Give Me Money... Give Me More!

[Momo8]

Oh please,why marry the cow when you get the milk for free? Disrespectful? I don't think so.You marry the 'girl' the family,the girl's brothers,sisters,the village,the buffalo,the dogs and the chickens......You are in THAILAND not back home! When in Rome do as the Romans do?

It has to be quid pro quo.You give I give.Never heard of all this b@$#^t anywhere but in Thailand.All for the sake of a relationship.Many friends have said they would rather wank than marry a Thai girl.

[Edonista]

please help me.

is it a myth or not when people say you not only marry the girl but also her family and her village.

It is a reality but Thaivisa members will never admit it. They like to play hard machos by posting they never give a satang out, while in real life they are surrendering money on a daily basis.

Why do you insist that is a reality for everyone? It might be for many, but not all of us. Just because you have been suckered don't let your bitterness make you think everyone else has been too.

I luckily have no direct marriage experience. But I know Thai girls in Pattaya. If you just give them some little familiarity (like allowing them to sleep in your condo when they have no money for room) they will try to get some small extra money from you. Considering the huge economic disparity, it's hard (and I think also wrong) to play the tough guy and kick them out with just the standard pay. I guess if you marry one you give her the opportunity to pressure you 24/7 and playing the tough guy must be even more difficult. Besides will she still (censored ) you if you deny any help to her relatives ? And if the house is in her name once she realizes you cannot be milked any further can you be sure you will not be kicked out ?

[qwertz]

Many farang/Thai relationships begin with the man paying the woman for sex, company or whatever.

We initiated this industry and the people there simply refined it.

The problem creeps in after marriage if the woman and the family expect the man to keep paying for the arrangement, as many do. Many farangs are offended to hear kee niao instead of jai dee and shell out to keep face.

The idea of emotional blackmail is international but you only have to read the forums to see how farangs are a target for this practice over there.

We're used to getting something for our money; too many people there are used to getting money for nothing.

It's a handicap and a bad start to any long term relationship and too many farangs go into it thinking it's a situation they can handle if it arises.

Therefore, to the outsider taking a sweeping view, all these marriages must be based on a cash transaction, even if they're not.

[PeaceBlondie]

please help me.

is it a myth or not when people say you not only marry the girl but also her family and her village.

It is a reality but Thaivisa members will never admit it. They like to play hard machos by posting they never give a satang out, while in real life they are surrendering money on a daily basis.

O come on now, Edonista, you are member #45818, so you're generalizing about yourself. Are you saying you lie about what you post on ThaiVisa?

[garro]

I have been very lucky with my in-laws as I have never needed to give them any money. My wife's older sister is relatively well off so she is the one family members go to for money. My wife's mother don't use much money anyway and they avoid giving my father-in-law money as he is a bit of a drinker. A few years back my wife's brother's wife wanted to borrow money but my wife said no. If I had more money I would probably like to help out the family a bit.

[Edonista]

please help me.

is it a myth or not when people say you not only marry the girl but also her family and her village.

It is a reality but Thaivisa members will never admit it. They like to play hard machos by posting they never give a satang out, while in real life they are surrendering money on a daily basis.

O come on now, Edonista, you are member #45818, so you're generalizing about yourself. Are you saying you lie about what you post on ThaiVisa?

I never lie (if privacy matters rise, prefer to stay silent), but I think many Thaivisa posters lie or are in denial. And that has no relation with the membership number.

Edited May 20, 2007 by Edonista

[qualtrough]

Qwertz and Edonista, I think you raise an important issue. If you marry a girl 'in the business' then of course you shouldn't be surprised if you are treated like a walking ATM by her and her family. What I object to is the characterization of all Thais families as being like that. If someone was to marry into a dysfunctional family from the lowest socio-economic background back home I expect they would find things very similar. I don't think there is much 'Thai' about this come to think of it. More related to the economic and social status or lack thereof on the part of the wife. For some reason a lot of farangs get involved with women with that background, but again, that doesn't mean that most Thais are like that. I just wish we could stop with the 'all Thais are like that' crap we see here so often.

[jumnien]

Well said, qualtrough. And like garro, I find it easier in that there are folks in my wife's family who have far more money than I do ( and they don't part with it easy).

[Momo8]

Point is many guys are being brainwashed into being accepted into a culture and an environment that is far removed from their own.The phermones kick in and bang! You want to be in that marriage/relationship so you are the sucker for it.It's all about feeling accepted.Not all marriages are like that but most are,that's a fact.To give or not to give? That is the question.

Thailand is a money orientated consumer society where the biggest industry is obviouly not tourism and of course it is created by stupid farang men.How many farang women out there are in this position?

My point being if you have experience of other nations in Thailand it is TOO pronounced.The knight in shining armour coming to save the pitiful struggling family.Go to Hong Kong they at least are civilized about this obligation there.

Edited May 20, 2007 by Momo8

[blizzard]

im sure the op is really thrilled his in laws want as opposed to the other guys families in this thread who are haves.

[t.s]

i highly disagree.

if they ask just to keep faces in good standing, just give, be generous and give more.

again , what s one of the advantages of marrying a farang. acces to their money!

come on guy you had to know the RULES when you married thai,

345 posts and all pure crap. kudos for consistency

[cdnvic]

i highly disagree.

if they ask just to keep faces in good standing, just give, be generous and give more.

again , what s one of the advantages of marrying a farang. acces to their money!

come on guy you had to know the RULES when you married thai,

345 posts and all pure crap. kudos for consistency

Some like taking trolling to a higher level

[qwertz]

Qual, you're right of course to be indignant at this ignorant stereotyping but to those outside looking on it's a stigma that has stuck.

It has led to a whole tribe of cynics that you can hear in any bar without having to listen in.

They lead the whole pack of Thai bashers because they talk a lot louder than the happily married folks.

If you marry anyone, you don't have a choice of family.

That's exactly why long engagements or betrothals and arranged marriages were and still are preferred in many societies, so that everyone concerned has a chance to scope out their prospective in-laws.

I should add, I try to keep my views broader and more international than the norm but it's not easy when I continually run into totally negative or biased opinions.

I'm sure some marriages work, I've seen them first hand and most of those involving ex BGs are successful because the woman had the strength of character to keep her family from sponging off her husband.

No further comment about those that quickly failed.

[colino]

I was asked to loan some money to my wifes sister only a small amount 4000 baht , wich i did ,

That was the first mistake , i never got it back so i told my wife i will not loan money to any of here family again as they did not pay me back,

That was the second mistake ,

because my wife thought i was unhappy not being payed back ,

so when her sister asked for a loan again my wife explained that i was unhappy about not getting anything back,,

So the sister and my wife did a deal over the last loan and a new one ,

I am now the proud owner of 3 baby buffallo ,,,, yes 3 buffallo ?

What the inghell do i want with 3 buffallo , I want the money

[t.s]

Many farang/Thai relationships begin with the man paying the woman for sex, company or whatever.

We initiated this industry and the people there simply refined it.

The problem creeps in after marriage if the woman and the family expect the man to keep paying for the arrangement, as many do. Many farangs are offended to hear kee niao instead of jai dee and shell out to keep face.

The idea of emotional blackmail is international but you only have to read the forums to see how farangs are a target for this practice over there.

We're used to getting something for our money; too many people there are used to getting money for nothing.

It's a handicap and a bad start to any long term relationship and too many farangs go into it thinking it's a situation they can handle if it arises.

Therefore, to the outsider taking a sweeping view, all these marriages must be based on a cash transaction, even if they're not.

what personal experience do you base these statements on? though the digruntled sexpats on tv may indicate otherwise, relationships between thai and farang do exist beyond the sex trade. not every thai family are money grubbing scum, much like not every german family is decended form jack-booted nazis

the distrust, dislike, disdain and derision toward thais in threads like this is the tired litany of a disillusioned subgroup that gravitates toward these forums becuse few would tolerate their whinging in person.

Anybody who does not have the backbone to weather an unwelcome request for money has created their own problem.

[qwertz]

t.s. I don't see your point since you're only endorsing in your usual delicate way most of my observations.

I'm sorry if you see our posts as tired litanies, I for one will do my best in future to to make mine a little livelier for you.

As I don't belong to any particular disillusioned subgroup I'll have to check back into why I joined TV before I can comment further on that.

BTW, as I'm a Brit expat in the FRG I see no relevance in your comment on Germans, apart from the fact you should know by now that racist comments are likely to attract the wrath of the mods and kill threads. Please stay on topic or start your own preferred thread.

Edited May 20, 2007 by qwertz

[richard10365]

If you got it and it makes you feel better to give, then give. If you don't have it, don't give it and don't sweat it.

Try asking your wifes family for a loan. Do it enough and they will realize you don't have much money.

Better yet, ask them to co-sign for a loan for a new car or a house. Ask them to put up their house as collateral so you can get the loan to buy a house.

Edited May 20, 2007 by richard10365

[lazeeboy]

t.s. I don't see your point since you're only endorsing in your usual delicate way most of my observations.

I'm sorry if you see our posts as tired litanies, I for one will do my best in future to to make mine a little livelier for you.

As I don't belong to any particular disillusioned subgroup I'll have to check back into why I joined TV before I can comment further on that.

BTW, as I'm a Brit expat in the FRG I see no relevance in your comment on Germans, apart from the fact you should know by now that racist comments are likely to attract the wrath of the mods and kill threads. Please stay on topic or start your own preferred thread.

i spoke to my wife a long time ago about gimme gimme gimme,if members of her family want money they can get down to samui and work for us,and we will pay them an honest days money for an honest days work,some came either working on various building projects or waitresses/waiters in my entertainment complex(not sex industry) the ones who didnt want to come ,dont get 1 red cent .my wife now understands that to get money you have to work for it,it works for me .if you have a business try this approach ,it opens the eyes of the other half to who and who isnt a sponger

[t.s]

t.s. I don't see your point since you're only endorsing in your usual delicate way most of my observations.

I'm sorry if you see our posts as tired litanies, I for one will do my best in future to to make mine a little livelier for you.

As I don't belong to any particular disillusioned subgroup I'll have to check back into why I joined TV before I can comment further on that.

BTW, as I'm a Brit expat in the FRG I see no relevance in your comment on Germans, apart from the fact you should know by now that racist comments are likely to attract the wrath of the mods and kill threads. Please stay on topic or start your own preferred thread.

Q,

i made no racist comment, i simply drew a parallel. i hold no firm belief in the veracity of either statement. in fact, they are both ridiculous.

i did however question the personal experience that has given you your insight into the intricacies or thai-farang unions.

are there lots of farang-thai marriages in the FRG?

as for the mods, why would they need to moderate a thread when you have already issued their warnings for them?

[bruceboy]

I think many posters are pre-judging Thais. I support my extended family and am respected for it. When I speak the village takes notice.

[qwertz]

I don't have a business, lazee and I'm glad it works for you.

But the reverse can happen too.

Like the Brit who married a Thai and set up a bar in Patt.

I rented one of his rooms and ate there too, plus having a few drinks with him in the evening.

He once told me he'd sunk all his savings into moving to Thailand and that it was all spent.

He was in poor health and his wife held the reins.

Within a matter of months his wife had imported 7 assorted relatives to "work" in the business as she was then pregnant.

They all just sat around, helped themselves to food and drink for free and wouldn't even get up to serve customers.

Nobody was concerned about the man's health.

As his health deteriorated he no longer had control over the business and finished up in hospital long term before he died.

His wife couldn't trouble to visit him most days unless I ran her there.

Finally, I was his only visitor and was there when died; otherwise he'd have died alone.

I didn't go to the funeral, I figured I wouldn't have been welcome.

The bar went bankrupt a few weeks after his death.

[a2396]

No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach.

This is not only a problem with wives, but also girlfriends. It is probably the number one stumbling block to establishing a trusting relationship, because you are never sure if it is based only on money. I have never had one lady, who I was considering for a girlfriend, not ask for some sort of monetary contribution, money, phones, gold, apartments, etc. They seem to think all Farangs are filthy rich, can keep drawing on endless cash reserves. That the Farang might have financil needs of his own never enters thier mind. As for the Farang braggarts who claim they give no money to wives or GF's, I never personally met such a man in my 3 years in LOS.

[qwertz]

Quote t.s:

i made no racist comment, i simply drew a parallel. i hold no firm belief in the veracity of either statement. in fact, they are both ridiculous.

i did however question the personal experience that has given you your insight into the intricacies or thai-farang unions.

are there lots of farang-thai marriages in the FRG?

as for the mods, why would they need to moderate a thread when you have already issued their warnings for them?

T.s.

It's how people read you that's relevant.

Farang-Thai marriages in the FRG? Very common and I know quite a lot of the people.

Many such marriages fail after the first winter, which is long and practically arctic here in the north east.

I find it much colder than England so I can understand a Thai not being happy with it.

Getting to the marriages that seem to be working, the women learn German, get jobs, mostly in hotels, and send as much as they want of their earnings to their families.

My personal experience? 25 years of Thailand, 6 years actually living full time among Thais and farangs. Interpreter for various nationalities of farang with interests over there and over here.

And the ability to observe and evaluate what I see.

Sorry about referring you to forum rules, I thought maybe you hadn't read them.

[t.s]

No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach.

This is not only a problem with wives, but also girlfriends. It is probably the number one stumbling block to establishing a trusting relationship, because you are never sure if it is based only on money. I have never had one lady, who I was considering for a girlfriend, not ask for some sort of monetary contribution, money, phones, gold, apartments, etc. They seem to think all Farangs are filthy rich, can keep drawing on endless cash reserves. That the Farang might have financil needs of his own never enters thier mind. As for the Farang braggarts who claim they give no money to wives or GF's, I never personally met such a man in my 3 years in LOS.

no money is of course an exaggeration, but contribution to household finances is proportionate to personal income.

I pay the rent, the bills the maid etc, ecause i was doing it before she moved in. she pays for the nanny and the ubc because she wants to contribute and i hate UBC.

I have higher expectations and more expensive needs, so i pay for them. She does very well on her own salary and conributes what she can.

how is that different from any other relationship between "partners" making different amounts of money?

[uptou]

this is why i would never get seriously involved with a woman over here unless i knew her,(& her family) for a considerable amount of time before getting involved.

to me,if you are surprised when your other half starts asking for cash,then you possibly dont really know her that well.

maybe there are alot of farang who attract the wrong sort by bragging about how much cash they have,when others don't really need to know.

[blizzard]

sir again.. the reason thai girl attract to faRang is coz they have money and they dont. not all most.

if the buffalos are thouroughbreeds, you might want to look into thai buffalo racing. just like thai wife the money demands will never end......lol.

all kidding aside sir, the sister scammed you. baby buffalo worth little. big ones worth a lot. you ever seen plow being pulled by baby buffalo.

or in my family no one ever said no to a good hearty breakfast of buffalo and eggs.

Edited May 20, 2007 by blizzard

[uptou]

sir again.. the reason thai girl attract to faRang is coz they have money and they dont. not all most.

if the buffalos are thouroughbreeds, you might want to look into thai buffalo racing. just like thai wife the money demands will never end......lol.

all kidding aside sir, the sister scammed you. baby buffalo worth little. big ones worth a lot. you ever seen plow being pulled by baby buffalo.

is this a riddle?

thouroughbreeds?????,thai buffallo racing????

[Fred Sanford]

No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach.

I avoid marriage and stick to short time ladies just to avoid such embarassment

interesting approach

[SiamSquare123]

my girl friend's mother is from isaan and her father is bangkok chinese. she is not at all close to her moms side of the family. we went up there for a festival and stopped in on them. they hadnt seen her in 10 years and the first words out of there mouth are asking for money. they pretty much lifted her upside down and emptied her pockets. then they all started looking at me. i just pretended to have a stomach ache and we got the hel_l of there. she was pretty pissed off about it afterwards. i thought it was very funny.

[SiamSquare123]

one observation i have about this thread:

your wife should be the one to tell them where to take their risk-free deal and loans.

if she is a good wife, she shouldnt even let this nonsense get to you. if she comes asking "my brother needs 100k baht to bribe the police" maybe she isnt the best girl to be married to.