Being pressured to pay off wife's mother's large debt.

[Aust24R]

Gday. Seeking advice from those more knowledgeable than I. I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. 

 

But pressure to pay off her mother's historically incurred debts. God help me. Not only haven't I done it and continue to say I won't do, as a matter of principal I won't work years to save money only to use it to pay off someone else's debts.

 

I know family is at the core of Thai society and I've told my wife I will always support you but I'm not responsible for your Mum's debts and it'd be akin to throwing my money away

 

I'm grateful for the chance to listen and learn from others here. Regards 

Edited March 28 by Aust24R

[FritsSikkink]

I wouldn't pay either.

[proton]

How much is it?

[Pouatchee]

she will only incur more as her "CREDIT" gets better

[OneMoreFarang]

This means that you obviously don't love your gf. Otherwise, you would help her and her family so that everybody will live happily ever after.

At least that is what your gf will make you believe.

 

There is an easy solution: Tell her that won't happen and tell her if she ever brings it up again then you will separate from her.

One way or another, that will permanently solve the problem. And unfortunately, it is probably the only way to permanently solve it. 

[Dan O]

7 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

Gday. Seeking advice from those more knowledgeable than I. I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. 

 

But pressure to pay off her mother's historically incurred debts. God help me. Not only haven't I done it and continue to say I won't do, as a matter of principal I won't work years to save money only to use it to pay off someone else's debts.

 

I know family is at the core of Thai society and I've told my wife I will always support you but I'm not responsible for your Mum's debts and it'd be akin to throwing my money away

 

I'm grateful for the chance to listen and learn from others here. Regards 

Your correct in your thinking and position although in this culture their thinking is terrible screwed in that area and you will be on the wrong side of that. Helping to support an aging parent is one thing and I'm all for it but not to resolve past debts and bad spending habits doesn't fall into that category.

[Aust24R]

7 minutes ago, proton said:

How much is it?

1 million I believe

[Aust24R]

6 minutes ago, Dan O said:

Your correct in your thinking and position although in this culture their thinking is terrible screwed in that area and you will be on the wrong side of that. Helping to support an aging parent is one thing and I'm all for it but not to resolve past debts and bad spending habits doesn't fall into that category.

Thank you Dan

[Aust24R]

9 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

This means that you obviously don't love your gf. Otherwise, you would help her and her family so that everybody will live happily ever after.

At least that is what your gf will make you believe.

 

There is an easy solution: Tell her that won't happen and tell her if she ever brings it up again then you will separate from her.

One way or another, that will permanently solve the problem. And unfortunately, it is probably the only way to permanently solve it. 

Thank you OMF 

[transam]

You must be careful there isn't a queue of family with debts.

 

These people know what they are doing when they, borrow, gamble, whatever.

The farangy is looked on as a Knight in shining armour, with his saddlebags full of gold.

 

I would forget the hangers on, they will get the message, unless you do have saddlebags full of gold...... 

[NoDisplayName]

14 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

1 million I believe

 

What assets (if any) does she own?

House and land?

How much monthly income?

[stoner]

Just now, NoDisplayName said:

 

What assets (if any) does she own?

House and land?

How much monthly income?

 

if she has land have her sign it over to the daughter as collateral. otherwise scram.

[swerve]

This is a common Thai tactic.  Choose not to pay.

[riclag]

I would contribute as much as other family members!

If a Thai family member came up with 

30k baht , I would match it.

 

Heres another possibility!

If you pay your wife a stipend like many do! Take it off her  allocation 

every month  until it accumulates to 1 m. But if you cant come up with 1 m than forget it.

 

imop

[Rampant Rabbit]

39 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage,

bwhaaaa  haaa  haaaa, no u aint.

[riclag]

8 minutes ago, stoner said:

 

if she has land have her sign it over to the daughter as collateral. otherwise scram.

Good Idea

[save the frogs]

when you start dating someone, the first and most important thing to ask is "how much is she going to cost me?"

 

 

[Hummin]

42 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

Gday. Seeking advice from those more knowledgeable than I. I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. 

 

But pressure to pay off her mother's historically incurred debts. God help me. Not only haven't I done it and continue to say I won't do, as a matter of principal I won't work years to save money only to use it to pay off someone else's debts.

 

I know family is at the core of Thai society and I've told my wife I will always support you but I'm not responsible for your Mum's debts and it'd be akin to throwing my money away

 

I'm grateful for the chance to listen and learn from others here. Regards 

One tried to make me pay of dept to, I packed my bags and never looked back. One of my best decissions ever. 

 

Now married to a good family. 

Edited March 28 by Hummin

[CANSIAM]

Stay firm and don't start the paying process, it won't end........especially bad debts....

[Aust24R]

8 minutes ago, NoDisplayName said:

 

What assets (if any) does she own?

House and land?

How much monthly income?

NDN I don't know the figures sorry. I did buy land for her in her name some years ago with a view to build, but that was sold recently to help her repayments. She doesn't have her own home. 

[transam]

1 minute ago, save the frogs said:

when you start dating someone, the first and most important thing to ask is "how much is she going to cost me?"

 

 

I think the OP is past that point............

[Aust24R]

2 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

when you start dating someone, the first and most important thing to ask is "how much is she going to cost me?"

 

 

STF that's what I have learnt, you're right

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

when you start dating someone, the first and most important thing to ask is "how much is she going to cost me?"

 

 

First time I spent time in my mother in law house, I asked her what she expected of me before I left. 

[MangoKorat]

48 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. 

Why do you think you should do any of that?

 

Short answer to your problem - get out, you're being used.  Don't wait another few years to realise that - cut your losses and run.

 

Seen this many times and almost bought the T shirt myself.  None of those marriages lasted - yours will be no different.

Edited March 28 by MangoKorat

[save the frogs]

3 minutes ago, Hummin said:

First time I spent time in my mother in law house, I asked her what she expected of me before I left. 

you are obviously a mature and intelligent individual. 

but even that doesn't protect you 100%. if your wife runs a business that fails or any other number of scenarios, it becomes your problem.

marriage is basically joint finances, for better or worse. 

Edited March 28 by save the frogs

[Dolf]

34 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

1 million I believe

Not my problem. Ask again we get divorced. 

 

That is what you say. If you hear again walk away don't look back.

[Kinnock]

28 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

1 million I believe

Noooooo!

 

In my experience the extended family of a Thai wife are allergic to help.

 

First issue is that they do not understand basic accounting traps such as compound interest or penalties for not paying every month.  So within a year they will have more unsurmountable debt and will be back with hands out.

 

Second issue is that they think you are rich, so anything you do will never be enough.  They will resent you for the help and resent you more for not giving them 2 million .... each.

 

Direct help for your wife on the condition she never borrows again .... OK.  Help for the never-ending woes of the family.  No!

[transam]

2 minutes ago, Dolf said:

Not my problem. Ask again we get divorced. 

 

That is what you say. If you hear again walk away don't look back.

Says a single bloke................🤣

[Hummin]

12 minutes ago, save the frogs said:

you are obviously a mature and intelligent individual. 

but even that doesn't protect you 100%. if your wife runs a business that fails or any other number of scenarios, it becomes your problem.

marriage is basically joint finances, for better or worse. 

My wife is a housewife, and even we are married, we have not registered marriage in Thailand. 

Edited March 28 by Hummin

[mokwit]

1 hour ago, Aust24R said:

I'm not responsible for your Mum's debts and it'd be akin to throwing my money away

The Thai horn of plenty - the cup that endlessly refills - especially if you have built your house on land Mama owns - pay off the debt or lose the house to the money lender, then they rinse and repeat.

 

you can refuse to pay but then your girlfriend will be in a permanent mope - how can she be happy she will tell you when she has this "ploblem"? of course yours *COULD* be different.