Allowance For Wife?

[dragonfly94]

I recently moved to bangkok after being married for 3 years, for that time she was here and I in Euro land. One reason why her chose her (not being well off) was her relative financial independance. She earns around 14.000 a month and I am now retired on about 45.000 a month. Up to now I pay for most things and she keeps most of her earnings in the bank. She stunned me today by saying she is not happy and wants me to give her an allowance (wont say how much) so she can pay for everytrhing and I expect put the rest in her account. If I do not agree she will leave and live alone again. She was never a bargirl but is from Issan. Do most falang give wives an allowance like this and how much, she seems to think we all do maybe her friends tell her this as they always seem to ask how much she is getting etc. I don't know what to do so any advice would be usefull

Edited August 6, 2007 by dragonfly94

[bkkmadness]

If I do not agree she will leave and live alone again.

So a clear case of emotional blackmail then, nice.

[Mr. Up]

How come you are so sure that she wasn't a bargirl before, because this sounds very much like one. In a normal marriage partners don't give eachother allowances, that's my point of view. In our marriage I pay everything and give my wife whatever she needs if we can afford it. My advice: never ever let your wife take full control over your retirement money. Never put everything in her account, or you will be loosing everything. You wouldn't be the first one. If she keep insisting:

devorce her now you have the change, because in that case she maybe out of the bar, but the bar was never out of her.

[bkkmadness]

Naive to think that only bar girls ask for money.

[sbk]

How come you are so sure that she wasn't a bargirl before, because this sounds very much like one. In a normal marriage partners don't give eachother allowances, that's my point of view. In our marriage I pay everything and give my wife whatever she needs if we can afford it. My advice: never ever let your wife take full control over your retirement money. Never put everything in her account, or you will be loosing everything. You wouldn't be the first one. If she keep insisting:

devorce her now you have the change, because in that case she maybe out of the bar, but the bar was never out of her.

Agreed, normal marriages do not have allowances. If she is unhappy with the arrangement then I suggest you let her go. IMO< there are more important reasons to break a relationship than the amount of money one receives from one's spouse.

[britmaveric]

Share resources, but seems bit like a bribe to me. Time to call her bluff mate.

[Lucifer]

No one can be that dumb as to stick around a woman who gives that kind of ultimatum?

A troll I fear.

[Naam]

Agreed, normal marriages do not have allowances.

disagree. mine does. my wife and me are drawing an allowance. we call it pocket money.

[ray23]

Hmm no allowance in our house but there is a household budget that my wife controls. Is that what she talking about. Allowances beyond the pocket money spoken of before is for a child, not a wife. Just my humble thoughts. Personally I don't handle or else very well at all, but you might. That is a decesion you have to make for yourself.

[think_too_mut]

No one can be that dumb as to stick around a woman who gives that kind of ultimatum?

A troll I fear.

I know of some who do. One pays 80K baht a year into his lady's account.

All (3 situations that I know of) have no kids with the woman and no real links - could disappear any time of any day.

[rgs2001uk]

No one can be that dumb as to stick around a woman who gives that kind of ultimatum?

A troll I fear.

I know of some who do. One pays 80K baht a year into his lady's account.

All (3 situations that I know of) have no kids with the woman and no real links - could disappear any time of any day.

think, i know of some poor misguided souls who are paying over 100,000 baht a month into their ladys account, because thats the thai way as they tell me, more likely thats what she has conned him into believing.

the above is by no means an isolated case, another loving husband sold his house in the uk and paid over 8 million baht into his wifes bank account, because as he told me, she knows best what to do with the money i am useless when it comes to finances.

back to our friend the op, tell her to hit the road mate, infact never mind about calling her bluff, she will come back with some crap about i only wanted to know how much you loved me, i wont ask again. too late she has already shown her true colours, you are better off without her, you dont need someone playing mindgames with you. good luck.

[Valjean]

Agree with ray23.

Just my opinion but I don t like the idea of allowance. It just seems like this dependency where the woman asks for money and if she wants more she asks for more like there is a magic money tree somewhere. When I have a relationship I want to have someone get on the same side of things with me and work together. That doesn’t mean I share 100% with my fiancé. We have set an amount I put into a joint account each month. This is part of my paycheck - the rest I save as well as for responsibilities I have in the US. This is completely transparent to my fiancé – she knows how much I make and where my money goes (and is shocked at how much just goes to taxes right from the top). She has some income from a business investment and that’s OK to stay in her personal account.

What we have in the joint account we live on and over the past year this has let me learn how responsible she is with money (not great but more than good enough). She can go to Central and shop all she wants - as long as we pay the bills and live within our budget. I specifically wanted us to have discretionary money. I don’t want her to have to ask every time she wants to buy something, or to help out the family or whatever. And I want to be able to go to the ATM and withdrawal money to go out with the boys when the mood strikes me. If either of us feels the other is being irresponsible then that’s a good thing to talk over as a couple and come to an agreement. She is a smart, responsible adult and I show her that respect – I wouldn’t want a wife otherwise.

[Valjean]

Agreed, normal marriages do not have allowances.

disagree. mine does. my wife and me are drawing an allowance. we call it pocket money.

My comments above notwithstanding I wouldn't disagree with the Dr. I could see where there is the household budget and then each person has their allowance which is their money to do what they want with. That's reasonable family money management IMHO.

[jubby]

She didn't say how much so give her 4000 a month and work from there. ;-)

[LostInBKK]

She didn't say how much so give her 4000 a month and work from there. ;-)

4K!! I'd do maybe 2....then see what she does.

I'm going back to Iraq and will be transferring about 20-25k in to my wife's account while she's living with her family. If she asks for any more there better be a ###### good reason (and receipts to match) because in Chaiyaphum, we were both living off of about 25k a month.

[Rainmaker]

Im not sure if Id call it a household budget or an allowance, but my wife and I had a long chat, along these lines

she hates asking me for money for every little thing, plus I dont like having to watch the pennies all the time.so I happliy agreed to give her a lump of cash once a month, out of that she pays all the household bills, food shopping cloths etc, if theres anything left its up to her what she does with it. Its worked out well so far, I get bread and water for dinner breakfast and tea, she gets to buy new cloths whenever she feels like it, jokes apart, it does work out well, id hate to be in the position where Id have to ask for cash everytime I wanted something, plus she feels better ,from a trust and self estemmmme point of view.

But all things said, I would question the relationship if I was given an ultimatium like in your case OP. plus bear in mind if you do decide to give her money it is likely all to be spent, so I only give what I can afford.

Edited August 6, 2007 by Rainmaker

[GuestHouse]

I take the view that the allowance itself is not the problem - the problem to my mind is your wife having her own account with a 'what's your's is ours - what's mine is mine' mentality.

Both incomes paid into a single account and sit down once a week to work through your finances together.

If she, or you, cannot cope with that then the relationship is going to be ruined by money.

And this is not a Thai/Farang thing, my brother's English wife tries this exact same &lt;deleted&gt; with him.

Share life - share income, expense and financial decisions/responsibility - Period!

Edited August 6, 2007 by GuestHouse

[cdnvic]

If you can't trust someone enough to have a joint account you have no business marrying them in the first place.

[dragonfly94]

I take the view that the allowance itself is not the problem - the problem to my mind is your wife having her own account with a 'what's your's is ours - what's mine is mine' mentality.

Both incomes paid into a single account and sit down once a week to work through your finances together.

If she, or you, cannot cope with that then the relationship is going to be ruined by money.

And this is not a Thai/Farang thing, my brother's English wife tries this exact same &lt;deleted&gt; with him.

Share life - share income, expense and financial decisions/responsibility - Period!

Some good advice thanks guys, maybe I was wrong to use the term allowance, she wants me to give her (I think) about half my income so she pays for all the household expenses then what's left over she saves for our future. I think I will suggest a trial period and that any surplus money goes into a joint account. Knowing her she intends to scrimp trying to spend little so as to save as much as she can. She was certainly never a BG works in education.

[think_too_mut]

I take the view that the allowance itself is not the problem - the problem to my mind is your wife having her own account with a 'what's your's is ours - what's mine is mine' mentality.

Both incomes paid into a single account and sit down once a week to work through your finances together.

If she, or you, cannot cope with that then the relationship is going to be ruined by money.

And this is not a Thai/Farang thing, my brother's English wife tries this exact same &lt;deleted&gt; with him.

Share life - share income, expense and financial decisions/responsibility - Period!

Some good advice thanks guys, maybe I was wrong to use the term allowance, she wants me to give her (I think) about half my income so she pays for all the household expenses then what's left over she saves for our future. I think I will suggest a trial period and that any surplus money goes into a joint account. Knowing her she intends to scrimp trying to spend little so as to save as much as she can. She was certainly never a BG works in education.

Every 25th of a month, as a manager, I have to walk around and personally deliver sealed payslips to my engineers. And guess what - those married are not allowed to open them!

One told me, his wife opens it and keep it secret. He does not know the breakout of overtime and other details.

He carries no ATM card, his "allowance" is assigned by his wife every morning.

Those cute, polite and quiet Japanese ladies who have no idea what "BG" might stand for!

[zaza]

I take the view that the allowance itself is not the problem - the problem to my mind is your wife having her own account with a 'what's your's is ours - what's mine is mine' mentality.

Both incomes paid into a single account and sit down once a week to work through your finances together.

If she, or you, cannot cope with that then the relationship is going to be ruined by money.

And this is not a Thai/Farang thing, my brother's English wife tries this exact same &lt;deleted&gt; with him.

Share life - share income, expense and financial decisions/responsibility - Period!

Some good advice thanks guys, maybe I was wrong to use the term allowance, she wants me to give her (I think) about half my income so she pays for all the household expenses then what's left over she saves for our future. I think I will suggest a trial period and that any surplus money goes into a joint account. Knowing her she intends to scrimp trying to spend little so as to save as much as she can. She was certainly never a BG works in education.

Does she work? if so u should share her salary with her! (joke)

DO you love her and trust her (enough) ? I guess you should find out about these 2 things before u ask how much u should (give or pay) for her!

[ray23]

You know whatever you do is your business. But one thing many guys in this area have ran into, is immigration wants to see an account in your name only.

The way we handle that is I have my account my monthly pension is placed in that. Every month we withdraw the household budget goes in the wifes account and she takes care of everything from there.

I don't bother her about it. With that being said this is not how it started first she has to learn how to budget and take care of the things we need for our living. Once she had learned I have gotten out the way, she thus far has done just fine.

The immigration account is also a savings account, when I need money I just go get it. But believe me I budget myself as well.

Good Luck

[dragonfly94]

.

Every 25th of a month, as a manager, I have to walk around and personally deliver sealed payslips to my engineers. And guess what - those married are not allowed to open them!

One told me, his wife opens it and keep it secret. He does not know the breakout of overtime and other details.

He carries no ATM card, his "allowance" is assigned by his wife every morning.

Those cute, polite and quiet Japanese ladies who have no idea what "BG" might stand for!

I can believe this, I know a teacher whose wife keeps all and gives him 20 baht a day the reason being if she gives him more he only spends it on drink-not surprising. On the other hand just met an old thai GF who tells me she and her other half also thai keep everything separate so no generalisations about whats the thai way as my mrs likes to make out. I can always get a mai noi thats the thai way no? I'll see how the negotions go but discussing things logically with a thai lady is not so easy, not the one's I have known anyway.

[dragonfly94]

You know whatever you do is your business. But one thing many guys in this area have ran into, is immigration wants to see an account in your name only.

The way we handle that is I have my account my monthly pension is placed in that. Every month we withdraw the household budget goes in the wifes account and she takes care of everything from there.

I don't bother her about it. With that being said this is not how it started first she has to learn how to budget and take care of the things we need for our living. Once she had learned I have gotten out the way, she thus far has done just fine.

The immigration account is also a savings account, when I need money I just go get it. But believe me I budget myself as well.

Good Luck

yes I made sure the 'big' account for immigration visa in my name. Just have to see how it goes on the whats yours is ours -whats mine is mine reckoning

Edited August 7, 2007 by dragonfly94

[Sanpatong]

If you can't trust someone enough to have a joint account you have no business marrying them in the first place.

Added some emphasis.

We do have allowances in our household though, mine. My life got a lot easier since I just let the Mrs take care of all expenses. We actually save a lot more money now.

[lannarebirth]

I don't have a joint account as most of my banking is done overseas. I provide 30k/month, with which she pays all utilities, food, her car fuel and service and staff. That doesn't include many other things I pay for like additional staff, restaurants, capital goods, large expenses like insurance etc. House and cars are paid for, so no credit/installment expense. I think she saves a little out of that, as she like to travel to Bangkok to visit friends every few months and always has enough for whatever.

[bkk_mike]

I give my wife a set amount each month, and she pays the maid, car payments, food, petrol (when she's driving), etc. etc.

But it's about 10% of my net income. (It is actually quite a lot in baht though)

However, my wife saves more from that 10% than I save from my 90% so I'm definitely not complaining.

[tutsiwarrior]

I give the wife 40k when she's at home with the family...'tutsi falang kee-neeo...'...??? 'that's the same that a doctor at the hospital makes!!!'...'falang kee-neeo...'...so, better that I retain control of the account...

when we're together when I work abroad Mama gets 20k and the wife an allowance suitable to cover her expenses in my work location...

falang kee-neeo...bosh...

Edited August 9, 2007 by tutsiwarrior