Diary of a farang in Isaan

[bluesofa]

31 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

I've heard mister Owl prefers the "Fosbury flop" technique of posting.  

Years since I've heard that phrase!

[FarFlungFalang]

1 hour ago, bluesofa said:

Years since I've heard that phrase!

I used to do a bit of it in my younger days and jumped 4'10" when I was 4'11" when my little brother ( who is now 6'7") and I used to break in to Graeme Park stadium  drag out the high jump equipment to practice and my brother ended up jumping 6 feet in some state school competition which was a record.

[voulez vous]

Hi Farangsters.

 

Mr Owl has emailed me with a truly wonderous story.

 

Mrs Owl sidled up to him and said:

 

"Teerak, can you plant seed for me?"

 

Mr Owl got noticeably interested.

 

"Why of course teerak, beautiful, sweet, sexy, kind Thai lady. What do you want me to do? When? Where?"

 

"Just eat fruit. Avocado. Like so much. Can grow for me,? Little tree."

 

Handing Mr Owl the nut.

 

Unlike us French. Mr Owl cannot win all with ladies.

Edited February 14, 2021 by voulez vous

[FarFlungFalang]

23 minutes ago, voulez vous said:

Hi Farangsters.

 

Mr Owl has emailed me with a truly wonderous story.

 

Mrs Owl sidled up to him and said:

 

"Teerak, can you plant seed for me?"

 

Mr Owl got noticeably interested.

 

"Why of course teerak, beautiful, sweet, sexy, kind Thai lady. What do you want me to do? When? Where?"

 

"Just eat fruit. Avocado. Like so much. Can grow for me,? Little tree."

 

Handing Mr Owl the nut.

 

Unlike us French. Mr Owl cannot win all with ladies.

So Mr Owl has been given a nut job by Teerak!Enjoy your holiday Mr Owl!The fruit of your loins?Little tree?Is Teerak hinting at something perhaps?Or is it a misunderstanding?

Edited February 14, 2021 by FarFlungFalang

[FarFlungFalang]

Where is the 200 page party and give away?Are you dodging your responsibilities Mr Owl?Or is the nut job the prize?

[sotonowl]

On 2/13/2021 at 3:41 AM, bannork said:

Owl's post about the shop lady reminded me of a middle-aged crisis I went through some years back. It's a chapter from my second book' Thai Times' . It began on a train, 5555.

Mystery Train Chapter .docx 37.35 kB · 9 downloads

Enjoyed that, thanks for posting. Bit of a sad ending but that's life I suppose.

[bannork]

8 hours ago, sotonowl said:

Enjoyed that, thanks for posting. Bit of a sad ending but that's life I suppose.

Glad you liked it, snl. That euphoric feeling, the high that one conversation induced in me, makes me wonder if the drug ecstasy produces the same effect. Perhaps cocaine. I never had enough money to buy the latter in my youth and I had left the UK by the time ecstasy became popular.

Meeting her made me realise how stuff goes on in our subconscious that we have no control or perhaps awareness of. 

I hope she's found someone by now, that story happened 7 years ago.

[voulez vous]

Hi There Farangsters.

 

Mr Owl was pleased to email me to say that he received his Lazada delivery.

 

 

He is trying to reduce sugar as much as possible. So its Xylitol from now on for Mr Owl.

 

I may get a couple of my ladies to try this sweetener. Sabine and Yulliette could both do with slimming down a kilo or two.

[faraday]

Has Kh Owl seen Mademoiselle chapeau recently?

[Golden Triangle]

2 hours ago, voulez vous said:

Hi There Farangsters.

 

Mr Owl was pleased to email me to say that he received his Lazada delivery.

 

 

He is trying to reduce sugar as much as possible. So its Xylitol from now on for Mr Owl.

 

I may get a couple of my ladies to try this sweetener. Sabine and Yulliette could both do with slimming down a kilo or two.

I just stopped having sugar, my tea was always NATO standard, hot, strong & 2 large sugars, but 5 or 6 mugs a day took its sugary toll, I also swapped full fat milk to the stuff with the white top, tasted foul at first but you do get used to it ???? half a dozen large Archa more than compensate ????????

[voulez vous]

12 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

I just stopped having sugar, my tea was always NATO standard, hot, strong & 2 large sugars, but 5 or 6 mugs a day took its sugary toll, I also swapped full fat milk to the stuff with the white top, tasted foul at first but you do get used to it ???? half a dozen large Archa more than compensate ????????

I think a good move there Mr Golden Triangle.

 

If one is convinced that cov19 is going to engulf civilization there is good news.

 

https://www.abc4.com/news/the-virus-that-causes-covid-19-blocked-by-xylitol-dr-mark-l-cannon-says-its-a-decoy-target/

 

Mr Owl will be interested also.

 

 

[voulez vous]

1 hour ago, faraday said:

Has Kh Owl seen Mademoiselle chapeau recently?

I'm sure he has. But his is a tempestuous life.

 

I should not really say the following; but I'm sure he would not mind.

 

When he is feeling amorous he changes from a T-shirt, or football shirt, into a shirt with a top pocket. I was baffled about this and I asked him why!? He puts money into the pocket length-ways and stands in front of his wife (to get her attention). With a couple of cms sticking out (naturally). Mrs Qwl then gets excited and the contract is agreed.

 

Of course, being a member of the world's greatest lover country, I have only to smile, and then it's a case of; 'when can I fit her in'. I'm off to see Vivienne right now to give her my valentine card. I bit late but she will understand.

 

 

Edited February 15, 2021 by voulez vous

[FarFlungFalang]

9 minutes ago, voulez vous said:

When he is feeling amorous he changes from a T-shirt, or football shirt, into a shirt with a top pocket. I was baffled about this and I asked him why!? He puts money into the pocket length-ways and stands in front of his wife. Of course with a couple of cms sticking out. Mrs Qwl then gets excited and the contract is agreed.

So I'm not the only one to use this sort of bargaining chip.He does get straight to the point.Presumably he doesn't wear any pants so there is no confusion in the fine print of such contracts.

[bluesofa]

26 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

So I'm not the only one to use this sort of bargaining chip.He does get straight to the point.Presumably he doesn't wear any pants so there is no confusion in the fine print of such contracts.

Did you mean 'pants' in British English or American English?

If it was British English, then it's still illegal to leave the house without wearing any underwear.

[Golden Triangle]

23 minutes ago, bluesofa said:

Did you mean 'pants' in British English or American English?

If it was British English, then it's still illegal to leave the house without wearing any underwear.

I never wear pants, be that Y fronts, boxers or those cheap & nasty Georgio Amani clingy things, Commando is the way to go ????

[FarFlungFalang]

33 minutes ago, bluesofa said:

Did you mean 'pants' in British English or American English?

If it was British English, then it's still illegal to leave the house without wearing any underwear.

I think this is precisely the sort of confusing fine print of which I spake (archaic).I thought the English were freedom loving people, and allowed freedom of movement, I guess I was wrong. 

Edited February 15, 2021 by FarFlungFalang

[bluesofa]

7 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

I never wear pants, be that Y fronts, boxers or those cheap & nasty Georgio Amani clingy things, Commando is the way to go ????

Hope you don't get stopped for a spot check of your kit by the RTP undercover police.

[faraday]

17 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

I think this is precisely the sort of confusing fine print of which I spake (archaic).I thought the English were freedom loving people, and allowed freedom of movement, I guess I was wrong. 

 

Being British, I do prefer - & in fact need, to wear underwear.

 

If, on occasion I do not, the pendulousity, bruises the inside of my knees.

 

 

[voulez vous]

Plenty of little funnies about the English and Americans recently.

 

Being French, I not only know how to pleasure a woman, but our jokes are - shall we say - funnier.

 

A french cheese factory blew up. There was de brie everywhere.

 

What kind of car does a true Frenchman drive?
Emmanuel.

 

A story my fighter-pilot Father told me about the first time he dated my Mother after the war. They were having a pic-nick by the river.

 

"Would you kiss me Mr Vous?" They start kissing. But he pulls away and pours red wine over her face.

"What!"

"I am great fight-pilot Vous. When I kiss red lips, I have red wine!"
Things begin to heat up. 

"Mr Vous, kiss me lower."

Fight-pilot Vous tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it over her breasts.
"Vous! What are you doing?"

"I am Vous. The great fighter pilot! When I have see breasts, I have white wine!"

Passon is resumed.

"Mr Vous, kiss me lower."

He twiddles his tongue in her belly button.

She whispered; "Vous, kiss me lower!"

Father ripped off her underwear and grabbed a bottle of Cognac. Without hesitation he poured it between her legs and over her pubes.

She sighs expectantly.

Suddenly he lights a match and sets the cognac on fire. She screams and jumps into the river.

A bit of slashing and cursing. The fire is out.

 

Standing waist deep in the water, Mother throws her arms upwards and shrieks furiously,

"Vous! What do you think you are doing?"

Father stands.

 

"I am Vous, the great fighter-pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"

 

 

[bluesofa]

53 minutes ago, faraday said:

Being British, I do prefer - & in fact need, to wear underwear.

 

If, on occasion I do not, the pendulousity, bruises the inside of my knees.

Plus, I'm sure underwear is cheaper than a pair of knee-pads.

[sotonowl]

7 hours ago, voulez vous said:

Hi There Farangsters.

 

Mr Owl was pleased to email me to say that he received his Lazada delivery.

 

 

He is trying to reduce sugar as much as possible. So its Xylitol from now on for Mr Owl.

 

I may get a couple of my ladies to try this sweetener. Sabine and Yulliette could both do with slimming down a kilo or two.

This is great news, I was considering contacting Inspector Lestrade, I can see this will not now be necessary.

[FarFlungFalang]

8 hours ago, bluesofa said:

Plus, I'm sure underwear is cheaper than a pair of knee-pads.

I would have thought shin guards to be more effective.

[Peter Denis]

9 hours ago, voulez vous said:

Plenty of little funnies about the English and Americans recently.

Being French, I not only know how to pleasure a woman, but our jokes are - shall we say - funnier.

...

Some more French jokes...

 

[voulez vous]

Mr Owl is doing OK; unlike his favourite plants. Not going to his farm every day, as he's been doing some little bits and pieces at the DinL's new house.

 

His teerak was going though. But looking after his plants? Dear me! Owl emailed. "Look at my little trees!?"

 

 

The bottle system was the only thing that could help. Can't rely on Mrs Owl to care for the trees. I'm thinking that she deliberately neglects them. Sad! A French lady wouldn't do that.

 

 

Tang was looking at the trees wondering what more could be done.

 

 

I think they are going to be alright Grandpa Owl. Mildred giving advice.

 

 

Mr Owl is confident that they can recover. I'm not hopeful myself. We will see.

 

Some action at the big road euca.

 

 

Mr Owl tells me that this tree is not yet two years old.

 

 

Must be over 7 metres high.

 

 

Scary stuff indeed. Mr Owl is Wow's uncle.

 

Teerak is slowly getting used to Mr Owls new sweetener. He informs me that she is adapting, and learning how to make a decent cup of tea. He has been showing her how to insert the sweetener and to agitate it, rater than stir. But if she forgets and starts to stir; then it's eleven times clockwise and eleven anti-clockwise.

 

We French, do not have any problems with our women in the kitchen. They are  intent on keeping their men happy. Only too pleased to be educated by the world's greatest chefs also. And if their efforts do not hit the highest standards they expect to be corrected appropriately.

 

 

[faraday]

2 hours ago, FarFlungFalang said:

I would have thought shin guards to be more effective.

 

https://youtube./mitn_bT7GUk.  

 

Damn, YouTube still won't embed!

 

 

[voulez vous]

Mr Owl asked me to post. Mildred's school at 5 o'clock (Thai time) this evening.

 

 

Not just for off-rmain-road riding.

 

 

 

 

 

[voulez vous]

Mr Owl at it again.

 

He loves his fishes.

 

 

His neglected plants still look awful. Will they live even?

 

 

Been joined by a euca.

 

He has put little stones under the water bottles to make sure the holes don't get clogged.

 

[FarFlungFalang]

7 minutes ago, voulez vous said:

He has put little stones under the water bottles to make sure the holes don't get clogged.

Getting clogged should be strictly reserved for the Dutch!Same goes for their ovens.

[quake]

On 2/17/2021 at 9:13 PM, FarFlungFalang said:

Getting clogged should be strictly reserved for the Dutch!Same goes for their ovens.

Not so sure about the dutch oven.

Used to think that was very funny in my younger years. 

[voulez vous]

Hi there farangsters.

 

Mr Owl hopes you are all well. Sent me some pics to share.

 

The pink Buddha Bunny is still alive and kicking.

 

 

 

Lovely smile. Just like Sylvie after I've pleasured her for a couple of hours.

 

 

Rear view not so good.

 

 

Mr Owl has finally fixed up his grubber.

 

 

 

Trials soon.

 

 

He cannot resist the goodies in the 20 baht shop. Does he like the lady I must ask!? No!! He wouldn't cheat on Ting the hat girl.

 

Pencils for Mildred and lighters for the farm.

 

 

I think he was a tad disappointment that when the lighters were held upside down the ladies' clothes stayed on their bodies. In France these ladies would reveal their nakedness.

 

Lovely Isan tree.

 

 

Mr Owl is due to return on the 26th. He has lots to write aboutl and many pics.

 

He got a Valentine card from Ting, the hat lady. I don't suppose he told her that he had let her motor cycle tyre down.

 

Bye y'all.

 

 

 

 

Edited February 23, 2021 by voulez vous