Thai Wedding Blessing

[MicroB]

Is there such a thing that is acceptable to Thais as a "Wedding Blessing"; the quasi-religious ceremony in the West that follows a Civil Ceremony. Or is it all or nothing in Thailand?

 

My Bride-to-be has been previously married, and wants to be married where she is living, not where she is from. She has no family (parents both deceased), and has expressed a desire just for friends to attend (from her side), about a dozen. But its difficult for me to find out if its the whole 9 yards with nine monks etc, or something simpler.

 

I am planning a civil ceremoney in September, then later, probably January, something for which I can invite overseas friends and families to. It strikes me with the Affirmation etc, there are too many imponderables to set a definite date. Additionally, there are other logistical issues that lend towards a later date.

[2baht]

Consult a spirit man for an auspicious date, most important!

[VinnieK]

Why bother with any of that?

[bunnydrops]

I would think your wife will do as 2baht said above. Doesn't she want a village wedding that would encompass all of what you are suggesting?

[Gottfrid]

Seems to me, this is something that your wife to be, would be able to answer. First rule is to have good communication.

[roo860]

  On 11/18/2022 at 10:05 PM, VinnieK said:

Why bother with any of that?

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Nice thing to do, with a few family and friends.

[FritsSikkink]

Like Gottfrid said, talk to your wife what she likes. How would people on a forum know. Don't bother to marry if you can't talk to each other about important things. 

[MicroB]

  On 11/19/2022 at 1:07 AM, FritsSikkink said:

Like Gottfrid said, talk to your wife what she likes. How would people on a forum know. Don't bother to marry if you can't talk to each other about important things. 

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The replies I get are variously "Up to you", "don't spend too much". She has no interest in going home, as she hasn't been back there in 20 years, her parents are both dead, as is her brother.

 

My question was whether conceptually something equivalent exists in Thailand similar to an English Church Blessing. I know various outfits offer something like that for tourists marrying, with Bhuddism etc, but I'm not sure if that thing is acceptable to Thai people. Forum members I assume have collective experience, but your reply indicates there is no good advice on marrige matters on this forum (so why is there a section on it?).

 

For instance, do you have a notion of what Thai people in general think, or whether there is a spectrum of opinion. I have a fair idea, in the UK, what most people would think of a Church blessing, and in general I think most would be quite positive about it. There will be some bitterly opposed to it, either because they are atheists in the extreme, or because they view something cut down as somewhat ungodly. I would be quite comfortable expressing my opinion of British society to a foreigner. But you post on a forum expressing an unwillingness to express an opinion. Perhaps you have no opinion, no experience of Thai culture, but wanted to express that non-opinion.

 

[MicroB]

  On 11/19/2022 at 12:47 AM, Gottfrid said:

Seems to me, this is something that your wife to be, would be able to answer. First rule is to have good communication.

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Thanks for that. Great insight.

[MicroB]

  On 11/18/2022 at 11:31 PM, bunnydrops said:

I would think your wife will do as 2baht said above. Doesn't she want a village wedding that would encompass all of what you are suggesting?

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She has said she has no interest in a wedding from where she is from, as she considers herself an "orphan" with no close family anymore. She left the village for Bangkok over 20 years ago. She wants her circle of friends to come along, about 10-20 people.

 

Yes, I have broached the question of an "auspicious date" and she is having a think about that, considering her Rasi.

 

We'll have a civil registration, but following that, there isn't actually a "need" for anything further, except it being a nice thing for friends and family.

 

If there is no option but for the "full shindig" then that's what it would be. I know the CofE has formalised Church Blessings, but I have no idea if Thai Bhuddism has anything similar, besides the Disneyfied "ceremonies" offered to tourists for that Instagram moment.

[FritsSikkink]

  On 11/19/2022 at 8:52 AM, MicroB said:

The replies I get are variously "Up to you", "don't spend too much". She has no interest in going home, as she hasn't been back there in 20 years, her parents are both dead, as is her brother.

 

My question was whether conceptually something equivalent exists in Thailand similar to an English Church Blessing. I know various outfits offer something like that for tourists marrying, with Bhuddism etc, but I'm not sure if that thing is acceptable to Thai people. Forum members I assume have collective experience, but your reply indicates there is no good advice on marrige matters on this forum (so why is there a section on it?).

 

For instance, do you have a notion of what Thai people in general think, or whether there is a spectrum of opinion. I have a fair idea, in the UK, what most people would think of a Church blessing, and in general I think most would be quite positive about it. There will be some bitterly opposed to it, either because they are atheists in the extreme, or because they view something cut down as somewhat ungodly. I would be quite comfortable expressing my opinion of British society to a foreigner. But you post on a forum expressing an unwillingness to express an opinion. Perhaps you have no opinion, no experience of Thai culture, but wanted to express that non-opinion.

 

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I live here, work here and have a Thai wife and 2 children, oldest is 18. I went with only my wife to register the wedding in Bangkok. Her family lives 700 km away. Other people have 500 people coming over and get a bunch of monks involved. What i think doesn't matter in this case, it is a thing between you and your future wife. "Up to you" doesn't mean that it is up to you, you are expected to do the right thing. That is why it is important to have a long conversation with her to find out what she really wants / likes. 

[MicroB]

  On 11/18/2022 at 10:05 PM, VinnieK said:

Why bother with any of that?

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Useful response.

[MicroB]

  On 11/19/2022 at 9:05 AM, FritsSikkink said:

I went with only my wife to register the wedding in Bangkok. Her family lives 700 km away. Other people have 500 people coming over and get a bunch of monks involved.

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Ok, understood; so in your experience, the only options really are the civil ceremony and no celebration or civil ceremony and full formal religious event. There is nothing in between in your years of experience. Thanks

[FritsSikkink]

  On 11/19/2022 at 9:09 AM, MicroB said:

Ok, understood; so in your experience, the only options really are the civil ceremony and no celebration or civil ceremony and full formal religious event. There is nothing in between in your years of experience. Thanks

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No, you can have a civil ceremony and a party with her 10-20 guests too. We just went to my local pub and had some drinks with friends. 

[bunnydrops]

I don't know the details but I have been to small one day weddings. I am sure less than 40 people. The wedding was held inside as most of us were eating, Saw maybe 4 monks, the wedding couple came out after and danced. All done at their home.

[thaibeachlovers]

  On 11/19/2022 at 8:52 AM, MicroB said:

My question was whether conceptually something equivalent exists in Thailand similar to an English Church Blessing. I know various outfits offer something like that for tourists marrying, with Bhuddism etc, but I'm not sure if that thing is acceptable to Thai people. Forum members I assume have collective experience, but your reply indicates there is no good advice on marrige matters on this forum (so why is there a section on it?).

 

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As the "service/ party" etc is nothing to do with being "married", you can do whatever you like.

The getting married happens at the amphur office, not by monks ( unless a not legal village wedding ) or any religious/ non religious entity.

Why don't you let her decide what she wants for her ceremony. That will take care of the "acceptable to Thai people".

 

but your reply indicates there is no good advice on marrige matters on this forum (so why is there a section on it?).

It's more about the divorce side than the getting married side, but there are no rules ( apart from the amphur legal bit ) so anything goes.

It's not even necessary to have anything at all. It is indeed, up to you ( and her ).

[thaibeachlovers]

  On 11/19/2022 at 9:09 AM, MicroB said:

Ok, understood; so in your experience, the only options really are the civil ceremony and no celebration or civil ceremony and full formal religious event. There is nothing in between in your years of experience. Thanks

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As I pointed out in my previous reply you have as many options as you want. Sky's the limit. Do anything you like. Only bit you have to do is turn up at amphur with the required bits of paper, sign the paper pay 20 baht or whatever it is now, get the paper, leave.

Of course depending on the office you may require witnesses of your own, translators etc. The office will tell you what you need.

I fortunately did not require to bring anyone else as the office staff did all that- they even took a photo with my camera. We didn't have any sort of party after as she had no family nearby.

Soooo, have a gigantic party with monks and elephants or just a few friends over. It is, up to you.

[thaibeachlovers]

  On 11/19/2022 at 9:05 AM, FritsSikkink said:

it is a thing between you and your future wife. "Up to you" doesn't mean that it is up to you, you are expected to do the right thing. That is why it is important to have a long conversation with her to find out what she really wants / likes. 

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If my wife to be had told me I'd have to pay for a giant party for her and her friends/ family I'd have said goodbye right then.

Had she paid for it that'd be her business.

[thaibeachlovers]

  On 11/18/2022 at 9:40 PM, MicroB said:

She has no family (parents both deceased),

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Consider yourself lucky that you don't have to go through the "to pay or not pay sinsod" discussion on the forum.

[Hummin]

  On 11/19/2022 at 8:52 AM, MicroB said:

The replies I get are variously "Up to you", "don't spend too much".

 

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You are in trouble now ????

 

Just do the best out of it, and make sure you know what kind of ring she would like to have. Still it is you who are going to pay for everything, so discussing budget with her is a nicecstart. Not that I believe most Thais know what a budget is, and its limits, so maybe start a bit under than you expect or are willing to pay, because I guess you have a limit you are willing to spend? 
 

Paying for her friends hotel, food?  
 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

  On 11/19/2022 at 9:04 AM, MicroB said:

but I have no idea if Thai Bhuddism has anything similar,

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They will certainly "bless" the union if you wish it ( in return for some "gifts" ), but that gives no legality to the marriage.

[thaibeachlovers]

  On 11/20/2022 at 12:46 AM, Hummin said:

You are in trouble now ????

 

Just do the best out of it, and make sure you know what kind of ring she would like to have. Still it is you who are going to pay for everything, so discussing budget with her is a nicecstart. Not that I believe most Thais know what a budget is, and its limits, so maybe start a bit under than you expect or are willing to pay, because I guess you have a limit you are willing to spend? 
 

Paying for her friends hotel, food?  
 

 

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When my wife to be didn't require any sort of party I thought I'd found a good 'un. She did get a thousand or so out of me for the professional photos done in front of different scenes while wearing costumes, but other than the legal documentation that was all I paid.

I did give sinsod for show, but got all that back.

 

PS. Ring not necessary. Not part of the legal marriage. That's a farang thing.