Any Advice For A Conned Ex-husband?

[the scouser]

Bizarre it may seem but are there any other reasons why they raid (as an example I witnessed) a legitimit Thai food take away business staffed entirely by British people (albiet born in Thailand with Thai features). They physically prevented the staff from leaving or operating the business until they could have their passports delivered to the shop. I guess they wouldn't have done that had the staff had the appearance of being British born.

They wouldn't even believe that there were only two working in the shop and were paranoid that others had escaped out the rear door as they arrived.

They can't go on fishing trips any longer, so must have had a legitimate reason for believing that someone on the premises was unlawfully in the U.K.

Scouse.

[Mahout Angrit]

They can't go on fishing trips any longer, so must have had a legitimate reason for believing that someone on the premises was unlawfully in the U.K.

Well, in this case they must have been fishing because the staff there (and there were no others) were ligitimately British. Of course they could have been set up by a competitor making a false report but thats not a legitimate reason for a raid.

Also a number of immigrant workers in the area are picked up locally and bused to work at chicken/turkey/duck factories in the area. These buses are regularly stopped and if the occupants dont have their passport or at least a copy with them they are removed from the bus and taken to the nick (losing a day's pay). I believe they are stopped because the buses are full of people likely to be working illegally not because they have knowledge that they are. A friend who travels in such a mini bus says they are all legal. Again no legitimate reason for the stopping.

As far as I am aware a reason could be they "thought" an occupant looked like someone they are looking for. Can you prove them wrong in their thoughts? no chance!.

I'm not suggesting they are wrong in doing this (although many will say it has racial overtones) because clearly you cant catch fish in a field but I am saying it does happen.

So once again I suggest to the OP, these are the mean and efficient Immigration officers he should be engaging.

Edited August 12, 2007 by Mahout Angrit

[0Mix1up]

Best of luck to the op, you have my support in gaining sole custody of your child

[misterme]

I've been married. I learned too much from it. Millions of other's have millions of other stories too. Yours, although unfortunate, doesn't seem terribly out of the norm. One thing I read from your story is SELF PITY and a desire for REVENGE.

The fact that you want custody is understandable. Good luck in that regard.

The fact that you think you have a say to her staying in the country is absurd. She deals with the government and immigration, not you in this regard. You are divorced. Her status and where she lives is none of your concern. Your actions and motives in this regard show little to be proud of.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Concentrate on 'your life' and cleaning up 'your side' of the street. Self pity should be limited to 5 minutes a day. Get a new job, volunteer work, a fitness routine, religion... anything to get your mind off of your 'poor me' and 'I've got to get her' attitude. Heck, go back and take another degree at university. Forgetting about her means not thinking about her, not talking about her, not complaining about her... it means MOVING ON!

A fresh mindset and focus will suit you much better.

[Mahout Angrit]

Some answers:

Normally a non EEC female national living in Britain on the grounds of marriage to a British national and divorces prior to obtaining an indefinite stay visa would have to leave the UK on or before expiry of her present visa.

But you have young children by her (I am assuming your children hold UK nationality) and the UK courts nearly always sway benefit towards the mother in divorce situations where there is children involved regardless of her past activities unless it can be proven that the mother is incapable of caring for the children.

It is doubtful whether your Thai wife will be made to leave the UK as for the children's sake, unless you can prove that your wife is an incompetent mother, which usually has to be certified by social services or a doctor in the UK and taken to court. You also need to show that you are financially stable and worthy of having custody of the children, such as providing suitable accommodation.

If you are unable to convince the court of the above than she can get an order from the court to enforce you to pay maintenance each month to the DHSS for their income support living expenses if she does not work or direct payments to her if your ex is employed with low earnings (very few want to work if they can obtain income support) for the mother and your children and she will be given leave to remain in the UK. These are simply the facts.

I personally believe you have had a rough time of it and wouldn't it be nice if she could get abducted by aliens one night and disappear, but the reality is that unless you can get the support of UK social services or a Doctor against your ex wife as a suitable mother, she will be granted leave to remain in the United Kingdom and it's going to cost you.

What you say is correct but recently at least two Thai wives living in UK, both with British children have been told they must leave UK simply because they were late in applying to extend their leave to remain and were in UK without authorisation. The authorities have withheld their Thai passports. Maybe the Immigration and Borders authority are getting stricter.

[the scouser]

Well, in this case they must have been fishing because the staff there (and there were no others) were ligitimately British. Of course they could have been set up by a competitor making a false report but thats not a legitimate reason for a raid.

So, you were fully cognisant of the information that was provided to the Borders and Immigration Agency?

I doubt it!

How you, as a member of the public, can determine what is a fishing trip, is beyond belief, and your shallow estimation demonstrates as much.

Scouse.

[davidxl]

I used to work as a clerk in a County Court/District Registry and this sort of domestic dispute with all it's hatred, accusations, threats and venom was all too common between UK divorcing couples, never mind UK and Thai. The really sad thing is that main loser in the long term is usually the child/children If you don't want your your child to have access to his mother then do it properly by convincing a social services and judge that she is not fit to have contact.

[billythehat]

gburns: You tell me where you think the holes are, and I shall enlighten you regarding the details. I don't know where this notion comes from that I'm making this up. I got the same reaction on the stickman forums too. Is there a culture of people who go around making lengthy stories up for sympathy/attention/profit?

It looks like comments to your questions, were posted on Schoochers forum, and not Stickmans.

Anyway, looking at these postings, they generally seem to offer some sound, no-bull, advice.

[Mahout Angrit]

Well, in this case they must have been fishing because the staff there (and there were no others) were ligitimately British. Of course they could have been set up by a competitor making a false report but thats not a legitimate reason for a raid.

So, you were fully cognisant of the information that was provided to the Borders and Immigration Agency?

I doubt it!

How you, as a member of the public, can determine what is a fishing trip, is beyond belief, and your shallow estimation demonstrates as much.

Scouse.

You are wrong again because I was not just "a member of the public". I was the one who delivered the passports to the shop and I personally spoke to the immigration officer and her bouncers. They told me that they were doing routine random checks and that there was no particular reason why they picked that shop.

But you would, of course, with your inside knowledge, know that your mates at immigration were lying to me

[Eff1n2ret]

Well, in this case they must have been fishing because the staff there (and there were no others) were ligitimately British. Of course they could have been set up by a competitor making a false report but thats not a legitimate reason for a raid.

So, you were fully cognisant of the information that was provided to the Borders and Immigration Agency?

I doubt it!

How you, as a member of the public, can determine what is a fishing trip, is beyond belief, and your shallow estimation demonstrates as much.

Scouse.

Scouse, do not feed the troll!!

[LucMee]

The more I read of this thread ...The more I am convinced that this is a load of horsefeathers!!

Either the OP is a spineless git or a half assed fiction writer. OP keeps coming up with excuses and dodges.

Just in case you are the former... Call the cops the very next time she steps out of line in your presence!

If you are the latter... Congrats! You got some attention... Now go away!

[backflip]

"I've been advised by the StickmanBangkok forum to come here for advice regarding ways of preventing my Thai psycho ex-wife from remaining in England."

At 25, aren't YOU legally responsible for the decisions YOU made? Have you asked mumsy what you should do?

I'm not interested in your blog, or your plight. However, as a data point for irrational behavior, your story is fascinating.

[kayo]

I've not bothered to read page 2, but this smacks of troll and I am not often one to call them out.

Already from the second paragraph of your essay on Sticksh1te... Maybe I'm missing something here, but if we imagine there is any truth to this, why would this girl have needed to marry you for a visa in the first place.

She was visiting England on a tourist visa and working in her Mum’s takeaway.

...

I had already got engaged to her as I was told by her Mum that the best way to ensure that my girlfriend could get a visa to stay

Okay, here's my thing:

I don't give a darn that she was working illegally in her mum's takeaway.

I stumble where she cannot stay in the country her Mum owns a business in.

I stopped reading after that.

Edit:

BTW, Scouse IS legend round these here parts, and personally I think you (O.P) are wasting a good man's time and genuine effort.

Edited September 4, 2007 by kayo

[chiang mai]

expat: I was conned into marrying her as part of a deliberate scheme on her part so that she could get a visa, and as a result of that scheme she got pregnant. I can appreciate that marriages and parenthood have consequences, but so does deliberately faking love so that you can get married and deliberately trying to get yourself pregnant. If she is allowed to do this and get away with it others will copy and of course she will continue to use marriage and pregnancy as means to wealth and power just like she did with me and the father of her firstborn, regardless of how many families get destroyed in the process. I don't want another family to be created and destroyed by her just so that she can feel secure in this country.

I won't be sending her away because we don't get along any more, I want her out of the country because she has threatened to kill me and herself and our son on many occasions and I can't live with that threat to my son hanging over my head every time my son isn't with me. If she ever feels that her visa or whatever is threatened then she is crazy, violent and desperate enough to potentially carry out that threat or at least harm my son as a way of getting me to do what she wants. Besides I will still get them to keep in touch by phone, e-mail and letters, and when he's old enough to fend for himself he can visit her in person, although I would advise against it what with her being insanely violent and unpredictable.

It's the effect of having a mother who doesn't care about her son in the slightest that's one of the main reasons why he's better off without her being around. If he's raised thinking that it is acceptable for women to behave as she does and that this is normal then the consequences could be disastrous. He will have very low self-esteem due to being ignored, he'll be more likely to copy her selfishness, deceitfulness and greed as well as pick up her random outbursts of violence and bullying nature. Basically he'll be on the road to a life of crime that will waste his potential to make the most of his abilities. He's a very fast learner and very smart now, but who knows how that will be corroded when he starts to understand what grown ups are saying and begins to copy her behaviour and attitude?

If he grows up being passed between parents all of the time then from personal experience I know that this will make you feel like you don't really belong to either of them. I'd rather avoid this risk.

EDIT: In response to the 2nd expat post: I provide a stable home already. If it comes down to the risk to the child and the child's needs then I think his survival comes first. She has threatened to kill him. That is reason enough to keep her away from him even before you start throwing in the disastrous effects of her behaviour on his developing mind. If I was acting selfishly I'd leave things as they are and just enjoy the days off when he's not around, but I can't rest knowing that if she feels that she is about to be deported or if she wants to manipulate me or she just goes violent at random like she's done in the past that she will attack my 2-year-old son.

mrb: True. If she stays here her 1st son loses out, if she leaves her 2nd son loses out, so either way 1 wins and 1 loses. However, seeing as how the 2nd son has grown up for longer with his mum and misses her a lot, whereas there hasn't been any attachment from his mum to my son and she has threatened to kill him, overall it would be best if she went to her other son.

How does someone get conned into marrying someone else? And she got pregnant as a part of that scheme, how did that happen? There's too much missing in this thread to make it anything other than a self serving winge by a Troll.