My marriage is kind of 'on the rocks', crumbling around me.

[FarangULong]

14 hours ago, Smithson said:

All this stuff about Alpha males sounds really childish, also so much speculation about motives etc. Marriage is very different here to the West with it's nuclear families.

 

 

Which nuclear families are those? That's no longer a thing in the West, and hasn't been for quite some time. Whatever is left of it, certain people are working very hard to destroy that as well.

 

It's not just Thais, that don't work to get the fire back. That's people in general, specifically women. Once they're bored, they'll look for fun elsewhere. Men too, though men have had a steady decline in actually BEING men. Instead they turn into servile, weak willed creatures, that only resemble a man at first glance.

 

That's nothing to do with the whole "alpha" thing, nevermind all those "dating coaches" and their books & videos, it just is.

 

In ANY culture (though there might be some outlier...) if you're a man and you do not act like one, women won't respect you, they'll cheat on you, take everything they can from you, and eventually they'll leave you (or if they're particularly nasty and you have a lot of money and assets, they might try and convince you to stay, so they can suck even more out of you first)...

 

So that's not a Thai exclusive thing. The only major differences, is stuff like if you marry one of them, you pretty much marry the entire extended family. And even there you CAN put down the law to a certain extent. It's not your job to finance them and their "business plans". You just have to make things like that clear from the get go, otherwise you're deceiving her and you'll other problems. You CAN help, if you CHOOSE to and WANT to, but not because she demands it / the culture "demands" it.

[DBath]

Has there ever been any intimacy or a relationship that had an ounce of caring between you and your wife? (I can't recall if you addressed that in your original post from a few days ago). Do you and your wife do things together and do you function as a team on some level? Probably a dumb question, I know...

 

I'm certainly no expert, but if you feel there is something salvageable there or worth trying to save then give it a shot, for yourself and for your child - hell, even for your wife. Sounds like you may want to seek professional help if you can. I'm not a big fan of psychology, but it might help if you can talk things out with your wife in front of someone who can moderate/facilitate a productive discussion that might help get things back on track. Don't expect any miracles or that it will be easy.

 

If you do decide to give it a shot, I hope it works out for you, but whatever you do don't be miserable in a relationship just for your child, they will grow up exposed to a household full of spite - and that is much worse than them growing up without you being there 100% of the time. 

 

I really wish you luck and I feel for you, it seems like you are in a very tough spot, but you'll get through it, no matter what happens.

 

Also: Please try and tune out any of the cruel people on here (you know the ones who might be laughing at your pain and saying mean things that are of no value) - they're the ones with the problem, not you. Some here will give you good advice and others, well not so much or not at all, but they don't matter.

Edited August 16, 2021 by DBath

[DBath]

On 8/15/2021 at 2:43 PM, RichardColeman said:

You already said you have no friends in the City and live in the other room.

 

Condos to rent are cheap now. Better on your own than in a loveless marriage. 

 

My first Thai wife was a little like your lady - I was really sick once, and she treated my sickness like helping a asset rather than a husband. I divorced her, married a school teacher from Nan that is the complete opposite and very happy now for six years.

 

Get out, start again - not exactly a shortage of women in Thailand

Hopefully the OP will be able to carry what he learns this time around into his next relationship with eyes wide open, resulting in a different outcome, similar to your situation.

[RJRS1301]

14 hours ago, toston said:

So you are not horny for her anymore ? seems logic to me ! and I wonder how can someone get laid with the same cow for so many years ?!

 

Or the same boring old c===k

[chuang]

You said you don't want to leave your child..but you get love from your dog not your child..Strange.

[cTay]

On 8/15/2021 at 7:27 AM, steven100 said:

she's playing you like a fiddle my friend,   you tried explaining and she didn't care, in fact she threatened you with " it's over bs '"     you should have jumped in then an said, you got that right so i'm otta here. 

Typical thai,  you help them, get a house, car etc .... and later they turn on you and want you gone.

sorry, but it's the thai way. 

good luck what ever you do.

it happens all over the world

[BritManToo]

Just now, cTay said:

it happens all over the world

Agree, it's not 'typical Thai' but 'typical woman'.

[Tropposurfer]

On 8/15/2021 at 11:50 PM, zzaa09 said:

Aside from all this, I've always been taken back by these random innocent types who find it necessary to display their deepest and innermost personal problems in a public venue and any such reasoning therefore. 

Why..? 

 

Man sure seems like there's some gold standard resentment going on with you steven. I apologise if I am sounding rude towards you mate, not meant. I know of many falang's who feel as you do and see Thai's the way you do.

I hear your loneliness mate, it's in your power to attend to this but this might necessitate you making yourself vulnerable again (you did with an old mate back in the old country and found 'nobody home' so to speak, and in attempting to talk with your wife). 

For Thais to be born into a misogynist world (that's western societies too to a large degree of course, and Thai society all over) breeds all sorts of relational styles that aren't productive and supportive of intersex intimacy. I'm very curious about how you have related to and how you relate to women and other people Charlie? As a retired psychotherapist I can't help but have this curiosity rise up.

I read you saying you have very few friends and have found falang's in your neck of the woods to be closed. Do you speak Thai? If not then I'd suggest you get to that asap if you want to stay and live in Thailand.

I'm not smacking you from afar when I offer the statement that intimacy is always, always a co-created relational experience Charlie. Yes some of this balance around intimacy can be more one sided in relationship. We often pass this 'intimacy avoidance ball' back and forth too without even knowing it. It's just one of the 'dances' we can do in relationship. 

I'd sit and ask yourself how have/do YOU help, avoid and reject/starve intimacy with your wife and your child? Perhaps it's a benign neglect (many men are this way), benign because boys often don't know this is even happening due to the low emotional intelligence/intimacy ways of relating we've been taught. Its not a matter of blaming ourselves but recognising we (most of us) men are taught, albeit unconsciously, badly about love.

Sadly blokes aren't generally very good at the kaleidoscope of intimacy. One of the biggest barriers is a general malaise of numbness accompanied by an instinctive avoidance.

Often we can hear it in men's language e.g. just being blind to intimacy altogether, a real open contempt for closeness/tenderness, softness (our inner femininity which Jung called our Anima) disguised as sarcasm, mocking other men who are intimacy-available, blaming the partner.

Women are more emotionally connected and expressive as a rule of thumb (its in their genetic makeup to nurture and be sensitive to feelings and mood changes in their group), our job is to hunt and kill the beast and drag it back to the hearth.

Often what we get skew-wiff is when gals are simple communicating with us about whats happening for them without necessarily asking anything other than for us to 'hear' them. Silence from a woman can be something much different to what we think it is.

Yes, as some have said here, silence can be a weapon to hurt, control, elicit a certain range of responses etc. Also a way of maintaining a boundary or a 'wall' until feelings and thoughts have time to be processed. Sometimes and often, many of us never process what we feel or are thinking very far at all and thus have little chance to change in a way thats better for us. 

We tend to do 'dances' together. Each knows the next step, or when to change to another dance and we get locked into these.

The dances', whatever you guys do you BOTH can change it if you want to. Apart from making efforts to change we also signal to the other we are paying attention and willing to look and of necessary to change too.

A classic dance is to go along doing 'stuff' until pressure builds and then an eruption takes place,(maybe now what is happening is you both have resigned to a certain way or ways and have decided not to try to change (although your efforts to approach your wife shows there's still energy in you to improve the relationship), then the big withdrawal/rejection, then either a powerful coming together. This is often called 'make-up sex', this is interpreted as being a great thing and a strength of the relationship when actually it may not be at all) or perhaps you make slow tentative steps to begin to let the other approach tentatively closer (to a low-contact-point of being still safe) and once again to start to do normal daily life cooperating but at levels which never satisfy either of your needs for intimacy and companionship.

We blokes generally either try to 'fix' and or simply don't 'hear' women which transmits to women as OMG 'nobody's home'!

For a woman who's vulnerable, feeling insecure in some way this can be felt and thought of as; He doesn't love me or care enough, he never listens, he isn't romantic'. Boys do this too but because we often have such stronger fears of intimacy i.e. for us a lot of our self-talk about ourselves and our partner has the same roots but sounds/looks different.

Ergo; the comments of; ... 'typical Thai woman! We give them everything (except intimacy and closeness) and are mortified and very angry that what we have done as 'love'(?) hasn't worked so we say; 'they just rip us off!'

For all the men who might read this when you are loving and attentive this does not mean you are going to try and be sexual with her. I heard a really wise man talk once in a group about 'love can and is sexual but not ALL THE TIME and NOT the ONLY WAY to show love. He also being a daily decision, work'. Work made up of tiny decisions and actions each day.

I stop right here and say that these ideas I share may be only very broad descriptions of some of what might be happening. You will never know until you make a concerted and patient effort over time to find out what IS happening for your wife, and what is happening inside YOU.

If from your writing I read accurately this place you find yourself in now has been progressing to this point for years ... 

I am also curious as to how and what was happening in you that stopped you from taking these small daily steps to have an impact on the sharing of the bed beyond the child's infant years? I imagine you swallowed what you needed to ask for and simply turned away in some way from stating what you needed there?

It's as important for the parents as well as the child to have space and time away from the child (once it is safe to do so for them of course) for mum n dad be both friends, parents and lovers and thereby attend to their intimacy needs.

The sanctity of your bedroom space is important not just as a place to sleep and to have sex, but to be alone and debrief/talk about what's happening in all areas of your marriage. If you can't speak Thai and your wife has limited English then you're creating a big slope to climb in any emotional-intimacy in your marriage. Lots of falang's never learn Thai language (and seem proud of this fact - a holding onto and entrenchment in the laws and rules of their parents teachings in some way perhaps?). To me this brings imaginings of it being a way to sabotage intimacy and create a 'safe distance' which never challenges the basic tenants of how one loves, nor the stereotypes we project onto our partners.

Yes, some very happy mixed-race marriages require only simply language of the others mother tongue (usually because these marriages have other communication styles and usually have in both people a strong sense of security and other coping mechanisms) but to truly be intimate we need this great tool to communicate well. This is why we have voices and such a huge vocabulary to access as humans.

Maybe, and I'd suggest you do this;  Get a large sheet of paper and some pencils from your child's stash and draw a tree.

Make a place away form the family - go to a coffee shop you know that's quiet and safe, draw the tree without too much thinking about it, just draw it - big, small, pretty, ugly, gnarly, simple, complex - however it comes out of you.

Then write things about intimacy in relationship between a man and woman as fruit on the branches and see what you come up with (or not come up with!

If you're completely stumped and can't think of anything other than e.g. sex as one fruit, or the child as another then go do a Google search on 'partner intimacy in a marriage', then write these as the fruit and see which ones stump you, are scarey, make you angry, maybe you'll get sleepy?, or you simple have no clue about it, think one way about it but then read what others say is a feature of intimacy and if any of these challenge you.

This exercise in reflection and enquiry is a good place to start to see if you have any blocks to being intimate. Having feeling reactions, or going blank in doing this can be really helpful in finding out about your beliefs and blocks.

I too wonder as others have about the nature of your relationship with your child and how you relate to him/her? It seems to sound (maybe?) that you have a distant relationship with him/her?

Is this so? If so then what, how, where, when, and why has this relationship ended up where it is today?

Ask this question on both wife and child? 

Maybe if the wife will sit and talk ask her to tell you if she can think of a time or a specific place in time things changed for her or with you? You might get a big surprise if she answers ?

If I were you I'd be looking for a mature, grounded Thai with great English skills, someone who isn't going to trigger the wife's 'face' and won't talk down to her or who she might feel intimidated by.

I'd ask her if you both could go and have some regular times with a kind, wise monk (if theres one not too far away) and have some ceremony and blessings together.

You can maybe find new love with your wife by making efforts to spend 'quality time' with your child. Remember for women a man who is dedicated to their child often brings feelings of thanks and warmth to a woman's heart. 

A little child-bribery (a visit to the local coconut ice cream maker or some play area with pancakes or some other sweets added in at first might help if the child is indifferent to you or wants to cling to mummy. I'd do the same with your wife WITHOUT ANY other agenda than wanting to be kind. It's a big thing if you can see where you are WANTING and NEEDING and sometimes make a decision to set these aside and give in some small way kindness and love to her.  Hope I am not out of line to offer my thoughts, experience, and feelings on the very sensitive and vital relationships of yours Charlie.

 

[DBath]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Agree, it's not 'typical Thai' but 'typical woman'.

I find it’s more a matter of the kind of company one keeps, in my experience. 

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, DBath said:

I find it’s more a matter of the kind of company one keeps, in my experience. 

Disagree,

I've been married to a Brit virgin schoolteacher (degree), and to a Thai bar girl (left school age 12).

Both were equally unfaithful, both were looking for free houses. 

The Thai bar girl was much nicer in every way imaginable.

 

Living with a woman is always trouble, up to you to limit the trouble.

Edited August 17, 2021 by BritManToo

[DBath]

48 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Disagree,

I've been married to a Brit virgin schoolteacher (degree), and to a Thai bar girl (left school age 12).

Both were equally unfaithful, both were looking for free houses. 

The Thai bar girl was much nicer in every way imaginable.

 

Living with a woman is always trouble, up to you to limit the trouble.

I agree that things can go south, because you can never really know the other person's deepest thoughts. Or maybe sometimes we as men are too stubborn to see the obvious red flags. I am speaking in general terms here, so it may not apply to every case, such as yours.

 

To say that living with a woman is always trouble, well that's a bit extreme for me to agree with. Relationships have to be a two-way street with equal give and take, IMO. Otherwise the ugly truth will one day reveal itself.

 

Rigidity doesn't work with most women - or in relationships in general - long term, IMO.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, DBath said:

To say that living with a woman is always trouble, well that's a bit extreme for me to agree with. Relationships have to be a two-way street with equal give and take, IMO. Otherwise the ugly truth will one day reveal itself.

 

Rigidity doesn't work with most women - or in relationships in general - long term, IMO.

I've come to believe all relationships are limited before they go bad.

I'm attracted to women in their early 30's, but not attracted at all to women over 40.

Therefore the best relationship I can find is limited to less than 10 years.

[Kwasaki]

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've come to believe all relationships are limited before they go bad.

I'm attracted to women in their early 30's, but not attracted at all to women over 40.

Therefore the best relationship I can find is limited to less than 10 years.

I glad my wife is safe from your charms. ????????

[FarangULong]

8 hours ago, chuang said:

You said you don't want to leave your child..but you get love from your dog not your child..Strange.

Totally unrelated, but that's an extremely cute Rotti on your profile picture.

[DBath]

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I've come to believe all relationships are limited before they go bad.

I'm attracted to women in their early 30's, but not attracted at all to women over 40.

Therefore the best relationship I can find is limited to less than 10 years.

After my first marriage I met literally hundreds of women online. And came to a similar conclusion re: age range. The ones in their 20’s were too volatile and I found most women in their late 30’s and above demanded more than they were worthy of and were too serious to the point of being boring. 

 

My Chinese wife is 49 now, we’ve been married 10+ years and other than our size we are a perfect match (she barely comes up to my shoulders and is a little more than 1/3 my size). I’ve never been treated so well by anyone and we both never get tired of each other.  I know some of this has been luck, but most of it was because I knew what I wanted after my first marriage. Plus I took my time by meeting many women online and that really helped me narrow down the field to get what I needed in a partner. 

[FarangULong]

6 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Agree, it's not 'typical Thai' but 'typical woman'.

14 hours ago, DBath said:

but whatever you do don't be miserable in a relationship just for your child, they will grow up exposed to a household full of spite - and that is much worse than them growing up without you being there 100% of the time. 

 

I really wish you luck and I feel for you, it seems like you are in a very tough spot, but you'll get through it, no matter what happens.

 

I agree with that part, but the rest is merely a bunch of high minded sounding "stuff". I didn't read every single reply, but I did read most of them, and I didn't see anyone laughing at him, or saying "mean things" for no reason.

 

Some men just need to be told directly, that the situation they're in sounds toxic and definitely not normal, natural, whatever.

 

The guy has been trying for the last 6 years, and finally has had to ask on a forum for help, which is already a pretty low point... wouldn't you agree?

 

At what point is enough enough? I don't think this is salvageable, I think he should've drawn the line years ago, and imo the best he can do is get away from the situation.

 

It even sounds a lot like he wouldn't be happy, even IF the wife wasn't so distant and putting out. I'm not super social myself, but I'd go batcrap crazy, if I spent years with very little social contact outside the wife, kid and occasional phone calls to old friends' back home, who are so removed that they won't take time away from their golf game to give you a little support.

 

The situation as a whole sounds toxic and unhealthy. The whole wife being distant and not being intimate etc. is just the icing on the cake, and the final deal breaker.

 

He should try to salvage what little he can, which is that she gets as little as possible, figure out whether she has cheated or not (just so maybe he will recognize situations that were odd/didn't make sense in the past, but he let them go at the time, and so he can therefore recognize the signs faster next time around), figure out if the kid is his or not (the worst part imo), and then figure out IF he wants to be in the kid's life, especially considering it does seem that while he's physically there, he's not in the kid's life at all.

 

Then again maybe he is, and he just left out that part, but it doesn't sound like it.

 

But hey, if you want to be in a loveless situation like this for years and years, waste some of your best (or not so great anymore, depending on how old/healthy he is, but years are years...) years on a person that doesn't seem to be making any effort in turn either, then good for you.

 

And just maybe don't presume what the motives of people posting in here are, just so you can feel better about yourself and what sort of man you are/because you happen to disagree with them....

[FarangULong]

40 minutes ago, DBath said:

After my first marriage I met literally hundreds of women online. And came to a similar conclusion re: age range. The ones in their 20’s were too volatile and I found most women in their late 30’s and above demanded more than they were worthy of and were too serious to the point of being boring. 

 

 

That's because the average to attractive ones are busy riding the male chicken carousel in their 20s, and their level of attractiveness goes down hill fast in their 30s + they're getting panicked about needing to find "quality men" (as in the type she ignored or never even acknowledged their existance, when she was in her teens and 20s, that can provide for her all the <deleted> she doesn't need but wants, who's easy to control and manipulate, and easy to distract so her personal trainer or hwatever can smash on the side).

 

Then with the whole lighting and make up tutorials available, wonderbras, tight, revealing clothes and plenty of simps willing to call girls that are barely average even WITH all those tricks "LIEK OMG SHE'S SO HOT" on various social media, to feed her ego non stop, they then feel they're owed more than they're really "worth".

 

Creating highly unreasonable expectations for themselves/their future man... basically the majority of women thinking they're fit to compete for the top 10-1% of men.

 

Stuff like tinder allowing the top % of men to order them up like fast food, and afterwards they're bitter and wonder why he didn't stick around. Quick to spread their legs on there and after the club, etc. yet the "quality men" later are going to be made to wait, because "am I not worth waiting for?".

 

Makes me both sad and angry for/at most guys, at the same time. Not that I'm top 10%. I'm not. But I'm not the average guy either, in certain respects, so I don't have to nor will I ever beg, humiliate myself, etc. for any woman. Even if it sometimes does lead to stretches of no kitty, but whatever. My dignity is more important to me, than trying to scratch my itch.

 

Of course not all of them are like that. But more and more are becoming that way, the ones that already are feel the need to drag down the ones who aren't, because misery loves company (lots of future very angry, lonely cat ladies in the making, as I'm typing this).

 

And because "cool culture" like this almost always spill over from the West to everywhere else, you're seeing the same phenomenom everywhere else, albeit for now to a lesser degree.

 

I guess you were lucky iwth yours, since a lot of Chinese women are quite heartless as well, or rather their heart is a cash register. Or maybe that's just the mainlanders, I can't say I've met Taiwan women before, met a couple Sino Thais though. But their culture is more middle/upper class Thai, and not Chinese, so that doesn't count...

Edited August 17, 2021 by FarangULong
typo

[DBath]

3 hours ago, FarangULong said:

I agree with that part, but the rest is merely a bunch of high minded sounding "stuff". I didn't read every single reply, but I did read most of them, and I didn't see anyone laughing at him, or saying "mean things" for no reason.

 

Some men just need to be told directly, that the situation they're in sounds toxic and definitely not normal, natural, whatever.

 

The guy has been trying for the last 6 years, and finally has had to ask on a forum for help, which is already a pretty low point... wouldn't you agree?

 

At what point is enough enough? I don't think this is salvageable, I think he should've drawn the line years ago, and imo the best he can do is get away from the situation.

 

It even sounds a lot like he wouldn't be happy, even IF the wife wasn't so distant and putting out. I'm not super social myself, but I'd go batcrap crazy, if I spent years with very little social contact outside the wife, kid and occasional phone calls to old friends' back home, who are so removed that they won't take time away from their golf game to give you a little support.

 

The situation as a whole sounds toxic and unhealthy. The whole wife being distant and not being intimate etc. is just the icing on the cake, and the final deal breaker.

 

He should try to salvage what little he can, which is that she gets as little as possible, figure out whether she has cheated or not (just so maybe he will recognize situations that were odd/didn't make sense in the past, but he let them go at the time, and so he can therefore recognize the signs faster next time around), figure out if the kid is his or not (the worst part imo), and then figure out IF he wants to be in the kid's life, especially considering it does seem that while he's physically there, he's not in the kid's life at all.

 

Then again maybe he is, and he just left out that part, but it doesn't sound like it.

 

But hey, if you want to be in a loveless situation like this for years and years, waste some of your best (or not so great anymore, depending on how old/healthy he is, but years are years...) years on a person that doesn't seem to be making any effort in turn either, then good for you.

 

And just maybe don't presume what the motives of people posting in here are, just so you can feel better about yourself and what sort of man you are/because you happen to disagree with them....

Do you feel better now? Sorry if I touched a 'nerve', tough guy, but if you want to talk about "a bunch of high minded "stuff"", re-read your own rant.

 

I hate to break it to you, but you're not the ultimate expert in male and female relationships, certainly not as far as I'm concerned. So if you want to dish out your "tough love" approach, that's fine, why don't you dish it to the OP, because I didn't ask for, nor do I want or need your advice. 

 

Not sure what your problem is, you do seem to have one, but don't come at me, dude. Maybe you read one of my other posts and got peeved about something - not sure, don't care.

 

Also, I didn't have to read every post before I wrote what I wrote, which was something to comfort someone who is obviously down and seemed like he needed cheering up. All I had to see was the 8 laughing emoji's in response to the OP's opening dissertation to know that some people on here are jerks - not all, but some. So back-off and go take a chill pill, BUDDY! 

[DBath]

3 hours ago, FarangULong said:

That's because the average to attractive ones are busy riding the male chicken carousel in their 20s, and their level of attractiveness goes down hill fast in their 30s + they're getting panicked about needing to find "quality men" (as in the type she ignored or never even acknowledged their existance, when she was in her teens and 20s, that can provide for her all the <deleted> she doesn't need but wants, who's easy to control and manipulate, and easy to distract so her personal trainer or hwatever can smash on the side).

 

Then with the whole lighting and make up tutorials available, wonderbras, tight, revealing clothes and plenty of simps willing to call girls that are barely average even WITH all those tricks "LIEK OMG SHE'S SO HOT" on various social media, to feed her ego non stop, they then feel they're owed more than they're really "worth".

 

Creating highly unreasonable expectations for themselves/their future man... basically the majority of women thinking they're fit to compete for the top 10-1% of men.

 

Stuff like tinder allowing the top % of men to order them up like fast food, and afterwards they're bitter and wonder why he didn't stick around. Quick to spread their legs on there and after the club, etc. yet the "quality men" later are going to be made to wait, because "am I not worth waiting for?".

 

Makes me both sad and angry for/at most guys, at the same time. Not that I'm top 10%. I'm not. But I'm not the average guy either, in certain respects, so I don't have to nor will I ever beg, humiliate myself, etc. for any woman. Even if it sometimes does lead to stretches of no kitty, but whatever. My dignity is more important to me, than trying to scratch my itch.

 

Of course not all of them are like that. But more and more are becoming that way, the ones that already are feel the need to drag down the ones who aren't, because misery loves company (lots of future very angry, lonely cat ladies in the making, as I'm typing this).

 

And because "cool culture" like this almost always spill over from the West to everywhere else, you're seeing the same phenomenom everywhere else, albeit for now to a lesser degree.

 

I guess you were lucky iwth yours, since a lot of Chinese women are quite heartless as well, or rather their heart is a cash register. Or maybe that's just the mainlanders, I can't say I've met Taiwan women before, met a couple Sino Thais though. But their culture is more middle/upper class Thai, and not Chinese, so that doesn't count...

Just another long-winded bunch of hot air by FarangULong-time...

 

Did you really need to use so many words? All you needed to say (at least all I got from your 2nd rant of the day) how little you think of women. As far as your comments re: Chinese women, I'm going to chalk it up to the fact (one you've made quite clear) that you think so poorly of women perhaps, because you're in the business of pursuing the wrong kind or maybe you've been rejected too many times or you're bitter because you can't find the kind of woman you think you deserve.

 

Again, not sure, don't care.

[JWRC]

On 8/16/2021 at 7:14 PM, scubascuba3 said:

Maybe the constant rain and long winter nights, getting dark at 3pm gets old

It's not the only country that has this. I am not talking of the weather, it's the people, warm hearted, good natured and a rich and proud culture. 

[Kwasaki]

14 hours ago, FarangULong said:

That's because the average to attractive ones are busy riding the male chicken carousel in their 20s, and their level of attractiveness goes down hill fast in their 30s + they're getting panicked about needing to find "quality men" (as in the type she ignored or never even acknowledged their existance, when she was in her teens and 20s, that can provide for her all the <deleted> she doesn't need but wants, who's easy to control and manipulate, and easy to distract so her personal trainer or hwatever can smash on the side).

 

Then with the whole lighting and make up tutorials available, wonderbras, tight, revealing clothes and plenty of simps willing to call girls that are barely average even WITH all those tricks "LIEK OMG SHE'S SO HOT" on various social media, to feed her ego non stop, they then feel they're owed more than they're really "worth".

 

Creating highly unreasonable expectations for themselves/their future man... basically the majority of women thinking they're fit to compete for the top 10-1% of men.

 

Stuff like tinder allowing the top % of men to order them up like fast food, and afterwards they're bitter and wonder why he didn't stick around. Quick to spread their legs on there and after the club, etc. yet the "quality men" later are going to be made to wait, because "am I not worth waiting for?".

 

Makes me both sad and angry for/at most guys, at the same time. Not that I'm top 10%. I'm not. But I'm not the average guy either, in certain respects, so I don't have to nor will I ever beg, humiliate myself, etc. for any woman. Even if it sometimes does lead to stretches of no kitty, but whatever. My dignity is more important to me, than trying to scratch my itch.

 

Of course not all of them are like that. But more and more are becoming that way, the ones that already are feel the need to drag down the ones who aren't, because misery loves company (lots of future very angry, lonely cat ladies in the making, as I'm typing this).

 

And because "cool culture" like this almost always spill over from the West to everywhere else, you're seeing the same phenomenom everywhere else, albeit for now to a lesser degree.

 

I guess you were lucky iwth yours, since a lot of Chinese women are quite heartless as well, or rather their heart is a cash register. Or maybe that's just the mainlanders, I can't say I've met Taiwan women before, met a couple Sino Thais though. But their culture is more middle/upper class Thai, and not Chinese, so that doesn't count...

Very sad,  the Samaritans can help you their number is available on aseannow.com ????

[atpeace]

19 hours ago, DBath said:

After my first marriage I met literally hundreds of women online. And came to a similar conclusion re: age range. The ones in their 20’s were too volatile and I found most women in their late 30’s and above demanded more than they were worthy of and were too serious to the point of being boring. 

 

My Chinese wife is 49 now, we’ve been married 10+ years and other than our size we are a perfect match (she barely comes up to my shoulders and is a little more than 1/3 my size). I’ve never been treated so well by anyone and we both never get tired of each other.  I know some of this has been luck, but most of it was because I knew what I wanted after my first marriage. Plus I took my time by meeting many women online and that really helped me narrow down the field to get what I needed in a partner. 

As they say, "you make your own luck".  With that said, you are extremely lucky.  

 

Been with hundreds of women and even thought I loved a handful.  Looking back, I was just an a-hole only concerned about myself while convincing myself of my selfless nature in regards to the relationship(s) I was in at the time.  Chasing my mighty organ around every day as it sniffed for new prey.  Sure it was a rush like a good drug that eventuality warps pleasure.  You just do it out of habit.  

 

Was dating a sexy older woman before Covid hit. The pre-Covid woman moved in at lockdown.  She didn't have to move in and has other homes and condos.  She definitely doesn't need me which is comforting for some reason.  Been with her for almost 2 years and no desire for another.  She is hot and we laugh incessantly. 

 

WTFFF is happening to me!

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, atpeace said:

WTFFF is happening to me!

You found your mom.

[atpeace]

Just now, BritManToo said:

You found your mom.

God, I hope not! My Mom is bat <deleted> crazy.

[DBath]

20 hours ago, atpeace said:

As they say, "you make your own luck".  With that said, you are extremely lucky.  

 

Been with hundreds of women and even thought I loved a handful.  Looking back, I was just an a-hole only concerned about myself while convincing myself of my selfless nature in regards to the relationship(s) I was in at the time.  Chasing my mighty organ around every day as it sniffed for new prey.  Sure it was a rush like a good drug that eventuality warps pleasure.  You just do it out of habit.  

 

Was dating a sexy older woman before Covid hit. The pre-Covid woman moved in at lockdown.  She didn't have to move in and has other homes and condos.  She definitely doesn't need me which is comforting for some reason.  Been with her for almost 2 years and no desire for another.  She is hot and we laugh incessantly. 

 

WTFFF is happening to me!

I would say luck, some would even call it fate, but yes…I did make some of it myself. IMO, it was the sample size of the population I chose but I realize I could have ended up with a loser, it also helped that I avoided making mistakes made the first time around. 
 

When I think of some of the women I was with and I might have ended up with I cringe. That said, I never let myself get too emotionally attached to any of them where I would have had a hard time cutting them loose. 
 

Some were real “game players”.

[khunpa]

Look, if you are unhappy then end the marriage and make a better life for yourself. An unhappy marriage is also not good for the kid.

 

Move out. Find a new place and do what it takes to enjoy your new life. 

 

 

[FarangULong]

On 8/17/2021 at 5:04 PM, DBath said:

Do you feel better now? Sorry if I touched a 'nerve', tough guy, but if you want to talk about "a bunch of high minded "stuff"", re-read your own rant.

 

I hate to break it to you, but you're not the ultimate expert in male and female relationships, certainly not as far as I'm concerned. So if you want to dish out your "tough love" approach, that's fine, why don't you dish it to the OP, because I didn't ask for, nor do I want or need your advice. 

 

Not sure what your problem is, you do seem to have one, but don't come at me, dude. Maybe you read one of my other posts and got peeved about something - not sure, don't care.

 

Also, I didn't have to read every post before I wrote what I wrote, which was something to comfort someone who is obviously down and seemed like he needed cheering up. All I had to see was the 8 laughing emoji's in response to the OP's opening dissertation to know that some people on here are jerks - not all, but some. So back-off and go take a chill pill, BUDDY! 

I don't go by emojis, since certain people have nothing better to do, other than to react to some peoples' every single post with sad and laughing emojis. So this is meaningless to me. Just like someone isn't right or wrong, judging by the amount of positive or negative amount of emojis (and/or feedback) they're getting to a comment. Majority consensus is pretty meaningless, even in scientific theories. Even more so on a forum like this.

 

I never said I was the ultimate authority, nor did I ever claim that every single woman is the way I'm describing either.

 

However divorce statistics, along with the main reasons for divorce, many polls on who is cheating on whom/more often, etc., as well as a string of recent articles written by female authors regarding themselves or women they know cheating on their men, and feeling justified in it, seem to agree with my point of view. Not to mention books written by females, thus out of the horse's mouth...

 

Then of course, there's my own personal experience, the experiences of people I know, plenty of threads on this (and other) forums, etc... Not that my own (&such) experience(s) are relevant in terms of empirical data... then so again are the experiences of some in here (this thread & forum), who claim they know women so well, because they have (or think they have) a happy marriage for 3-4+ decades...

 

Women are far less complicated, than men think they are. Still more complicated than us, and far more of a hassle to keep happy.

 

But hey... facts, data, statistics, etc. are all racist, misogynist, sexist, etc., and emotionally charged mimimi, devoid of any logic or reason, is king/queen/(not sure what the 439583409583409853049853049580349580349+ gender correct terms are, but insert them here) these days...

 

Don't put words in my mouth.

 

I didn't "come at you" either, unless asking you not to claim you know what peoples' motives (ulterior or otherwise) equals "coming at you". I didn't call you any ad hominem, did I? When I write a comment, it's devoid of emotion, other than maybe mild irritation at some people and how blind they imo are, except when it comes to politics. I'm not writing a job application either though, so it might also lack in the politeness department.

 

Feel free to be offended, feel attacked, or not. It is naught to me.

 

P.S.: I just saw your other reply. You "attack" me personally, make assumptions about whether I get rejected, am bitter, etc., and then whine about me "coming at" you, because I called your comment "high minded", and suggested not interpreting any (ulterior or otherwise) motives into peoples' comments? Ha. I love irony.

Edited August 21, 2021 by FarangULong
typos

[chalawaan]

On 8/15/2021 at 7:45 PM, nkg said:

Apart from the wife issues, it sounds like you need a sense of purpose in your life. Have you considered doing some volunteering?

 

If you spent some time helping a local charity, for example, I guarantee that you would quickly have a circle of friends, Thai and foreign. When your wife sees you getting out of the house more and meeting new people, she might look at you a little differently.

Alas, he needs a specific visa to volunteer, or he will get deported if caught. Remember where we're living dear reader.

[nkg]

6 hours ago, chalawaan said:

Alas, he needs a specific visa to volunteer, or he will get deported if caught. Remember where we're living dear reader.

 

Has anyone ever actually been deported for doing volunteer work? I've never heard of this happening. Perhaps you could post a link to a relevant news story?

 

"You'll get deported if you do anything helpful" is a classic Thaivisa meme, with no basis in fact. It's simply not true.

Edited August 21, 2021 by nkg

[DBath]

9 hours ago, FarangULong said:

I don't go by emojis, since certain people have nothing better to do, other than to react to some peoples' every single post with sad and laughing emojis. So this is meaningless to me. Just like someone isn't right or wrong, judging by the amount of positive or negative amount of emojis (and/or feedback) they're getting to a comment. Majority consensus is pretty meaningless, even in scientific theories. Even more so on a forum like this.

 

I never said I was the ultimate authority, nor did I ever claim that every single woman is the way I'm describing either.

 

However divorce statistics, along with the main reasons for divorce, many polls on who is cheating on whom/more often, etc., as well as a string of recent articles written by female authors regarding themselves or women they know cheating on their men, and feeling justified in it, seem to agree with my point of view. Not to mention books written by females, thus out of the horse's mouth...

 

Then of course, there's my own personal experience, the experiences of people I know, plenty of threads on this (and other) forums, etc... Not that my own (&such) experience(s) are relevant in terms of empirical data... then so again are the experiences of some in here (this thread & forum), who claim they know women so well, because they have (or think they have) a happy marriage for 3-4+ decades...

 

Women are far less complicated, than men think they are. Still more complicated than us, and far more of a hassle to keep happy.

 

But hey... facts, data, statistics, etc. are all racist, misogynist, sexist, etc., and emotionally charged mimimi, devoid of any logic or reason, is king/queen/(not sure what the 439583409583409853049853049580349580349+ gender correct terms are, but insert them here) these days...

 

Don't put words in my mouth.

 

I didn't "come at you" either, unless asking you not to claim you know what peoples' motives (ulterior or otherwise) equals "coming at you". I didn't call you any ad hominem, did I? When I write a comment, it's devoid of emotion, other than maybe mild irritation at some people and how blind they imo are, except when it comes to politics. I'm not writing a job application either though, so it might also lack in the politeness department.

 

Feel free to be offended, feel attacked, or not. It is naught to me.

 

P.S.: I just saw your other reply. You "attack" me personally, make assumptions about whether I get rejected, am bitter, etc., and then whine about me "coming at" you, because I called your comment "high minded", and suggested not interpreting any (ulterior or otherwise) motives into peoples' comments? Ha. I love irony.

If only I had time to respond to your post point-by-point, unfortunately my time is more valuable than that. I'm going to give you the executive summary, because were you to ever send me your resume' I'm sure it would be 5-10 pages long and would hence be destined for a quick trip into my waste basket.