Grover Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Inspired by libyas dramatic news headline skills, and the weird goings on in pattaya... topic title says it all: make your own fictional pattaya news headlines. eg. gorilla escapes from pattaya zoo and runs along the beach, brutally and savagely attacking 3 helpless Japaneses tourists. etc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Austhaied Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Yaa Baa freak jumps from Pattaya Sky Tower and lands in swimming pool And survives.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robski Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 (edited) Man has threeway sex with a chicken. Rushed to hospital to have it removed from his arse. Police not looking for ladyboy involved. Edited May 23, 2007 by Robski Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farangsay Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Farang crime wave nipped in the bud Following a complaint lodged by a 112 year old Ukrainian who was taking his poodle and his 19 year old "wife" for a stroll along Beach Road at 4.30 am yesterday Pattaya's finest swooped in numbers on what was thought to be a group of ladyboys aggressively urging passers by to avail of their sexual services for a modest consideration. Having rounded up the suspects and carried out identitity checks and appropriate intimate examinations it emerged that the group were in fact female factory workers from the Manchester region in England. Five of them were released upon payment of a 500b fine for soliciting without a work permit. The sixth was released without fine as she had been coming on to the poodle so payment would not have been involved and such entertainments are not illegal under Thai law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Man Dumped by Ladyboy Jumps From Rooftop, Lands on Bus Driver Fleeing Drunk Driving Accident. See Pattaya City News for poor taste photos at 11. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jet Gorgon Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 (edited) Thais Attack Russian for Screaming "NYET, NYET, NYET" A group of moral Thais attacked Ivanka Polanovskovitch, 54, a half-naked Russian tourist, after the obese woman shouted "nyet, nyet, nyet" to a beach waiter who served her a glass of water instead of a shot of vodka, which would have been her 56th hit of the afternoon. Apparently, the Thai attackers thought she was swearing in Thai, rather than saying "no" in Russian. Authorities refuse to press charges against the local gang, and have demanded the Ruskie pay her bar bill and nyet pai back to Moscow. Edited May 24, 2007 by Jet Gorgon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suiging Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 The sun shone in Pattaya today............and nothing happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilHarries Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 PATTAYA LIBRARY LOANS BOOK Now a most disturbing case from soi Yodsak. Pol Col Major General Chavalit Plodprasop received a call regarding a serious incident in the Pattaya City Library situated in the Pattaya Cultural Centre. On arriving at the scene he found the chief librarian miss Yangsawang (Lek) Silicontitties being attended to by members of the Bodies-R-Us rescue foundation. When she was revived enough to give an account of the incident she told of a farang tourist, Richard Cranium of 26 Orchard Gardens Wokingham Berkshire England RG14 9LG, who came into the library and asked if he may borrow a book on fly fishing. The Pol Col thought it best to take the farang, the librarian and the book into custody at the Pattaya police station where compensation details can be discussed. It appears this is just another sickening example of the depravity of the new breed of quality tourists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jet Gorgon Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 (edited) Nice one, Phil. I think you only needed the headline. Edited May 24, 2007 by Jet Gorgon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 (edited) Thousands of Sick Buffalo Face Death as Western Union Office Ponders Closure Two representatives of a sick buffalo advocacy group talk with reporters Edited May 24, 2007 by cdnvic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crow Boy Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Thousands of Sick Buffalo Face Death as Western Union Office Ponders Closure I was working up a similar headline but you edition hit the streets first CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilHarries Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Baht Bus Driver Passes Driving Test Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazmlb Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Motorsi Taxi driver breath tested and came up 0.00 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Austhaied Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Thousands of Sick Buffalo Face Death as Western Union Office Ponders Closure Pure class.. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crow Boy Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Corrupt Cop Arrested - Superintendent Shocked Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suiging Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 (edited) Corrupt Cop Not Arrested Nobody surprised at all Edited May 24, 2007 by suiging Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Austhaied Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Corrupt Pattaya cop moved to an in-active post somewhere down south Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suiging Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Corrupt Pattaya Cop hates Essex So moves back to Pattaya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazmlb Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Meter Taxis to be allowed to operate in Pattaya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jet Gorgon Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Thousands of Sick Buffalo Face Death as Western Union Office Ponders Closure Two representatives of a sick buffalo advocacy group talk with reporters Yes, I similarly applaud your contribution, CV, especially as I noted Limpy and Cawboy in italic-under-spotted-mode spending many big time typing their own "witty" posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilHarries Posted May 24, 2007 Share Posted May 24, 2007 Owner of Dog's B*ll*cks knighted For his diplomatic efforts in promoting cross cultural awareness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suiging Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 DOG BITES OWNER TO GET HIS BOl&&**KS BACK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jet Gorgon Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 I expected better, Limpy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldcrush Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 TOKYOT ARRESTS MUGGER IN TOKYO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dan Sai Kid Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Baht Bus in Normal Price Shocker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phazey Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 SWEDISH BUDGET TOURIST ARRESTED FOR SPEEDING ON WALKING STREET A Swedish backpacker, Sven Svennsson, 38, was arrested Wednesday night for speeding on Walking Street. "It was clearly a suicide attempt", attending officer Pol Col Major General Chavalit Plodprasop said. "He broke into a run and I knew his life and others were in danger". Tourist Police Volunteer Bruce Wallaby, who arrived shortly after Svennsson was apprehended added "There could have been terrible loss of life." Svennsson who claimed he simply did not want to miss the start of the Ladyboy mudwrestling, was released from hospital this morning, with injuries including 3 fractured ribs, concussion, perforated eardrums, dislocated knee , 2 broken fingers, a punctured lung and severe bruising to the testicles. Asked about excessive force during the arrest, Pol Col Major General Chavalit Plodprasop stated "He was coming right for us, the other six officers and myself felt threatened" Svensson was fined 1341THB, an ipod with the entire works of ABBA and 12 marlboro light menthol cigarettes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insight Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Arab in 9 baht record tip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 (edited) Pattaya Bar Girl Breaks Juggling Record Nong (AKA 'Lek') the star attraction of the "Just Cum Inn" has laid claim to the World Sucker Juggling Record. She claimed the crown after providing Guinness Book of Records Investigators with evidence that she is indeed juggling 37 foreign boyfriends, all of which are providing her with a regular income, sporadic visits and some very dubious reading matter. The evidence of her triumph was presented in the form of boxes of letters, Western Union Receipts, phone records and a vast collection of huge cuddly toys - all of which has since been purchased by "Ripley's Believe it or Not" as the basis of a new display on ‘the gross stupidity of people who are not very bright’. Delay and Controversy The announcement that Nong had gained the record had been delayed after close examination of the letters revealed that two of her suitors where in fact one and the same fool. Variously known as Dave, or …. Day! a small time builder from Essex. It appears that after Dave’s first visit to Pattaya, during which he met and fell hopelessly in love with Nong, he returned home wracked with suspicion that she was cheating on him. It was some weeks after returning home that he hatched a cunning plan: Disguised as one of his own employees a jolly bricky called ‘Jim’ he sneaked back to Pattaya in order to strike up a clandestine relationship with Nong to determine if she was cheating on his real life self. It seems the plot worked, perhaps too well. His alter ego the bricky also fell in love and started sending Nong monthly cash transfers together with soppy love letters in which he told her how nasty and bad mannered his boss was. The Guinness book of records rules are quite explicit on this: forged or fraudulent Tilaks must be removed from the count – No small matter since this denied Nong her record since ‘Noiy’ (receptionist and some time Stool Examination Technician at the South Pattaya Polyclinic) had a confirmed 36 Tilaks in various stages of simmer. Reprieve and Glorious Triumph In a last minute recount it was revealed that Nong was not to be beaten, she had struck up relationships with two of the Guinees Book of Records Investigators, both who had passed the Litmus Test – Bought Nong an Oversized Cuddly Toy a TV, a Mobile Phone and sent her money via Western Union. Nong’s reputation was saved, and her record secure. Asked how she remembers all her suitor’s names, she replied “I don’t, I just call them all ‘Darlink’” Well done and congratulations to Nong! Edited May 25, 2007 by GuestHouse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhilHarries Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 “I don’t, I just call them all ‘Darlink’” Surely with such a world class pro it would be "Dahk ling". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suiging Posted May 26, 2007 Share Posted May 26, 2007 " Crow Boy admits to being an "Ugly Dahk Ling " Pattaya twitchers concerned. " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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