Thai gf kid ignores me

[Dumbastheycome]

27 minutes ago, tifino said:

 hopefully with any luck, it's only the kid that is the problem...    2 years of having 1st Mrs as a GF, then just as we were finally hitched; 

 

 - the first English word she spoke at me (not to, but, at) , was:

 

"Uncle"   

 

okaaaayyy - she had (or exhibited No English up to that time) 

 - so of all the possible words that a kid could pick up on...

why 'that' word? 

 Made me wonder at the time... well, who taught her that? 

 

so I came straight back to correct her, with 'Daddy"

 

then she showed she had more than the one English word... she had two!

"no... Uncle"  while shaking her head.

 

 

eventually turned out (aka proven) that it was more than the kid that was the problem...

 

... as, 6 months later her eldest two started calling me 'Daddy'

Mrs was livid, and stopping short of hitting them; but scolded 'me' that her kids were not mine to be calling me Dad

 

oh the joys of finding you are being treated (betrayed by mrs) to be seen just as a -

 (stealth by her collusion with hidden BF) - foster husband. 

 

 

Every situation can be different. In yours less the child than the mother. If she was running interference it would probably always be a no win.

In my situation it took 4  years to get more than obligatory politeness from my "daughter" as  she now is  in every sense. My wife had to wisdom to stay neutral but it was not always easy.

[justin case]

maybe the mom has 10 boyfriends and the daughter does not want to interact with any of them

[Solinvictus]

I really can't see how some expats come over here and get pulled on a chain by the 'Thai girl.'

Hell, I'm not back home, here, if they aren't doing whats right in my book or right for me, we can't even begin to start a relationship.  As far as putting up with small insincere examples as mentioned, they can hit the road and off to the next one because after all, that's her view of you or else she wouldn't be not obsessed with you. At least in frequent communication.

[Max69xl]

2 hours ago, HuskerDo said:

Nice response Max. Imagine you are 12 and your mom has various different guys visiting her from time to time. Are you saying you would be fine with it and running up with a big Sawadee for each guy when you know they are only there to spend a little time with you mom? Try to grasp reality. 

They've been together for a year. I think I know more about thai kids and upbringing here than you do. So you should try to grasp reality. This kid doesn't know how to behave. 

[Gweiloman]

2 hours ago, SoonOh said:

Plenty of childless girls in Asia. Time to fine one 

 

Fine? Or find?

[kekalot]

On 12/18/2019 at 8:39 PM, anterian said:

Girls in my village are very friendly, wai say hello etc, up until about 7 years of age then they develop farangphobia I suspect generated by school propaganda. 

girls (and boys) around where I live always try to talk to me when they are around or under 10 (maybe 12 at most). they always shout HELLO! and giggle or say "how are you?" or whatever they know in English.

usually happens when I stopped at traffic lights and kids are on a motorbike

usually, when older than that, I never get a single word

 

[ChipButty]

I've seen this a few times ignorant little fukers they dont mind your money I've never had a Thai G/F with kids they have no respect for you never refer to you by your name it's always Farang, hey this farang has a name

[RJRS1301]

2 hours ago, tifino said:

 hopefully with any luck, it's only the kid that is the problem...    2 years of having 1st Mrs as a GF, then just as we were finally hitched; 

 

 - the first English word she spoke at me (not to, but, at) , was:

 

"Uncle"   

 

okaaaayyy - she had (or exhibited No English up to that time) 

 - so of all the possible words that a kid could pick up on...

why 'that' word? 

 Made me wonder at the time... well, who taught her that? 

 

so I came straight back to correct her, with 'Daddy"

 

then she showed she had more than the one English word... she had two!

"no... Uncle"  while shaking her head.

 

 

eventually turned out (aka proven) that it was more than the kid that was the problem...

 

... as, 6 months later her eldest two started calling me 'Daddy'

Mrs was livid, and stopping short of hitting them; but scolded 'me' that her kids were not mine to be calling me Dad

 

oh the joys of finding you are being treated (betrayed by mrs) to be seen just as a -

 (stealth by her collusion with hidden BF) - foster husband. 

 

 

The only betrayal was by your undiscussed expectations.

Your were the stepfather, not the DAD, and your expectations to be called "daddy" reflect poorly on you. Why was your "title/handle" not discussed and agreed upon before marriage?

 

[RichardColeman]

Just worry about the kid understanding 'Sleep in your own bed' !

[dd1988]

I bring the kid chocolate every visit from costco in bulk. 

 

I took the kid to ramayana water park last visit. Brought the kid to mookata a few times last visit.

 

This visit the kid doesnt want to come to mookata with us, wont speak to me.

 

One thing i missed was when hervmom said for her to say bye she did a sarcastic wave thing and said bye in a wierd tone. I thoughy nothing of it until her mom pointed out it was rude and said she was only joking (a lie of course). 

[tifino]

44 minutes ago, RJRS1301 said:

The only betrayal was by your undiscussed expectations.

Your were the stepfather, not the DAD, and your expectations to be called "daddy" reflect poorly on you. Why was your "title/handle" not discussed and agreed upon before marriage?

 

The 'agreement' was well discussed prior to this event. Moreso that i was told i am not their father. So I knew my position... 

 

well it wasn't about the meaning the uttered word, but the now obvious behind closed doors impressing of the choice of that word upon the kid at the time... (she was only 4 then) and forced to show rejection; in it's simplest form.  There was a lot more to it... that would tangent things off here a bit

 

 

I am not a fan of brainwashing kids

[orientalist]

Having no dad, the daughter may well be insecure. She probably resents you as a rival for her mother's affection or is afraid you will take her away overseas - particularly when you are not in Thailand for long periods.

[dd1988]

12 minutes ago, orientalist said:

Having no dad, the daughter may well be insecure. She probably resents you as a rival for her mother's affection or is afraid you will take her away overseas - particularly when you are not in Thailand for long periods.

so basically that and the fact im probobly the 4th or 7th farang or so the daughter has seen come by to bang her mom

[ChipButty]

1 hour ago, dd1988 said:

so basically that and the fact im probobly the 4th or 7th farang or so the daughter has seen come by to bang her mom

She probably heard you

[dd1988]

30 minutes ago, ChipButty said:

She probably heard you

nope i get my own room when i visit for tgat reason

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, dd1988 said:

so basically that and the fact im probobly the 4th or 7th farang or so the daughter has seen come by to bang her mom

The only time I had a 'moody/grumpy' problem with my step-daughter, I invited her to go back to the village and live with her grandmother.

She's been good as gold ever since.

[HuskerDo]

4 hours ago, Max69xl said:

They've been together for a year. I think I know more about thai kids and upbringing here than you do. So you should try to grasp reality. This kid doesn't know how to behave. 

"They've been together for a year"...… Which guy are you referring to? This one or one of the other dozen? You think you know more about thai kids but you don't know very much on raising them. They are kids, not dogs.

[BritManToo]

7 hours ago, HuskerDo said:

Nice response Max. Imagine you are 12 and your mom has various different guys visiting her from time to time. Are you saying you would be fine with it and running up with a big Sawadee for each guy when you know they are only there to spend a little time with you mom? Try to grasp reality. 

They're actually expected to 'big Sawadee' every adult they encounter as they enter and exit.

No matter what that adults relationship to mom.

[ripstanley]

Here is your other thread which is currently running. It appears that you do not care very much for the child. She knows this so do not expect anything  else from the child.

 

 

[freestyle]

The only way is being kind and patient. It's normal anywhere in the world for a teenage kid to reject "the new dad". Look at it from her perspective.

Also, you could try a little good cop bad cop psychology.
Let the mom be the bad cop.
And you act as the good cop who steps in to save her.

If the mom shouts at her to make her talk to you, then tell her mom not to be so harsh on her while the daughter can hear it.
Let the daughter show you're protective of her, even if she is being a brat to you.
Give this some time and you'll be golden.


 

Edited December 20, 2019 by freestyle

[HelloWelcome77]

Why should you bother, since she's not even your own child? Just treat her the way she treats you, ignore her as she does and, ABOVE ALL, don't pay any bill (i.e school fees and other stuff). By doing so, she might show much more respect within a little while ???? 

Edited December 20, 2019 by HelloWelcome77

[richard_smith237]

 

 

 

5 hours ago, ripstanley said:

Here is your other thread which is currently running. It appears that you do not care very much for the child. She knows this so do not expect anything  else from the child.

 

 

 

And the Ops Quote from his first post in that thread....  referring to his girlfriends daughter as 'it'....  no wonder she won't make eye contact. 

 

Quote

......I would marry her and bring her to my country but she cant leave her kid and im not interested in raising someone elses offspring especially when it wont talk to me. Total financial liability for this feat.....

 

 

[Roadkillaf]

Find a new gf. What's the point?

[shy coconut]

13 hours ago, tifino said:

 hopefully with any luck, it's only the kid that is the problem...    2 years of having 1st Mrs as a GF, then just as we were finally hitched; 

 

 - the first English word she spoke at me (not to, but, at) , was:

 

"Uncle"   

 

okaaaayyy - she had (or exhibited No English up to that time) 

 - so of all the possible words that a kid could pick up on...

why 'that' word? 

 Made me wonder at the time... well, who taught her that? 

 

so I came straight back to correct her, with 'Daddy"

 

then she showed she had more than the one English word... she had two!

"no... Uncle"  while shaking her head.

 

 

eventually turned out (aka proven) that it was more than the kid that was the problem...

 

... as, 6 months later her eldest two started calling me 'Daddy'

Mrs was livid, and stopping short of hitting them; but scolded 'me' that her kids were not mine to be calling me Dad

 

oh the joys of finding you are being treated (betrayed by mrs) to be seen just as a -

 (stealth by her collusion with hidden BF) - foster husband. 

 

 

Maybe the child already had a daddy, my ex wife got together with another guy. He wanted 

to be called dad my daughters, but she told him they only have one dad, ie me.

 

Why someone who is not blood related to a child wants to be called daddy is beyond me.

 

[RJRS1301]

11 minutes ago, shy coconut said:

Maybe the child already had a daddy, my ex wife got together with another guy. He wanted 

to be called dad my daughters, but she told him they only have one dad, ie me.

 

Why someone who is not blood related to a child wants to be called daddy is beyond me.

 

Fragile Ego about being masculine enough to breed

[shy coconut]

9 hours ago, dd1988 said:

so basically that and the fact im probobly the 4th or 7th farang or so the daughter has seen come by to bang her mom

Why are you getting so worked up about a girl who's mother is just someone you bang?

 

If that's all you want from the woman, there are plenty of ladies you can meet in Thailand

who can provide that service.

[dd1988]

So the gf had a fake fb account, I can see why the kid doesnt talk to me

[hatewaitin]

On 12/18/2019 at 11:51 PM, dd1988 said:

12.  Her mom has to yell at her to get her to say hello to me.  

 

My gut tells me that her kid is  slightly narcissistic and maybe recieves to much praise from her mom.  Her kid does not get enouhh socialization outside of school maybe this is a contributing factor. 

My wife's daughter is 12. I find her shy she doesn't talk much but always has a beaming smile for me. She doesn't speak much English.

With children that aren't yours it is difficult. Often they are trying to assess if you are trying to replace the father they already have.

You need to make sure she understands that you never want to replace her father you just want to make her life better through her mother

[patrick1968]

show me the money I will show you some attention 

[tabarin]

On 12/19/2019 at 12:54 PM, FritsSikkink said:

You are unfit to be a father.

For the first time I agree with your comment. I think the same.