My marriage is kind of 'on the rocks', crumbling around me.

[charliechoc]

I previously posted a thread about:

Last night after our child went to bed I had a talk with the missus. Something along the lines that we have a lack of intimacy in our relationship. Im certainly not feeling the love anymore. She gets love from our child. I get it from our dog when he licks my hand at feeding time.

 

I told her I can't help but look at other women now and worry about where things are heading.

 

Actually I feel unhappy living in Thailand at the moment. I have no friends in this city where I live. I've tried but most other westerners keep to themselves. Impossible to find Thai friends. A few hours ago I sent a message to my mate in Scotland asking if we can have a chat on the phone. Oh sorry he says 'Im out with my mates playing golf today'. I miss Europe a lot and with my marriage crumbling around me I feel I cannot return home because I dont want to leave my child.

 

My wife told me its over 100% if I play up with another woman. I dont know whether I should go for a divorce. I have no where to live if booted out, no friends.

 

I think I just need to sit tight until this china virus issue is well and truly over.  What do you think?

[saakura]

"She gets love from our child. I get it from our dog when he licks my hand at feeding time."

 

Speaks volumes, my friend. Why do you get more love from your dog than your own flesh & blood?

 

[tonray]

8 minutes ago, charliechoc said:

She gets love from our child. I get it from our dog when he licks my hand at feeding time.

Don't you interact with your child at all ? Are you participating in his/her upbringing ?

[CharlieH]

Very sad and difficult situation. You must be in a mixture of sad, lonely, confused with anger underneath it all.

 

You must be feeling pretty isolated. Have you tried exploring more with the wife as to how she feels and why she thinks it has come to this ?

Communication isnt easy on some levels , if its hard getting the point across or explaining properly is there a Thai who may be has a better understanding of English that can help you talk to the wife ? Just a suggestion.

[steven100]

she's playing you like a fiddle my friend,   you tried explaining and she didn't care, in fact she threatened you with " it's over bs '"     you should have jumped in then an said, you got that right so i'm otta here. 

Typical thai,  you help them, get a house, car etc .... and later they turn on you and want you gone.

sorry, but it's the thai way. 

good luck what ever you do.

[MrJ2U]

Your wife may be going through "Postpartum depression".  Many women go through it having a child.

 

You need to realize its not you and her harmones will settle down and she'll be all over you again like flys on sh**.

 

In the meantime exercise, get some hobbies, and help out as much as you can with your child.  Its a full-time job, children.

 

If you drink, keep it in moderation.  Alcohol is a depressant and when ones inebriated they can say some hurtful things.

 

Take a deep breath.

You'll get through this a better, stronger person!

 

 

[Kwasaki]

20 minutes ago, charliechoc said:

My wife told me its over 100% if I play up with another woman. I dont know whether I should go for a divorce. I have no where to live if booted out, no friends.

 

I think I just need to sit tight until this china virus issue is well and truly over.  What do you think?

Kinda sad, if it were me I would leave rent a place near so can still see my kid.

Maybe just keep out the way give no money, don't get involved with someone else for a while.

Just go from there and see what happens.

 

[it is what it is]

 sad that you dont feel love from your child, you dont say how old the child is? many couples stay together for the sake of the child - with varying results. if the child only has a few more years of education then it may be worth trying to make it work - after all you and your wife are the adults. if not, and you dont have love from your wife or child it may be time to move on.

[RichardColeman]

27 minutes ago, charliechoc said:

I have no where to live if booted out, no friends.

You already said you have no friends in the City and live in the other room.

 

Condos to rent are cheap now. Better on your own than in a loveless marriage. 

 

My first Thai wife was a little like your lady - I was really sick once, and she treated my sickness like helping a asset rather than a husband. I divorced her, married a school teacher from Nan that is the complete opposite and very happy now for six years.

 

Get out, start again - not exactly a shortage of women in Thailand

[nkg]

Apart from the wife issues, it sounds like you need a sense of purpose in your life. Have you considered doing some volunteering?

 

If you spent some time helping a local charity, for example, I guarantee that you would quickly have a circle of friends, Thai and foreign. When your wife sees you getting out of the house more and meeting new people, she might look at you a little differently.

[IvorBiggun2]

To me it's quite obvious the OP is suffering depression. Time to seek out professional help. Should put this thread in medical.

Edited August 15, 2021 by IvorBiggun2

[jak2002003]

Your wife is probably tired out looking after the baby.. and she also might have postnatal depression.

 

How much do you help with your child?

 

You should help her out with the child care so it's 50 / 50.

 

Why don't you feel love from your own child too?

 

Why don't you have any friends after living here so long? 

 

I am sorry for how you are feeling but sounds like there is much more going on with your situation that you have said.

 

How about you looking after the baby for the day, giver your wife some money and tell her to go out and have the day to herself to relax a few times?  

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 15, 2021 by jak2002003

[bkk6060]

The marriage sounds dead and you miss your home country and friends.

I would get a lawyer and divorce her.  Provide support and try to get some type of custody arrangement and come back here when you can to see your kid.  Sounds maybe a little harsh but from personal experience the way you are feeling, trying to stick it out only for the kid is not always the best for anyone.

Edited August 15, 2021 by bkk6060

[jvs]

You say your son is six years old,you should be able to do activities with him?

I understand your wife said it is over 100% ,that should give you a clue where you are at in your

relation.

Start looking for and exit asap.

No idea but you do sound depressed,already in the other topic.

My experience is with things like this they do not get better on their own.

I went to something similar a long time ago.

Tough times ahead but just remember you can over come this and come out a better person.

Do not fight with your wife,remember there is a child who depends on you.

When it is over it is over.

Good luck and do not give up on yourself.

[riclag]

58 minutes ago, charliechoc said:

I think I just need to sit tight until this china virus issue is well and truly over.  What do you think?

Yes sit tight ! Your story or something very similar  is being told hundreds of times  everyday through out the world imop!

The virus that was discovered in china has socially impacted so many lives imop!

Hang in there CC you have company !

 

Edited August 15, 2021 by riclag

[3NUMBAS]

another story for all the paperbacks on sale about not getting married to thai woman

sick buffaloes and all that

[MrJ2U]

30 minutes ago, Kwasaki said:

just keep out the way give no money

Great advise.

 

Whats the kid going to eat?

Ridiculous, hope you don't ever have any children.

[richard_smith237]

Sorry to hear of the tough times, the subsurface stresses of lock-down definitely contribute. 

 

What is the age difference between your wife and yourself? her background and education?

 

People will say it doesn’t matter, but if may if she married you simply for ’security’ purposes as apposed more affectionate reasons we are conventionally familiar with (thats the delicate way of putting it). 

 

 

If you are of a similar age and socio-economic background there could be more to it, i.e. depression etc

Sometimes relationships need a kick up the backside and it definitely needs mutual respect and a bit of effort to keep things on the up and up. 

 

(you, or another poster mentioned your son is 6 years old) I’d suggest doing more with your Son... take him swimming, play football, hook up with other fathers and arrange some activities, camping, fishing, making things, just do silly stuff that engages him.

 

 

As far as your Wife is concerned, you cannot force her to maintain intimacy if she doesn’t want to. 

But then she can’t force you to stay, it's that simple. 

 

You have a life to live, if your Wife refuses to be part of it a tough choice needs to be made, move on, but move on nearby so you can still see your son. 

 

Its a tough one and you are only going to get 101 ideas and pages of advice from here from people who really do not know your situation. If you can afford to, go home and take break for a month or two. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[fredscats]

27 minutes ago, IvorBiggun2 said:

To me it's quite obvious the OP is suffering depression. Time to seek out professional help. Should put this thread in medical.

Think so too,but its hard to break the mould. No support,no friends ,could do with a break from it all,take a deep breath.  Options? plenty of them but hard to see the forest for the trees.

 Bound to meet up with other women,cannot be helped,you want company,plenty of that around,but do not let dark thoughts cloud your judgement,everything eventually turns out for the better

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, charliechoc said:

I think I just need to sit tight until this china virus issue is well and truly over.  What do you think?

Withdraw all financing for her and the household immediately.

Let her see what it's like to get by on her own money for a while.

Don't pay school fees or provide for the child either.

 

No need to discuss, argue, talk through, or any of the usual nonsense Western men try to do, that just makes you look weak. Stop paying now. And if it all goes horribly wrong, at least you didn't waste any more of your money.

 

Edited August 15, 2021 by BritManToo

[A1Str8]

It's obvious she doesn't love you. 

Leave her. Find a way to make money and visit the kid from time to time because you aren't taking the child anywhere. The law is on mom's side.

[riclag]

49 minutes ago, nkg said:

Apart from the wife issues, it sounds like you need a sense of purpose in your life. Have you considered doing some volunteering?

 

If you spent some time helping a local charity, for example, I guarantee that you would quickly have a circle of friends, Thai and foreign. When your wife sees you getting out of the house more and meeting new people, she might look at you a little differently.

 You have good intensions  and I would agree with you 100 percent but some people are having to put their life on hold, visiting friends, going out to eat ,socializing....

Going out and mixing it up  takes on a whole new set of circumstances because of the V

Edited August 15, 2021 by riclag

[jvs]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Withdraw all financing for her and the household immediately.

Let her see what it's like to get by on her own money for a while.

Don't pay school fees or provide for the child either.

 

You can not force some one to love you,this will solve absolutely nothing.

It will just keep simmering until it boils over and the op will just be older then.

False hope never helped.

[BritManToo]

Just now, jvs said:

You can not force some one to love you,this will solve absolutely nothing.

It will just keep simmering until it boils over and the op will just be older then.

False hope never helped.

I've always assumed they never loved me in the first place.

OP's may be different, but mine all just wanted money.

No point in giving her more when she's on the way out.

[2long]

BATTLE THROUGH this period. It's not your time. It's the new baby time, and mother and child time.

I've been through it. It's quite normal.

Stay strong and stay calm and stay balanced and happy and reasonable 

A Thai Somchai and a low-quality farang would see this as an opportunity or excuse to play the field. Don't buckle. Be the good dad and the good husband and play the long game. Anyone telling you you're being played or should get out... ignore them.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[BritManToo]

Just now, 2long said:

BATTLE THROUGH this period. It's not your time. It's the new baby time, and mother and child time.

I've been through it. It's quite normal.

Did you read the bit where 'baby' is now 6 years old and OP's been getting nothing (except the bills) for most of that time?

[2long]

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Did you read the bit where 'baby' is now 6 years old and OP's been getting nothing (except the bills) for most of that time?

Nope. I do headlines and beer.

[charliechoc]

51 minutes ago, jak2002003 said:

Your wife is probably tired out looking after the baby.. and she also might have postnatal depression.

 

How much do you help with your child?

 

You should help her out with the child care so it's 50 / 50.

 

Why don't you feel love from your own child too?

 

Why don't you have any friends after living here so long? 

 

I am sorry for how you are feeling but sounds like there is much more going on with your situation that you have said.

 

How about you looking after the baby for the day, giver your wife some money and tell her to go out and have the day to herself to relax a few times?  

 

 

 

 

 

I clearly didn't put enough detail in my post above. But I do get love from my child. Its all I really care about now.

 

I dont know what to say really about the friends situation or lack there of. I dont live in a tourist city and hard to meet any farang here. Have tried with little success.

 

I think my personality doesnt fit into Thailand to be honest.

[hackjam]

Dig your heels in and stay put, move out and you loose a lot. Find yourself a young fit bird to bang on the side, will make you feel upbeat.

[zzaa09]

1 hour ago, steven100 said:

she's playing you like a fiddle my friend,   you tried explaining and she didn't care, in fact she threatened you with " it's over bs '"     you should have jumped in then an said, you got that right so i'm otta here. 

Typical thai,  you help them, get a house, car etc .... and later they turn on you and want you gone.

sorry, but it's the thai way. 

good luck what ever you do.

Aside from all this, I've always been taken back by these random innocent types who find it necessary to display their deepest and innermost personal problems in a public venue and any such reasoning therefore. 

Why..? 

 

Edited August 15, 2021 by zzaa09