Sister-in-law, Unwanted Pregnancy

[Neeranam]

My 17 year-old Thai sister-in-law is 7 months pregnant. The guy is not willing to take any responsibility. She was supposed to be coming to stay with us whilst studying Law at Khon Kaen university. I used to think she were a clever girl. Seems such a waste for an intelligent, extremely beautiful young girl.

My wife is furious but obviously wants to do the best thing for all concerned. In another way she seems happy that a new baby is coming.

I suggested giving the kid away, but they didn't like that idea.

My father-in-law(ex-army) is furious and everyone is scared of what he will do.

My wife is wanting to go back to her home town and confront the schoolboy.

Any suggestions as what to do?

Should I offer to look after the kid?

[wolfmanjack]

My 17 year-old Thai sister-in-law is 7 months pregnant. The guy is not willing to take any responsibility. She was supposed to be coming to stay with us whilst studying Law at Khon Kaen university. I used to think she were a clever girl. Seems such a waste for an intelligent, extremely beautiful young girl.

My wife is furious but obviously wants to do the best thing for all concerned. In another way she seems happy that a new baby is coming.

I suggested giving the kid away, but they didn't like that idea.

My father-in-law(ex-army) is furious and everyone is scared of what he will do.

My wife is wanting to go back to her home town and confront the schoolboy.

Any suggestions as what to do?

Should I offer to look after the kid?

I would offer to take care of the kid or adopt it if i could. I have 2 of my own already and my wife does not want more.

[kmart]

Tough call. I know where kids that are "given away" end up, as my company donates to a couple of local orphanages... The director of which tells me that a lot of the kids unfortunately end up in boxing rings or brothels, depending on gender.

Its not your responsiblity though. If your heart is not in taking care of the child, then don't do it. Best I can do, good luck.

[thaibebop]

I take it Thailand has no laws that deal with arrant fathers? Maybe father-in-law should have a talk with the boy, maybe a lump sum could at least be gotten to help the young lady out?

[Neeranam]

I take it Thailand has no laws that deal with arrant fathers? Maybe father-in-law should have a talk with the boy, maybe a lump sum could at least be gotten to help the young lady out?

200,000 baht , I think.

My father-in-law(a Vietnam war veteran) is very unpredictable.

[kmart]

I take it Thailand has no laws that deal with arrant fathers?

It appears not. Responsibility is a rare commodity here sometimes, especially amongst the young male population.

Also bear in mind that sex education is rarely taught in local schools.

Abortion is still illegal here too. Apparently the law dates from a time when Thailand was trying to cut some trade deal with mostly-Catholic W. Germany, and wanted to appear "civilised" to them.

Sorry to the OP for digressing a little.

[thaibebop]

I take it Thailand has no laws that deal with arrant fathers? Maybe father-in-law should have a talk with the boy, maybe a lump sum could at least be gotten to help the young lady out?

200,000 baht , I think.

My father-in-law(a Vietnam war veteran) is very unpredictable.

200,000 baht is a number from the law or father-in-law? I am sure such a person as he could easily convince the young man to contribute to his childs future at least once.

[Khutan]

I would offer to take care of the baby. That would mean after the birth she can get on with her Law studies and continue to a productive life.

[thaibebop]

I take it Thailand has no laws that deal with arrant fathers?

It appears not. Responsibility is a rare commodity here sometimes, especially amongst the young male population.

Also bear in mind that sex education is rarely taught in local schools.

Abortion is still illegal here too. Apparently the law dates from a time when Thailand was trying to cut some trade deal with mostly-Catholic W. Germany, and wanted to appear "civilised" to them.

Sorry to the OP for digressing a little.

Dude, that just plain sucks. I know it's hard in America to enforce such laws but having them there can and does help.

[Mobi]

This happened to the 17 year old daughter of my wife's Aunt.

The family didn't even know about it until she about 8 months gone.

A village deputation met with the young man and 'persuaded ' him to marry her - yes that's right, a 'shot gun' wedding.

My wife explained that no one cared if he left her the day after the marriage - the important thing was that she was in wedlock when she delivered the baby

We are now some 18 months down the line, and amazingly, the couple are still together and seem to be very happy.

Not every forced marriage ends in disaster - maybe there should be more of them.

[teacup]

I agree….adoption is the only sensible solution for now,

She can spend the rest of her life the way she wants but knowing that her child is out there with a loving family instead of spending the rest of her life knowing she paid someone to kill the unborn child.

Better for her...better for the child...better for her conscience and future emotional state.

Unless, of course….you want the child yourself (inter-family adoption), with knowing there “might” be some future consequences later on…. to you and to the child with his real mother lurking around.

And I also fully agreed….it’s not your responsibly. Just let the family ironing out the solution themselves, don’t butt in coz you don’t want them/or the child blaming it on you later on

[thaibebop]

I would offer to take care of the baby. That would mean after the birth she can get on with her Law studies and continue to a productive life.

I would go along with this as well. Once she gets the college done she can give a good life to the child, but she will need help, at lot of help. So, I would say it would be easier to just step and take of the child. If you have the means to that is.

[jayjayjayjay]

My 17 year-old Thai sister-in-law is 7 months pregnant. The guy is not willing to take any responsibility. She was supposed to be coming to stay with us whilst studying Law at Khon Kaen university. I used to think she were a clever girl. Seems such a waste for an intelligent, extremely beautiful young girl.

My wife is furious but obviously wants to do the best thing for all concerned. In another way she seems happy that a new baby is coming.

I suggested giving the kid away, but they didn't like that idea.

My father-in-law(ex-army) is furious and everyone is scared of what he will do.

My wife is wanting to go back to her home town and confront the schoolboy.

Any suggestions as what to do?

Should I offer to look after the kid?

Neeranam. In a nut shell, responsibilitie and choices we are given, the answer to your question...... Yes. I have read many of your posts and get an idea of the general character you are. Responsibility, commitment appear part of your character. Do it for the little unborn gem, there is no greater gift (think of all other options, none are good)

[soundman]

This happened to the 17 year old daughter of my wife's Aunt.

The family didn't even know about it until she about 8 months gone.

A village deputation met with the young man and 'persuaded ' him to marry her - yes that's right, a 'shot gun' wedding.

My wife explained that no one cared if he left her the day after the marriage - the important thing was that she was in wedlock when she delivered the baby

We are now some 18 months down the line, and amazingly, the couple are still together and seem to be very happy.

Not every forced marriage ends in disaster - maybe there should be more of them.

This is the only acceptable solution in the eyes of the thai community at large. Even if they file for an annulment two weeks later.

If they do not get married, & alot of animosity develops between the families, it could end up in the courts, & that would really be bad for all concerned.

Cheers,

Soundman.

[kmart]

I would offer to take care of the baby. That would mean after the birth she can get on with her Law studies and continue to a productive life.

I would go along with this as well. Once she gets the college done she can give a good life to the child, but she will need help, at lot of help. So, I would say it would be easier to just step and take of the child. If you have the means to that is.

Assuming that the persons taking full-time care of the child don't have "productive lives" and other things to do also?

A big commitment for sure.

[Neeranam]

My 17 year-old Thai sister-in-law is 7 months pregnant. The guy is not willing to take any responsibility. She was supposed to be coming to stay with us whilst studying Law at Khon Kaen university. I used to think she were a clever girl. Seems such a waste for an intelligent, extremely beautiful young girl.

My wife is furious but obviously wants to do the best thing for all concerned. In another way she seems happy that a new baby is coming.

I suggested giving the kid away, but they didn't like that idea.

My father-in-law(ex-army) is furious and everyone is scared of what he will do.

My wife is wanting to go back to her home town and confront the schoolboy.

Any suggestions as what to do?

Should I offer to look after the kid?

Neeranam. In a nut shell, responsibilitie and choices we are given, the answer to your question...... Yes. I have read many of your posts and get an idea of the general character you are. Responsibility, commitment appear part of your character. Do it for the little unborn gem, there is no greater gift (think of all other options, none are good)

I really don't think I could love another's child like my own. If another baby took anything away from my own two daughters, I'd find it very hard not to bear a grudge.

[thaibebop]

I would offer to take care of the baby. That would mean after the birth she can get on with her Law studies and continue to a productive life.

I would go along with this as well. Once she gets the college done she can give a good life to the child, but she will need help, at lot of help. So, I would say it would be easier to just step and take of the child. If you have the means to that is.

Assuming that the persons taking full-time care of the child don't have "productive lives" and other things to do also?

A big commitment for sure.

That's why I said if they have the means, otherwsie walk away, it sucks but sometimes we can't help everybody, not even the people closest to us.

[teacup]

I would offer to take care of the baby. That would mean after the birth she can get on with her Law studies and continue to a productive life.

I would go along with this as well. Once she gets the college done she can give a good life to the child, but she will need help, at lot of help. So, I would say it would be easier to just step and take of the child. If you have the means to that is.

Assuming that the persons taking full-time care of the child don't have "productive lives" and other things to do also?

A big commitment for sure.

Agreed

Not only physically...... but emotionally, and financially as well!

[soundman]

My 17 year-old Thai sister-in-law is 7 months pregnant. The guy is not willing to take any responsibility. She was supposed to be coming to stay with us whilst studying Law at Khon Kaen university. I used to think she were a clever girl. Seems such a waste for an intelligent, extremely beautiful young girl.

My wife is furious but obviously wants to do the best thing for all concerned. In another way she seems happy that a new baby is coming.

I suggested giving the kid away, but they didn't like that idea.

My father-in-law(ex-army) is furious and everyone is scared of what he will do.

My wife is wanting to go back to her home town and confront the schoolboy.

Any suggestions as what to do?

Should I offer to look after the kid?

Neeranam, I'm sure you are more aware than most of the family structure in Thailand. Whatever happens in the future, the new child will figure prominently in your life without going through the "official motions".

If your wife's sister doesn't end up marrying or finding another husband, you will by default become a surrogate father.

As to your father in law, mine is very much in the same category. Poo yai, very unpredictable, has a cupboard full of guns etc. My guestimate is that once the reality of the situation sinks in, he will accept it after time, & then put the onus on the rest of the family (including you)to do their bit in the up-bringing of the child.

Best of luck,

Soundman.

[jayjayjayjay]

My father-in-law(ex-army) is furious and everyone is scared of what he will do.

My wife is wanting to go back to her home town and confront the schoolboy.

Any suggestions as what to do?

Should I offer to look after the kid?

Neeranam. In a nut shell, responsibilitie and choices we are given, the answer to your question...... Yes. I have read many of your posts and get an idea of the general character you are. Responsibility, commitment appear part of your character. Do it for the little unborn gem, there is no greater gift (think of all other options, none are good)

I really don't think I could love another's child like my own. If another baby took anything away from my own two daughters, I'd find it very hard not to bear a grudge.

Within my extended family we have 4 foster children, these go back as far as the mid 70's. Today one of them, Lorreta 36 yrs, has just had her first baby after 10 yrs on IVF programs. We all love Lorreta and the beautiful person she has grown to be, she's a wonderful wife and mother and has brought an incredible warmth to all our family. Your own daughters will be extra special, your new addition will be special, altimately they won't feel the difference, the only difficulty comes with the foster child's longterm relationship with their real parents, sometimes good, sometimes bad, depending on the persons they grow into (in referrence to the real mother also). The deal is, if you take the new born, the mother has to have a predetermined path to follow that must be layed out carefully with all family heaping pressure on..... including you, your wife and her dad........ Your lifetime commitment must be matched by her lifetime commitment..

[rgs2001uk]

other options may include, what do this boys parents, if they know, have to say about it.

is your mother in law able to take care of the child, does your wife have any sisters or brothers who may be willing to help out?

i dont know what your status in thailand is, what would happen if you and your wife at some point in the future had to leave thailand taking the child with you.

as has been pointed out, you will at some stage become involved, whether you want to or not.

i dont know about thai law, will the boy be named on the birth certificate?

i would do nothing, let the family sort it out, and live with the result.

[lazeeboy]

other options may include, what do this boys parents, if they know, have to say about it.

is your mother in law able to take care of the child, does your wife have any sisters or brothers who may be willing to help out?

i dont know what your status in thailand is, what would happen if you and your wife at some point in the future had to leave thailand taking the child with you.

as has been pointed out, you will at some stage become involved, whether you want to or not.

i dont know about thai law, will the boy be named on the birth certificate?

i would do nothing, let the family sort it out, and live with the result.

same thing happened to me 9 years ago wifes neice 15 years old pregnant and no boyfreind in sight wife said we'll take it,i scream till i was blue in the face ,already had 2 boys now 23/21 from 1st wife ,well 9 years later pat my step daughter is one of the best things that has ever happened to me she is the most loving child you could meet ,my own kids love her as a sister ,i hav'nt stopped loving my own just love another ,if you can afford it ,adopt the little one you will not regret it,being older and more stable financial wise im enjoying every minute of it

[blizzard]

dont let your wife see the boy....what she gonna do give him a spanking. have yr wife tell her young sister this is why god invented condoms.

and you better have that talk or you gonna have another one on the way perhaps with another wayward boy.

[viciouskitty74]

I am glad this topic came up.

My own stepmother, is terribly unwilling for my half sister (her daughther) to continue studying in Thailand for the reasons of frequent teen pregnancies & drug problems in the universities.

There was a couple of commericals, I believe that was shown targetting at families to deal with youth pregnancies.

Forcing a marriage because of a pregnancy, isnt really solving the problems. Whats important is to consider having the girl decides what she wants in her life, her studies, her child and you folks supporting her decisions and helping her along until she is stable and abled herself with means for her later life.

If she chooses abortion. Whats the chances for her to fly to another country to have the procedures done? Is there any laws and regulations prohibiting that?

Edit:

And opps....I was not focusing my attention. The gal is already 7 months pregnant so there is no hope for an abortion. But if the pregnancy was discovered earlier, and choosing to abort. Is it possible?

Edited May 19, 2007 by viciouskitty74

[qwertz]

I adopted my daughter as a baby when her mother dumped her on me and took off after a very short relationship.

It wasn't easy for a young man and it wasn't easy to explain to prospective girl friends either.

I needed a lot of help from my family and had frequent running fights with the social services who thought she'd have a better life with a foster family.

But she grew up good, got a good education and now has a good husband and a career.

I never regretted all the hassle I went through and I love her as much as if she were my biological daughter.

But I wouldn't recommend adoption to older people; I think I managed because I was young and able to take the strain.

[GuestHouse]

She got herself pregnant - game over.

Point her in the direction of getting a job, perhaps give her a bit of cash to help her with medical and the initial baby stuff. Then tell her to talk to her mother about looking after her baby while she goes out to work to pay for its up keep.

University, good life....

As I said, game over.

Edited May 19, 2007 by GuestHouse

[qwertz]

Different customs for different cultures, GH. How old is the girl, 17?

She won't go that route, there's no UK style social services for unmarried mothers in LOS.

But I think I know which route she'll go.

[torito]

She got herself pregnant - game over.

GH, I am surprised of your analysis. At 17 many girls, even in the west, get pregnan tbecuase of ignorance, lack of education,lack of family support, etc. In developed countries they have everything, education, information, support and wealth, and even so there are so many 17 years old pregnant.

The sad matter is that we cannot say the same for the man....he got the girl pregnant..game over....he can escape with pregnancy while the girl cannot...this is one of the worse aspect of male unaccountability.

They should cut the balls of all those b%$%* who do not assume responsibility....there is nothing more brutal and violent in this world than abandoned children...and most times are man who do it

-----

I have children on my own (single parent by decision), and I never wanted to have more children, as my task is not yet finished. My girlfriend, in knowledge of that adopted an orfan who was on the streets of her village. Parents died of AIDS. A lovely little girl and extremerly intelligent and easy.

Farangs from wealthy countries (as most of us in this forum) are gifted with many privileges, choices and pleasures that are denied to the mayority in this world. So I hope I can do something good with the wealth and years I have (that we have almost for granted), and help to rise this little girl.

Adoption is a great way to pay back for our undeserved privileges.

[britmaveric]

First thing - find out what she wants to do and then proceed from there. Everyone makes mistakes and don't think this one should determine her future. However that being said I think having a lil one will def put a damper on her education plans - will end up starting a year later and only if she can sort out what to do with the lil one.

[blizzard]

not a thai phenomena i agreee happens a lot in america. what is thai is i think this guy is default papa. he is papa whether he like it or not, and he already said he dont want the job.

if the misses want you take baby you take baby.

such is life in the village.

this guys needs a good luck, not at all his doing but he the one going to pay.