match.    

 

No worries .  Even now at 70 million, would they really fight the Japanese or Chinese?  No.   Impossible.

 

Step one.....  create super strong alliances.   and if it's with China, then you are China.  if it's with other SE asian countries, then it's something else.  

 

Nobody talks about Brazil never losing to America.  Because it just makes no sense to discuss.   

 

Step two......have babies.  get 70 million to 100 million.  

42 minutes ago, XenZen said:

Why fight the Japanese, esp. after the Japanese rolled through China.....there would be no fight, massacre.  it's OK to surrender.  

 

Dominated by the Chinese.....not sure when, but imagine if Ghengis came here.....again, no match.    

 

No worries .  Even now at 70 million, would they really fight the Japanese or Chinese?  No.   Impossible.

 

Step one.....  create super strong alliances.   and if it's with China, then you are China.  if it's with other SE asian countries, then it's something else.  

 

Nobody talks about Brazil never losing to America.  Because it just makes no sense to discuss.   

 

Step two......have babies.  get 70 million to 100 million.  

Thailand very successfully negotiated with both the French and British and gave away some of their Kingdom in return for their freedom, and I, for one, would be proud of their history. They have never been the aggressor, and are the only SEA nation to escape colonisation, making their a truly unique culture.

3 hours ago, XenZen said:

Why fight the Japanese, esp. after the Japanese rolled through China.....there would be no fight, massacre.  it's OK to surrender.  

 

Dominated by the Chinese.....not sure when, but imagine if Ghengis came here.....again, no match.    

 

No worries .  Even now at 70 million, would they really fight the Japanese or Chinese?  No.   Impossible.

 

Step one.....  create super strong alliances.   and if it's with China, then you are China.  if it's with other SE asian countries, then it's something else.  

 

Nobody talks about Brazil never losing to America.  Because it just makes no sense to discuss.   

 

Step two......have babies.  get 70 million to 100 million.  

don't understand or agree with any of that. Good job other nations didn't have that attitude to fighting for their freedom and that of others. Thailand has their freedom at the expense of those who chose to fight and incidentally, won.