villagefarang Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wamberal Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. Take your wife's advice. She should be the best, maybe the only, person who can navigate this issue for you. If she cannot, or does not want to, or if she does not have your best interests at heart, you have married the wrong woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maizefarmer Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. Yes - you are right, it does cross social class (i.e. requests ofr financial help), but the idea that its prevailance in Thai society is any more acceptable than it is in Western society (as many ex-pats have come to experiance here in Thailand) is simply not so. Its a misconception, and an abused one at that in a lot of instances. MF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualtrough Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 (edited) No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. Yes - you are right, it does cross social class (i.e. requests ofr financial help), but the idea that its prevailance in Thai society is any more acceptable than it is in Western society (as many ex-pats have come to experiance here in Thailand) is simply not so. Its a misconception, and an abused one at that in a lot of instances. MF Agreed with Maizefarmer. Depends a real lot on the family you marry into. In the last 12 years I was asked for one small loan early on by a relative. Turned that down by saying that all my funds are invested overseas and I wasn't going to pull out any money for anyone except my family. I also told my wife that in case anyone asked again the answer was NO. I have never been approached since. The wife's family are extremely hard working people and don't believe in handouts. Way back when I first came here I was occasionally asked for loans by people I knew or ran into. I turned all requests down. If you lose a friend because of that they probably weren't a friend in the first place. Same here and elsewhere. Edited May 20, 2007 by qualtrough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattayacondo Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 (edited) Don't be a sucker, just say no. Edited May 20, 2007 by pattayacondo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikethevigoman Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Don't be a sucker, just say no.Not sure about asking the wife !...yes treat it like being offered drugs ! just say no,,, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrFisher Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 I have honestly never been asked for anything and my wife and I have received large cash gifts from her mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard10365 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Have you tried just saying no??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Have you tried just saying no??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete_r Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 (edited) A suggestion: Say "We can talk about anything, except money." I've seen it work once, between two Thai people. Edited May 20, 2007 by pete_r Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 i highly disagree. if they ask just to keep faces in good standing, just give, be generous and give more. again , what s one of the advantages of marrying a farang. acces to their money! come on guy you had to know the RULES when you married thai, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tod Daniels Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 As is the consensus of most respondents on this thread, I advocate the answer "Just Say No..." It is a slippery slope indeed once you start giving 'loans'. This one country language has different words for; 'borrow', "borrow with interest", "lend with interest" as well as "give". Any search of a thai dictionary will result in many colloquial or commonly used terms for "lend with interest". It is far from a foreign concept to thais and most small villages have people who routinely lend money with interest. I have rarely met a thai who seems to understand or grasp the subtle distinction of give/borrow where a foreigner is concerned. More likely than not, you will become the bad guy for trying to collect what is owed you. You will hear a myriad of meaningless excuses, often the same thing recycled over and over. The effort needed to recoup a "loan" will far out weigh any measurable social benefit gleaned for "being a good guy to a thai". If you do it once, and are not repaid; you're seen as a cash cow. Conversely, if you make, force, pressure someone to repay you with interest, I have found that few people will ask; knowing you act like a 'thai money lender', lol.. I also give a big thumb’s down as far as trusting the wife's intuition unless you've been married a LONG time, and seen what value she places on 'your' money. That said, borrowing money without repaying it knows no borders or races. Here it is far more prevalent in the thai-foreign marriages as it is a well known fact foreigner’s s**t thousand baht bills, or have the proverbial money tree in the back yard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villagefarang Posted May 20, 2007 Author Share Posted May 20, 2007 No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. Take your wife's advice. She should be the best, maybe the only, person who can navigate this issue for you. If she cannot, or does not want to, or if she does not have your best interests at heart, you have married the wrong woman. You make the most sense, to me. Either we have made a good choice of wife or we haven't. It is hard to fix something or someone who is already broken. My wife and I also use a technique of laying off the blame on each other. I tell her to say that I said "no" when she doesn't want to say "yes". I in turn, tell them I know nothing, as it is not my department, and to go talk to her. She has saved my ass on many occasion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualtrough Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 I have honestly never been asked for anything and my wife and I have received large cash gifts from her mother. Ditto on the gifts. Thrifty working-class family, worked very hard to put their two kids through college, Mom-In-Law bought my wife a very nice used Volvo last year from profits made working two veg. stalls in a local market. The wife doesn't drive, so I have a second car now thanks to them. One more thing. They live within walking distance, yet I cannot recall the last time they came in the house. Couldn't ask for better in-laws. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualtrough Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 i highly disagree.if they ask just to keep faces in good standing, just give, be generous and give more. again , what s one of the advantages of marrying a farang. acces to their money! come on guy you had to know the RULES when you married thai, Please do not assume that your experience is true for all Farang-Thai marriages, because it is not. If a lot of Farangs here make stupid matches that ain't my fault. Most of the ones whining about wheedling in-laws would never consider giving a dime to in-laws or family ne'er do wells back home. Why should it be any different here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 which kind of in law is more common? those that want or those that dont want? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momo8 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Pack of parasites! Marry and get out of Thailand while you can.They may give but then one day will expect to receive.Give with one hand and take with two! Do the relatives and friends back home ask you to give money and support them???NO WAY! Forget face and culture what are you a bank? Leave the leachees or they'll suck you dry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard10365 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 i highly disagree.if they ask just to keep faces in good standing, just give, be generous and give more. again , what s one of the advantages of marrying a farang. acces to their money! come on guy you had to know the RULES when you married thai, Can you show me on my visa application, drivers license, rental agreement, bank loan, or any other document from Thailand or the Thai government where is says one of the rules to marrying a Thai was give money to their family? I didn't think so. If you want to give money to her family then its a personal decison and not a rule. If the family wants more money they need to do more or different work. My life is a lot easier without worrying about what my wife's family thinks. In fact, when she goes to visit them, I drop her off and come back to Chiang Mai. However, with all that said, if they really needed money, and I had it, and had no doubts as to why they needed it. I would probably give it to them because they have given to me before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edonista Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. I avoid marriage and stick to short time ladies just to avoid such embarassment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 please help me. is it a myth or not when people say you not only marry the girl but also her family and her village. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeaceBlondie Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 You can choose among many answers, and if they don't believe the first one, say it five more times. 1. I do not lend money to anybody. 2. My money is all tied up overseas; I cannot get it out. 3. It is against my religion to lend money (even if you don't have a religion). 4. I do not have any money (even if you have, you have none to lend) 5. I never loan money on days ending in the letter -y in English. 5. I've been declared a lunatic in my home country, xioieldkl883839xlskdrublugblugzipdouche. 6. Pretend they didn't ask. Ignore the request. Play dumb. Deaf, dumb and blind. 7. Answer them in Spanish, Urdu, Pashtu, or gibberish. 8. "My mother is in the hospital with cancer; you need to lend ME 98 million baht today." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villagefarang Posted May 20, 2007 Author Share Posted May 20, 2007 which kind of in law is more common?those that want or those that dont want? Maybe there are more bad relationships and in-laws than good ones. Granted finding a good mate is not an easy task. If you don't meet overseas, at work or through friends then the chances are you ended up buying what you had been renting, previously. Pretty much any girl who has anything to do with a Farang as "issues" within her own culture. If your lucky enough to have complimentary "issues" then things might workout OK. You simply have to choose wisely or you can kiss your happiness and money, goodbye. It took me 20+ years to find the right one. Not that I'm complaining. Those were some pretty good years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edonista Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 (edited) Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Just say no. Have you tried just saying no??? It might not be so easy if you are hard pressured to say "yes". And having a Thai wife most of times puts you into a position where you are hard pressured to open your wallet. Edited May 20, 2007 by Edonista Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualtrough Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 It might not be so easy if you are hard pressured to say "yes".And having a Thai wife most of times puts you into a position where you are hard pressured to open your wallet. If that is the case than I think it is better to start out saying NO right off the baht (pun intended). That way you might avoid years of pain and suffering as a human ATM. Better the marriage goes to hel_l right away then drag it out to the point of bankruptcy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edonista Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 please help me.is it a myth or not when people say you not only marry the girl but also her family and her village. It is a reality but Thaivisa members will never admit it. They like to play hard machos by posting they never give a satang out, while in real life they are surrendering money on a daily basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momo8 Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 Check out this thead which is causing some controvesy.One thing I can say about the Chinese is that they 'get the money' with style. http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/speake...eads/102374.asp This giving money to the family stuff is widespread but in Thailand even more so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 right on ed. i think thats whats happening too. they can talk the talk but can they walk the walk, i personally dont think so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qualtrough Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 please help me.is it a myth or not when people say you not only marry the girl but also her family and her village. It is a reality but Thaivisa members will never admit it. They like to play hard machos by posting they never give a satang out, while in real life they are surrendering money on a daily basis. Why do you insist that is a reality for everyone? It might be for many, but not all of us. Just because you have been suckered don't let your bitterness make you think everyone else has been too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaihome Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 .... My wife and I also use a technique of laying off the blame on each other. I tell her to say that I said "no" when she doesn't want to say "yes". I in turn, tell them I know nothing, as it is not my department, and to go talk to her. She has saved my ass on many occasion. That is exactly what we do as well. Has worked for many years now, to the point it never comes up. TH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 20, 2007 Share Posted May 20, 2007 do we have to thru the i cant post to all people, just most scenario thing again. i aint bitter, just having a good time. i married a thai, but now seems like i am atm, its just funny. of course if its u it aint funny....lol. for ex. one guy dont give his girl money but she does havefree access to the bank accounts for her needs......lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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