Should I Tell My Friend That His Girlfriend Is Trans?

[bangadang]

If he knows, it's none of your business. If you are a close friend, you can mention it carefully and subtly if he doesn't know. If they got married and he finds out later and asks you, "Did you know?" What will you say? 

[madone]

3 minutes ago, patman30 said:

why can't some people comment on anything without bringing politics into the conversation
bringing up politics at every opportunity is not the signal you may think it is.
Another one on the ignore list. 

 

To be frank, I did it to piss you off. It gave me a bit of a chuckle.  So little here does.

I'm sick of pretty much everything AN -- from the fixation and endless rehashing of American politics to the AI-generated news items and blatant attempts at AI-driven "think pieces" to the diapered geriatrics discussing cheese, in reckon the place is dying a slow ignominious death  hastened by every change ion ownership,

[Bday Prang]

1 hour ago, patman30 said:

why can't some people comment on anything without bringing politics into the conversation
bringing up politics at every opportunity is not the signal you may think it is.
Another one on the ignore list. 

But But what about red bull kid?

[Brick Top]

If i were you i would i would be looking for some 

" Hard Evidence " before putting my foot in it

[scottiejohn]

56 minutes ago, Brick Top said:

If i were you i would i would be looking for some 

" Hard Evidence " before putting my foot in it

If he finds "hard evidence" that would mean there was now only one place to put a foot into!

[owl sees all]

Of course tell him. Wouldn't want him to have a hesrt attack on his first night would we?

 

Don't have to be rude. Just say; ''That person you are dating is really a man.''

[JK-Trilly]

Well, I went through with it. I sat down with John over coffee and told him directly what I thought. It wasn’t easy, and honestly, I could barely find the right words, but I knew I had to rip the bandage off at that point. 

 

John’s reaction was a mix of acceptance and devastation. He took in what I said about Lek potentially being trans, or as he put it, a “ladyboy,” and after a moment, he nodded. He said something like, “This is Thailand, right?” as if he’d half-expected something like this could be the case all along. But then the reality hit, and he just looked completely gutted. Knowing that having a family with Lek might now be off the table really shattered him, and that part was hard to watch. I could see he’s very much in love with her, so it’s complicated.

 

At one point late in the conversation, I told John that if he really had doubts, he could ask to see Lek’s Thai government ID card. The ID would still show Lek's real gender at birth, so that would confirm things for him. When I mentioned this, I could see it sink in for him that what I was saying wasn’t some mistake or misunderstanding on my end. I think that is when he really accepted that it was all very likely real—and that I hadn’t just misread the situation.

 

But here’s where things get even stranger. During our conversation, John started questioning if this means he’s been “gay” for being with Lek, which I think shows just how confused and shaken he is. He asked me outright if I thought it made him “less of a man” that he’d been in a relationship with someone who was born male. He kept saying things like, “Does this mean I’m into men now?” and even mentioned how it would be “humiliating” if anyone back in Australia found out.

 

And then things took an even weirder turn. Apparently, John and Lek sometimes have a third person join them—Lek’s close “girlfriend” from Bangkok. Now he’s wondering if he’s been having group sex with two men this whole time, which he admitted is making him feel sick just thinking about it. I don’t know what to tell him; I can barely wrap my head around the whole enchilada myself. It's such an unusual situation. 

 

On top of that, John admitted that he’s in the process of building a new house for them to stay together part of the time down in Lek’s hometown of Songkhla. Lek's mother will stay in the house too and help to look after it while they aren't there. He’s already put quite a bit of money into it, and now I suspect Lek is benefiting financially from the relationship in more ways than one. Part of me worries that this house investment could be a big mistake, knowing she’s not been fully honest with him and that financial gain might be a big part of her motivation.

 

And here’s where it gets really unpredictable. John wants to confront Lek directly and get the truth, but he’s already thinking of ways to “test” her before the conversation. He mentioned he might ask her about kids again to gauge her reaction, but to me, that just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen and avoids the point. He also hinted at some strange ideas he’s seen online for “proving” if someone is trans, which makes me worry he’s too emotional and losing focus on the real issues here. He just has to confront her now directly.

 

At this point, I’m really not sure where things will go. I want to support him, but I feel like he’s heading into dangerous territory in more ways than one. I wish I could help him get a grip on his own identity after all this, but to be honest, I’m starting to wonder if it’s best to step back from this friendship with John, as things may only get more chaotic from here.

[Alpha84]

12 hours ago, patman30 said:

for $1000, i will take, things that never happened

another engagement account
another on the ignore list
baffles me how so many AN members still engaging with these obvious engagement posts

 

You sound really frustrated. Making ignore lists of people who haven't even caused you any grief. Why even bother coming on the site then if you don't like the people or the content? Or is it just that there is nowhere else you can go to whinge about nonsense or let out your frustrations, so you come here? You are free to leave if you can't handle all the stress. You know that right?

 

[Srikcir]

Literally, "butt out."

[jimmybcool]

Assuming this is all accurate and true IMO you don't come out and say she is a ladyboy.  Nor do you ask her.  If you are all every together again I WOULD ask her if she wishes to have babies since John wants a family.  Watch her face.  Watch John.  Maybe hs is naive and doesn't know.  Or maybe she isn't trans.

 

I wouldn't go any farther.  You could be wrong. 

[jimmybcool]

Assuming this is all accurate and true IMO you don't come out and say she is a ladyboy.  Nor do you ask her.  If you are all every together again I WOULD ask her if she wishes to have babies since John wants a family.  Watch her face.  Watch John.  Maybe hs is naive and doesn't know.  Or maybe she isn't trans.

 

I wouldn't go any farther.  You could be wrong. 

[cdemundo]

You have answered your own questions with this statement.

 

"Plus, there’s always the chance I could be wrong"

 

Enuff said.

[marin]

7 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

Well, I went through with it. I sat down with John over coffee and told him directly what I thought. IBult wasn’t easy, and honestly, I could barely find the right words, but I knew I had to rip the bandage off at that point. 

Bull poop, this hyperbole is just that. Why do you feel the need to simply make up a tall tale? No friends, bored, no life, has to be one of the three. 

[bangadang]

9 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

Well, I went through with it. I sat down with John over coffee and told him directly what I thought. It wasn’t easy, and honestly, I could barely find the right words, but I knew I had to rip the bandage off at that point. 

 

John’s reaction was a mix of acceptance and devastation. He took in what I said about Lek potentially being trans, or as he put it, a “ladyboy,” and after a moment, he nodded. He said something like, “This is Thailand, right?” as if he’d half-expected something like this could be the case all along. But then the reality hit, and he just looked completely gutted. Knowing that having a family with Lek might now be off the table really shattered him, and that part was hard to watch. I could see he’s very much in love with her, so it’s complicated.

 

At one point late in the conversation, I told John that if he really had doubts, he could ask to see Lek’s Thai government ID card. The ID would still show Lek's real gender at birth, so that would confirm things for him. When I mentioned this, I could see it sink in for him that what I was saying wasn’t some mistake or misunderstanding on my end. I think that is when he really accepted that it was all very likely real—and that I hadn’t just misread the situation.

 

But here’s where things get even stranger. During our conversation, John started questioning if this means he’s been “gay” for being with Lek, which I think shows just how confused and shaken he is. He asked me outright if I thought it made him “less of a man” that he’d been in a relationship with someone who was born male. He kept saying things like, “Does this mean I’m into men now?” and even mentioned how it would be “humiliating” if anyone back in Australia found out.

 

And then things took an even weirder turn. Apparently, John and Lek sometimes have a third person join them—Lek’s close “girlfriend” from Bangkok. Now he’s wondering if he’s been having group sex with two men this whole time, which he admitted is making him feel sick just thinking about it. I don’t know what to tell him; I can barely wrap my head around the whole enchilada myself. It's such an unusual situation. 

 

On top of that, John admitted that he’s in the process of building a new house for them to stay together part of the time down in Lek’s hometown of Songkhla. Lek's mother will stay in the house too and help to look after it while they aren't there. He’s already put quite a bit of money into it, and now I suspect Lek is benefiting financially from the relationship in more ways than one. Part of me worries that this house investment could be a big mistake, knowing she’s not been fully honest with him and that financial gain might be a big part of her motivation.

 

And here’s where it gets really unpredictable. John wants to confront Lek directly and get the truth, but he’s already thinking of ways to “test” her before the conversation. He mentioned he might ask her about kids again to gauge her reaction, but to me, that just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen and avoids the point. He also hinted at some strange ideas he’s seen online for “proving” if someone is trans, which makes me worry he’s too emotional and losing focus on the real issues here. He just has to confront her now directly.

 

At this point, I’m really not sure where things will go. I want to support him, but I feel like he’s heading into dangerous territory in more ways than one. I wish I could help him get a grip on his own identity after all this, but to be honest, I’m starting to wonder if it’s best to step back from this friendship with John, as things may only get more chaotic from here.

 This reads like some AI made up thing?  threesomes?  come on this is BS

[Gottfrid]

You have two options. Choose wisely!

 

If you want to keep him as friend, you shut up and mind your own business.

If you want to end the friendship, go ahead and tell him. Because if you speak, he will automatically get the message that you not approve of his choice.

[Harsh Jones]

4 hours ago, marin said:

Bull poop, this hyperbole is just that. Why do you feel the need to simply make up a tall tale? No friends, bored, no life, has to be one of the three. 

How would you know that its made up ?

[Harsh Jones]

On 11/6/2024 at 9:59 PM, MeHere said:

 

I lived in BKK for 7 years and seen a couple extremely convincing post-op jobs in my time there... basically impossible to tell!

How many of them did you get pregnant ?

[HighPriority]

WOW !

Imagine how much fun it’ll be when John finds out that Leks mum is her dad !

Kinky orgy alert !! 
 

 

[Jim Blue]

Ignorance is bliss !

[CharlieKo]

On 11/7/2024 at 8:57 AM, JK-Trilly said:

John’s thinking about marriage, and he’s openly planning for kids, which makes me think he’s not aware of her situation

Sounds like they have been together for some time? If John doesn't realise that his GF is a trans, he never will. He could still be a bit weary about coming out  as gay or bi, or what ever to people he meets, so the wanting kids thing is just part of the charade, maybe to avoid any questioning regarding the sexuality of his partner. 

 

[JK-Trilly]

Got a bit of a shock today—I got a call, and the caller ID showed it was John. Naturally, I thought it was him, so I picked up, only to hear Lek’s voice on the other end. Turns out John had gone out for a run and left his phone behind, so Lek used his phone to reach me. Apparently, John confronted her after our talk, and it sounds like her cover is blown. John’s furious with her for hiding things about her past, and from what she told me, he’s talking about ending the relationship altogether. If that happens, I guess John would lose the money he already invested in building that house for them.

 

Surprisingly, Lek wasn’t angry at me for telling John the truth. Instead, she’s asking me to help her fix things with him. She’s clearly desperate to keep him, and now she wants me to convince him to give their relationship another shot. I told her I’d consider it, but to be honest, I don’t want to defend her after the way she deceived him.

 

Still, there’s a complication here. If I don’t step in, this situation might escalate. Lek now has my phone number from using John’s phone, and she knows where I live because she and John came by my place once before we went out for dinner. The last thing I want is her showing up unannounced, especially if my girlfriend’s around. That could make for a seriously awkward situation, and I’m not sure how far she’s willing to go to try to win him back.

 

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I get involved for the sake of keeping the peace, or is it better to stay out of it and deal with any fallout if it comes?

[ChristianBlessing]

On 11/6/2024 at 7:21 PM, proton said:

Don't believe a word of this

Agreed! From a few "subtle clues" to 99% sure?

 

On 11/6/2024 at 7:21 PM, proton said:

 

 

[wombat]

On 11/7/2024 at 11:05 AM, HighPriority said:

OP should of course pork her himself.

definitely the way fwd 

[terryq]

6 hours ago, JK-Trilly said:

Got a bit of a shock today—I got a call, and the caller ID showed it was John. Naturally, I thought it was him, so I picked up, only to hear Lek’s voice on the other end. Turns out John had gone out for a run and left his phone behind, so Lek used his phone to reach me. Apparently, John confronted her after our talk, and it sounds like her cover is blown. John’s furious with her for hiding things about her past, and from what she told me, he’s talking about ending the relationship altogether. If that happens, I guess John would lose the money he already invested in building that house for them.

 

Surprisingly, Lek wasn’t angry at me for telling John the truth. Instead, she’s asking me to help her fix things with him. She’s clearly desperate to keep him, and now she wants me to convince him to give their relationship another shot. I told her I’d consider it, but to be honest, I don’t want to defend her after the way she deceived him.

 

Still, there’s a complication here. If I don’t step in, this situation might escalate. Lek now has my phone number from using John’s phone, and she knows where I live because she and John came by my place once before we went out for dinner. The last thing I want is her showing up unannounced, especially if my girlfriend’s around. That could make for a seriously awkward situation, and I’m not sure how far she’s willing to go to try to win him back.

 

What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I get involved for the sake of keeping the peace, or is it better to stay out of it and deal with any fallout if it comes?

You stuck your oar in uninvited and turned his life upsides down without thinking of any consequences.  Now, when your 'friend' might need help and support' you are thinking of washing your hands of his predicament and backing out.

 

If this story is real , you sound like a disgusting piece of work.

 

(If this story is a troll - you are a disgusting piece of work.)

 

[Bday Prang]

Might have nearly "had " me with the OP but following hia two further posts its blindingly obvious this is just /b/S

[Hellfire]

If he is indeed you friend - you must let him know. May use an anonymous email for those purposes.

[BarraMarra]

On 11/7/2024 at 2:21 AM, proton said:

Don't believe a word of this

Aye just a clickbait post.

[JK-Trilly]

Got a call from John this morning. He knows that Lek reached out to me yesterday, and he just wanted to thank me for everything I’ve done to help him so far. But he also made it clear he thinks it’s best if I step back from the situation and let him handle things himself from here on out. He asked me not to speak to Lek anymore, and if she does contact me, he wants me to tell her that he doesn’t want me involved.

 

I asked him what he’s planning to do now, and he admitted he’s still undecided. He mentioned he’s considering going back to Australia for a bit to spend time with his siblings and clear his head. Apparently, he’s been smoking some weed to help him relax, which he says has helped, but he doesn’t want to get back into drinking.

 

He told me he struggled with alcohol for about five years before we met, then got himself sober, so he’s trying not to go down that road again. He also confided that this whole situation has been a hit to his confidence—not just in relationships but in his own instincts. After working so hard to stay sober and get back on track, he thought this relationship was a fresh start. Now, he feels like he’s back at square one, unsure of himself and his judgment.

 

I tried to encourage him and said it’s really not the end of the world. These things happen, and when they do, you just pick up the pieces, move on, and start over. I reminded him he’s still young at 44, and there’s still time for him to meet someone else, maybe even a nice girl here in Thailand if that’s what he wants.

 

At this point, I guess it’s out of my hands. Part of me feels relieved, but there’s also a lot of concern about how this will end up for him. For now, I’ll respect his wishes and stay out of it, but I’m hoping he finds some peace with whatever he decides.

[scottiejohn]

1 minute ago, JK-Trilly said:

Got a call from John this morning. He knows that Lek reached out to me yesterday, and he just wanted to thank me for everything I’ve done to help him so far. But he also made it clear he thinks it’s best if I step back from the situation and let him handle things himself from here on out. He asked me not to speak to Lek anymore, and if she does contact me, he wants me to tell her that he doesn’t want me involved.

 

I asked him what he’s planning to do now, and he admitted he’s still undecided. He mentioned he’s considering going back to Australia for a bit to spend time with his siblings and clear his head. Apparently, he’s been smoking some weed to help him relax, which he says has helped, but he doesn’t want to get back into drinking.

 

He told me he struggled with alcohol for about five years before we met, then got himself sober, so he’s trying not to go down that road again. He also confided that this whole situation has been a hit to his confidence—not just in relationships but in his own instincts. After working so hard to stay sober and get back on track, he thought this relationship was a fresh start. Now, he feels like he’s back at square one, unsure of himself and his judgment.

 

I tried to encourage him and said it’s really not the end of the world. These things happen, and when they do, you just pick up the pieces, move on, and start over. I reminded him he’s still young at 44, and there’s still time for him to meet someone else, maybe even a nice girl here in Thailand if that’s what he wants.

 

At this point, I guess it’s out of my hands. Part of me feels relieved, but there’s also a lot of concern about how this will end up for him. For now, I’ll respect his wishes and stay out of it, but I’m hoping he finds some peace with whatever he decides.

What is the point of continuing this Troll post?

You initially asked for advice, which was provide.

You now claim to have taken actions!

I suggest you ask the Mods to close this thread!

[RSD1]

15 minutes ago, JK-Trilly said:

Got a call from John this morning. He knows that Lek reached out to me yesterday, and he just wanted to thank me for everything I’ve done to help him so far. But he also made it clear he thinks it’s best if I step back from the situation and let him handle things himself from here on out. He asked me not to speak to Lek anymore, and if she does contact me, he wants me to tell her that he doesn’t want me involved.

 

I asked him what he’s planning to do now, and he admitted he’s still undecided. He mentioned he’s considering going back to Australia for a bit to spend time with his siblings and clear his head. Apparently, he’s been smoking some weed to help him relax, which he says has helped, but he doesn’t want to get back into drinking.

 

He told me he struggled with alcohol for about five years before we met, then got himself sober, so he’s trying not to go down that road again. He also confided that this whole situation has been a hit to his confidence—not just in relationships but in his own instincts. After working so hard to stay sober and get back on track, he thought this relationship was a fresh start. Now, he feels like he’s back at square one, unsure of himself and his judgment.

 

I tried to encourage him and said it’s really not the end of the world. These things happen, and when they do, you just pick up the pieces, move on, and start over. I reminded him he’s still young at 44, and there’s still time for him to meet someone else, maybe even a nice girl here in Thailand if that’s what he wants.

 

At this point, I guess it’s out of my hands. Part of me feels relieved, but there’s also a lot of concern about how this will end up for him. For now, I’ll respect his wishes and stay out of it, but I’m hoping he finds some peace with whatever he decides.

Sounds like a good resolution in the end. John actually came out of this pretty lucky I think. He lost a bit money on the house, but it could've been worse. If it hadn't been for you setting off the alarms then he might've ended up unwittingly marrying this ladyboy one day. He should be counting his blessings that he knows the truth now instead of moping about it. Did he ever mention how they met?