I've met a lady during my recent first trip to Thailand and to cut a long story short we are now in a relationship. Now... I've been reading horror stories about men that have lost everything to their Thai girlfriend or wife. They seem to be endless. I've looked at Youtube, searched forums like this and others, and it has me thinking twice about this all. It seems like there are thousands of dishonest women looking to take advantage.

 

I think that it would be a good idea for me to run a background check on my girlfriend before things get more serious. Has anyone done this? Which company did you use? And can I get any other advice?

 

Thanks a lot

3 minutes ago, BBrent said:

I've met a lady during my recent first trip to Thailand

The first question is ''She is different?'' (Batman pun)

 

I mean can you describe in some words how you meet and where?

She works? (A real job of course) How much she earns monthly?

 

Most of the ''problems'' you have read come from a meeting between a

westerner (Usualy in his 40' or 50, divorced, not really with a lot of ''sex appeal'')

with a confortable income

and a pretty thai girl or woman (Usualy in his 20' or 30', with few children to feed and 

coming from a rural area with a poor family background) who doesn't have a job

(Or she has one but with a very low income and already a bunch of debts)

Ha. This brings back some fun memories. Yes I have experience with this. I ran a background check on my girlfriend and it turned out that she had an extra child that she never told me about. I met this child in the village but was told that it was her brothers son. 3 kids was too much for me to take on.

 

The companies doing background checks in Thailand tend to charge around 30-50 thousand. I'm guessing they need to grease palms to do these checks which is why it's expensive. I ended up using this company: https://bangkokinvestigators.com. They were a bit cheaper but still answered all my questions and were more responsive than other people I contacted.

 

Good luck with your relationship!!

When you set up home with a thai girl always pick a " day cashier" not a bargirl.

"thousands of dishonest women looking to take advantage" 

 

They only take advantage if you let them.. they can only take everything away that you allow them to give... so start thinking with the brain on top of your neck, not with the one between your legs... 

26 minutes ago, kingofthemountain said:

The first question is ''She is different?'' (Batman pun)

 

I mean can you describe in some words how you meet and where?

She works? (A real job of course) How much she earns monthly?

 

Most of the ''problems'' you have read come from a meeting between a

westerner (Usualy in his 40' or 50, divorced, not really with a lot of ''sex appeal'')

with a confortable income

and a pretty thai girl or woman (Usualy in his 20' or 30', with few children to feed and 

coming from a rural area with a poor family background) who doesn't have a job

(Or she has one but with a very low income and already a bunch of debts)

I don't wanna get into the details too much here. I find it all very embarrassing and I'm sure you would all have a good laugh at my expense. Reading online about how things work in Thailand I'm starting to realize how naive I have been with this. I wish that I had read up on Thai women before travelling there.

26 minutes ago, Elmer Fudd said:

Ha. This brings back some fun memories. Yes I have experience with this. I ran a background check on my girlfriend and it turned out that she had an extra child that she never told me about. I met this child in the village but was told that it was her brothers son. 3 kids was too much for me to take on.

 

The companies doing background checks in Thailand tend to charge around 30-50 thousand. I'm guessing they need to grease palms to do these checks which is why it's expensive. I ended up using this company: https://bangkokinvestigators.com. They were a bit cheaper but still answered all my questions and were more responsive than other people I contacted.

 

Good luck with your relationship!!

Thanks Elmer.

9 minutes ago, kingdong said:

When you set up home with a thai girl always pick a " day cashier" not a bargirl.

If you end up in bed with a cashier then so can any other John!!

There are not really endless stories on Tvisa, more endless repetition, you know, like a continuous tape loop, and it would probably be interesting to know the real reasons why relationships hit the rocks.

 

Most times I guess possibly drink, availability of other women, failure to live up to expectation, and not suited to life in Thailand, may well play a part.

so keep your dong in your pants, keep the drinking in check, release funds carefully but continue to improve life for both of you, and you are off to a good start.

 

Thailand is about the here and now so run checks if you wish, perhaps Thai ladies will start doing the same before too long!!

1 hour ago, Elmer Fudd said:

If you end up in bed with a cashier then so can any other John!!

I was being sarcastic,sounds like you need to get out and about a bit more.

2 hours ago, BBrent said:

I don't wanna get into the details too much here. I find it all very embarrassing and I'm sure you would all have a good laugh at my expense. Reading online about how things work in Thailand I'm starting to realize how naive I have been with this. I wish that I had read up on Thai women before travelling there.

Don,t worry mate we,ve all had one of cupids  little arrows up our harris and got yellow fever,just keep a tight grip on your finances and if it go,'es tits up,wipe your mouth and learn by your mistakes.

Edited January 8, 20206 yr by kingdong

2 hours ago, Elmer Fudd said:

If you end up in bed with a cashier then so can any other John!!

Yes but at least she'll be able to count out your change correctly.

2 hours ago, BBrent said:

I don't wanna get into the details too much here. I find it all very embarrassing and I'm sure you would all have a good laugh at my expense. Reading online about how things work in Thailand I'm starting to realize how naive I have been with this. I wish that I had read up on Thai women before travelling there.

Well if you don't want to go into the details here on an anonymous forum

i suppose you are not ready to go into the details with your friends, family 

about your relationship. 

This probably answer to your question about the ''viability'' in the

long term of your ''relationship''. a girlfriend or a wife is not a tatoo

that you can hide if you are ashamed to be seen with.

2 hours ago, kingofthemountain said:

The first question is ''She is different?'' (Batman pun)

 

I mean can you describe in some words how you meet and where?

She works? (A real job of course) How much she earns monthly?

 

Most of the ''problems'' you have read come from a meeting between a

westerner (Usualy in his 40' or 50, divorced, not really with a lot of ''sex appeal'')

with a confortable income

and a pretty thai girl or woman (Usualy in his 20' or 30', with few children to feed and 

coming from a rural area with a poor family background) who doesn't have a job

(Or she has one but with a very low income and already a bunch of debts)

"and a pretty thai girl or woman (Usualy in his 20' or 30')"..... uh, err, umm, sounds like a ladyboy.  

Heres a novel idea, tried talking to her ?

 

If you ask the right questions directly, then explore those answers yourself and you'll have a reasonable idea. Next step is go to her home area, see if it all matches and explore more. Its good fun and can be an adventure finding these things out and you get a free travel guide /interpreter/sex partner thrown in ! 

Do your own exploring and checking, its better, and trust your gut feelings as you go.

 

After that, come back and ask those with experience about your main concerns. 

Its an anonymous forum, yes you will get the odd one who will jibe you but so what, sure you can cope with that.

The people who get shafted are usually the ones who ignore very obvious red flags, because they don't want to believe the truth. Also you need to understand that "not quite accurate" answers to direct questions are allowed in Thailand under the guise of "saving face".

 

Hence:

 

Tourist: Are you a bargirl?

Bargirl: No.

Tourist: Great let me buy you a drink.

 

Tourist: Do you know where the Grand Palace is please?

Thai person: Yes it's over there (points in random direction).

Tourist: Thank you so much (walks in wrong direction from Grand Palace).

 

Major red flags for me would include turning her phone off or being uncontactable - Thais are always on their phones and if she is doing this it is suspicious. Be wary of any girl who wears a lot of gold - someone foreign probably paid for it.

 

Spending money on a detective is a bit over the top, just spend some time with her and gauge if she is decent or not, as you would with anyone else. Consider any money you lend her as a gift - don't expect much if anything to come back your way. So don't give out more cash than you can afford to lose.

Best tell us the whole story. 

TV folks are famous for being comforting and understanding.

Your secrets are safe.

OP

 

I may be wrong but it sounds like you are not here in LOS.

 

The safest thing is do not get hung up on her.

Have fun. Spend what you can afford so that you have a good time and she gives you a good time.

Do not give her extra money or help with sick aunt or dad.

Treat the relationship like anyone that is part of al anon.

 

One day at a time and enjoy.

 

You do not need to send her cash she is not your gf and she is not your responsibility.

 

Wise friend from 20 years ago gave me this advise.

 

Find a girl you like if you are just coming here for a visist or holidays.

 

Keep in contact with her but expect that you are one of many.

 

Just before you are coming let her know and book her time for that period.

 

Wine and dine her and have a lot of fun.  pay for everything

When you leave tell her that you just want to try to help her out and give her 1 few K baht and tell her when you think you are coming back.

 

 

  

if you are asking these questions you already know the answer.

3 minutes ago, kingstonkid said:

Just before you are coming let her know and book her time for that period.

 

what ever you do, do not arrive unannounced thinking a surprise visit is romantic.
do not buy or send flowers.....Quote..."Farang crazy,cannot eat flowers."

12 hours ago, BBrent said:

I don't wanna get into the details too much here. I find it all very embarrassing and I'm sure you would all have a good laugh at my expense. Reading online about how things work in Thailand I'm starting to realize how naive I have been with this. I wish that I had read up on Thai women before travelling there.

Why must common sense be taught?

10 hours ago, HuskerDo said:

Yes but at least she'll be able to count out your change correctly.

Only if she has a calculator

I recommend reading the novel Private Dancer...

Tell your lady that you haven’t got any money ,let her believe you are very poor ,if this isn’t a problem then maybe she does love you ,mine didn’t .   If you are not going to live here full time forget her 

14 hours ago, BBrent said:

I think that it would be a good idea for me to run a background check on my girlfriend before things get more serious.

Do you really think if she has no history then she is a clean mind ? ????

let me give you a piece of advice:
nothing means nothing here. 

Periodically I post Headgame's Rules to Live by in Thailand.

Not all of them are applicable to the OP's question but he will get my point.
 

1.     NEVER GET MARRIED.

2.     Love is for teenagers – grow up.

3.     Do not confuse contentment and happiness with love.

4.     Do appropriate research before entering a cohabitation relationship. That does not mean having lots of sex. That means, researching like you would before making any investment.  Know what you’re getting into before you get into it.

5.     You are not Sir Galahad. You can never save anyone else from themselves.

6.     Do not ever overstate your financial situation. Never lie, just be very vague.

7.     Set a realistic monthly allowance for your mate at the outset of any period of cohabitation. Much better than just handing out Baht.

8.     Be prepared to ALWAYS SAY NO when the inevitable requests are made for any additional money. Be prepared because those requests will happen.

9.     Never be vague about requests for extra money, i.e. “I’ll think about it” / “Maybe”. JUST SAY NO. You can always change your mind when you’ve had a pressure-free opportunity to think about it.

10. If your sweetie gets all twisted up because you said no, just tell her that you understand she’s upset and she has 24 hours to get back on track or she can go home to mommy or whatever. 

11. Mean what you say, and say what you mean.

12. If your sweetie is lazy, either adjust your expectations or walk. It will NEVER get better.

13. If your sweetie is prone to ridiculous and unprovoked temper tantrums, then recognize you just chose the wrong lady. Either pack her up or pack yourself up. Either approach requires decisive action.

14. Take a lesson from the oft-maligned Thai males. NEVER be weak or indecisive.

Edited January 9, 20206 yr by Headgame

14 hours ago, BBrent said:

I think that it would be a good idea for me to run a background check on my girlfriend before things get more serious. Has anyone done this? Which company did you use? And can I get any other advice?

You'll find more horror stories than good stories on the Internet, simply because horror stories sells better than the boring good one. And yes, most of, if not all, the horror stories are true.

 

There are private detectives that can perform a background check, you should be able to find some using Google search (I never used one, so cannot recommend some). You might also find interest in reading the book "Confessions of a Bangkok Private Eye" by Warren Olson; memories from a New Zealander that was a private detective in Thailand.

 

Please bear in mind that a Thai-foreign relationship might well be different from a relationship in your home country, depending of from where you originate; but presumed to be from a Western country. A Thai will look at a relationship more old-fashioned – like it might well have been in your home country some 50-75 years or more ago – where the man is a provider. A relationship might primary be based on that the husband can provide for a family, love comes later (especially if the husband is a reasonable provider). For numerous girls/ladies I know true love comes second, they rather choose a potential provider that the can stay together with. I've often heard the expressions »I don't love him, but can live with him« (he can provide), and »I love him, but cannot stay with him« (he cannot provide for a family)!

 

Saying that, and if one is aware of that, a Thai-foreign relationship can work very well, and still include lots of love and passion.

 

However, if you are not prepared to "provide" – which could not only be for your own family, but also some, often minor, level of support to the partner's family – you should reconsider any relationship with a Thai.

 

Then there are all the "flashing red warning lights" – i.e. some level of gold digging, and the worst gold digger stories I've heard did not include ladies from the night life – if the relationship focus on mainly money, which might not be big money (in the beginning), but for example "help a little bit" with this and/or that, either often or all the time. I've tried it myself, being a blue-eyed (almost) first time foreigner in Land-of-Smiles, but I was however aware of the possibility, and therefore had a calculated (quite high) "risk level". Often the foreigner think that "my girlfriend is different", and give the relationship another chance, and end up with such a big "investment" that yet another chance is given, not to loose all that, which has already been "invested". The often heard advise is – which might originate from Warren Olson's book – "count your loss and move on". I waited quite long time, so I agree in "the sooner, the less one loose"...????

 

Later, I had much better luck – or was just better organized/prepared/selective...????

 

I'm that old-fashioned that I believe in trust – i.e. if you need to go beyond what can be asked as question, and answers that seems fair and honest – eventually combined with meeting the family. In my opinion, a background investigation is not the right foundation for a relationship; however, it's a point of personal view only, a background investigation might be needed by others.

 

I wish you good luck with your relationship...????

14 hours ago, BBrent said:

I don't wanna get into the details too much here. I find it all very embarrassing and I'm sure you would all have a good laugh at my expense. Reading online about how things work in Thailand I'm starting to realize how naive I have been with this. I wish that I had read up on Thai women before travelling there.

 

If you don't give any background to the relationship then it is impossible for anyone to give you any useful advice. Sorry.

good luck...but i think there is really not much of that here...the men i do know here say are happy with a thai girl have told me..its like a business transaction.... i leaving now but can tell you i have always tried to find a good girl.. not to young... has a job...and so on but the truth is they all want money...is the only reason they really look at us... we are there retirement plan...we have all said no no my girl is different....they say anything is possible and maybe that is true.......maybe .... maybe.... lol...

Most of these girls are the greatest actresses in the world

They can outsmart the FBI, the CIA, and Secret Service

I have heard every story imaginable and I’m sure there’s more

They play on your emotions and sympathy

They are schooled from early age by their mothers and other family members as how to extract as much money from a foreigner as possible

Grandmother is in the hospital, the water buffalo died, they’re going to shut my mothers electricity off, my baby is sick, I lost my money and cell phone.

   Save your money for a background check, forget about the relationship, have some fun, and learn about the way of life

over here.

You are dealing with a different culture, a different mindset, and I completely different way of thinking.

No need to ask her personal questions as she will only tell you what she thinks you need to know

To a Thai girl money is the most important thing to them

Next is family, smartphone, house, condo, car, scooter, gold.

You, mister ATM, fall in line after the Soi dog

Good luck and keep a tight grip on your money