The perfect marriage

[CharlieH]

A reported personal comment and subsequent response has been removed.

[madmen]

3 hours ago, Curt1591 said:

I think most failed relationships stem from people expecting the other person to fulfill some need or desire. IMHO, success, in a relationship, comes from giving, not taking.

It comes from talking. Who are farang marrying? uni graduates..general's daughters or ex slappers with close to no education ..Not much talking going on there apart from what you want eat hon?

[Tomahawk21]

12 hours ago, marcusarelus said:

Or she might find out how you really feel about Thai people.  I know one poster who wrote, " lets just say that most of the Thais, not all, are not very bright, and have a sad lack of common sense."  Can you imagine how his wife feels.  

if he feels that way and many farngs do about the Thais what make you thing he would he so stupid as to marry one ?

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎6‎/‎16‎/‎2019 at 2:08 PM, villagefarang said:

The level of misogyny displayed by many on this forum is something else I am not a big fan of.

Given that we were all born of a woman, and mostly brought up by a woman, and had female teachers at school, ask yourself WHY some posters are not enamoured of women, other than for sex.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎6‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 11:55 PM, Curt1591 said:

My wife and I have been married for 18 years. We knew each other for 4 years prior to that.

I retired 15 years ago and we have since been together, pretty much, 24/7. We have had minor spats. But, they are quickly resolved and we move on. 

I think most failed relationships stem from people expecting the other person to fulfill some need or desire. IMHO, success, in a relationship, comes from giving, not taking.

I think most failed relationships stem from people expecting the other person to fulfill some need or desire.

Why on earth would anyone get married if they didn't have expectations of having needs or desires fulfilled? Even if the needs or desires were fulfilled without having to ask for them to be fulfilled, I give a marriage where no needs or desires are fulfilled zero chance of success.

 

IMHO, success, in a relationship, comes from giving, not taking.

If that were true, I should have had the most successful marriage in the history of mankind.

[geronimo]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I think most failed relationships stem from people expecting the other person to fulfill some need or desire.

Why on earth would anyone get married if they didn't have expectations of having needs or desires fulfilled? Even if the needs or desires were fulfilled without having to ask for them to be fulfilled, I give a marriage where no needs or desires are fulfilled zero chance of success.

 

IMHO, success, in a relationship, comes from giving, not taking.

If that were true, I should have had the most successful marriage in the history of mankind.

i think some of the expats who come out are only looking for a maid with benefits ....

[BritManToo]

Just now, geronimo said:

i think some of the expats who come out are only looking for a maid with benefits ....

Nah, they're looking for mom.

[geronimo]

Perhaps the guys who do end up with a partner they are happy with made an effort to embrace the culture?

 

Thoughts?

[BritManToo]

7 minutes ago, geronimo said:

Perhaps the guys who do end up with a partner they are happy with made an effort to embrace the culture?

 

Thoughts?

You'd need to specify a length of time before a person stated their opinion on 'happy'

Most guys are very happy the first month, about 10% are still happy after five years, probably only 1% are still happy after ten years.

I was actually happy for about 25 years first time round in the UK (apart from the sex rationing), then entirely unhappy for the last 5.

I was happy second time round in Thailand for 6 years, then unhappy for a month.

Current gf, I've been happy with for 14 months.

 

 

[villagefarang]

1 hour ago, geronimo said:

Perhaps the guys who do end up with a partner they are happy with made an effort to embrace the culture?

 

Thoughts?

I would put the emphasis on understanding the culture even more than on embracing it.  Learning how to navigate Thailand before I got married, I am certain, had a major impact on the success of our relationship, both short-term and longterm.  Holding women in low esteem and deserving of denigration, and then being completely reliant on a woman to hold your hand a guide you through the culture and language, seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

[geronimo]

1 minute ago, villagefarang said:

I would put the emphasis on understanding the culture even more than on embracing it.  Learning how to navigate Thailand before I got married, I am certain, had a major impact on the success of our relationship, both short-term and longterm.  Holding women in low esteem and deserving of denigration, and then being completely reliant on a woman to hold your hand a guide you through the culture and language, seems like a recipe for disaster to me.

Yes, and if you add a splash of selfishness and a liberal helping of narrow mindedness, disaster is just round the corner.

 

[Curt1591]

16 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I think most failed relationships stem from people expecting the other person to fulfill some need or desire.

Why on earth would anyone get married if they didn't have expectations of having needs or desires fulfilled? Even if the needs or desires were fulfilled without having to ask for them to be fulfilled, I give a marriage where no needs or desires are fulfilled zero chance of success.

 

IMHO, success, in a relationship, comes from giving, not taking.

If that were true, I should have had the most successful marriage in the history of mankind.

I have always been a loner. One of my favorite pastimes was to head to the desert and spend a few days - no roads, no people, no problems. I have always been quite comfortable being alone. I really had no "needs" that needed filling. "Desires" can be fulfilled, a dime a dozen

After getting to know my wife, my desire was to care for her. She was always looking after everyone around her. No one seemed to reciprocate.

But, it does require both partners to be on board. Apparently, your wife wasn't ...

In the 4 years prior to our marriage, we got to know each other quite well. There were absolutely no surprises after we married.

 

How long did you know your partner before you donned the love goggles and dove in? 

[geronimo]

Just now, Curt1591 said:

I have always been a loner. One of my favorite pastimes was to head to the desert and spend a few days - no roads, no people, no problems. I have always been quite comfortable being alone. I really had no "needs" that needed filling. "Desires" can be fulfilled, a dime a dozen

After getting to know my wife, my desire was to care for her. She was always looking after everyone around her. No one seemed to reciprocate.

But, it does require both partners to be on board. Apparently, your wife wasn't ...

In the 4 years prior to our marriage, we got to know each other quite well. There were absolutely no surprises after we married.

 

How long did you know your partner before you donned the love goggles and dove in? 

I totally get where you're coming from with being happy with your own company, and they say that people with no issues are generally at peace with themselves.

 

Rather than saying that finding the right partner is random, I think it is all about both wanting the same things and having no preconceptions, nor a desire to change your partner.

 

If everyone waited a couple of years before committing, there's be much less horror stories.

 

I'm sure the both of you will continue to enjoy a long and happy life.

 

 

[Curt1591]

1 minute ago, geronimo said:

I totally get where you're coming from with being happy with your own company, and they say that people with no issues are generally at peace with themselves.

 

Rather than saying that finding the right partner is random, I think it is all about both wanting the same things and having no preconceptions, nor a desire to change your partner.

 

If everyone waited a couple of years before committing, there's be much less horror stories.

 

I'm sure the both of you will continue to enjoy a long and happy life.

 

 

Thanks for the vote of understanding.

My sister questions my reasoning for waiting until later in life to marry. I told her that it took that long to run into the right person.

My question to her was why has she been married 5 times !?!
 

The mind wobbles .....

[Naam]

9 hours ago, Curt1591 said:

How long did you know your partner before you donned the love goggles and dove in?

i met her at a wedding reception in London on a thursday evening, invited her for dinner friday evening, proposed and flew back to Saudi Arabia. we got married 1 ½ years later and come 9th november we celebrate our 40 year anniversary.

[JAS21]

3 hours ago, Naam said:

i met her at a wedding reception in London on a thursday evening, invited her for dinner friday evening, proposed and flew back to Saudi Arabia. we got married 1 ½ years later and come 9th november we celebrate our 40 year anniversary.

Mrs Naam is a lovely lady ... you chose very well ... come to think of it your'e an okay guy too ......................................

[Skallywag]

5 hours ago, Naam said:

i met her at a wedding reception in London on a thursday evening, invited her for dinner friday evening, proposed and flew back to Saudi Arabia. we got married 1 ½ years later and come 9th november we celebrate our 40 year anniversary.

Sorry Worf son of Mogh.   Spock told me never to trust a Klingon

[Curt1591]

10 hours ago, Naam said:

i met her at a wedding reception in London on a thursday evening, invited her for dinner friday evening, proposed and flew back to Saudi Arabia. we got married 1 ½ years later and come 9th november we celebrate our 40 year anniversary.

So, you got to know each other a little ... ????

[cornishcarlos]

I think waiting till you are more mature (more so for the guys) is also important. Getting married in late teens/early 20s is a huge gamble I believe.

People change so much in their early adult formation years, if a couple can grow together then that's great but a lot just grow apart...

I think by the time you're into your 40s, you've pretty much become who you are going to be !!

 

[Naam]

9 hours ago, Skallywag said:

Sorry Worf son of Mogh.   Spock told me never to trust a Klingon

Klingons may have many bad attitudes but they never lie!

[Naam]

2 hours ago, cornishcarlos said:

I think waiting till you are more mature (more so for the guys) is also important. Getting married in late teens/early 20s is a huge gamble I believe.

People change so much in their early adult formation years, if a couple can grow together then that's great but a lot just grow apart...

I think by the time you're into your 40s, you've pretty much become who you are going to be !!

 

didn't make it till 40, got married when 37.

[Naam]

4 hours ago, Curt1591 said:

So, you got to know each other a little ... ????

very little. just a few weekends in Singapore, Hong Kong, Bahrain, Dubai, Rome, Cairo... and always with her younger sister as chaperone. after marriage it took a couple of years to get to know each other a wee bit more than a little.

[Curt1591]

2 hours ago, Naam said:

very little. just a few weekends in Singapore, Hong Kong, Bahrain, Dubai, Rome, Cairo... and always with her younger sister as chaperone. after marriage it took a couple of years to get to know each other a wee bit more than a little.

No correspondence between visits?

[Naam]

4 hours ago, Curt1591 said:

No correspondence between visits?

very few but a near daily phone call. working 12-14 hours 7 days a week does not leave much time writing love letters.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎6‎/‎21‎/‎2019 at 10:32 PM, geronimo said:

i think some of the expats who come out are only looking for a maid with benefits ....

and what is wrong with that? Many Thai women are only looking for some expat to give them money.

If he gets a maid with benefits and she gets money it's a win for both.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎6‎/‎23‎/‎2019 at 12:34 PM, cornishcarlos said:

I think waiting till you are more mature (more so for the guys) is also important. Getting married in late teens/early 20s is a huge gamble I believe.

People change so much in their early adult formation years, if a couple can grow together then that's great but a lot just grow apart...

I think by the time you're into your 40s, you've pretty much become who you are going to be !!

 

Marriage was a necessity when men died at 40 or younger, worked all day like dogs and had no time to do laundry, make meals or bring up children.

Nowadays, marriage, IMO, is a pointless custom that should be shot and put out of it's misery. Anything with a guaranteed 50 % failure rate has long passed it's sell by date.

[BritManToo]

14 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Marriage was a necessity when men died at 40 or younger, worked all day like dogs and had no time to do laundry, make meals or bring up children.

 

Nobody ever died at 40.

If you made it past 21, you've had the same chance of living to 70+ as everyone else in the history of man.

(Excluding death by starvation, plague or violence) 

[thaibeachlovers]

8 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Nobody ever died at 40.

If you made it past 21, you've had the same chance of living to 70+ as everyone else in the history of man.

(Excluding death by starvation or violence) 

Not working in the docks of London you didn't. If the manual work of humping heavy loads didn't kill you from exhaustion, the pollution of coal fired boilers did.

Can't remember the exact age specified on a plaque in the Docklands museum that I saw, but it was quite young.

 

https://teara.govt.nz/en/death-rates-and-life-expectancy/page-4

Evidence suggests that Māori life expectancy at the time of Captain James Cook’s visits to New Zealand (between 1769 and 1777) was similar to that in some of the most privileged 18th-century societies. Māori may have had a life expectancy at birth of about 30. After European contact, however, there was a major decline in Māori life expectancy. By 1891 the estimated life expectancy of Māori men was 25 and that of women was just 23.

[geronimo]

19 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

and what is wrong with that? Many Thai women are only looking for some expat to give them money.

If he gets a maid with benefits and she gets money it's a win for both.

Its fine until one or the other wants more from the deal

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Not working in the docks of London you didn't. If the manual work of humping heavy loads didn't kill you from exhaustion, the pollution of coal fired boilers did.

Can't remember the exact age specified on a plaque in the Docklands museum that I saw, but it was quite young.

Even if it was true, coal was only used in ships from around 1850-1910.

So you would be basing your entire theory on a 60 year snapshot of docks history.

I'm calling BS on this one.