Make Your Own Pattaya News Headlines

[Grover]

Inspired by libyas dramatic news headline skills, and the weird goings on in pattaya...

topic title says it all: make your own fictional pattaya news headlines.

eg.

gorilla escapes from pattaya zoo and runs along the beach, brutally and savagely attacking 3 helpless Japaneses tourists.

etc

[Austhaied]

Yaa Baa freak jumps from Pattaya Sky Tower and lands in swimming pool

And survives..

[Robski]

Man has threeway sex with a chicken.

Rushed to hospital to have it removed from his arse.

Police not looking for ladyboy involved.

Edited May 23, 2007 by Robski

[farangsay]

Farang crime wave nipped in the bud

Following a complaint lodged by a 112 year old Ukrainian who was

taking his poodle and his 19 year old "wife" for a stroll along Beach

Road at 4.30 am yesterday Pattaya's finest swooped in numbers on

what was thought to be a group of ladyboys aggressively urging

passers by to avail of their sexual services for a modest consideration.

Having rounded up the suspects and carried out identitity checks and

appropriate intimate examinations it emerged that the group were in

fact female factory workers from the Manchester region in England.

Five of them were released upon payment of a 500b fine for soliciting

without a work permit. The sixth was released without fine as she had

been coming on to the poodle so payment would not have been involved

and such entertainments are not illegal under Thai law.

[cdnvic]

Man Dumped by Ladyboy Jumps From Rooftop, Lands on Bus Driver Fleeing Drunk Driving Accident.

See Pattaya City News for poor taste photos at 11.

[Jet Gorgon]

Thais Attack Russian for Screaming "NYET, NYET, NYET"

A group of moral Thais attacked Ivanka Polanovskovitch, 54, a half-naked Russian tourist, after the obese woman shouted "nyet, nyet, nyet" to a beach waiter who served her a glass of water instead of a shot of vodka, which would have been her 56th hit of the afternoon. Apparently, the Thai attackers thought she was swearing in Thai, rather than saying "no" in Russian. Authorities refuse to press charges against the local gang, and have demanded the Ruskie pay her bar bill and nyet pai back to Moscow.

Edited May 24, 2007 by Jet Gorgon

[suiging]

The sun shone in Pattaya today............and nothing happened.

[PhilHarries]

PATTAYA LIBRARY LOANS BOOK

Now a most disturbing case from soi Yodsak. Pol Col Major General Chavalit Plodprasop received a call regarding a serious incident in the Pattaya City Library situated in the Pattaya Cultural Centre. On arriving at the scene he found the chief librarian miss Yangsawang (Lek) Silicontitties being attended to by members of the Bodies-R-Us rescue foundation. When she was revived enough to give an account of the incident she told of a farang tourist, Richard Cranium of 26 Orchard Gardens Wokingham Berkshire England RG14 9LG, who came into the library and asked if he may borrow a book on fly fishing. The Pol Col thought it best to take the farang, the librarian and the book into custody at the Pattaya police station where compensation details can be discussed. It appears this is just another sickening example of the depravity of the new breed of quality tourists.

[Jet Gorgon]

Nice one, Phil. I think you only needed the headline. Edited May 24, 2007 by Jet Gorgon

[cdnvic]

Thousands of Sick Buffalo Face Death as Western Union Office Ponders Closure

Two representatives of a sick buffalo advocacy group talk with reporters

Edited May 24, 2007 by cdnvic

[Crow Boy]

Thousands of Sick Buffalo Face Death as Western Union Office Ponders Closure

I was working up a similar headline but you edition hit the streets first

CB

[PhilHarries]

Baht Bus Driver Passes Driving Test

[bazmlb]

Motorsi Taxi driver breath tested and came up 0.00

[Austhaied]

Thousands of Sick Buffalo Face Death as Western Union Office Ponders Closure

Pure class.. :D

[Crow Boy]

Corrupt Cop Arrested - Superintendent Shocked

[suiging]

Corrupt Cop Not Arrested Nobody surprised at all

Edited May 24, 2007 by suiging

[Austhaied]

Corrupt Pattaya cop moved to an in-active post somewhere down south

[suiging]

Corrupt Pattaya Cop hates Essex So moves back to Pattaya

[bazmlb]

Meter Taxis to be allowed to operate in Pattaya

[Jet Gorgon]

Thousands of Sick Buffalo Face Death as Western Union Office Ponders Closure

Two representatives of a sick buffalo advocacy group talk with reporters

Yes, I similarly applaud your contribution, CV, especially as I noted Limpy and Cawboy in italic-under-spotted-mode spending many big time typing their own "witty" posts.

[PhilHarries]

Owner of Dog's B*ll*cks knighted

For his diplomatic efforts in promoting cross cultural awareness.

[suiging]

DOG BITES OWNER TO GET HIS BOl&&**KS BACK

[Jet Gorgon]

I expected better, Limpy.

[coldcrush]

TOKYOT ARRESTS MUGGER IN TOKYO

[The Dan Sai Kid]

Baht Bus in Normal Price Shocker

[phazey]

SWEDISH BUDGET TOURIST ARRESTED FOR SPEEDING ON WALKING STREET

A Swedish backpacker, Sven Svennsson, 38, was arrested Wednesday night for speeding on Walking Street.

"It was clearly a suicide attempt", attending officer Pol Col Major General Chavalit Plodprasop said. "He broke into

a run and I knew his life and others were in danger". Tourist Police Volunteer Bruce Wallaby, who arrived shortly

after Svennsson was apprehended added "There could have been terrible loss of life."

Svennsson who claimed he simply did not want to miss the start of the Ladyboy mudwrestling, was released

from hospital this morning, with injuries including 3 fractured ribs, concussion, perforated eardrums, dislocated knee

, 2 broken fingers, a punctured lung and severe bruising to the testicles.

Asked about excessive force during the arrest, Pol Col Major General Chavalit Plodprasop stated "He was coming

right for us, the other six officers and myself felt threatened"

Svensson was fined 1341THB, an ipod with the entire works of ABBA and 12 marlboro light menthol cigarettes.

[Insight]

Arab in 9 baht record tip.

[GuestHouse]

Pattaya Bar Girl Breaks Juggling Record

Nong (AKA 'Lek') the star attraction of the "Just Cum Inn" has laid claim to the World Sucker Juggling Record.

She claimed the crown after providing Guinness Book of Records Investigators with evidence that she is indeed juggling 37 foreign boyfriends, all of which are providing her with a regular income, sporadic visits and some very dubious reading matter.

The evidence of her triumph was presented in the form of boxes of letters, Western Union Receipts, phone records and a vast collection of huge cuddly toys - all of which has since been purchased by "Ripley's Believe it or Not" as the basis of a new display on ‘the gross stupidity of people who are not very bright’.

Delay and Controversy

The announcement that Nong had gained the record had been delayed after close examination of the letters revealed that two of her suitors where in fact one and the same fool. Variously known as Dave, or …. Day! a small time builder from Essex.

It appears that after Dave’s first visit to Pattaya, during which he met and fell hopelessly in love with Nong, he returned home wracked with suspicion that she was cheating on him.

It was some weeks after returning home that he hatched a cunning plan:

Disguised as one of his own employees a jolly bricky called ‘Jim’ he sneaked back to Pattaya in order to strike up a clandestine relationship with Nong to determine if she was cheating on his real life self.

It seems the plot worked, perhaps too well. His alter ego the bricky also fell in love and started sending Nong monthly cash transfers together with soppy love letters in which he told her how nasty and bad mannered his boss was.

The Guinness book of records rules are quite explicit on this: forged or fraudulent Tilaks must be removed from the count – No small matter since this denied Nong her record since ‘Noiy’ (receptionist and some time Stool Examination Technician at the South Pattaya Polyclinic) had a confirmed 36 Tilaks in various stages of simmer.

Reprieve and Glorious Triumph

In a last minute recount it was revealed that Nong was not to be beaten, she had struck up relationships with two of the Guinees Book of Records Investigators, both who had passed the Litmus Test – Bought Nong an Oversized Cuddly Toy a TV, a Mobile Phone and sent her money via Western Union.

Nong’s reputation was saved, and her record secure.

Asked how she remembers all her suitor’s names, she replied

“I don’t, I just call them all ‘Darlink’”

Well done and congratulations to Nong!

Edited May 25, 2007 by GuestHouse

[PhilHarries]

“I don’t, I just call them all ‘Darlink’”

Surely with such a world class pro it would be "Dahk ling".

[suiging]

" Crow Boy admits to being an "Ugly Dahk Ling " Pattaya twitchers concerned. "