Genuine friendships in Thailand.

[BritManToo]

13 minutes ago, Enzian said:

I've only been here for 10 years so I can't say I know Thai men very well,

I've known a few Thai men quite well, but they were wearing dresses and lippy when I first met them.

Edited April 21, 2020 by BritManToo

[Antonymous]

26 minutes ago, Enzian said:

I've only been here for 10 years so I can't say I know Thai men very well, tho I do know a little about the women. And for both I suspect kinship is more important by far than what we westerners think of as friendship. I've been rereading some Shakespeare, and it is notable how often men in the plays speak of their "love" for each other, and though they used the term much more loosely than we do today, there is still something there in western psychology, like with the Italians, men and women, greeting with kisses on both cheeks before the pandemic.

 

You make some good points.

xxx

[CharlieH]

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[exemplary21]

You're all crazy.

 

All you have to do is speak the language, be a nice person, and join a football team.

 

I've got lots of local friends.

 

Really.

[federico]

8 minutes ago, exemplary21 said:

You're all crazy.

 

All you have to do is speak the language, be a nice person, and join a football team.

 

I've got lots of local friends.

 

Really.

I agree 100% and in my case i wd only change football team with rockn’roll band (though i’m not too  bad on the  pitch)

[Zikomat]

6 hours ago, Yinn said:

Guys like Villagefarang not need pay for freind/wife. He not start thread about he can make freind.

 

That the point of what i say. 

 

Also I not want to be freind with people who lie about themself. Eg. Someone who claim they speak Thai. And they can not. Obvious. 

 

If you want to have a lot of freind same me and Villagefarang you must not lie about yourself. Better just be yourself.

 

can not buy love, can not buy freind same.

 

Good luck, everyone, listen to Yinn advice, can have many freind! Same Yinn!

No money no honey. This is an ancient Thai proverb. What you say is against the Thai reality and culture. Stop lying and get friends? What about the "face concept" which is nothing but lying about yourself at whatever cost? I suspect you are just another farang trolling at this forum. You don't sound like a true Thai person to me.

 

Edited April 21, 2020 by Zikomat

[brokenbone]

1 hour ago, exemplary21 said:

You're all crazy.

 

All you have to do is speak the language, be a nice person, and join a football team.

 

I've got lots of local friends.

 

Really.

you are right, but it doesnt necessarly have to be football

and speaking thai isnt strictly necessary either for a large percentage,

so long as you participate in some kind of group and have a common language i.e english

Edited April 21, 2020 by brokenbone

[exemplary21]

1 hour ago, federico said:

I agree 100% and in my case i wd only change football team with rockn’roll band (though i’m not too  bad on the  pitch)

555 Totally agree! I actually came to know these mates through music, then football followed.

 

With any social group, you need an "in", a route in.

 

There are many available: the two mentioned here, football and music, then use your imagination...!

 

Like I say, real friends.

 

No, I know you won't believe me, but that's your problem...

[Hanuman2547]

On 4/19/2020 at 7:32 PM, VocalNeal said:

There is some truth in this. 

 

I think "friends" need a shared history which is where the age thing above comes into play. 

 

For mates , depending where you live, try Hash House Harriers. Some nice nice people , some A holes but on the whole OK. 

There is an altruistic element which may be the secret?

 

 

On-On!

[exemplary21]

1 hour ago, brokenbone said:

you are right, but it doesnt necessarly have to be football

and speaking thai isnt strictly necessary either for a large percentage,

so long as you participate in some kind of group and have a common language i.e english

 

Yep, sure.

[dubai thai farang]

I was working for a large Thai company around 10 years ago and became friends with a couple of Thai guys there and also a couple of girls.

The guys would take me out playing snooker and also with the rest of the office we'd visit their houses each weekend, when 8-10 of us would stay get drunk,eat etc.

 

I still get contacted by them and we meet up when i'm in the country. 

There were other foreigners in the company who went down more of the hanging about in the naughty nightlife and they were excluded from our group.

They would bring their girlfriend they'd found in a bar to these company events and it was pretty obvious.

This was the main reason they were not included with the rest of the office. 

Then they wondered why they didn't have local friends.

[kekalot]

having been here a few years, my Thai is relatively okay. can't read or write it but I can do practically everything by myself.

 

in my experience, making friends here is somewhat difficult but in my situation, it's mostly because of the following reasons:

 

1. I live in a place where there are quite literally no good jobs and also no good college/universities so anyone over the age of 17 that want to study more or wants a good job will leave the place. You want work and money you move to Bangkok, Hua Hin, somewhere else.

2. If we are talking about westerners, here most people are old (situation is similar to Hua Hin where average age I was told was 65). I'm a bit past half that and we certainly don't share the same interests (just as I don't with my dad who is the same age)

3. I don't drink, smoke, don't go to bars or do any of that stuff. I also don't pay for bar girls and avoid that stuff like the plague.

4. I spend my time at home on the computer, walking around outside (or driving) around to the market and at the beach mostly

 

I have never been talked to by anyone here who wasn't one of the following four options: drunk, gay men, ladyboys or bar girl.

 

I dislike most social media in general but do have Line, but on my Line I have 20 friends on normal list and 17 hidden. that includes 6 business accounts (3BB, 7eleven, etc), 4 that are family, one friend from home. so I am left with say 26 people and all of them are Thai women that I have met before and keep in contact with or others I have never met yet (75/25) and more than half of them are hidden. (so we never really talk).

 

I'm not complaining, I'm quite happy to have no friends instead of bad friends as the two below stories:

 

1. first time I got here, I went to sit near the beach on some concrete table and chair quite a bit, one of the motorbike taxi guys approached me to chat (probably to practice his English)

talked a lot, used him all the time to go everywhere until I bought my own motorbike a month later then I didn't NEED to use him, the chatting went down by like 90%

 

one time, a girl came to spend some time at the beach for a few days. she like those harem pants and I know she was from Phichit originally..

the other motorbike guys gave her a hard time, they kept saying she was from Laos because of the way she dressed.. (??) she didn't want to talk to them because she considered them low class.

it just infuriated them because she was ignoring them and they kept asking her to prove she was Thai and to sing some song (possibly the Thai anthem?) and threatening her that they would call immigration and deport her..  one guy kept saying he was police..

until she blew up and told them to F off (or something similar) and left, fuming. that made them even more mad because they are older and she should respect them..

anyways, after this thing my friend wasn't the same anymore.. he told me not to go there anymore because she had insulted them even if it was his friends that initiated the whole drama BS

 

2. the guy who lives next door (45ish year old Thai man) used to talk to me every. single. day.. generally friendly but to be honest all he did talk about was saying stuff like "ha! ha! big hole" while pointing at women walking by (100% serious)

at some point he told me he hadn't seen his dad for years and years and showed me an old business card. It took me 2 minutes to track his dad down and get him a phone number, he got to talk to him over the phone.

 

so one day, i go to the beach with my dog.. it did its stuff on the beach and i pick it up and put it in the bin.. then we head back home and on the way back my dog stops right in front of that dudes house to pinch a loaf.

 

I didn't have a bag so I had to go get a bag inside real quick (a 10 seconds thing) but before I got to do that, he starts very loudly shouting insults in Thai, I walked up on the porch to go inside while he kept shouting but saw him reach to a 1500ml (and 1.5kg obviously) bottle of water and he throws it as hard as he physically can towards trying to hit me in the head from 2 meters away, I ducked and he missed. never talked to the guy afterwards (I'm not missing much to be honest)

 

note: if I was back home and someone tried that, I would have ducked and punched his head in real quick. but here they would probably arrest me for that so nothing happened.

 

also, the guys from both stories below have nothing better to do than to watch me (apart from the one moto taxi guy, he's still cool. his friends are not), I have stayed here for many years now (same place) and had a few girls over - over the years..

 

when I first got here I had a girlfriend for 18 months before we broke up.

however those guys kept telling my girlfriend at the time "why do you come here to see him, why not me? he has many girls!" and they would talk to her with that nonsense every time she went outside by herself with my dog and came back crying more than once.

 

they kept doing that so much that she didn't want to go outside without me anymore or would first go look out the window to make sure they weren't there to run outside to go to 7eleven etc. absolutely ridiculous

and they did that with every single women that spent more than a few days with me. and I kept hearing about it again and again and again.. cause all they have to do is sit there and watch people and gossip (quite literally now).

 

 

 

[torturedsole]

On 4/20/2020 at 2:51 AM, Liverpoolfan said:

I don't know about you lot but i struggle to make any meaningful, worthwhile friends in Thailand.

Most of the people I meet are either tourists or what most people would consider 'undesirables.'

since i arrived here many moons ago i have yet to meet a genuine person that I could call a true friend.

I find it extremely difficult.

I'm undesirable but also a good friend.  I don't live in LOS but visit occasionally.  

 

Could we make this scenario work?

[torturedsole]

4 hours ago, dubai thai farang said:

They would bring their girlfriend they'd found in a bar to these company events and it was pretty obvious.

Hardly end of the world.  Life's a lot easier when one is not so judgemental and you avoid judgemental friends.  

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/20/2020 at 1:51 PM, Liverpoolfan said:

Am i the only one who has trouble making real friends out here or can anyone else relate?

True in any country. I used to think I had friends in my own country, but most turned out to be acquaintances, and some of the others stole from me or turned into enemies.

I have a few that could be described as friends, but not many. Most live too far away to see anymore.

IMO one has to live through hard times together to become great friends, like a war. I never bothered with trying to make friends in LOS, except with my wife, and she wasn't one, after all.

[thaibeachlovers]

2 hours ago, kekalot said:

I have never been talked to by anyone here who wasn't one of the following four options: drunk, gay men, ladyboys or bar girl.

I used to live in a small town with few farangs. None of them ever showed any interest in becoming friends and some even studiously avoided looking at me as we passed by each other. Far as I know I don't wear horns and have a tail.

 

2 hours ago, kekalot said:

I'm not complaining, I'm quite happy to have no friends instead of bad friends

Something I learned the hard way.

 

2 hours ago, kekalot said:

when I first got here I had a girlfriend for 18 months before we broke up.

however those guys kept telling my girlfriend at the time "why do you come here to see him, why not me? he has many girls!" and they would talk to her with that nonsense every time she went outside by herself with my dog and came back crying more than once.

My wife was always telling me about all the guys hitting on her when she was out by herself.

[BritManToo]

33 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

My wife was always telling me about all the guys hitting on her when she was out by herself.

Thai guys used to hit on my Thai wife all the time, everywhere we went, when I was with her, and when she was alone.

Bus stations, food stalls, walking along the road, it was an amazing sight to see.

Never worried me, It's how Thailand is.

 

What's this got to do with 'friendships' again?

Edited April 21, 2020 by BritManToo

[thaibeachlovers]

8 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Thai guys used to hit on my Thai wife all the time, everywhere we went, when I was with her, and when she was alone.

Bus stations, food stalls, walking along the road, it was an amazing sight to see.

Never worried me, It's how Thailand is.

 

What's this got to do with 'friendships' again?

In an ideal world we are friends with our wives. Too many are married to people that are not friends and when the lust wears off there isn't anything to keep them together.

 

Never worried me either.

[BritManToo]

25 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Too many are married to people that are not friends and when the lust wears off there isn't anything to keep them together.

Traditionally the children keep husband and wife together after the lust wears off.

[sead]

I totally agree.  I have big problems to find a good friend and those I thought were good were just false and users. I'm lucky i have the best ever but a good conversation is always missing. But I'm also not 15 anymore so it doesn't bother me

[dubai thai farang]

6 hours ago, torturedsole said:

Hardly end of the world.  Life's a lot easier when one is not so judgemental and you avoid judgemental friends.  

Maybe however the way Thai culture is, never mind the the staff, the bar girl girlfriend would be feeling inferior and  already not want to be there. 

And there the divide begins.

 

[elgenon]

You didn't say what your interests are. Easiest to make good friends when you have things in common.

 

Have you started/joined a book club? A gun club? A knitting circle?

[maxcorrigan]

On 4/21/2020 at 8:12 AM, VocalNeal said:

 

I believe you will find the alternative was German, not Spanish.

True!

 

[VocalNeal]

4 hours ago, sead said:

but a good conversation is always missing.

A bit late for most of us? Retirement "experts" recommend holidaying where you wish to retire many times to get your face known in the area so that when you do retire a lot of people there will "know" or recognize you.

 

But yes a shared pastime is always good as well.  

[transam]

3 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

A bit late for most of us? Retirement "experts" recommend holidaying where you wish to retire many times to get your face known in the area so that when you do retire a lot of people there will "know" or recognize you.

 

But yes a shared pastime is always good as well.  

Yeh, they all know me on the Isle of Wight......????

[CharlieH]

8 minutes ago, transam said:

Yeh, they all know me on the Isle of Wight......????

Parkhurst Trans ?.....????????????????????

[transam]

3 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

Parkhurst Trans ?.....????????????????????

Shhhhhh.....????.................????

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, dubai thai farang said:

Maybe however the way Thai culture is, never mind the the staff, the bar girl girlfriend would be feeling inferior and  already not want to be there. 

And there the divide begins.

 

Most Thais would assume any Thai woman with a white guy was a hooker, and look down on her.

Just the way Thailand is ..........

[dubai thai farang]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Most Thais would assume any Thai woman with a white guy was a hooker, and look down on her.

Just the way Thailand is ..........

A few years ago for sure. Not so much now, certainly in Bkk.

[BritManToo]

56 minutes ago, dubai thai farang said:

A few years ago for sure. Not so much now, certainly in Bkk.

You're probably right, the rural Thais tend to think all women in Bangkok are hookers.