The week that was in Thailand news: On longevity in Thailand and marrying a stiff.

[rooster59]

The week that was in Thailand news: On longevity in Thailand and marrying a stiff.

 

 

Everywhere you looked this week Thai media were banging on about old people - a group who I steadfastly maintain I am nowhere near joining despite the protestations of " 'er indoors". 

 

It all started because the family of a man in Udon Thani claimed that he was 128. "Poo Aon" was born in 1891, they claimed, and had seen six kings off the Thai premises. Even a brief analysis of the family data cast doubt on the claims never mind the fact that if it were true he would be the oldest person in the world by far. 

 

Lo and behold next day the truth came out - it was all a misunderstanding stemming from the fact that the Thai numerals for three and seven can be easily confused. He was in fact born in 1931. 

 

Rooster was very confused by all this. I know how easy it is to mix up Thai numerals - the missus is always claiming I owe her more housekeeping than was written down - but this great-granddad was said to have a great-memory and all his faculties were supposedly intact. 

 

Overlooking four decades of one's life seemed a tad careless.

 

Mistakes happen of course. The first Mrs Rooster told me when we met that her Thai ID was fake.  She explained that she was in fact born in 1949 and not 1961 as it erroneously said on her "bat prachachon". She went from being my "nong" by a couple of months to being my "phee" of a dozen years in one fell swoop. 

 

It made no difference to me: I amused my Thai friends by calling her "Phee Jiab" when I didn't refer to her disparagingly as "ee gae" that is.  She got her own back by calling me "ay gae" or the more poetic "old snakehead".

 

She explained that when she was born her family deserted her before she got her Thai ID. Mum dad and siblings all fled the scene to New Zealand never to be heard from again. She was adopted and when she reached 15 or so and needed Thai ID a little money changed hands and she took on the identity of a sister who had died.

 

Yikes! I had married a stiff! Given the circumstances it was quite remarkable that two children followed from this unholy union. 

 

The case of Poo Aon in Udon was followed by a woman who said she was 102. This seemed more believable despite living on "pla ra" and the rather alarming fact that after showering this lady always slathered herself in turmeric.

 

St Luke powder I can accept but 'currying' favor with the Gods of Longevity in this manner seemed like going way too far even for a long life.

 

Other stories in yet another eventful week on the Thaivisa forum were also related to age - age old problems of corruption and road carnage that are never out of the news. 

 

Transport minister Saksayam Chidchob promised that all public vehicles would be tested to see if they had wheels. He also promised to investigate claims about clever modifications he had heard about called "brakes" and cunning glass contraptions that enable drivers to see behind them without looking round.

 

"Checking Points" at hundreds of gas stations nationwide are also promised later this month to ascertain if drivers are awake and determine the precise level of "lao khao" in their systems. 

 

Meanwhile, metropolitan plod have announced that 30 sneaky cameras are now up and running to stop Bangkokians running red lights. 

 

It's disgraceful. First they hound us bikers from the sidewalks like common criminals then they expect us to know the difference between red and green and life and death. Miserable bloomin' plod; on the plus side they rarely have checkpoints in the capital any more and it remains to be seen if anyone will really get a fine through the post or bother to pay it if they do.

 

And many don't need to worry about having outstanding fines when they renew their licences or tax. They don't have either to start with. 

 

Rooster is highly skeptical that any of these attempts to join the modern world will work. That includes the points system on licences. For my part I promise to stop at red lights and stay off the sidewalks, though don't expect me to smile. And could I respectfully request when bikers go through green that car, taxi and bus drivers refrain from sending us to the next life. Khop Khun Khrap!

 

Another age old problem is corruption, a national sport in Thailand that makes followers of Muay Thai look scarce. This week there were echoes of the debacle over the fake bomb testing devices that were proved to be a bit of plastic and wire held together with nylon string. This time the Probation Department were forced to admit that electronic monitoring bracelets for miscreants could be removed and reattached like a piece of fake gold jewelry.

 

They promised to go after the Chinese company supplying them - a diversionary tactic to steer blame away from the bent officials who procured them in the first place. A full investigation is warranted and the director of the department could kick that off by resigning - irrespective of whether he knew about it. 

 

When faced by such scandals Japanese and South Korean officials resign and bow their heads in shame and bent Chinese are carted off to "Chairman Xi's Gulag". In North Korea they are never seen again. The Thais carry on regardless blaming someone else! 

 

Bless them!

 

There was a result for a kindergarten teacher, however, who got transferred to education HQ after she said that the nippers in her school were just being given cheap Mama noodles for lunch. An uproar followed - yes there is hope for Thailand in these social media days - and the education department un-trasferred Khru Orm and condemned the school director to a spell of paper shuffling instead. 

 

An investigation is underway to see if the director was dining on imported steak while the children in his school were malnourished. Hopefully he will be dining on rice gruel for a spell but don't hold your breath. Removing Thai "civil servants" from their positions has proved as hard as convincing foreigners that TM 30 is for their own benefit...

 

Apropos, Naew Na continued to act as the mouthpiece of Thai immigration; so much so that Rooster is wondering if the editor is a relative of Sompong "Big Oud" Chingduang who appears to be relishing in the resurgence of the 1979 dinosaur law. 

 

Further fuel was added to the TM 30 fire as the BBC weighed in with a well written report about the issue. Fair play - it encapsulated the issues and it is not every day that a story about a "form" gets worldwide attention. Of course, it is much more than that but it really needs a Thai in the upper echelons of government - Prayut or Prawit peut-etre - to accept that the TM 30 issue might end up hitting Thais where it hurts - in the pocketbook. 

 

While they continue to hide behind the spuriousness of how TM 30 relates to national security, nothing will change.

 

My suggestion on the forum that expats wishing to circumvent the regulations could stay in short time motels on trips away from home was not entirely facetious. Such establishments - either called "maan root" or "resorts" are everywhere in Thailand and few off the beaten track bother to register their guests....for obvious reasons. Expats could stay in one and return home with immigration none the wiser. 

 

Many are not seedy in the slightest and represent fantastic value to the traveler at 350 to 450 baht a night. As a resident I only need to tell the police where I am every five years or so. But I  am writing this in such a resort on the outskirts of Korat where I am playing a Scrabble tournament this weekend.

 

My only warning about this - apart from the obvious that a roadside short time hotel could in theory be raided by immigration - is don't tell the spouse that you stayed in one. I'm with my six year old, so I have the perfect cover.

 

Many threads on Thaivisa forum and Facebook continued to claim that foreigners are no longer welcome in Thailand like they used to be. One poster even banged on about "Cultural Marxism" that had me Googling. 

 

I don't know whether this is true. People still smile at me in the street though perhaps it is out of sympathy for being so gray or being given the run around by little tearaways who appear to be my grandchildren. 

 

Appalling violence also figured in many stories this week. An enraged husband went to finish off his wife in a hospital only to find that she was already dead while in Chonburi a defense volunteer was caught on CCTV assaulting a patient in a hospital thinking that the curtains being drawn round the bed would shield him. 

 

Sure, the guy in bed had driven though a police checkpoint breaking both his mates' legs but violence of this nature smacks of the "Wild West" not the "Mysterious East". Jail time for all, please.

 

Elsewhere, international media picked up on a story about a class reunion in which a 69 year old man shot dead a rival of the same age over an unspecified dispute that began in school 50 years prior. 

 

The tragic and pathetic incident reminded me of the classic "Not the Nine O'clock News" sketch where two old school buddies meet amicably by chance on a deserted cliff before one says to the other: "Yes, that's right...I hated you!" and knees him in the groin.  

 

In Thailand it was a 9 mm gun that did the damage with the assailant making the excuse that he had no idea that shooting someone might result in their death. Tell that to the judge.

 

In Hua Hin an 18 year old trader selling "20 baht" knick knacks was quickly brought to justice after he viciously stabbed a security man to death.  'Yaam' had sworn at his dog. I am tempted to say - a la Bernard Trink - that "any comment would be superfluous". Instead after translating this story I shall just remark that I was speechless. 

 

Down south a pig-tailed monkey fought back after his boss crashed his motorcycle. Pillion riding "Jao Khai" - who helps his master retrieve coconuts high in the trees - was incensed with his boss and delivered some deep gashes to his back in retribution. On the face of it it seemed reasonable and he was not charged with simian shenanigans. 

 

Elsewhere a hapless Thai man in gambling debt to the tune of 400,000 baht decided to park his mate's pick-up he was driving, pretend he was armed and rob a bank. He only got 16,000 baht from the teller and to compound his woes was caught trying to stuff the loot in some toilets nearby after going for an ice-cream. 

 

Police were debating what to actually charge him with - I suggest they implement a little known 1939 law: "Crass stupidity in the hours of daylight while in charge of a conveyance". 

 

Finally, I would like to mention a story of a death that happened well away from Thailand that reminds us to chase our dreams and live each and every day as if it is our last - a good point for those getting on in years who don't really want to reach 128. 

 

US race car driver and television personality Jessi Combs, 39, was killed in a crash while attempting to set a new land speed record. Very sad; but it was the inspiring comments of her family that struck a chord with Rooster:

 

"Jessi's most notable dream was to become the fastest woman on Earth, a dream that she had been chasing since 2012...

 

"And she left this Earth driving faster than any other woman in history".

 

Way to go. 

 

Rooster

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2019-08-31

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[Samui Bodoh]

Interesting read...

 

21 minutes ago, rooster59 said:

Yikes! I had married a stiff! Given the circumstances it was quite remarkable that two children followed from this unholy union. 

 

Hmm... One religion that I know of features a virgin birth (or so she claimed). Another series of tales tells of Gods fornicating with human females to produce demi-gods. A few others tell tale of siblings mating to 'keep the blood-line pure'. Still others feature even more improbable combinations that won't be described here. Yet, I have never come across a human/stiff combination that produced two off-spring.

 

In far distant future times, will people learn about about Christianity, the Roman/Greek Gods, Egyptian legends, Indian mythology, Islam, Judaism, Native American progeny and...

 

...Roosterism?

 

Stranger things have happened... 

 

[scottiejohn]

14 hours ago, Samui Bodoh said:

 have never come across a human/stiff combination that produced two off-spring.

I suspect it was a different kind of "stiff" that was responsible for the kids in this situation!

[Vermonter]

I could be entirely wrong but I seem to remember the second marriage was in the late nineties or so. Pretty good procreation for a 50 year old "ee gae''.

[TPI]

An extra pleasure today...raining cats and dogs followed by roosters' funny stories!

[n210mp]

Great style Rooster long may you be able to get away with it hahaha

 

Nice to read, for a change,  someone writing with "balls" !

 

Keep it up!

[Jane Dough]

4 hours ago, n210mp said:

Great style Rooster long may you be able to get away with it hahaha

 

Nice to read, for a change,  someone writing with "balls" !

 

Keep it up!

Thank you. 

 

Having fathered four children I never thought there was much wrong with them...the balls, that is, not the kids.

 

I hope you continue to enjoy the column.

 

Rooster