Security For Thai Women

[Begs]

Just heard from a friend of mine, she had lived with a farang in Pattaya for 7 years since she was 28. She was and is a good woman that came to Pattaya to seek out a farang with the hopes that she could improve her and her families lives.

She stayed with this guy, through thick and thin, he is often drinking heavily,and is not such a great guy, she was beautiful, so it's a trade off.

Well after 7 years, this guy went home had a deliberate row, walked out with his clothes, got in his pick up, and left. It transpires that he had met someone else younger. My friend who is now 35 was never a money grabber, has been left in a rented room, with a TV and some clothes for her 7 years companionship, he had never opened a bank account for her, never bought any land, would always tell her that he would take care of her forever, basically she has been left with nothing..............This is not a unique story, i have heard of many similar cases. In many countries she would be entitled to something as a common-law wife, in Thailand he can just walk away.

No wonder the girls want the farang to buy some land and maybe build a house for their future security, can't blame them. I would do exactly the same thing!!

I hope he gets taken for everything he has got by his new Girl

[stroll]

Exactly. But it sounds like he knows what he is doing.

Thailand is this sort of place, partnership of two compatible, committed people can be heaven, but if one of them wants to take advantage, there is little help available to limit the damage.

[Begs]

Exactly. But it sounds like he knows what he is doing.

Thailand is this sort of place, partnership of two compatible, committed people can be heaven, but if one of them wants to take advantage, there is little help available to limit the damage.

Yes Stroll, you are right enough there.................

I Bought land for my gf, not a lot, only just over 1/4 Rai, and i will have a house put on it, It's for her security. I do not need security.

Personally i would always advise people not to stretch the resources and spend what they cannnot afford to lose. If i buy land its because i can afford to buy it, i do not care about not being able to put it in my name, it does not come into it.

[megashox]

In many countries she would be entitled to something as a common-law wife, in Thailand he can just walk away.

She would certainly be able to get something here in Thailand too, if she is indeed interested in pursuing this matter in court.

However, her (ex) companion would have to be traced for such proceedings. Also, for her sake, it would be safer if she could verify before starting legal proceedings that he was not involved in any illegal activity that could drag her down with him.

[stroll]

Court proceedings in Thailand? Initiated by somebody whose possessions consist of a tv and some clothes to wear?

You must be joking.

[Yohan]

She stayed with this guy, through thick and thin, he is often drinking heavily,and is not such a great guy, she was beautiful, so it's a trade off.......

Well after 7 years, this guy went home had a deliberate row, walked out with his clothes, got in his pick up, and left. .....

Begs, sorry, but this is a 50-50 story....

1- What would you say about security, if it is the other way round:

the foreign man buys all and everything for the Thai wife, and after 7 years, she is leaving with a new boyfriend, takes her belongings, and is selling the house....and the foreign boyfriend is sitting after 7 years with nothing except a bag in front of HIS house, he paid for it, but it is on her name.

Who is helping him? Who has understandings for him?

Make me laugh! And do not tell me, that this never happens.

2- 35 years old woman, 7 years together with a foreign man, what did she work? what did she save? or was she just sitting around looking TV?

3- Living together, and he left...After how many years living together, should he pay something to her and how much?

Retirement for a 35 years old woman...or what? Can a woman, 35 years old not work anything? Did she expect, he pays her until the end of her life?

4- Let us talk a word about ALCOHOL.... I have a zero-tolerance against a drunk, I do not drink alcohol and I never did.

The question is, if the girl likes that....It is a big DISADVANTAGE for a man, if he is looking for a wife, and he DOES NOT drink alcohol....women are like that! A man without alcohol is boring or still like a little boy....not really a man.... I got many bad remarks from women, because I do not drink ANY alcohol (including beer) and do not smoke or not using any drugs...

Sorry, not much understandings for the girl in this case.

Johann

Stroll is right: You cannot take away very much from a man, who has nothing except some clothings and a TV-set.

And Stroll is right again, when he says: It sounds like he knows what he is doing.

[stroll]

"Stroll is right: You cannot take away very much from a man, who has nothing except some clothings and a TV-set."

I was referring to the girl in begs first post.

I haven't met a farang in Thailand who only possesses a tv and a few clothes to wear, have you?

[Candyflip]

She would certainly be able to get something here in Thailand too, if she is indeed interested in pursuing this matter in court.

I wonder what she can pursue for it? This is Thailand naka. Even the official marriage couple when they get divorce, they ( women ) have a hard time getting money from their ex partners even for taking care the kids. How can you expect non official couple like this case to get anythig from the court. Show me some example, would you?

[Erawan]

Women have given you bad remarks about not drinking, smoking or doing drugs? Why?! What kind of women are they? Ladies, is this really a bad thing? In this aspect, I am like Johann.

[KevinN]

When my wife divorced her husband of 18 years,she got nothing from him except 2 kids and no support money,She did get the house because he never worked,just layed around drunk and she has worked since she graduated from univ. as a teacher.

If she was to throw me out,I pobly wouldn't even have a TV. Which I have heard of happening to a farang before.

[Begs]

Begs, sorry, but this is a 50-50 story....

1- What would you say about security, if it is the other way round:

the foreign man buys all and everything for the Thai wife, and after 7 years, she is leaving with a new boyfriend, takes her belongings, and is selling the house....and the foreign boyfriend is sitting after 7 years with nothing except a bag in front of HIS house, he paid for it, but it is on her name.

Who is helping him? Who has understandings for him?

Make me laugh! And do not tell me, that this never happens.

Johann

The thread was about a specific case, one to show that it is NOT all one way traffic, if it was the other way round i would sympathise with the guy, but i would also have to wonder why he had spent money on things that he could not afford to lose.

I mean, if i was a Thai girl, and all i had to do was sit on someones lap and he bought me a house, i would have 1000 properties by now, but life just ain't that easy.

I think a woman deserves some security, the farang can always skulk off to whatever part of the world he came from and claim social security, buy a PC and register on a chat forum and talk about how wonderful Thailand is.

I can remember when i was younger i used to dream of being like a Rock star, all the women etc......no matter how old the rock star is, he still has the power to pull the beautiful women.......but he has to pay for that privelage, but then again, he can afford it, western women fall over themselves to get at this rich guy.......Well in some ways, us farang in Thailand are living a Rock n' Roll lifestyle...............Maybe not as extreme as Mick Jagger or Rod Stewart, but let's face it, Mick and Rod have a lot more money than the average Joe in Pattaya, but you certainly do not need much to emulate the lifestyle to the best of your abilities'

Yohan, as for you failing to see anything wrong with the actions of the man involved ...........................i never thought you would.

[Yohan]

Yohan, as for you failing to see anything wrong with the actions of the man involved ...........................i never thought you would.     

Begs, my list were questions...not a decision, if I see something wrong or right.

Most of these questions are not answered yet.

She is a Thai woman, was 28 - now 35....living in Thailand...did she not work anything? and if not, why did she not work anything?

There is plenty of information in Thai language, everywhere in Thailand about what for is a bank-account or savings ....why should the foreigner open a bank account for her for example?

She is a Thai, living in Thailand, she has all informations in her native language...

Many Thai women are working regularly and have some own income - she should do a little bit about her own security.

How much money does he really own? What is his income? or are all foreign men always very well off financially? I do not think so.

Not answered (ignored?) at all is my question about alcohol... what does a woman expect from a man, who is an alcoholician and does not support her for 7 long years?

Is she also drinking alcohol?

I am sceptical, and if you come up with this story, and expect me to FAIL to see anything wrong with the action of the MAN, then may I ask you in return, why you FAIL to see anything wrong with the actions of the WOMAN.

Only out of the fact, that a man left a woman, (living with her, but never married? no legal agreements whatever, and no obligations like children?) who is 35 years old, healthy and good-looking, is for me not a reason to expect the man to pay her a retirement allowance for life-time or to buy her a new house....

Johann

[Yohan]

"Stroll is right: You cannot take away very much from a man, who has nothing except some clothings and a TV-set."

I was referring to the girl in begs first post.

I haven't met a farang in Thailand who only possesses a tv and a few clothes to wear, have you?

Yes, I met a farang in Thailand, who had nothing, and was solely out to meet a woman, where he could stay to the woman's expenses.....(black man, Nigeria?)

I also met a young farang, who had only 10 baht and a return-ticket...

He even signed a post-card for me, to thank me for the meal I gave him.

(British)

I met a young farang, who was carrying a donation box, begging for money to go home, he had not even shoes....(New Zealand) - 2 years later I saw him with the same action in another city (Hadyai, Krabi) a BEGGAR! Living in Thailand as a beggar! Not even ashamed to ask Thai people for some coins!

There are such guys out, and not all of them are Asians from the poor neighbouring countries.

I was really thinking, you are talking about the foreign man, and not about the Thai woman!

Johann

[Begs]

Yohan. like i said, i would not expect you to understand.

Life is not in black and white, there is a certain grey area, and many people live in its shadow, be it a Thai bargirl in Pattaya, or a Shibuya highschool girl looking for a date with a salaryman for 30,000 yen in Tokyo.

In this forum it seems that Thai women get a pretty raw deal, i am just showing that there is another side of things, the rights and wrongs and the what ifs are meaningless. If this....if that.........IF she had won the lottery 8 years ago then she would probably never have went to Pattaya, but she did not.

As to why she did not open a bank account, she had never had money. Why? She was poor and uneducated. OK.

As for you alcohol questions, i cannot answer for her, or the millions of other men and women that live with an Alcoholic partner.

Yohan you come across as a very cold person, maybe you have been in japan too long.

Matane.

[daveh]

Ultimately, we are all responsible for our own security. I kind of agree with Yohan regarding what she has been doing over the past seven years. If her only job was being with her boyfriend, well, you just have to look at it as though she was made redundant from her job of being his girlfriend. I know it sucks and I would hate to be in her shoes.

If her goal was long term security, she should have kept her eye on the target. Meaning, during her stay with him, she should have been bettering herself by going to school then finding a job. By finding a boyfriend to live with, she has not acheived her goal. If her boyfriend was not willing to help her do these things, then it would have been obivous that he had no desire to be with her in the long term. Or worse, if he did intend to stay with her long-term and still would not allow her to better herself, then it would appear he wanted to keep her in a position needing him.

IMHO, good relationships are those in which the couple are together because they want to be, not because they have to be.

But since we are all human, we all make some mistakes in life. I think the key is not to risk more than you can afford to lose.

[Axel]

Well, what to say?

Not only in Thailand, but around the world we have the problem, that usually the girl gives up her own life to stay with her man, never mind if legally married or not.

In the 'West' the laws are stronger on support, in many cases the woman can legally take the man's last shirt when a relationship falls apart.

How does a man support his woman in the West? Gives her household money, monthly allowance or what?

In Thailand the Thai man just walks off? Probably?

The farang for sure, if any problems come up, can leave the country and that's it. The woman? Her man does not care anymore.

So in a sense, I do understand all the problems with sick buffalo, money for grandfather's hospital bill etc. If the woman is clever, she builds up her own saving from such "contributions", just in case. Or what does one expect her to do after 7 years? Back to school, back to family?

Let's be fair, whatever will happen, think of her as well and don't just dump her.

7 years staying together is in my opinion a biot more than LT.

[Yohan]

......be it a  Thai bargirl in Pattaya, or a Shibuya highschool girl looking for a  date with a salaryman for 30,000 yen in Tokyo.

In this forum it seems that Thai women get a pretty raw deal,

As for you alcohol questions, i cannot answer for her, or the millions of other men and women that live with an Alcoholic partner.

Yohan you come across as a very cold person, maybe you have  been in japan too long. 

Hi, Begs,

If a schoolgirl in the Tokyo area (highschool=15-19years old) is asking a man to sleep with her for USD 300,- for one hour in a short-stay hotel because she wants to buy for herself some luxury brand name items, then is not the same as a farm girl, who is arriving as a room-cleaner or bargirl in Pattaya. -

If I continue, some female members of this forum will accuse me, to hijack the thread.

-------

Alcohol is a very serious danger in Europe, in Japan and in Thailand and everywhere - to ignore that by answering to me, that millions of other men and women are living with an Alcoholic partner, is no good answer or justification for problems - this includes violence, job problems, children education, accidents.....broken families.....

There is plenty of information in Thailand, in Thai language, on TV, newspapers..there are plenty of Thai women, often only with some basic school, who are working something, and who know, what is a bank account and savings.

Are we talking here about a Hilltribe girl from Burma, or are we talking about a native Thai, who is 35 years old and who is 7 years living in Pattaya?

7 YEARS IN PATTAYA and not informed about foreign men??? and not informed about alcohol???? 35 years old woman????

I tell you straight, I do not accept such arguments.

Yes, I am a very cold person, but my wife is better off with that for sure - she has security since 27 years. (security=80 percent of my salary)

I do not drink any form of alcohol, which makes life so happy. Not so few women made fun out of me or reject a man, because of that, especially European women.

I do not pity 18 years old Japanese schoolgirls, who take money for sex+fun, and I do not care about a 35 years old woman, who was living 7 years with an alcoholician without doing anything about him and herself. - She should be happy, he is gone, and this was the best result for her.

There are plenty of men around in Pattaya and she might find somebody better....hopefully she got her hard lesson and will not choose again an alcoholician. In the meantime she should look for a job and some simple education.

Johann

[stroll]

"7 YEARS IN PATTAYA and not informed about foreign men???"

What have a majority of the foreign men been doing in Pattaya for the last 30 years? Please enlighten us, Johann!

An honest, concise answer should make the majority of your 574 posts to date obsolete, and question the truth about women which you discovered during your quest in 1970-1975 in Austria.

Please hold back on testing the max posting limit in your reply.

[splitlid]

feed the fire stroll, feed the fire!!!

[john b good]

Well, what to say?

Not only in Thailand, but around the world we have the problem, that usually the girl gives up her own life to stay with her man, never mind if legally married or not.

In the 'West' the laws are stronger on support, in many cases the woman can legally take the man's last shirt when a relationship falls apart.

How does a man support his woman in the West? Gives her household money, monthly allowance or what?

In Thailand the Thai man just walks off? Probably?

The farang for sure, if any problems come up, can leave the country and that's it. The woman? Her man does not care anymore.

So in a sense, I do understand all the problems with sick buffalo, money for grandfather's hospital bill etc. If the woman is clever, she builds up her own saving from such "contributions", just in case. Or what does one expect her to do after 7 years? Back to school, back to family?

Let's be fair, whatever will happen, think of her as well and don't just dump her.

7 years staying together is in my opinion a biot more than LT.

In Thailand the Thai man just walks off? Probably?

The farang for sure, if any problems come up, can leave the country and that's it.

I'm not gonna debate (because it's not treally a debatable issue) what you have written but there are sometimes a bit more to it than just packing your suitcase and doing a runner, when the GF has gone off to the market, or to get her hair done.

Some of us have assets here (property, car, bank accounts etc) and it's not that easy to liquidate everything in an hour or so.

I only ask for a fair shake (bUT I do want a fair shake too)

I can sympathise with the lady in question and if I wasn't committed at the moment (and if she was a half decent person) she could sling her shoes outside my door.

I don't believe (read, it's not part of my disposition) that I would want to take advantage of another human being, but god help the person who is intent on screwing me too.

"do unto others as you would have / like them to do unto you"

[Yohan]

1-

In the 'West' the laws are stronger on support, in many cases the woman can legally take the man's last shirt when a relationship falls apart.

........

2-

So in a sense, I do understand all the problems with sick buffalo, money for grandfather's hospital bill etc. If the woman is clever, she builds up her own saving from such "contributions", just in case. Or what does one expect her to do after 7 years? Back to school, back to family?

3-

Let's be fair, whatever will happen, think of her as well and don't just dump her.

1-

In the West (especially Europe) women can do with men, what they like, strongly protected by laws. Beside that securities, they have anyway their own job and income.

Divorce might be a remarkable good business for the woman, and this is not that, what it should be, by my opinion.

2-

In Thailand this is not the case, and Thai women themselves know about and are often active, to build up own savings and other securities, like collecting gold-rings..... Even a farm-girl from the border area is aware of that and likes to collect small items of gold...even Thai Muslim girls from a shrimp farm in Pattani are collecting small gold coins....

Yes, IF the woman is clever, she thinks about it.....and a woman who does not, should take responsibility and should not blame others.....to be 35 years old and 7 years in Pattaya and ....nothing at all.... I would say, this is her own problem! Sorry!

3-

Let's be fair, whatever will happen, think of her as well and don't just dump her.

Nice said, rarely done....

Who likes to pay when leaving anyway...and what do you expect from an alcoholician?

Johann

[davethailand]

alcoholian, is that a real word?

[splitlid]

of course its a real word..yohan used it.

all people coming from Alcohol are commonly referred to as Alcoholians

[Bluecat]

alcoholian, is that a real word?

Alcoholician, Dave.

Just like a politician but instead of being in politics, you are in alcohol.

I guess that's the idea,...

[Yohan]

alcoholian, is that a real word?

Thanks for correcting me, I looked it up in a dictionary, should be

ALCOHOLIC (I did not write alcoholian, but alcoholician) -

Bluecat is right - I was thinking like that, but my word-construction was not correct.

Any comment to the subject, by the way?

[stroll]

Ahhhh, the blue cat is a clever one.

[Axel]

Well Yohan, you do sound always so bitter. I agree the divorce - story in the west is not what it should be. On the other hand, I agree that either party be treated fairly at a seperation.

I managed only one divorce in my life, offered the court to assist the former over 5 years until she is re-established back home and that was Switzerland. The court accepted, in fact all parties accepted. Finished. It did not hurt me (at least not too much) and I thought it was fair. Different story if there are children, I agreed to support til education finished, thought fair again and the court did accept.

In Thailand, or for that in any other country, if two people decide to live together it comes usually to the point that one party (usually it is the woman) gives up her job, home or whatever. The other party should try to assist in whatever was given up. Yes, buy some land in her name, give gifts in gold. Just in case a separation comes, she will have something beyond the memories.

Your reference to alcoholics, oh well, you blame the woman having fallen for one. Yes, cannot be helped and happens all the time. But than who can judge what really happened?

Btw, I like my drink(s) and see nothing wrong with it. But than, I do come from a country where we enjoy our wine, drink our beer, everything within MY limit, rarely beyond.

[medicinebox]

Life is not in black and white, there is a certain grey area, and many people live in its shadow, be it a Thai bargirl in Pattaya, or a Shibuya highschool girl looking for a date with a salaryman for 30,000 yen in Tokyo.

In this forum it seems that Thai women get a pretty raw deal, i am just showing that there is another side of things

No, nothing is black and white. And there is more than one side to every story. Can you give us his side? Doubtful.

They all have a shaggy dog story.

[stroll]

Yes, they do. Maybe past experiences have something to do with it.

Am I right, Johann?

[Begs]

Life is not in black and white, there is a certain grey area, and many people live in its shadow, be it a Thai bargirl in Pattaya, or a Shibuya highschool girl looking for a date with a salaryman for 30,000 yen in Tokyo.

In this forum it seems that Thai women get a pretty raw deal, i am just showing that there is another side of things

No, nothing is black and white. And there is more than one side to every story. Can you give us his side? Doubtful.

They all have a shaggy dog story.

No i cant give you his side of the story, but i tell you what, you can make up a story if you want..............................................

What is a shaggy dog story? I must have had my ears closed for the last 13+ years of living in Thailand, cos according to you, they all have one............