The meaning of friends

[DUNROAMIN]

Most Farangs here just want a simple life with no complications, the only true friends you will have is your family. Since living in Thailand I have found Thai families and friends are more supportive to one another than westerners.

[BritManToo]

21 minutes ago, brianthainess said:

Sounds like it. And its in HER/banks name, if she dies before you, her family will be the benefactors, then you become the old fool.

It costs me 11k/month ........ no more than the rent on the identical house next door.

If she wants me to leave the house tomorrow, no problem I'll just stop making repayments.

Me and my son inherit, and her life insurance has me as beneficiary.

If she dies, I'll be quids in.

Edited February 21, 2021 by BritManToo

[zyphodb]

14 hours ago, georgegeorgia said:

True ..but how ??

Good question, intuition from experience I'd say is about the only answer...

[BritManToo]

14 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

What do you put on your TM30?  ????

did my first one in October last year, don't think anyone in immigration seeks to do me harm (at the moment).

 

[zyphodb]

21 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

Thai cultural attitudes toward friendship often influence expat thinking over time. Thais really don't aspire to blood pact 'I'd-take-a-bullet-for-you' type friendship bonds which in my book is wise and pragmatic, because, as the OP's friend probably just learned the hard way, these bonds are often nothing more than illusory castles made of sand.

 

Thai males bond with other men are based on common interests, working together, family relationships, mutual enjoyment of one another's company, trust built up slowly over time. In my experience, beyond immediate family and maybe a small number of childhood friends, they are not big on entering unspoken alliances or commitments 'to be there for you in in your time of need.'

 

If you need help, they'll definitely help out, but a 'pay-as-you-go' approach is taken. Longtime expats who have experienced this cultural difference from Thais may over time adopt a similar approach when dealing with other expats.

 

 

A very good post, Thais have family and acquaintances I'd say, sometimes most or all of the family are acquaintances too... 

[BritManToo]

21 hours ago, RichardColeman said:

best friend you can have in Thailand is a decent, loyal and honest intelligent wife

I settled for compliant and attractive.

If I'd wanted loyal (and loving), I would have bought a Labrador.

As for decent, honest and intelligent, had one of those in the UK and she took me for everything I owned.

Edited February 21, 2021 by BritManToo

[zyphodb]

3 hours ago, possum1931 said:

I could be wrong here, but I don't think you need to worry about defamation laws in your situation, as long as it is farang V farang. But if you were detrimental to another farang who is in business and conned a lot of money from you, I'm not sure if the Thai defamation law would work then, though I suspect it would.

The defamation law will work for whoever is willing to pay a lot of money to a thieving Thai lawyer...

[sanuk711]

.

[ChrisKC]

9 hours ago, whaleboneman said:

I like your attitude. But it is somewhat selfish as there's no better feeling than being able to help others. Keep it up.

I appreciate the "like" from you and others.

 

You can say 'attitude' but it is actually part of my philosophy of life. The topic is about "friends" but due to one of the quirks of the English language, friends very rarely say of the other "they are "friendly". That is my position: I am friendly without necessarily having friends in the context of the OP.

 

Regarding being selfish, that I assume maybe you mean good in one sense but may also suggest I am friendly for my own gratification which is definitely not so!  I am happy only when I see that what I was able to do made some positive difference and was thanked for it. I don't ever think that someone now "owes me one" and I wouldn't give the impression that would make them feel obliged to me in the future.

 

[ramrod711]

3 hours ago, rumak said:

   

HA HA !  I guess ,  from what I have observed over my long time here,  that many of these little ladies

are smarter than the highly educated foreigners that so easily hand over much of their life's earnings

to these sweethearts.    

Time before the beautiful thai smile they married begins to turn downward varies     lol

 

ah yes.  cynicism:   disappointed idealists    

Note:  my present one is different.    so far ................

My wife and I were renting a house, paying 8,000 baht per month =96,000 baht per year. I paid 2,000,000 for a house to be built for us, had a lawyer draw up a 20 year lease. Standard term is 30 years but I had it shortened to 20 because that was my break even point if you consider rent increases over a 20 year rental. 13 years in, we are still together. You don't have to be an idiot to ensure that the woman who cooks, cleans and makes love with you is taken care of after you pass. She is 18 years younger than me and a much better wife than the Canadian wife I was with for 30 years.

[StreetCowboy]

19 hours ago, StreetCowboy said:

if one of my friends came and said "I need a hundred pounds to deal with gangsters or court fines of overdue utilities", there's several guys I would put my hand in my pocket for.

 

If they said "I need thousands to stop my home being repossessed or ending up in jail or medical expenses", there's a few I wouldn't ask questions of - don't ask me to count them...

 

If they said " I need a tens of thousands to stay alive"  there's very few I would not look at sceptically, and I would pay the money to the hospital.

 

Whether they promised to pay it back is irrelevant.   If they were a friend that I trusted, I would assume that they would if they could.  If they could not, I would accept my share in their pain.  And if they were chancers, their promise would mean nothing.

I guess my point is that your friends are not defined by what they would do, but by what you would do.
 

[Leaver]

15 hours ago, bobandyson said:

After the first couple of years in Thailand I learned to be more wary of 'fellow farangs' than Thais.

 

You'll find out any true friends when your hands are dirty and you want a p!ss.

????

 

I think you will find it's Thailand that turns many farang into, well, Thai.  They become "Money Number One" as well.  

 

Edited February 21, 2021 by Leaver

[Leaver]

6 hours ago, BritManToo said:

did my first one in October last year, don't think anyone in immigration seeks to do me harm (at the moment).

 

 

But they know where you live.  ????

[sanuk711]

4 hours ago, ramrod711 said:

I paid 2,000,000 for a house to be built for us, had a lawyer draw up a 20 year lease.

Not being funny ramrod711...but the lawyer cheated you.

You can not have a contract (that holds ) with your wife.....its against Thai law---section 1466--he should have explain to you that it is worth nothing, the house is hers, unencumbered .

 

Under Thai marriage laws any agreement between husband and wife entered into during the marriage can be voided by either of them at any time during the marriage or within one year from the final divorce. For this reason only a prenuptial agreement between husband and wife is under Thai law a valid contract if made pre-marriage and registered in the marriage register at the time of marriage, but it is a void contract if made post-nuptial .

 

https://www.samuiforsale.com/family-law/thai-marriage-and-contracts-between-husband-and-wife.html

 

 

 

Edited February 21, 2021 by sanuk711

[ChrisKC]

Shakespeare, "Never a borrower or a lender be, lest you lose both loan and friend". I don't subscribe to this 100% but there is plenty of truth in it!

[ramrod711]

8 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

Not being funny ramrod711...but the lawyer cheated you.

You can not have a contract (that holds ) with your wife.....its against Thai law---section 1466--he should have explain to you that it is worth nothing, the house is hers, unencumbered .

 

Under Thai marriage laws any agreement between husband and wife entered into during the marriage can be voided by either of them at any time during the marriage or within one year from the final divorce. For this reason only a prenuptial agreement between husband and wife is under Thai law a valid contract if made pre-marriage and registered in the marriage register at the time of marriage, but it is a void contract if made post-nuptial .

 

https://www.samuiforsale.com/family-law/thai-marriage-and-contracts-between-husband-and-wife.html

 

 

 

I'm not worried after 13 years, it's hers anyway. I walk away a winner, she gets the house, I keep my pickup and all my income. She isn't going anywhere. Just to clarify though, the contract was prenuptial, after 5 years together she asked me if I would marry her. I told her I would, as soon as I got divorced from my first wife. So the contract was drawn up after 3 years, but 2 years before marriage. As I said it wouldn't be an issue anyway, I would sign away any rights I have, I built her a house because I wanted her to have it.

[sanuk711]

42 minutes ago, ramrod711 said:

Just to clarify though, the contract was prenuptial,

I'm sure you have got nothing to worry about ramros711.....

Just the way you worded the post.... "My wife and I were renting a house, then I built one got a lawyer to do a contract.....etc

Most people wouldn't have guessed your lawyer was doing a pre-nup.---anyway, good luck. Sorry for the misunderstanding.  The info is there for anyone else-- its not just about houses.....all contracts business/ cars anything--no contract is binding if married.

 

[Leaver]

2 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Not being funny ramrod711...but the lawyer cheated you.

You can not have a contract (that holds ) with your wife.....its against Thai law---section 1466--he should have explain to you that it is worth nothing, the house is hers, unencumbered .

 

Under Thai marriage laws any agreement between husband and wife entered into during the marriage can be voided by either of them at any time during the marriage or within one year from the final divorce. For this reason only a prenuptial agreement between husband and wife is under Thai law a valid contract if made pre-marriage and registered in the marriage register at the time of marriage, but it is a void contract if made post-nuptial .

 

https://www.samuiforsale.com/family-law/thai-marriage-and-contracts-between-husband-and-wife.html

 

 

 

 

But, but, but, "my lawyer is different."  ????

[Leaver]

2 hours ago, ramrod711 said:

I'm not worried after 13 years, it's hers anyway. I walk away a winner, she gets the house, I keep my pickup and all my income. She isn't going anywhere. Just to clarify though, the contract was prenuptial, after 5 years together she asked me if I would marry her. I told her I would, as soon as I got divorced from my first wife. So the contract was drawn up after 3 years, but 2 years before marriage. As I said it wouldn't be an issue anyway, I would sign away any rights I have, I built her a house because I wanted her to have it.

 

With a lot of these contracts, many have not considered that the Thai girlfriend / wife may pass before the farang.  Given the farang is usually older, it's not common, but does happen. Motorbike accidents being a common cause of premature death.  

 

Yes, yes, I'm sure her kids like you and all of that, but what a mess to be in.  TiT. 

[sanuk711]

8 hours ago, Leaver said:

on, but doe

 

8 hours ago, Leaver said:

With a lot of these contracts, many have not considered that the Thai girlfriend / wife may pass before the farang.  Given the farang is usually older, it's not common, but does happen. Motorbike accidents being a common cause of premature death. 

There is a provision on death of a spouse -- That the foreigner has 1 year to sell the property. (put it in another Thai name etc.) A will makes this more binding. It really is important to have a will.

No will, you have many problems. You may come Under section 1629 of the Civil and Commercial Code

 

All these laws are relatively new-- when I first came here 90s...a  Thai woman could not buy a house if she was married to a farang.

 

[ramrod711]

9 hours ago, Leaver said:

 

With a lot of these contracts, many have not considered that the Thai girlfriend / wife may pass before the farang.  Given the farang is usually older, it's not common, but does happen. Motorbike accidents being a common cause of premature death.  

 

Yes, yes, I'm sure her kids like you and all of that, but what a mess to be in.  TiT. 

She doesn't have children, I took into account that she could die before me. It's possible, but at what point do you stop doing the things you want because something bad may happen? Worst case I walk away and rent somewhere, on the other hand her family, who are all very poor (except the sister who married a Singaporean), will split the proceeds and live better lives.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 2/20/2021 at 5:29 PM, georgegeorgia said:

Now personally I'm independent. Brought up that way.. I try not to rely on others for anything.  But as Jerry told me ( the aged pensioner guy) he has done a hell of a lot for some of these friends .   BUT when the tables are turned guess what.  They aren't there for him .

In my experience the people I did the most for are the least grateful and the most likely to dump me. I stopped doing things for other people for that reason.

I had a guy I'd known for 30 years take me for a years wages, and send me a nasty e mail when I asked about it.

I no longer believe in friendship any more than I believe in romantic love, and I don't believe in that an iota, having been burned by both my romantic relationships. I have family and I have acquaintances- end of. IMO people are only in relationships for what THEY can get out of it.

 

IMO the ones that didn't help would be unwilling to do so because such things can get complicated and hard to get out of.

Personally, unless I was sleeping with someone I'm not going to get involved in non family situations.

 

In the end, we are responsible for our own affairs and need to have things sorted before they go wrong as much as possible.

On 2/20/2021 at 5:29 PM, georgegeorgia said:

Another farang in Pattaya also  he contacted to go feed his dog at home but he too was busy but.  Wait for it.  ....if he could get 200 baht for a motorbike taxi. .. so he Jerry  had to arrange a paid person to do it instead 

If it cost 200 baht to get to/ from the guys house why should he do it for free?

 

[thaibeachlovers]

13 hours ago, ChrisKC said:

Shakespeare, "Never a borrower or a lender be, lest you lose both loan and friend". I don't subscribe to this 100% but there is plenty of truth in it!

The other one that is gold is "never work for a friend".

 

I used to do loads of free work for a female friend I'd known for 35 years. Never got serious as she was married to someone else, and when she became widowed I was married. Anyway, after 10 years of doing thousands of $ worth of work on her house and garden for free, she married some guy she met, didn't invite me to the wedding, and hasn't even invited me over for as much as a cup of tea and a biscuit.

I hope I never meet her on the street as I may tell her exactly what I think of her.

[BritManToo]

49 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

The other one that is gold is "never work for a friend".

 

I used to do loads of free work for a female friend I'd known for 35 years. Never got serious as she was married to someone else, and when she became widowed I was married. Anyway, after 10 years of doing thousands of $ worth of work on her house and garden for free, she married some guy she met, didn't invite me to the wedding, and hasn't even invited me over for as much as a cup of tea and a biscuit.

I hope I never meet her on the street as I may tell her exactly what I think of her.

Women are users ..... you know that.

I do nothing for random women unless the benefits are clearly defined in advance.

(coffee and biscuits, a few cocktails, maybe a cooked meal or a cake ..........)

Edited February 22, 2021 by BritManToo

[thaibeachlovers]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Women are users ..... you know that.

I do nothing for random women unless the benefits are clearly defined in advance.

You should have told me that 30 years ago. Might have saved me from a lot of grief.

[brianthainess]

22 hours ago, brianthainess said:

I'll let him know, he is 1 in 50,000 that suffers from this and he is determined to be the longest to live with this, he was given 3 years to live, 3 years ago. Stephen Hawking was a prime example of not giving up.

Sorry to late for edit; He is one in 500,000 not 50,000 

[brianthainess]

2 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

 

There is a provision on death of a spouse -- That the foreigner has 1 year to sell the property. (put it in another Thai name etc.) A will makes this more binding. It really is important to have a will.

No will, you have many problems. You may come Under section 1629 of the Civil and Commercial Code

 

All these laws are relatively new-- when I first came here 90s...a  Thai woman could not buy a house if she was married to a farang.

 

Yet your marriage extension is not extended for that duration, say if your wife was to die 11mths into your extension, and you will have to find funds till/if sold

[BritManToo]

19 hours ago, ramrod711 said:

You don't have to be an idiot to ensure that the woman who cooks, cleans and makes love with you is taken care of after you pass. She is 18 years younger than me and a much better wife than the Canadian wife I was with for 30 years.

I'd prefer my women to think, "When he was alive he paid for everything and life was easy, now he's dead I'm poor and wishing he was still here"

Rather than, "I wish he had died 10 years earlier so I could have enjoyed his money with my new Thai husband when I was still young"

 

18 years younger ...... I'm sure she loves you for your great body and amazing personality, and will be sorry when you're gone.

 

But we can agree on your final sentence.

The young Thai woman I pay to be my 'wife' is a much better wife than the Brit wife I was with for 30 years.

 

 

Edited February 22, 2021 by BritManToo

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, brianthainess said:

Yet your marriage extension is not extended for that duration, say if your wife was to die 11mths into your extension, and you will have to find funds till/if sold

Another reason to go for retirement rather than marriage if one is old enough.

[ramrod711]

18 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

I'm sure you have got nothing to worry about ramros711.....

Just the way you worded the post.... "My wife and I were renting a house, then I built one got a lawyer to do a contract.....etc

Most people wouldn't have guessed your lawyer was doing a pre-nup.---anyway, good luck. Sorry for the misunderstanding.  The info is there for anyone else-- its not just about houses.....all contracts business/ cars anything--no contract is binding if married.

 

You are correct, she was not my wife at the time we built the house, very observant.