Oh Koh Phi Phi, What have you become?

[Cornish Pasty]

I’ve just returned from a (very) short holiday on the Island of Koh Phi Phi, my first visit since before the tsunami of 2004.

 

I could not believe my eyes…

 

Straight off the bat you are greeted by 2 men screaming ‘20 baht, 20 baht help protect island..’

 

Of course I paid and went on my way (you don’t have much choice really).. I later found out through a local who lived there that the 20 baht doesn’t go to cleaning up the island, it was covered in trash and smashed up from a storm last year. Nothing was actively being fixed. And then the hassle starts. “hey man, where you go?” “you need taxi boat?” “man, taxi boat..” Relentless hassle from the moment you step onto the shore.

 

And then I saw it, the dreaded golden arches, right there in front of my face. It was a Mcdonalds…

I almost threw up on myself.

 

When I was last there (around 2002) all that was there were a few local eateries and a couple of local bars. Mass tourism hadn’t even kicked off yet, but my god has it kicked off now.. It’s all money, money, money. Even if you want to go and swim/snorkel in the bay they charge you 600 baht for the day, also 600 baht to rent a deck chair for the afternoon!! Most places along the beach also charge PAYING CUSTOMERS 10 baht per piss as well..

 

Then there’s the muslim chants. I hadn’t noticed it in 2002, but apparently Phi Phi is 80% muslim now, not sure if it was back then. I distinctly remember having a masaman pork curry with my ex when I first landed. Not the case now, it’s definitely a pork free zone..

 

I thought I was dreaming. Then I went to the 7/11. 20 baht for a small water. You are lucky if you can find a coffee for less than 100, and that would only be a tiny cup. Then theres the tourists. and oh so many tourists… I thought I had gotten off the boat in the middle of Chelsea! Full of young, tatted up, permed up, shirtless cockneys posting on social media all day, telling everyone back home how great the island is… If only they knew.

 

Phi Phi, you are naturally beautiful. Your beaches are amazing, your limestone cliffs are top notch too, but for gods sake PLEASE drop the mass tourism model before it’s too late. I swear, if I hear another cockney accent within the next 48 hours I’m gonna go back and jump off of one of those aforementioned limestone cliffs..

 

Rant over.

 

Mark.

[2long]

In 2002 mass tourism was very much there, and so were the touts offering anything and everything.

Local mafia rules mean that the 20B needs to be collected on the island, and not added to the ferry ticket.

Bear in mind that electricity on the island is more than the mainland, and getting (and keeping cold) drinks such as water costs more than on the mainland. Therefore, prices are higher.

This is a sad but unavoidable case of somewhere getting too popular for its own good, and it happens all around the world.

I lived on Phi Phi during the filming of The Beach movie, and ever since then its popularity has sky rocketed.

[Cornish Pasty]

3 minutes ago, 2long said:

Local mafia rules

those 3 little words sum it all up!

 

it’s worse than Phuket.

 

Mark.

[hotsun]

42 minutes ago, Cornish Pasty said:

Then there’s the muslim chants. I hadn’t noticed it in 2002, but apparently Phi Phi is 80% muslim now

The world seems to want them in their countries, and then when they bring em in everyone else leaves

[FriscoKid]

I’ve just returned from a (very) short gaycation on the tragic remains of Koh Phi Phi, last seen by me in the early 2000s when I was young, flexible, and hadn’t yet developed opinions about cutlery.

 

Babes, I was not ready. Not emotionally, not physically, not spiritually.

 

The second I step off the boat, I’m greeted by two shirtless twinks in knockoff Prada screaming “20 baht, 20 baht help protect island” like a pair of bankrupt drag queens selling raffle tickets at a Pride afterparty. Naturally, I paid. I’ll hand over cash to anyone who looks good sweaty. Call it a hobby. Later I found out from one of the local rent boys, let’s call him Minty, that none of that cash was going to protect anything. The island looked like a cheap wig left out in a hurricane. Trash everywhere. Broken boards. It was like Fyre Festival but with worse lighting.

 

And the hassle. “Hey man where you go?” “Sexy man you need taxi boat?” “Taxi boat give you big fun.” I thought I’d fallen into some kind of cracked out gay immersive theatre. At one point I genuinely wondered if I was going to get bundled into a longtail boat and sold as a pool boy to a retired German leather daddy. Honestly? Tempting.

 

But the trauma wasn’t over yet. I turn the corner, BAM, the golden arches. McDonald’s. Right there in front of me like the ghost of heterosexual mediocrity past. I almost projectile vomited into my limited edition Tom of Finland beach bag. If I wanted processed meat with dead eyes I’d go back to dating English bankers.

 

Back in 2002 this place was paradise. Little beach shacks serving mystery noodles, gorgeous local boys serving mystery glances, and cocktails that could melt nail polish. Now? It’s credit card machines, influencer trash, and overpriced sadness. Want to swim? 600 baht. Want to pose for Instagram with a cocktail that tastes like floor cleaner? Another 600. Need to relieve yourself after that cocktail disaster? 10 baht to piss. I’ve paid less to get into orgies.

 

And then, as if the gods were mocking me personally, the chanting began. Echoing through the humid air. No more pork, babes. I used to come here for a pork curry and a scandal. Now it’s just halal disappointment and unscented wet wipes. Somewhere deep in my memory I could hear the faint echo of my ex moaning through a mouthful of masaman. Not anymore.

 

By the time I reached 7 Eleven I was broken. 20 baht for a water the size of my patience. Coffee prices that made me clutch my pearls so hard they almost shattered. And don’t get me started on the tourists. It was like Love Island exploded onto a rugby pitch and landed in my line of vision. Shirtless Essex lads, lips filled with filler, tattoos drawn by someone with a head injury, all posing like Greek gods but smelling like foot. Honestly, I haven’t seen that many bad haircuts since Eurovision 2007.

 

Phi Phi, you are still beautiful, like an ageing cabaret singer with glitter in the wrinkles and vodka in her soul. Your beaches make me tingle. Your cliffs still make me hard. But the vibe is over. It’s tacky now. Cheap handbags in a posh shop. Pride parade with no DJ. Ibiza but with worse teeth.

 

One more cockney accent and I’m flinging myself off a limestone cliff in nothing but a neon thong, shouting “Tell Cher I tried.”

 

Rant over.

The Dink.

[Gandtee]

53 minutes ago, Cornish Pasty said:

I’ve just returned from a (very) short holiday on the Island of Koh Phi Phi, my first visit since before the tsunami of 2004.

 

I could not believe my eyes…

 

Straight off the bat you are greeted by 2 men screaming ‘20 baht, 20 baht help protect island..’

 

Of course I paid and went on my way (you don’t have much choice really).. I later found out through a local who lived there that the 20 baht doesn’t go to cleaning up the island, it was covered in trash and smashed up from a storm last year. Nothing was actively being fixed. And then the hassle starts. “hey man, where you go?” “you need taxi boat?” “man, taxi boat..” Relentless hassle from the moment you step onto the shore.

 

And then I saw it, the dreaded golden arches, right there in front of my face. It was a Mcdonalds…

I almost threw up on myself.

 

When I was last there (around 2002) all that was there were a few local eateries and a couple of local bars. Mass tourism hadn’t even kicked off yet, but my god has it kicked off now.. It’s all money, money, money. Even if you want to go and swim/snorkel in the bay they charge you 600 baht for the day, also 600 baht to rent a deck chair for the afternoon!! Most places along the beach also charge PAYING CUSTOMERS 10 baht per piss as well..

 

Then there’s the muslim chants. I hadn’t noticed it in 2002, but apparently Phi Phi is 80% muslim now, not sure if it was back then. I distinctly remember having a masaman pork curry with my ex when I first landed. Not the case now, it’s definitely a pork free zone..

 

I thought I was dreaming. Then I went to the 7/11. 20 baht for a small water. You are lucky if you can find a coffee for less than 100, and that would only be a tiny cup. Then theres the tourists. and oh so many tourists… I thought I had gotten off the boat in the middle of Chelsea! Full of young, tatted up, permed up, shirtless cockneys posting on social media all day, telling everyone back home how great the island is… If only they knew.

 

Phi Phi, you are naturally beautiful. Your beaches are amazing, your limestone cliffs are top notch too, but for gods sake PLEASE drop the mass tourism model before it’s too late. I swear, if I hear another cockney accent within the next 48 hours I’m gonna go back and jump off of one of those aforementioned limestone cliffs..

 

Rant over.

 

Mark.

It was paradise in 1985. I thought I'd died and landed in heaven. I was taken out on a fishing boat with an all-Muslim crew. They were great. The skipper even let me helm the boat when coming back in in the early hours of the next morning. I went back there twenty years ago and I could have cried at what they have done to it. Much the same as many other places in Thailand. And in other countries I suspect. Killing the goose that lays the golden egg. So sad.

[Cornish Pasty]

5 minutes ago, FriscoKid said:

I’ve just returned from a (very) short gaycation on the tragic remains of Koh Phi Phi, last seen by me in the early 2000s when I was young, flexible, and hadn’t yet developed opinions about cutlery.

 

Babes, I was not ready. Not emotionally, not physically, not spiritually.

 

The second I step off the boat, I’m greeted by two shirtless twinks in knockoff Prada screaming “20 baht, 20 baht help protect island” like a pair of bankrupt drag queens selling raffle tickets at a Pride afterparty. Naturally, I paid. I’ll hand over cash to anyone who looks good sweaty. Call it a hobby. Later I found out from one of the local rent boys, let’s call him Minty, that none of that cash was going to protect anything. The island looked like a cheap wig left out in a hurricane. Trash everywhere. Broken boards. It was like Fyre Festival but with worse lighting.

 

And the hassle. “Hey man where you go?” “Sexy man you need taxi boat?” “Taxi boat give you big fun.” I thought I’d fallen into some kind of cracked out gay immersive theatre. At one point I genuinely wondered if I was going to get bundled into a longtail boat and sold as a pool boy to a retired German leather daddy. Honestly? Tempting.

 

But the trauma wasn’t over yet. I turn the corner, BAM, the golden arches. McDonald’s. Right there in front of me like the ghost of heterosexual mediocrity past. I almost projectile vomited into my limited edition Tom of Finland beach bag. If I wanted processed meat with dead eyes I’d go back to dating English bankers.

 

Back in 2002 this place was paradise. Little beach shacks serving mystery noodles, gorgeous local boys serving mystery glances, and cocktails that could melt nail polish. Now? It’s credit card machines, influencer trash, and overpriced sadness. Want to swim? 600 baht. Want to pose for Instagram with a cocktail that tastes like floor cleaner? Another 600. Need to relieve yourself after that cocktail disaster? 10 baht to piss. I’ve paid less to get into orgies.

 

And then, as if the gods were mocking me personally, the chanting began. Echoing through the humid air. No more pork, babes. I used to come here for a pork curry and a scandal. Now it’s just halal disappointment and unscented wet wipes. Somewhere deep in my memory I could hear the faint echo of my ex moaning through a mouthful of masaman. Not anymore.

 

By the time I reached 7 Eleven I was broken. 20 baht for a water the size of my patience. Coffee prices that made me clutch my pearls so hard they almost shattered. And don’t get me started on the tourists. It was like Love Island exploded onto a rugby pitch and landed in my line of vision. Shirtless Essex lads, lips filled with filler, tattoos drawn by someone with a head injury, all posing like Greek gods but smelling like foot. Honestly, I haven’t seen that many bad haircuts since Eurovision 2007.

 

Phi Phi, you are still beautiful, like an ageing cabaret singer with glitter in the wrinkles and vodka in her soul. Your beaches make me tingle. Your cliffs still make me hard. But the vibe is over. It’s tacky now. Cheap handbags in a posh shop. Pride parade with no DJ. Ibiza but with worse teeth.

 

One more cockney accent and I’m flinging myself off a limestone cliff in nothing but a neon thong, shouting “Tell Cher I tried.”

 

Rant over.

The Dink.

That was me laughing by the way!

 

Mark.

[swerve]

Phi Phi is more expensive than Phuket.  Little to do there and the restaurants are not so good.  I was there in Aug 2024 and the place was packed.  I won't be going back.

[Cornish Pasty]

9 minutes ago, swerve said:

Phi Phi is more expensive than Phuket.  Little to do there and the restaurants are not so good.  I was there in Aug 2024 and the place was packed.  I won't be going back.

Same.

 

Hellhole.

 

Mark.

[Harrisfan]

32 minutes ago, swerve said:

Phi Phi is more expensive than Phuket.  Little to do there and the restaurants are not so good.  I was there in Aug 2024 and the place was packed.  I won't be going back.

It was crap 10 years ago

[Harrisfan]

Hua Hin is the best place for a beach holiday

[Cornish Pasty]

Just now, Harrisfan said:

Hua Hin is the best place for a beach holiday

Yeah.

 

If you're into grab a granny!

 

Mark.

[swerve]

1 minute ago, Harrisfan said:

It was crap 10 years ago

Agreed.  It was crap 20 years ago. 555

[Harrisfan]

Just now, Cornish Pasty said:

Yeah.

 

If you're into grab a granny!

 

Mark.

Take your own Bob

[Harrisfan]

1 minute ago, swerve said:

Agreed.  It was crap 20 years ago. 555

All the farang islands have been ruined

[Cornish Pasty]

Just now, Harrisfan said:

All the farang islands have been ruined

By farangs and greed and the mafia.

 

Mark.

[Galong]

Phi Phi represents one of the worst-case scenarios of totally unregulated tourism. BTW, after the tsunami, the authorities said they wouldn't let folks rebuild in the two main bay which are theoretically national park land. "Something" happened and they were allowed to build back worse than before. 

I first went in 1993 and got food poisoning from fried rice and vegetables. I went again in about 1997 and got food poisoning from spaghetti with tomato sauce. I went once and didn't get food poisoning. 
 

[short-Timer]

19 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

Hua Hin is the best place for a beach holiday

Hua Hin blows. Worst beach place in Thailand. Water is brown. Place is boring. Drive is too far from Bangkok. Place only has one road in and out. Awful. Almost as bad as all your posts, Susan. 

[Chalong circle]

Original koh Phi Phi people have been either muslims from Koh Yao island, or Sea Gypsies. Then, 40 or 50 years ago came Thai Chinese business people (Cabana Hotel and Phi Phi Hotel). There has always been a mosque on Phi Phi, a shack at the beginning, a big building nowadays. The sea gypsies had a camp on the right handside of the main bay, but are now only located in Laemtong.

[Harrisfan]

Just now, short-Timer said:

Hua Hin blows. Worst beach place in Thailand. Water is brown. Place is boring. Drive is too far from Bangkok. Place only has one road in and out. Awful. Almost as bad as all your posts, Susan. 

You're a loser with no idea.

[Harrisfan]

11 minutes ago, Galong said:

Phi Phi represents one of the worst-case scenarios of totally unregulated tourism. BTW, after the tsunami, the authorities said they wouldn't let folks rebuild in the two main bay which are theoretically national park land. "Something" happened and they were allowed to build back worse than before. 

I first went in 1993 and got food poisoning from fried rice and vegetables. I went again in about 1997 and got food poisoning from spaghetti with tomato sauce. I went once and didn't get food poisoning. 
 

It's too small and right next to Phuket. Chang is the best island. 

[Stocky]

2 hours ago, Cornish Pasty said:

 

Then there’s the muslim chants. I hadn’t noticed it in 2002, but apparently Phi Phi is 80% muslim now, not sure if it was back then. I distinctly remember having a masaman pork curry with my ex when I first landed. Not the case now, it’s definitely a pork free zone..

 

 

1 hour ago, hotsun said:

The world seems to want them in their countries, and then when they bring em in everyone else leaves

 

Islam became established in southern Thailand during the 15-16th century, some 35% of Krabi province's population, and 80% of Koh Phi Phi's resident population are Muslim, the first settlers to the island were Thai-Malay; it has always been majority Muslim. The mosque has been there for many years and was rebuilt after the tsunami with the help of money from Saudi Arabia.
 

[Cornish Pasty]

4 minutes ago, short-Timer said:

Hua Hin blows. Worst beach place in Thailand. Water is brown. Place is boring. Drive is too far from Bangkok. Place only has one road in and out. Awful. Almost as bad as all your posts, Susan. 

Do they call you short timer because you rarely last longer than 12 seconds?

 

Mark.

[Chalong circle]

And by the way, you can easily find pork dishes on the island. And alcool 55555

[short-Timer]

8 minutes ago, Harrisfan said:

You're a loser with no idea.

Oh right, you think just because you finally found some slapper with flaps like windmill blades who let you have a go for 5K Baht, the whole place is paradise now. Calm down, Susan. No one’s impressed but you.

[short-Timer]

10 minutes ago, Cornish Pasty said:

Do they call you short timer because you rarely last longer than 12 seconds?

 

Mark.

 
Easy now, Bob, on a good day, when I've taken all my meds, smoked 20 bongs, and have a noose tightly around my unit, strapping the meat to the veg together, I can do a full 15 seconds. 

[Cornish Pasty]

7 minutes ago, short-Timer said:

 
Easy now, Bob, on a good day, when I've taken all my meds, smoked 20 bongs, and have a noose tightly around my unit, strapping the meat to the veg together, I can do a full 15 seconds. 

Mrs. Mark is lucky if she gets a full minute these days..

 

A bit of strange is lucky if she gets half of that. 

 

Mark.