Give Me Money... Give Me More!

[oldsparrow]

its never ever been a problem with my in laws ,when i need a loan they have always obliged.

Same here. We have a mortgage in Bangkok and employ a couple of people here too, but we are living most of the time abroad,so we usually ask my wife's sister or brother to pay first and we pay them back the next time we come back to Thailand. Never have any problem. Actually it could be a good idea to meet the family before committing.

Actually it could be a good idea to meet the family before committing.

****

Except the run away or orphan. There IS something WRONG if any Thai got married without familialise the boyfriend/girlfriend with her/his family.

Edited May 27, 2009 by oldsparrow

[Heng]

It's denial to think that no one marries a local with equal or greater financial status (granted, fewer and farther between) or that there are indeed poor locals who don't need/want any "help." People seem to want to imagine that they have lots of company and aren't the only ones wiring funds "upcountry."

Edited May 27, 2009 by Heng

[rott]

Is it just my experience -- or is it always a certain farang demographic that gets sucked into the divorced/never married bar skag with a litter of sprogs requiring new strollers and hospital bills and sapping the stressed-out farang's extremely limited will to live?

Sorry that wasn't meant to be humorous.

True, in my experience we have the "PAM"* class person, *Pattaya Alpha Male:-

1) Aged 50+ and never left home

2) Never been married or had a real relationship

3) Never owned a car

4) Never even driven a car

5) Possibly wears socks and sandals

Doesn't say they're not nice people, just never had to say no before. Also what teacup said previously is true, it is very easy to start off wanting to be kind and generous, and then a bit diffcult to wean them off the habit.

Anyone know many PAM's.

Edited May 27, 2009 by rott

[villagefarang]

I was rummaging through some of my early topics and came across this little gem from 2007 that last saw light in 2009. I found many of the posts funnier with the passage of time.

[IanForbes]

I don't know if they were any funnier with time, but they are the same old discussions we see almost weekly on thaivisa. People want a service and are willing to pay for it. Some are willing to pay a lot more than others. As long as the transaction suits both parties then there is no harm and no foul. It is only when someone expected more out of the transaction that there are problems.We all want value for our money,

[zzaa09]

I don't know if they were any funnier with time, but they are the same old discussions we see almost weekly on thaivisa. People want a service and are willing to pay for it. Some are willing to pay a lot more than others. As long as the transaction suits both parties then there is no harm and no foul. It is only when someone expected more out of the transaction that there are problems.We all want value for our money,

Yet, one's perspective of what value is might not fit the definition of the next.

[Kimera]

Is it just my experience -- or is it always a certain farang demographic that gets sucked into the divorced/never married bar skag with a litter of sprogs requiring new strollers and hospital bills and sapping the stressed-out farang's extremely limited will to live?

Sorry that wasn't meant to be humorous.

True, in my experience we have the "PAM"* class person, *Pattaya Alpha Male:-

1) Aged 50+ and never left home

2) Never been married or had a real relationship

3) Never owned a car

4) Never even driven a car

5) Possibly wears socks and sandals

Doesn't say they're not nice people, just never had to say no before. Also what teacup said previously is true, it is very easy to start off wanting to be kind and generous, and then a bit diffcult to wean them off the habit.

Anyone know many PAM's.

Hold on with No.5

[anotheruser]

No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach.

Take your wife's advice. She should be the best, maybe the only, person who can navigate this issue for you.

If she cannot, or does not want to, or if she does not have your best interests at heart, you have married the wrong woman.

There are times when pretending you don't know any of the local language pay off. This is one of them, I usually just play dumb. They will attempt to explain it a hundred times but just say you don't understand in Thai. If this doesn't work I usually complain about how poor I am in their language.

Thais will always help their families before a Farang. I am not sure how true it is but in my opinion Thais consider families permanent and Farang temporary.

[retiredusn]

Do it the Thai way, just ask for the property deed for their land or appraised jewery to hold until the loan is repaid. This will stop most folks from even asking.

[richard_smith237]

No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach.

Take your wife's advice. She should be the best, maybe the only, person who can navigate this issue for you.

If she cannot, or does not want to, or if she does not have your best interests at heart, you have married the wrong woman.

There are times when pretending you don't know any of the local language pay off. This is one of them, I usually just play dumb. They will attempt to explain it a hundred times but just say you don't understand in Thai. If this doesn't work I usually complain about how poor I am in their language.

Thais will always help their families before a Farang. I am not sure how true it is but in my opinion Thais consider families permanent and Farang temporary.

I don't get this "Thai's put their family before the 'farang' husband" idea....

Where I am from, once a couple are married they are family.

I cannot expect to come before someone who has brought up and loved my wife for 30 years. But as a husband I can expect to be treated with equal respect and with the understanding that in the years to come wife and husband will stand by each other to such degree that this level of closeness is achieved.

With an understanding of this future together there should be a level of equality whereby all family members are considered important and respected mutually and equally.

This works both ways. I expect my family in the UK to treat my wife with the utmost respect, I also expect my wife to understand that my family (Parents, Sisters, Nephews and Nieces) are of great importance to me and that my Wife is part of that.

There is no 1st, 2nd and 3rd place - There is genuine mutual respect and affection.

More specifically on topic: My wife and I would deal with each situation on its own merits should any of our family require financial assistance, be that UK or Thai family (immediately family ).

That said, I never expect to be placed in the situation where money is asked of me. My opinions may be moulded by the fact that I did not marry someone whos families intention towards me could be held in question.

Edited May 10, 2011 by richard_smith237

[trisailer]

Assuming that you marry into a good family (and that is a very big assumption) they will be reasonable and we will be thoughtful about helping out. My wife understands what our assets are and what we can afford. Thai's are good negotiators and I want to help out when I can. They won't respect you if you give away the farm nor will they if you never help out.

Some guys never are asked for money because they have married into familys that are well off, but for those of us who maried into poor or middleclass families we only have to set reasonable limits. We manage our affairs as a team. My wife is not an employee or a slave who does not recieve the benefits of our combined assets. She understands that her future is determined by the choices she makes about this subject.

I do what I did for my own kids. I give them a interest free credit line of 10,000 baht and if they pay it back it's always there. If they run it up and don't pay it back (like my kids did) than it is not going to be there for them. We've lent money for education and a few extras and it is always paid back. We also give them all our old stuff when we upgrade TV's and such.

The rule of thumb I follow is that I have always donated somewhere around 10%-15% of my income for various causes that I'm interested in. We have a couple of bright young nephews who are burning up their education challanges and we're supporting them to find their limits. I come from a poor family myself and there have been people who helped me so it is easy for me to pay it back to others.

"Thais will always help their families before a Farang. I am not sure how true it is but in my opinion Thais consider families permanent and Farang temporary"

If you have married into a family like this than perhaps your judgement is off. I could not live with the belief that I was only a cash cow. I am the one who decides how I am respected by the way I interact with my family. I will never be a doormat nor will I be the cash cow.

Edited May 10, 2011 by trisailer

[geronimo]

Luckily I was a fluent Thai speaker when I married my wife so at the wedding party I announced that I wasn't a wealthy man and that I would support my new wife and any children we may have. I then added that I would help my new mother in law if she ever needed it but there I would draw the line re financial support. Seventeen years later and I have only had two requests from MIL and never more than 10k (I think she's got more money than I) she is a proud rice farmer and works hard. My wife's siblings have never asked for anything. I'm glad I made that speech cos it killed it in the bud so to speak.

(If you can't speak the language, get someone to translate for you ..... it's worth it) Start as you mean to go on!

[jcgodber]

When I first came here I too was asked for "loans" by relatives or people from my village. My answer was NO !

If they want a loan go to the gold shops in town, they loan money.

It is against Thai law for me to loan money, I have no work permit to do that.

[zzaa09]

"Thais will always help their families before a Farang. I am not sure how true it is but in my opinion Thais consider families permanent and Farang temporary"

This is a model of consciousness that is repeated enough becomes commonly excepted.

Experiences and exposure on a greater scale might be a better measuring point.

For the same number situations and examples that some feel "temporary" or the omnipresent familial outsider, there are equal situation where Farang are perfectly {and truly} integrated and instinctively meshed into a Thai family where they're looked upon as one-and-the-same.