teacup Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Sad. So many posters so proud they don't share their vastly greater wealth with the wife's family. I think if one is sharing a life together it's a moral imperative to help the wife's family if they need it and within reason, and if one has the means to do so. Of course it's tough to set limits once it starts, and many of us have struggled with that over the years, but just because it's easier to say no doesn't make it right. NO I don’t see it your way. Instead what I see is a group of guys that has common sense enough to be able to distinguish between "appropriate" from "inappropriate" sharing, .....VS the other group that is willing to do anything in the name of culture, and even using their money and wealth in buying love and affection. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Sad. So many posters so proud they don't share their vastly greater wealth with the wife's family. I think if one is sharing a life together it's a moral imperative to help the wife's family if they need it and within reason, and if one has the means to do so. Of course it's tough to set limits once it starts, and many of us have struggled with that over the years, but just because it's easier to say no doesn't make it right.And yet another guy so proud to be divorced and posting as though it was all the wife's fault. My guess is there was plenty of fault to go around, just as with virtually every divorce. Well, it is always easier to lay the blame on someone else then to realize that there are two people in a relationship. Anyway, back to the original point of this thread. I agree with you dumspero. This is my family as well, and if they need our help, then they get it. If we needed help, they would do (and have done) the same. Obviously, if you are being relied upon as sole providers for able bodied people, then I disagree with support. But not helping someone your partner loves, when they really need help, is hardly something to boast about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumspero Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 teacup- What about the guys bragging they never help at all? The "no" crowd. That's not the legitimate struggle of when to give and when not to give--that's never giving no matter what and then bragging about how tough they are. But I do agree that two other dimensions to the issue, which are sometimes but not always in play, are buying love and using culture as an excuse. In my own case and that of many firends, it's clear that our wives will stand by us regardless of whether we help their families and the wives aren't using culture as a justification or excuse. Instead, it's that we can help and do when appropriate because it's the right thing to do. And as sbk said, for many of us, it's a two way road or at least would be if they could help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepe' Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Congratulations Pepe _____________________ Hey thanks Doc. it was no fun getting there but now everything is coooollll... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naam Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 But not helping someone your partner loves, when they really need help, is hardly something to boast about. all said! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teacup Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 teacup- What about the guys bragging they never help at all? May be they don't have to. Are you talking about the "don't have to", or "don't want to" group? The "no" crowd. That's not the legitimate struggle of when to give and when not to give--that's never giving no matter what and then bragging about how tough they are. I have nothing against this group either. I don’t think we should go around trying to tell others what to do with their money! Their right…. their money. They should be able to decide themselves “ the best fit reason” how to spend their hard earned money. Just because you feel it’s justified enough for you to do it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong for others who aren’t doing the same, because no one very knows their true reason(s) and their financial or lack of it better than themselves. However you reap what you sow. That just my opinion But I do agree that two other dimensions to the issue, which are sometimes but not always in play, are buying love and using culture as an excuse. In my own case and that of many firends, it's clear that our wives will stand by us regardless of whether we help their families and the wives aren't using culture as a justification or excuse. Instead, it's that we can help and do when appropriate because it's the right thing to do. And as sbk said, for many of us, it's a two way road or at least would be if they could help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepe' Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Sad. So many posters so proud they don't share their vastly greater wealth with the wife's family. I think if one is sharing a life together it's a moral imperative to help the wife's family if they need it and within reason, and if one has the means to do so. Of course it's tough to set limits once it starts, and many of us have struggled with that over the years, but just because it's easier to say no doesn't make it right.And yet another guy so proud to be divorced and posting as though it was all the wife's fault. My guess is there was plenty of fault to go around, just as with virtually every divorce. --------------------------------- Can you "guess a winning Lotto number for us while your guessing? ### #### Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ling Kae Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 (edited) My wife and I are a family, I can support both of us. I can not support anyone else, if the family want money for a broken down car, fix motorbike or put on the new roof I just tell them I can not help. All people have to be responsible for their own finances. I did help when her Mother was really sick and dying, saving human life is different matter. Edited May 25, 2007 by Ling Kae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dumspero Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 (edited) teacup- I don't consider it my place to judge others, individually, or tell any particular person what to do with his life or his money. And I don't want any laws re forcing people to share their money with their in-laws. But all that is very different from having an opinion about what's moral and what persons in a given situation should do. I understand this to be, in part, a forum for exploring ideas and sharing views. In my view, it's wrong, as a general matter, to share your life with someone and then be stone hearted toward their family. After all, as another poster noted, they're your family too, in the eyes of many of us. Pepe- Cheers and have a great trip. Edited May 25, 2007 by dumspero Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villagefarang Posted May 25, 2007 Author Share Posted May 25, 2007 teacup- I don't consider it my place to judge others, individually, or tell any particular person what to do with his life or his money. And I don't want any laws re forcing people to share their money with their in-laws.But all that is very different from having an opinion about what's moral and what persons in a given situation should do. I understand this to be, in part, a forum for exploring ideas and sharing views. In my view, it's wrong, as a general matter, to share your life with someone and then be stone hearted toward their family. After all, as another poster noted, they're your family too, in the eyes of many of us. Pepe- Cheers and have a great trip. Makes sense to me. It is surprising how hard it seems to be for people to listen to views that are different from their own. The need to resort to name calling and personal attacks shows me how little we have evolved in the time we spent on this plant. State your views and explain why you think that way. This is not a true or false test. No winners or losers. Just a forum to share ideas and take from it what you wish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liketobe Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 NO NANANONA NO? NONONANANO NO? DADADODOHOHOHE NO NO WAY BABY AINT GOT NO LONEY NO NONO NANANA NONO OHNONO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwertz Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 The thread topic was originally about money and how it's used. There is one inescapable fact in all this debate; generosity and altruism will always attract someone ready to abuse it. Only the truly generous and altruistic need to be aware of this fundamental flaw in human nature. All others need no advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 oyu can tell in laws to do like your own ma and pa, get a job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nick2k Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 please help me.is it a myth or not when people say you not only marry the girl but also her family and her village. I think the problem occurs mainly if you marry into a poor family. I'm not saying it happens all the time when marrying into poor families. but from all the stories, and personal experiences that I have encountered, it has to do with poor families. doesn't matter if they are american, philipino, indian, chinese, or thai. stay away from poor families, and your problems will mostly be resolved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 ITS NOT that THE POOR ARE BAD NEWS I THINK ITS THE DISPARITY IN WEALTH THAT CAUSES THE PROBLEMS. i bet if the girls these guys marry werent so poverty stricken the girls would tell the guys to get lost. you guys think donald trump gets hot chicks becoz they love him?...................lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maigo6 Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 you guys think donald trump gets hot chicks becoz they love him?...................lol. You think Donald Trump cares about it ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 ohh my god. the DONALD does care, you see how little the girls get when its time to go. a few million , no biggie to the man but enuff for the girls. , the DONald dots his i's and crosses his t's before he says i do. he dont worry about knocking em off when he splits with his girls......lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torito Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 (edited) The thread topic was originally about money and how it's used.There is one inescapable fact in all this debate; generosity and altruism will always attract someone ready to abuse it. Only the truly generous and altruistic need to be aware of this fundamental flaw in human nature. All others need no advice. This is exactly a point I had have in my mind....but this bloody 'qwertz' always makes the point before I can write mine. People in here debates what it is right and what it is wrong...as it would be one only asnwer....there is not, it is all up to the understanding, needs, feeling, perception, intentions, etc., and history of the individual... People who has never been treated well or have been treated with selfishness, normally are the same, and vice versa. I belong to the group who give money away......yes.......and when I do it, I know that out there, there are millions of man that would love to be in my shoes, and pay the bills I can afford to pay....I am the one choosen by the gods! Edited May 25, 2007 by torito Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwertz Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Yo torito, do you want my deposit account details now or shall I PM them to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAWP Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. Marry up or spend all your money and make sure they know. They wont ask. And if they do, are you a man or a mouse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 therin lies the problem tawp. all these guys are marrying down. its pactically impossible to marry up. OR EVEN SIDEWAYS...................LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villagefarang Posted May 26, 2007 Author Share Posted May 26, 2007 I don't get this whole argument that you have to be in the NO camp or YES camp. Can anyone seriously believe that if you say "yes", just once, that you don't have the choice (or the balls) to say "no" at some later time, when you don't agree with the reason for the request? Maybe it is easier to have one answer for all occasions but that seems like a copout to me. Why not deal with things as they come up instead of prejudging everything. Could it be that simple minds need simple one word answers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torito Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 I don't get this whole argument that you have to be in the NO camp or YES camp. Can anyone seriously believe that if you say "yes", just once, that you don't have the choice (or the balls) to say "no" at some later time, when you don't agree with the reason for the request? Maybe it is easier to have one answer for all occasions but that seems like a copout to me. Why not deal with things as they come up instead of prejudging everything. Could it be that simple minds need simple one word answers? Absolutely villagefarang, as most things in life. I have received very few requests that I consider unreasonable and on these occassions I have said no. Those who insist that the answer is always no, are those who do not have the capacity to differentiate a cat from a horse, or those who simply do not give, no matter what. Both types have no arguments to state that their way is the right one. It is their way to do things, and this is ok. The bottom line is that I take the decission all the times, and if I am wrong, I am an accountable adult so I have nobody to blame for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soundman Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 I lent money to the family of a staff member three years ago. I asked for some security & they offered four buffalos. Wasn't real happy with this, but they only wanted a small amount of money to see them to the rice harvest so I agreed. They paid back with the agreed interest at harvesting time. Pretty funny listing security on the contract as four buffalos. Cheers, Soundman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikalmus Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 I don't like lending money to my own family let alone someone elses. It can make things uncomfortable. My girlfriend is helping pay for her young sister to go to school but she hasn't implied I should help. If you don't work in Thailand the easiest way to stop her asking for any money or gifts etc is just to say that spending more money now means you have to leave Thailand sooner. I said that once and she never asked for anything from me again and started trying to cut down our spending. I think it went a bit far when she only asked for bananas when we went Christmas shopping. One of the best things I ever said tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
click2delete Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. Before I married my Thai wife this same question came up for me. The answer that worked for me was on the forum. We have a $1,000.00 borrowing fund. Any Thai family member can borrow from it. The amount of the available loan is equal to the fund balance. So a $1,000.00 loan can be had if all previous loans have been paid back. If not, then one has to be satisfied with the present balance. Family members catch on to helping others remember to repay their loan. This method has been working very well for the past three years. Isn't this why they invented banks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solent01 Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 I don't like lending money to my own family let alone someone elses. It can make things uncomfortable. My girlfriend is helping pay for her young sister to go to school but she hasn't implied I should help.If you don't work in Thailand the easiest way to stop her asking for any money or gifts etc is just to say that spending more money now means you have to leave Thailand sooner. I said that once and she never asked for anything from me again and started trying to cut down our spending. I think it went a bit far when she only asked for bananas when we went Christmas shopping. One of the best things I ever said tbh. Umm...... The young lady your with at the time should not have to ask for gifts surely, these little surprises make her feel special, and in return she will make you feel special. Besides that, don't you feel joy from seeing your lady happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackArtemis Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 My inlaws don't ask for money, her dad rather, offers to pay for us. (we don't accept). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
click2delete Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 My inlaws don't ask for money, her dad rather, offers to pay for us. (we don't accept). Please pm me details - my wife and I would like to be adopted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwertz Posted May 27, 2007 Share Posted May 27, 2007 My inlaws don't ask for money, her dad rather, offers to pay for us. (we don't accept). Please pm me details - my wife and I would like to be adopted. Wrong way around. We were talking about adopting in laws. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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