Mental health issues

[fredwiggy]

Just now, Keyser Soze666 said:

TBH it really is a bad situation. Now I'm one to have a laugh on here and elsewhere etc, but that feeling of being in a relationship where no option is a good option, it is a nightmare. If he jumped on a plane he would only end up trudging the streets in farangland torturing himself and wondering how his child is etc. Without going into it all now, I've had and continue to have problems with my missus, who I have 2 kids with, I've thought about bolting many times but can't do it, you've also then got to explain to your own family and others what has happened, etc, etc.

 

My answer is this - you sit it out. Time goes quick, you sit it out and make the best of it, once your kids are 17/18 then you go and get YOUR life back. That's what I'll be doing. And I've already told my missus I won't be supporting her once the kids are grown up.

Yes, and arguing only makes it worse. No one ever got into trouble by not saying anything. Walking away for awhile lets both cool down. If you have kids, they need to see both parents acting like parents, and not teenagers fighting a parent. It's tough staying in a relationship when one's mood swings are occurring every week, and not just a few days each month. But it is possible. Like Keyser said, when the kid(S) get to be 17/18, by then you'll surely know if you still want to stay. If you can't, there's another life out there for you, and the kids will be fine.

[Keyser Soze666]

1 minute ago, fredwiggy said:

Yes, and arguing only makes it worse. No one ever got into trouble by not saying anything. Walking away for awhile lets both cool down. If you have kids, they need to see both parents acting like parents, and not teenagers fighting a parent. It's tough staying in a relationship when one's mood swings are occurring every week, and not just a few days each month. But it is possible. Like Keyser said, when the kid(S) get to be 17/18, by then you'll surely know if you still want to stay. If you can't, there's another life out there for you, and the kids will be fine.

Sure. Mine are 11 and 8 so I've got approx another 7/8 years. Not that long really. Only felt like last week when the eldest was born.

[DE Land]

We have a young child too (now almost 4 years old).. I was in a very dark place around 2 years ago and did threaten wife to leave because I felt helpless and beaten and she apologized time and time again and cried in the morning after every incidents. But nothing changed, we were back in the same pattern after a week or two, I did a lot of reading  and searching to find ways came across many different diagnosis that I thought likely to be her condition, at that point I didn't know for sure what it was, but I know for sure that she is sick and it took so long to slowly convince her that she had been 'sick', (she kept blaming her past and other people as reasons for her condition, outbursts, etc) requires extreme patience, understanding, redefining of the meaning of 'sick' to her. Also distancing herself from some people that she often had friction with definitely helped, especially during recovery period.

 

And for myself, in my mind I keep telling myself those things and that helped me to overcome my own anger and dissatisfaction which has been the key to her recovery and my own sanity.

 

It was the last straw, going to the clinic. I thought, to myself that if this doesn't work. I'm leaving and taking my daughter with me because I got enough evidence here (I secretly recorded audio of many many incidents in our household) I was positive I would win the custody battle.

 

I remember the morning before going to clinic I told her to open her mind, and trust this journey to recovery, because "I love our family" and want our daughter to grow in a loving family. I showed her positive attitude, but inside I was completely torn apart.

 

Luckily she did open her mind that day, and walked the journey. After that day we still had pitfalls and failings but periodically getting better and better and more stable.

And now, compared to two years ago, she is like a different person, generally more calm and we don't fight often at all. She came to a better understanding of her condition and the causes.

I would say we are a very happy family now. But we are still very cautious and she is still taking her meds regularly. We used to go to Dr Paul at first almost every 2 weeks. Now we go there once every 2 months and soon every 3 months if we get zero incidents and if she generally feels very little disturbance.

I don't know for certain what will work for you and your wife.. I can only share my own experiences. Wish your family the best!

 

 

 

 

[yogi100]

7 minutes ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

TBH it really is a bad situation. Now I'm one to have a laugh on here and elsewhere etc, but that feeling of being in a relationship where no option is a good option, it is a nightmare. If he jumped on a plane he would only end up trudging the streets in farangland torturing himself and wondering how his child is etc. Without going into it all now, I've had and continue to have problems with my missus, who I have 2 kids with, I've thought about bolting many times but can't do it, you've also then got to explain to your own family and others what has happened, etc, etc.

 

My answer is this - you sit it out. Time goes quick, you sit it out and make the best of it, once your kids are 17/18 then you go and get YOUR life back. That's what I'll be doing. And I've already told my missus I won't be supporting her once the kids are grown up.

If she's as volatile as you say I'd tell her nothing about what you'll be doing once the kids are grown up.

 

Money is number one to women especially if she's a Thai.

 

I remember that old boy who fell foul of his Thai wife and her family up in the boondocks a few years ago.

 

They killed him, cut him up and fed the pieces to the local wildlife while carrying on getting his pension from the local ATM. You can bet your life he's not the only one it's happened to either.

[Keyser Soze666]

5 minutes ago, yogi100 said:

If she's as volatile as you say I'd tell her nothing about what you'll be doing once the kids are grown up.

 

Money is number one to women especially if she's a Thai.

 

I remember that old boy who fell foul of his Thai wife and her family up in the boondocks a few years ago.

 

They killed him, cut him up and fed the pieces to the local wildlife while carrying on getting his pension from the local ATM. You can bet your life he's not the only one it's happened to either.

Sure. I don't really need any advice, but I know you mean well. It will depend on circumstances and of course money, but in 7 years I would have been here for 27 years and will want to go somewhere new by then no doubt. OR just become a whoremonger in Pattaya (if it's still there) that'll make the kids proud!

[yogi100]

7 minutes ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

Sure. I don't really need any advice, but I know you mean well. It will depend on circumstances and of course money, but in 7 years I would have been here for 27 years and will want to go somewhere new by then no doubt. OR just become a whoremonger in Pattaya (if it's still there) that'll make the kids proud!

My post was not just directed at you but at those who have possibly like the OP got involved with unstable women.

 

If you do decide to visit Pattaya and patronise the bar girls it might not actually be a good idea to let your kids know about it. Having to seek the company of prostitutes is hardly an achievement to crow about.

[Odysseus123]

3 hours ago, LeoCesar said:

Thanks, i will check it out, sounds very interesting.

It seems that you are on the right track in seeking out information about professionals that may be of assistance to you and your wife.

 

All the best in your quest and I hope that you find a good one.

[scubascuba3]

4 hours ago, yogi100 said:

 

However If she does not respond in a reasonable time and if you have no children I'd seriously consider calling it a day with her because you may be consigning your self to a life of tension, misery and as you yourself said fear. You could even find yourself being arrested.

 

Wise words. I was seeing a lovely girl last year who used to get very upset and self-harm, nothing i said would comfort her, i almost called the police once, instead I decided to get her family involved secretly, quickly they offered her a place to stay and a job, she thought it was buddha. This gave me time to ease out of being a potential boyfriend, instead be there for her as a friend. I think it's important to help but back out slowly so it doesn't drag you down

[Sheryl]

A flaming post and reply to it have been removed

[bkk6060]

1 hour ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

Sure. Mine are 11 and 8 so I've got approx another 7/8 years. Not that long really. Only felt like last week when the eldest was born.

Geez.  You and others.

You wish you could go now?

Looking forward to your kids being adults so you can finally make a decision to leave?

Seems a very very sad way to live..

[fredwiggy]

Just now, bkk6060 said:

Geez.  You and others.

You wish you could go now?

Looking forward to your kids being adults so you can finally make a decision to leave?

Seems a very very sad way to live..

It's what you do when you love and want whats best for kids, and two parents are what's best.

[inwardglee]

I have read through all the interesting replies and ideas. Need to apologise that I am not an English speaker by birth and my means of expression in English limited, but would wish to add what I think:

 

a) Medicaments won't do the trick. In fact they can do damage to the "patient". She may get fat by them and lose the bit of her self-confidence, yet a lack of self-confidence lies at the bottom of most "mental disorders". They are generally inherited, and the same pattern of the disorder has been obvious in other people of the family. It could even have appeared in an uncle or a grand-mother, and not directly from the parents, in which it did not appear. 

 

b) A mental disorder may be dormant in the best circumstances, and may get active in not the best circumstances. I once talked to a woman from the Dominican Republic, who got married to a European and then lived there in Central Europe. Only when she was there, she became schizophrenic, and was in clinics and got medication, that is all that clinics can do. When she was back home, a country with music everywhere, and with much dance, it disappeared. That means when she was in the right circumstances, she was healthy, and got sick in not the right circumstances only. 

 

c) The way that psychiatrists work with patients does not lead to health. They want to fit them into a certain diagnosis, and by the diagnosis give their medicaments. - But a real therapy would go into opening up the patient to say what really lies at the bottom of his/her mental suffering. Many women get depressed after birth, because they feel unfit for the huge task being a mother, a good mother. They feel jailed by the task. In Thailand, grand-parents often help parents to raise the children, or even they raise them fully, and do a job better than the real parents, not being under that pressure. 

d) It is often so that is very difficult to change a life situation. But only by changing it there would be healing. Many men take their lives because they feel unfit to do the huge work to earn money for the kids. They can't bear the task and get depressed and alcoholics. Even in that case, only if the life situation becomes one in which he or she can be at peace, there is healing. 

 

e) As conclusion, if I would diagnose any mental disorder in myself, I would ask myself: What do I dislike about this specific life situation in which I am caught, and how would it need to be so to make myself feel free.

 

That needs to be asked anyone who suffers from a mental disorder, and even if the solution looks hard or unfeasible, it is still a better one than remaining in that horror of the disorder. Solutions may look uncommon, but in fact the life situation leading to the outbursts may be unnatural. A couple living together 24/7 is such an example of an unnatural situation. The solution may be they live apart and just stay friends that meet each other at times. Then peace in the souls may come again. I would ask her: What would you wish to have in your life to feel good about it, and the solution will be to reaching that in some way. 

 

If your wife has got any interest in meditation, a retreat in a temple that practises "mindfulness meditation" (anupanasati), may help to give her clarity to what she really wants with her life. And that would be a starting point for finding solutions that would lead to a recovery. 

 

OP may pm me also for a direct talk to the matter. 

 

 

[Sheryl]

Mentally unstable people such as OP describes  should NOT take a meditation retreat and to do so may both harm them and any fellow meditators.

 

Bipolar disorder is due to a neurochemical  imbalance , not "lack of self confidence".

[Keyser Soze666]

1 hour ago, bkk6060 said:

Geez.  You and others.

You wish you could go now?

Looking forward to your kids being adults so you can finally make a decision to leave?

Seems a very very sad way to live..

oK

Edited May 25, 2020 by Keyser Soze666

[fredwiggy]

10 hours ago, inwardglee said:

I have read through all the interesting replies and ideas. Need to apologise that I am not an English speaker by birth and my means of expression in English limited, but would wish to add what I think:

 

a) Medicaments won't do the trick. In fact they can do damage to the "patient". She may get fat by them and lose the bit of her self-confidence, yet a lack of self-confidence lies at the bottom of most "mental disorders". They are generally inherited, and the same pattern of the disorder has been obvious in other people of the family. It could even have appeared in an uncle or a grand-mother, and not directly from the parents, in which it did not appear. 

 

b) A mental disorder may be dormant in the best circumstances, and may get active in not the best circumstances. I once talked to a woman from the Dominican Republic, who got married to a European and then lived there in Central Europe. Only when she was there, she became schizophrenic, and was in clinics and got medication, that is all that clinics can do. When she was back home, a country with music everywhere, and with much dance, it disappeared. That means when she was in the right circumstances, she was healthy, and got sick in not the right circumstances only. 

 

c) The way that psychiatrists work with patients does not lead to health. They want to fit them into a certain diagnosis, and by the diagnosis give their medicaments. - But a real therapy would go into opening up the patient to say what really lies at the bottom of his/her mental suffering. Many women get depressed after birth, because they feel unfit for the huge task being a mother, a good mother. They feel jailed by the task. In Thailand, grand-parents often help parents to raise the children, or even they raise them fully, and do a job better than the real parents, not being under that pressure. 

d) It is often so that is very difficult to change a life situation. But only by changing it there would be healing. Many men take their lives because they feel unfit to do the huge work to earn money for the kids. They can't bear the task and get depressed and alcoholics. Even in that case, only if the life situation becomes one in which he or she can be at peace, there is healing. 

 

e) As conclusion, if I would diagnose any mental disorder in myself, I would ask myself: What do I dislike about this specific life situation in which I am caught, and how would it need to be so to make myself feel free.

 

That needs to be asked anyone who suffers from a mental disorder, and even if the solution looks hard or unfeasible, it is still a better one than remaining in that horror of the disorder. Solutions may look uncommon, but in fact the life situation leading to the outbursts may be unnatural. A couple living together 24/7 is such an example of an unnatural situation. The solution may be they live apart and just stay friends that meet each other at times. Then peace in the souls may come again. I would ask her: What would you wish to have in your life to feel good about it, and the solution will be to reaching that in some way. 

 

If your wife has got any interest in meditation, a retreat in a temple that practises "mindfulness meditation" (anupanasati), may help to give her clarity to what she really wants with her life. And that would be a starting point for finding solutions that would lead to a recovery. 

 

OP may pm me also for a direct talk to the matter. 

 

 

Medicine is necessary in the case of bipolar disorder. Therapy sessions and  lifestyle adjustments can help,  and environmental issues can exacerbate the disease, but there is no cure. Only medication can help with low serotonin levels, and then it has to be the right medication for the right person. A psychiatrist diagnoses the condition, and a layman can also diagnose, as there are certain symptoms that come with the disease, but only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication. Bipolar does not just go away, no matter what you do. It's a permanent condition, yes, brought on by genetics. If you are mentally stable, environment can make you depressed, as depression is something everyone gets at times, but with a person that has bipolar, manic depression ow any other mental illness, these environmental stressors can make them go over the top and stay there longer. Meditation, exercise, good diet, stress relievers all can help, but it's only temporary. Post partum depression affects a lot of women, and it's not only from the fear of not being a good mother, but an hormonal drop.

Edited May 25, 2020 by fredwiggy