LoveDaBlues Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. Before I married my Thai wife this same question came up for me. The answer that worked for me was on the forum. We have a $1,000.00 borrowing fund. Any Thai family member can borrow from it. The amount of the available loan is equal to the fund balance. So a $1,000.00 loan can be had if all previous loans have been paid back. If not, then one has to be satisfied with the present balance. Family members catch on to helping others remember to repay their loan. This method has been working very well for the past three years. I would never never never give/loan money to a farang. Farangs here on 'short money' need to stay in their home country; of course I'm sure for a lot of them they would be welcomed home and given free lodging...... I also don't believe in 'loaning' money to the Thai in-laws. That's what banks are for. I do from time to time help the in-laws. Here's one example: The family TV set (19", purchased used roughly 15 years ago) finally died. The mother-in-law had told my wife via their daily phone call (we live 90K away ). Anyway a few days later I bought a new Sony 29" and loaded it into the Fortuner; off to the village. I told the wife not to mention anything about the new TV. We arrived in the village around noon; the Fortuner has 60% tint so nearly impossible to see inside without being right against the glass. After lunch we were all sitting outside when I asked the father-in-law if we could watch some Thai boxing later; I know how much he loves to watch Thai boxing. Well.....his head lowered and his eyes were really sad when he told me the TV was broken. I just said, "oh too bad". We talked about other stuff. About 10 minutes later I asked the father-in-law if he could help me with something in the car. I opened the back and he saw the box inside. It took him a few seconds to realize what it was. He looked at me, of course by this time I had a big grin. The smile on his face was worth 100 times more to me than the few bucks I paid for the TV. If someone does decide to loan money (I recommend against it) then the advice by BKK03 is a pretty smart way to go IMHO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaihome Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 I do my best to turn my wife against her family to show her how they are ignorant and irresponsible and that if she listens to then, she will end up just like them. I use case in point examples where they have been given opportunities and they just fail and lie and never achieve anything. that all being said, if a family member wants something and if I even hear the slightest wink about it, the answer is a raging NONONO. So if one of the leechers want something, my wife knows not even to ask and has to decide whether to draw from her own limited bank account, which is also there for her to take care of our new baby. so she knows if she loans uncle keykait 4000 baht so he can buy a machate, then the baby may not have food or clothes.on the other hand, i have been very selectively generous with my wifes family, building the parents a new house (i paid to have it built, not just gave them a lump sum to waste away) and putting a few of the sisters kids though school, (only the cute ones who listen to me and help out around the house.) In thailand the home is the mans kingdom and if you dont claim this right, then you are doomed. Have you ever considered how torn your wife may be? You blackmail her with your baby starving to get her over her cultural upbringing that requires her to help take care of the family? You sure are the man… TH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 (edited) goodjob thaihome some of these things these guys do is just downright nasty. these guys have the money and still want the power. in quite a few cases i thibk girl would be better off with poor thai guy. wife has a limited bank account.............whats up with that? Edited May 21, 2007 by blizzard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scott Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 I have never given any money--not one satang. I never will. I don't even buy their food when they visit (usually). They have always treated me well and I treat them well, but money isn't a part of the equation and hasn't been for the past 20 years. I presume that if you start, you'll be doing it forever. Everybody goes to the well until it's dry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shah Jahan Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 Have you ever considered how torn your wife may be? You blackmail her with your baby starving to get her over her cultural upbringing that requires her to help take care of the family?You sure are the man… TH The family is well taken care of - better taken care of and more prosperous than everybody else in their village, thank you very much. what i am doing is protecting them against their ignorance. What i do is give me wife a 'face saving' excuse to not have to deal with the ignorant aspects of her family. I make them come to me for requests and support rather than manipulating through my wife. that keeps her happy and focused on taking care of myself and Our family.. I give to good causes and laugh them out the door for their stupid requests. but then again I speak the language and that changes everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maigo6 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 what i am doing is protecting them against their ignorance. Yet nobody protecting you against yours................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blizzard Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 anyone wonder why new people like me think of all village people as uncouth silly, uneducated hicks. thats how many of you describe them. very neanderthal like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shah Jahan Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 what i am doing is protecting them against their ignorance. Yet nobody protecting you against yours................... my ignorance is great and i am thankfull when somebody will protect me against such. as for the giving money aspects, after one of yo has lived in a village for the last 5 years while earning an income (ie..i have to work everyday for my money) then you can open joint bank account in your mother-in-laws name and I will just continue to be a money and power monger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
autonomous_unit Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 What is ironic in our situation is that my wife's oldest siblings seem to think my wife owes them something for her having gone to the US to study. But, she actually paid her father back many times over (before he died) by wiring a fraction of her scholarship stipends and earnings (as a teaching/research assistant). These older siblings have essentially taken over the family assets, so they benefitted from this money she remitted to her parents in the past, even though they have squandered it now. Furthermore, the father didn't actually fund her studies. At most, he helped with some books or maybe a winter coat. For tuition fees, she acquired a huge debt which she can pay off or work off as a poorly-paid employee of the Thai organization that sponsored her. The worst part is that her extended family don't seem to be able to understand what a large debt like this means. She told them about it, and they somehow twisted that into an impression that she must really be rich to have such a debt, so surely she can help them with their smaller amounts. I don't envy her position. She realizes that in the end they are going to think she is stingy and she probably will never have a close relationship with any but her youngest siblings and her mother---the ones who can accept her for who she has grown into since leaving her hometown as a teen to study in Bangkok and then abroad. In some sense, she's still coming to grips with the fallout from her deciding at such a young age to go for the brass ring, make something of herself, and escape that life. (Oh, and in anticipation of the next question... yes my wife informed me of her scholarship debt and repatriation commitment long before we got married, and we decided it would be worth it to follow through anyway which leads to where we are now.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwertz Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 (edited) The Thais got along fine with their lend and borrow custom which was a cottage industry at best before farangs started to arrive, throwing undreamed of sums of cash around. It's now a growth industry and they naturally want in. We initiated this trend, it's up to us to introduce damage control or shut down the gravy train. I'm not referring to acts of charity or making an occasional present to someone really in need who appreciates the spirit of the gesture, or improving the life, education and circumstances of someone you love. I'm talking about making people dependent on an outside source of money which they could never have had without us. IMO, this is why the frequent farang complaint crops up that Thais have no money sense. They don't need it and never will so long as we do the worrying. Edited May 21, 2007 by qwertz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamSquare123 Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 the farang who give away all their money must hate the other farangs who dont.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
torito Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 (edited) the farang who give away all their money must hate the other farangs who dont.... You are square in this Siam. The problem is not about the money, or the principle, or help the ignorance as some genious claim in here......it is all about the amount of money. For some, 1000BHT means almost nothing, for others even 1000BHT it looks a lot. I never deny to help (to my girlfriend...not even a wife) with an amount of money that does not hurt me. I have never received unreasonable requests and they are always greateful with my assistance. Money to buy milk for the baby of her sister whi is single mother, money to pay the hospital of her mother, money to buy school clothes to a causin who cannot afford it.... Pretty humble people, what feeling can I have against them other than pitty or sympathy? At the end of the day I am in the side of the fence of the one who is giving, and not of the one who is asking. Those people would never, ever will witness and do the things that I have been able to do in life...I can not compare or compite myself with them...is ignorant....there is a huge difference between their lifes and mine. I am the privilegded one. The excuse that I work for my money it is arrogant and ignorant....the fact is that money come easy for us (in comparison with them). I sleep pretty well at night...come back tomorrow if you have more problems (for sure)....if I can hlep, great....many, many man in this wolrd would love to be in my shoes.... I am sure about that! Edited May 21, 2007 by torito Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwertz Posted May 21, 2007 Share Posted May 21, 2007 the farang who give away all their money must hate the other farangs who dont.... Oh oh, I must throw a bit more about when I'm over there again. Wouldn't want to hated by farangs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgs Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 No matter which social class you marry into, the chances are you will be asked outright for money or asked to enter into a "risk free, sure deal". I would like to know what you say or do and how successful you are with your approach. Before I married my Thai wife this same question came up for me. The answer that worked for me was on the forum. We have a $1,000.00 borrowing fund. Any Thai family member can borrow from it. The amount of the available loan is equal to the fund balance. So a $1,000.00 loan can be had if all previous loans have been paid back. If not, then one has to be satisfied with the present balance. Family members catch on to helping others remember to repay their loan. This method has been working very well for the past three years. I had considered this as a way of paying for the neice / nephews further education. Happily, one of the younger boys has been granted a scholarship for soccer (football) which covers his schooling for the duration. Now - if we can just get his teenage sisters working... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgs Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 which kind of in law is more common?those that want or those that dont want? Gee - how to respond to this one? I'd happily have 2 m's-i-l like mine. Actually, Im quite happy with the Thai side of the family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pgs Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 sir again.. the reason thai girl attract to faRang is coz they have money and they dont. not all most.if the buffalos are thouroughbreeds, you might want to look into thai buffalo racing. just like thai wife the money demands will never end......lol. all kidding aside sir, the sister scammed you. baby buffalo worth little. big ones worth a lot. you ever seen plow being pulled by baby buffalo. is this a riddle? thouroughbreeds?????,thai buffallo racing???? Buffalo racing - apparently yes. TW use to race them (as a jockey) when she was between the ages of 6 & 15. Seems it is/was a big thing in rural areas. Can hardly wait to see it. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furbie Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Qwertz and Edonista, I think you raise an important issue. If you marry a girl 'in the business' then of course you shouldn't be surprised if you are treated like a walking ATM by her and her family. What I object to is the characterization of all Thais families as being like that. If someone was to marry into a dysfunctional family from the lowest socio-economic background back home I expect they would find things very similar. I don't think there is much 'Thai' about this come to think of it. More related to the economic and social status or lack thereof on the part of the wife. For some reason a lot of farangs get involved with women with that background, but again, that doesn't mean that most Thais are like that. I just wish we could stop with the 'all Thais are like that' crap we see here so often. Absolutely. Current GF has never asked for anything. I now earn about eight times her salary and pay about 60%-70% of our lifestyle (meaning movies, dinner, vacations, etc), which I think is a pretty fair way to go about it. As for her family asking for money – since they do not know I exist, I can not comment on this. However, her father and her brother each have their own separate business, so no worries there (I hope). However, if she had another brother who was less successful and had a kid, I would consider pitching in for education or a health crisis – that's about it. I also have friends here whose Thai GFs families have been exceedingly generous with them (the Westnern men) - cars, condos, jobs in friends companies, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwertz Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Qualtrough and Furbie, having taken your comments on board and joking aside, I really don't know if all Thais are like that. My only experience of marriage over there was with a Cambodian who apparently had no surviving relatives after year zero. We kept pretty much to ourselves and apart from neighbours had very little contact with Thais or farangs. My observations of the prevailing money culture were made after I was widowed and started to mix more in the mainstream expat and tourist milieus. When it comes to money and who's being parted from it, the voices can be heard from afar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepe' Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 I have honestly never been asked for anything and my wife and I have received large cash gifts from her mother. I have similar experience. My mother in law was always extremely generous with gemstones, gold and family heirloom Buddhas. Never cash really, except it was always a fight to pay for anything, anywhere, anytime. I was always told to "put your money away." My now ex-wife (as of yesterday :D ) was very greedy and materialistic although I do still believe she had a good heart. Makes ya wonder? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwertz Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Pepe, are condolences or congrats in order? Hope you're getting on with a new start. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No beleeeeve! Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 This is how I approached this subject. In the early part of dating a Thai girl (never a bar girl) I would bring up a money type story of how a "friend" of mine asked my advice about how to handle this. I would tell the girl that my advice to my friend was to never give money to a girl's family for any reason and sort of laugh at how ridiculous it is for them to ask. This tells the girl exactly how I feel ahead of time, sort of a preemptive (sp) strike. My last Thai g/f was a hiso girlie and she understood exactly what I meant. She told me her family would be embarassed to even ask and would never do so. Mission accomplished. Yes, I know that others do it because it is Thailand and we have to adapt, blah, blah, blah, but that does not work for everything. What others said here if you give once, you are labeled as an easy mark and will be asked forever. One simple NO is all that is needed. Repeat as often as needed. No fancy explanation needed either. For those who have a difficult time just saying one word, here is the extended version... "No, I don't do that. " (Beginning of sarcasm alert) She may pout for a day or two but so what. While she's pouting you can take the money you didn't get scammed of and go have some fun! In the absolute worst case scenario what can happen? Oh, will she leave you? Boo f'in hoo! Like it's really difficult to find a single Thai girl in Thailand!!!! (End of sarcasm alert) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuchok Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 on the other hand, i have been very selectively generous with my wifes family, building the parents a new house (i paid to have it built, not just gave them a lump sum to waste away) and putting a few of the sisters kids though school, (only the cute ones who listen to me and help out around the house.)In thailand the home is the mans kingdom and if you dont claim this right, then you are doomed. What a cock.so if they are ugly you don't give.nice..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
qwertz Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 on the other hand, i have been very selectively generous with my wifes family, building the parents a new house (i paid to have it built, not just gave them a lump sum to waste away) and putting a few of the sisters kids though school, (only the cute ones who listen to me and help out around the house.)In thailand the home is the mans kingdom and if you dont claim this right, then you are doomed. What a cock.so if they are ugly you don't give.nice..... You're only right, S H, you pay enough for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nebukanezar Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Comming up on 2 years now, and nothing, not a dime, even the Sin Sot is to be returned (my fiance' asked me to give some small portion of it perminantly to mom) No sure fire business deals, no "Buy this land it good for youuu" type offers... In fact, I offered a business plan to the father for the export of certain food products to Kurdistan. In this plan all he would have to do is make a few phone calls and collect money...lots of money, I offered to split any profits with him just because I wanted to include him in some of my buisness like I try to include my own father. I knew I could have had anyone to do this for almost nothing but I wanted to set him up with that. His response was, "you can have anyone for this you don't need to spend so much money" How cool is that? I had to spell it out for him that it was a gift and that I wanted to include him before he would accept. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepe' Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Pepe, are condolences or congrats in order?Hope you're getting on with a new start. :D :D Congrat's bro', congrats. Came out with my #ss relatively intact and after all is said and done I'm glad to be rid of her. It's too bad though, like I said I think she's really a good kid but just way to screwed up to get her head on straight in this life. Hope to meet you over the Holidays in LOS. I be traveling with one of my buddies that's a urologist here in Las Vegas. Just the right wingman to have in LOS... Good Health, Pepe' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepe' Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 This is how I approached this subject. In the early part of dating a Thai girl (never a bar girl) I would bring up a money type story of how a "friend" of mine asked my advice about how to handle this. I would tell the girl that my advice to my friend was to never give money to a girl's family for any reason and sort of laugh at how ridiculous it is for them to ask. This tells the girl exactly how I feel ahead of time, sort of a preemptive (sp) strike. My last Thai g/f was a hiso girlie and she understood exactly what I meant. She told me her family would be embarassed to even ask and would never do so. Mission accomplished. Yes, I know that others do it because it is Thailand and we have to adapt, blah, blah, blah, but that does not work for everything. What others said here if you give once, you are labeled as an easy mark and will be asked forever. One simple NO is all that is needed. Repeat as often as needed. No fancy explanation needed either. For those who have a difficult time just saying one word, here is the extended version... "No, I don't do that. " (Beginning of sarcasm alert) She may pout for a day or two but so what. While she's pouting you can take the money you didn't get scammed of and go have some fun! In the absolute worst case scenario what can happen? Oh, will she leave you? Boo f'in hoo! Like it's really difficult to find a single Thai girl in Thailand!!!! (End of sarcasm alert) --------------------------- Good one dude! I like it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_Pat_Pong Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Congratulations Pepe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naam Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 In fact, I offered a business plan to the father for the export of certain food products to Kurdistan. In this plan all he would have to do is make a few phone calls and collect money...lots of money, I offered to split any profits with him just because I wanted to include him in some of my buisness like I try to include my own father. an interesting proposal indeed! is Kurdistan that country neighbouring Nebukadnezaristan? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naam Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 i don't understand most of the postings. assuming you have a thai wife and therefore thai in-laws... where is the problem to help out your parents in-law with a bit of dough to make their lives a bit more comfortable? based of course on the assumption that you can afford it financially? i am not talking about financing motorcycles for brothers or boob jobs for sisters. i mean e.g. a modest dwelling for the wife's parents and if they are too old to earn a living make sure that there is always enough food on the table. personally, i wish i had a (non-demanding) thai wife and the opportunity to help out her parents IF they are needy. goddess Fortuna was very gracious to me. so what i am doing is sharing a tiny portion of what was given to me by financing the upkeep and studies of some poor orphans. and it makes me happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villagefarang Posted May 24, 2007 Author Share Posted May 24, 2007 Of course we all have the right to deal with this in the manner of our choice and to deal with the consequences. I think this whole "I won't pay one single baht" mentality is a knee-jerk reaction to the sex for hire environment. It can backfire though if you don't use some common sense. Know a guy who had a real hotty who was also a successful executive with a big, big salary. He could afford it but wouldn't pull the trigger and provide some of the things that would have given a sign of commitment and face in her social class. It is not the same if she has to buy that stuff for herself. In the end she dumped him and I spent many a day listening to all the stuff that follows the end of a multi-year relationship. You can say all you want about how easy it is to find girls in Thailand (especially if they have a number on them) but finding a real winner is very, very difficult. In the case of a real winner, why would they want us? People who are successful in their own culture don't often go outside of it to find a partner. Quite often they find us instead of the other way around and it is just a matter of luck, that we end up with them, not some well structured plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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