OPINION: “I’m a pooyai!” – The dilemma of “respect” in Thai culture

[retarius]

I find it sickening, personally. Respect is for what good a person has done in his life, not for who his parents were, how much money he/she has or how much talent they were given at birth. 

 

Whenever I go to my bank, the amper or the doctors, my wife and I are ushered in immediately....no waiting in line. I find it embarrassing and imagine all the resentment built up against me, a stinky farang, being given special service ahead of them. I worry one day one of them will snap and murder me. 

[Bangkok Barry]

1 hour ago, Andre0720 said:

Starts with how children are raised.

They MUST 'wai' at elders when they meet.

And this forced show of respect comes with a price. The kids are taught that they are less worthy than elders. And when these kids get older, they rebel, wanting to show that they have had enough of that. Wanting to show that they are already 'adults', but without having had been taught about what being an adult means. And they end up being kids in adult bodies, without control over their emotions.

The 'wai', oh, is that how parents make their children 'lose face' in front of adults? If this is so, it could explain why young adults would prefer to stab someone else, rather than having to lose face again... Could be...

 

Respect in adult life here is made for people who they fear, who have a higher rank, mainly. The deep "wai" by a sergeant towards a captain, that deep sign of respect, towards a person who uses his authority to obtain money from corruption, and who does none of the duties being paid for, how can anyone explain that? How can anyone have respect for that???

For others, all that is left are expressions of selfishness. These people do not care at all about others. They will drive the way they want, not caring at all about possible dangers created to others, they will stop anywhere on a main road, blocking traffic, just to go buy something, not caring a bit about the dangers created to others. And the list goes on....

The notion of "The liberty of one citizen ends where the liberty of another citizen begins,", well, they are clueless about that.

Anyone who finds beauty in the culture here, is still looking straight inside a travel book to obtain information..

Very primitive culture, isn't it. Centuries behind some countries and cripples any progress. I remember when they built the first BTS extension beyond On Nut which provided a perfect example of the damage it can cause.

 

The boss didn't order the signaling as he was close to retirement and didn't want to make a mistake. His staff knew of the error but couldn't say anything as he was the boss. In due course it all came to light of course, and the opening of the extension was delayed by a year. I don't know if the boss was sacked as a result.

[SunsetT]

In English respect is embedded in and can be shown in good manners. I try to to teach my partners Thai kids that it is important to use please and thank you and kaa and krap as it shows that you are respecting someone as an equal and not talking down to them. Sadly it has been forgotten that good manners function as a social lubricant to promote a harmonious society.

Edited October 23, 2023 by SunsetT

[Scouse123]

3 hours ago, cracker1 said:

I wonder if Thai people do respect POLICE and other Thai Government workers who they all know are so corrupt and often use their position to their own advantage ? 

No, they don't respect them, not in my Thai family anyway.

 

They go along with it as not to ruffle feathers and because they never know when they might need them in the case of government employees.

 

Regarding Police, they are polite to them but avoid them in all matters.

 

Even disputes in the village are sorted between families where I live, the Police are neither welcome nor required as a rule unless it's a rare case of extreme violence.

[Srikcir]

6 hours ago, Don Chance said:

another version of the caste system.

The "wai." 

[The Joker]

14 hours ago, webfact said:

Showing respect for adults and the elderly, collectively known in Thai as “pooyai” (ผู้ใหญ่), is a cultural norm in Thailand, which is widely perceived as a virtue. While abuse of power is, however, becoming increasingly common, from boasting about their seniority and abusing youngsters to expecting special privileges, Thai people have found themselves rethinking how respect should really be perceived.

This is an early stage thing by the Thai society. Respect has to be earned..but here it's the other way round. Everything here is just formality.

[tkramer]

Don't kid yourself.

 

'POOYAI' means the same thing as 'POO-GUY' in English.

 

Buying into this makes you the laughing-stock of the Village.

 

 

 

(joking)

[RobU]

13 hours ago, Scouse123 said:

No, they don't respect them, not in my Thai family anyway.

 

They go along with it as not to ruffle feathers and because they never know when they might need them in the case of government employees.

 

Regarding Police, they are polite to them but avoid them in all matters.

 

Even disputes in the village are sorted between families where I live, the Police are neither welcome nor required as a rule unless it's a rare case of extreme violence.

Sounds a bit like Londoner's attitude to the Met. Where the police are considered to be just another gang 

[lamyai3]

18 hours ago, Tropicalevo said:

As a farang, you automatically have respect until you show that you do not deserve it.

This respect and goodwill comes almost by default - it'd require some quite trashy behaviour to lose it.

[liddelljohn]

I have always had the rule  that Respect must be earned .... and anyone demanding  to be respected   must be abused  or put down ,,

 

Lots of Aholes  demand respect not just poncy Thais and I never give it

[Stargeezr]

A Lot of Pooyais are really Poo Nitnoys. Big Head, Big Ego, small actual stature.

  Oh and loss of face, can happen so quickly with these kins of people. I am not talking about just Thais

as well. I seen many tourists who thought in this fashion as well.  It is the world we live in.