The Biggest Mistake A Man Can Make When Having Sex

[Jai Dee]

This may have been posted somewhere on the forum before:

The International Rules of Manhood

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2 . It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

( The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

© After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) 1 hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".

(e) When she is using her teeth.

3 . Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4 . Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5 . If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6 . Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden..........However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7 . No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. ... In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. .....At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8 . On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9 . When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10 . You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. ........If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11 . It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol ic drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model .......and only when it's free.

12 . Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13 . Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14 . Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. .....Ever. ....Issue closed.

15 . If a man's fly is down .............. that's his problem ............. you didn't see anything.

16 . Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17 . A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight for her .

18 . Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza ........... but never both, that's just greedy.

19 . If you compliment a guy on his six-pack .......... you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20 . Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours .............. except of course if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21 . Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights at the gym;

(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

( C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

© Another set and we can hit the showers!

22 . Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.

For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23 . Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. .........Keep a stopwatch by the phone. .......

Hang up if necessary.

24 . The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken freaky monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25 . It is acceptable for you to drive her car. ................... It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26 . Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27 . The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" ........... gets an Xbox. .......End of story.

28 . There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. ............ Ever.

29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion.

The International Council of Manhood, Ltd.

[eek]

10 . You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. ........If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

Instant dismissal in my books. If a guy ever dared do that to me (which not one ever has), he can bugger off pronto.

[t.s]

i have found a surprise dirty sanchez can really turn the mood

[JimsKnight]

1. Allowing the girl to covertly slip the condom off 'during coitus'.

2. Riding bareback!

[Kerryd]

10 . You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. ........If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

Ahhhhh, the good old mating rituals !

The "Dutch Oven", love the gas or you're out on your....

(as you can tell, we haven't evolved very far from the days when we used to just give them a little love tap on the head with our club before dragging them back to the cave)

[mark henry]

Biggest mistake i ever made was not realizing the woman i was having sex, with who was'nt my wife give me a bloody love bite! Took some explaining i can tell you.

[Goldenbead]

10 . You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. ........If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

Instant dismissal in my books. If a guy ever dared do that to me (which not one ever has), he can bugger off pronto.

I will admit to being a victim of this. For some reason, my husband thinks it is funny.

[wilko]

Calling out a man's name?

[uptou]

"lets make it a quick one teerak,the footballs on in 5 minutes"

[Dupont]

10 . You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. ........If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

Instant dismissal in my books. If a guy ever dared do that to me (which not one ever has), he can bugger off pronto.

I will admit to being a victim of this. For some reason, my husband thinks it is funny.

It is funny.

Anyone that cannot see this fact is a woman!

You girls all fart in your sleep anyway, not finding it funny or not being aware of it doesn't make you superior in anyway.

[sbk]

10 . You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. ........If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

Instant dismissal in my books. If a guy ever dared do that to me (which not one ever has), he can bugger off pronto.

I will admit to being a victim of this. For some reason, my husband thinks it is funny.

It is funny.

Anyone that cannot see this fact is a woman!

You girls all fart in your sleep anyway, not finding it funny or not being aware of it doesn't make you superior in anyway.

We may fart in our sleep but we don't force your head under the covers to smell it. BIG difference my dear sir, very big difference

[uptou]

what about farting on thighs in the spoon position.c'mon every bloke is allowed that for self amusement.

[Ping]

I'd say the worst thing I have done is to fall asleep during...

The GF wasn't best pleased.

We managed to laugh it off though the next day - a GSOH, ever so important (if having sex with me anyway).

Cheers

Should you change your user name to Sleepy? (... or what about 'Jim's_a_Thai_Narcoleptic'?)

(only joking, Jim )

Edited July 24, 2007 by Ping

[sbk]

what about farting on thighs in the spoon position.c'mon every bloke is allowed that for self amusement.

Only if the act is reciprocal

[Goldenbead]

10 . You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. ........If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

Instant dismissal in my books. If a guy ever dared do that to me (which not one ever has), he can bugger off pronto.

I will admit to being a victim of this. For some reason, my husband thinks it is funny.

It is funny.

Anyone that cannot see this fact is a woman!

You girls all fart in your sleep anyway, not finding it funny or not being aware of it doesn't make you superior in anyway.

It is revenge!!

[phazey]

"this is fantastic, what are you thinking about?"

"i got an eagle today on the 14th!"

"huh?"

*slap*

<push>

*thud!*

"what did i do wrong????"

(wont be doing that again.........)

[wilko]

Calling out a man's name?

[wilko]

Calling out a man's name?

[sbk]

Calling out two men's names, Wilko?

[jackr]

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

Nice one, Jai Dee

[scousemouse]

worse thing to say....... " of course I will love " , she's then got you by the gonads lads .

sm.

[eek]

Biggest mistake i ever made was not realizing the woman i was having sex, with who was'nt my wife give me a bloody love bite! Took some explaining i can tell you.

Would not the biggest mistake be that you had sex behind your wifes back..rather than the mistake being that you had physical evidence of it? Or maybe you just have no sense of decency and respect.

Wnyway..hope she kicked you out on your arse.

[qwertz]

Even worse is asking "What's your name again?" when you're leaving.

[uptou]

Even worse is asking "What's your name again?" when you're leaving.

or giving her a firm handshake,& a thankyou as shes leaving.

[qwertz]

Even worse is asking "What's your name again?" when you're leaving.

or giving her a firm handshake,& a thankyou as shes leaving.

I always do this; it's only polite after I've been paid.

[canadiangirl]

Even worse is asking "What's your name again?" when you're leaving.

or giving her a firm handshake,& a thankyou as shes leaving.

I always do this; it's only polite after I've been paid.

hahhahahha qwertz!Ah, you make me laugh every time!

[qwertz]

At your service, CG.

(I often say that too when they thank me).

[cooL_guY_corY]

The Biggest Mistake A Man Can Make When Having Sex

Having children

guess that doesnt apply in the tropics but in euro and na.. if your a male and you have a kid ( OR MORE ???) then the "woman" can just retire, unlimited free money for 18 years!!! HOLY JESUS

[siddv]

Agreed. The worst thing a man can do while haviing sex with a women/known or otherwise is telling her/him/it that you love her/him/it.

[Kerryd]

Having children

guess that doesnt apply in the tropics but in euro and na.. if your a male and you have a kid ( OR MORE ???) then the "woman" can just retire, unlimited free money for 18 years!!! HOLY JESUS

Yeah, tell me about it (not personal experience really, but my dad's experience. He filed for divorce (admitted infidelity on her part). Even after his wife admitted that the two daughters were from other men, the court decided my father should still pay her alimony/child-support (while he also had to look after me). 45 years on and he still goes ballistic when ever mention of her is made.

Of course, this was back in the early 60's. I'm sure some things have changed since then ?