Why Won't The Wife Organise Dinner?

[mikethevigoman]

I think you have a right to be upset. Everyone is different, but I have never met a Thai woman like that. All the ones I have known are more than happy to do the cooking.

Thanx for that,

Most days, having to cook (or fend) for myself doesnt bother me that much. It just really gets to me when you have had a particullarly stressful day & you get home to hear "I've eaten, look after yourself."

Cheers.

Go and find an 18 year old beauty for a maid, tell her you need some help with your chores, !

[mikethevigoman]

Can't you just use the wifes neglect of you as a moral excuse to go out on the pi$ more often. "Sorry,i was very hungry after working my guts out all day,& thought you wouldnt have any food for me so i went to the restaurant down the road.they are very freindly down there,& provide excellent service".A sort of passive aggressive approach with added benifits.

ps.I definitely aint no marriage counseler either.

Are you sure ? that was very good

[wileycoyote]

What to a male (like ourselves mikethevigoman ) sounds a fairly reasonable suggestion but will probably be countered with "Why don't I invite my mother to cook for you ?"

You are better off ,tired as you are than to go into the 2 women cooks in the kitchen dimension

Wiley Coyote

[0Mix1up]

she comes back with stuff that makes coco pops look sugar free

where can i get some of them?

not having read the whole thread, isn't easy to buy pre made/cooked food at markets, if only for the kids health?

[eek]

You must start as you mean to go on,. i do nothing around the house whatsoever,my wife dosent drive but i taught her the basics so that she can take the rubbish in the pick up to the end of the drive,.she bought a bell, like seen on hotel reception desks so that my daughter and i can ring it if we need food or a drink whilst watching tv,.now i know all the bra burners will jump on me but we get on great, .to each their own,i have friends that do dishes etc, not me i hate it, i changed a nappy once, i was told fish and chips are wrapped better ! suited me ,never go asked again, gotta go, im off out to buy the wife a new iron for her birthday, !

Ok, ill bite. But by no means am i a "bra burner" (which in itself is a pretty chauvinistic statement mate :/ ). Thing is..live your life as you see fit of course, but do you not think this sets a bizarre example to your daughter? Or you dont mind what your daughter thinks? I dunno..just if i had my own kids i would prefer to see that both sexes have a certain amount of equality. Although i like some traditional husband/wife roles within the home..i believe there should a least be balance and respect in a relationship. You all seem happy..thats great..but the bell thing seems a bit far fetched..

Edited October 5, 2007 by eek

[mikethevigoman]

You must start as you mean to go on,. i do nothing around the house whatsoever,my wife dosent drive but i taught her the basics so that she can take the rubbish in the pick up to the end of the drive,.she bought a bell, like seen on hotel reception desks so that my daughter and i can ring it if we need food or a drink whilst watching tv,.now i know all the bra burners will jump on me but we get on great, .to each their own,i have friends that do dishes etc, not me i hate it, i changed a nappy once, i was told fish and chips are wrapped better ! suited me ,never go asked again, gotta go, im off out to buy the wife a new iron for her birthday, !

Ok, ill bite. But by no means am i a "bra burner" (which in itself is a pretty chauvinistic statement mate :/ ). Thing is..live your life as you see fit of course, but do you not think this sets a bizarre example to your daughter? Or you dont mind what your daughter thinks? I dunno..just if i had my own kids i would prefer to see that both sexes have a certain amount of equality. Although i like some traditional husband/wife roles within the home..i believe there should a least be balance and respect in a relationship.

We all get on fine, we are very close and im in as often as i can with them ,i drink once a month if that,its all done in humour really,i knew id get a bite,but in fairness my wife is a full time mum and helps me with my work .i am just one lucky guy and i dont mean to have a skivvy, i have a great wife with a terrific sense of humour ( hence her purchasing the bell ! ),,and by the way bra burner was my bait !,..good luck soundman,im sure you will sort it,.

[intumult]

Soundman.

Are you still 'doing the business' in other respects? Like in the bedroom?

Maybe you need to hire a new 'stud' then wifey will be happy to cook??

Could not resist.

More seriously, it surprises me that she will not even cook for the kids. I have always found the women of the households do the cooking. If not the wife, then often the MIL will do it.

AFAIK Thailand has not reached the bra burning levels of the West as yet.

Strange behaviour indeed.

Sorry to hear you are sooo hungry.

Next time she begins with the 'Dante's Inferno' routing, hold a raw steak near her mouth and how long it will take to become burnt to a cinder

[eek]

Bad boy baiting vigoman!

I had a feeling it was.

I thought (hoped) the bell would be a tongue in cheek thing..sounds like something my brother would do. (Although wouldnt last ).

Anyway..indeed..good luck soundman.

[uptou]

My other half was actually in tears last night because i accidently brought home sticky rice instead of the steamed variety .I decided the best action would be to go straight to sleep with a 'mai kao jai',rather than be awake & baffled.She had been waiting outside the apartment at 1.30am for me though as she was worried about me not getting in the building due to i not having the key.

[qualtrough]

Like many men I have found that women operate in ways completely alien to us. Best example I can think of is that rather than tell us what is bothering us they make us figure it out. This behavior is probably exacerbated by the Thai cultural trait of avoiding confrontation at all costs. So, could your wife's behavior be a symptom of some other problem/issue that she is unhappy with, and this is her way of 'getting back' or letting you know?

[mikethevigoman]

Bad boy baiting vigoman!

I had a feeling it was.

I thought (hoped) the bell would be a tongue in cheek thing..sounds like something my brother would do. (Although wouldnt last ).

Anyway..indeed..good luck soundman.

What hapened to womans intuition eh ?

[mikethevigoman]

I wake up in the morning, get the kids up, clean them, change the rubbish bins, pack the car send the kids of to their appropriate destinations (school etc.), work all day, pick the kids up, deliver them elsewhere, back to work, finish for the day, head home, usually only having eaten nibbles & maybe a little noodle dish.

Hungry as anything, I approach the house, settle down for a few moments of rest, & then inquire with the wife as to what we may be eating for dinner. Kids are hovering in the background, obviously hungry.

Sorry, she replies (on a daily basis). "I have allready eaten. You will have to organise some food for yourself."

What about the kids I ask?

"Oh, they can have some chips and coke or milk."

That is not a nutricious meal, how about you buying some food or cooking something & if you have allready eaten why didn't you buy something for the rest of us?

Storm clouds gathering, batten down the hatches - the full fury of the hurricane is unleashed! No Thai's (male or female) like to have their perfectly prepared answers challeged.....

Now my question is this: From a Thai families point of view is there any onus on a particular individual (read wife in my case) in the family unit to be the one who provides the food? Or is it every person for themselves whenever they feel hungry & once their bellies are full who cares about anyone else?

Frustrated & hungry,

Soundman.

Very very odd for a thai mum to start to neglect her kids buddy,( yes i am aware of the bgs leaving them with parents, this is not one of them cases here ) all joking aside i feel for you, you need to talk, family time is very important, ( mealtimes together etc ) i didnt get any as a kid and am making sure my daughter gets plenty,sounds like you need a serious talk with her, alone when the kids are in bed,. good luck,.

[Sanpatong]

Come on, she has a job just like you. I'm in a similar position myself. Normally the maid cooks, but last week we were in-between-maids for 3 days (worst days of my LIFE!) so we reverted back to pre-civilization.. err, pre-maid life, where I just call home to ask if she got some food already or that I should pick something up or that either one of us will cook something...

Actually the problem isn't so much cooking as it is communication.. (from both sides).

We now have a new super-cute 17 year old maid, who however can't cook much at the moment.. it is *NOT* worth it!

Anyway, in short, your wife should manage house-hold staff who should take care of cooking, and/or communicating to you that you should step by Mad Dogs on the way home for some pizza.

[FarangNoi21]

I think you have a right to be upset. Everyone is different, but I have never met a Thai woman like that. All the ones I have known are more than happy to do the cooking.

Thanx for that,

Most days, having to cook (or fend) for myself doesnt bother me that much. It just really gets to me when you have had a particullarly stressful day & you get home to hear "I've eaten, look after yourself."

Cheers.

this is a strange situation soundman. did your wife grow up in a privalaged family and never learn how to cook? maybe she is embarrased that her food tastes bad? its also weird that your house workers cant cook. most thai people seem to know there way around the kitcheen. its also strange when you say there is nowhere to take out food, you live out in the sticks or what?

[Mobi]

Soundman, there is something wrong here.

In fact it is so wrong, that when I first read your post I thought it was a troll until I spotted your familiar name as the OP.

I think you have posted this to receive reassurances that you are not out of line by being upset and angry at your wife's unreasonable behaviour.

Well I think you can see from the replies that you are not wrong, and that you have some serious issues to address.

Your wife's behaviour is very atypical, and suggests, as some have already said, that there may be serious underlying problems. Perhaps depression, stress, post natal depression, or a general breakdown in marital relations.

The "Dantes Inferno" incidents are also of concern. Yes we all know how many Thai ladies have fearsome tempers, but frankly this is not acceptable and not a good basis for a happy family life.

Sorry mate, but you have some work to do here - but all is not necessarily lost.

Be patient, talk to her and she if she needs some help.

Good luck.

[samran]

mate,

you live in Thailand. Hire a mae baan to do all the cooking. Worked for generations of my family.

[onethailand]

Lot of differing responses here... interesting thread.

In my house, the wife's only responsibility is to look after the kids - so she would certainly be expected to take care of the meals for everyone, including myself even though most nights I eat out.

If my wife were working, however, that would be the maid's responsibility. We have a maid anyhow - and she cooks also, so that's okay, but normally the wife does a lot of the cooking herself.

Without knowing your wife's background, I don't think there's any one answer that will be suitable. But for me, if my wife worked and helped support the household, I would not expect her to be responsible for the household chores including meals.

[bina]

no maids, and we both work long and physically hard hours; dinner is the only meal cooked at the house except on saturday....(anon takes food to work and i eat at the kibbutz dining room yuck yuck )

and anon is the main (only) cook in our kitchen: all thai food.

i do the shopping, we both do the dogs, i do the kids laundry (kibbutz so different set up i have to bring and pick up the laundry) and we both do his clothes (not the kibbutz laundry); i wash the floor and he joins in; i do the driving around (he cant drive here); he fixes, repairs, builds and i decide what needs to be fixed built or repaired. ...

anon will cook no matter what hour i arrive or he arrives, the first one home must put up the rice and wash the dishes.. i wash the bathroom (he is baffled by our shower/bathroom set up and cleaning methods)..

he feeds my kids, including making them their own set of thai non spicy food, no matter what hour they arrive at the house (home from the army, school, after school activities, etc).... to the point that it drives my youngest crazy. they call him the yiddisha momma thailandi....

sounds like your wife has some issues and is on strike in a passive way.

bina and anon

[ColPyat]

Frustrated & hungry,

Soundman.

Go on strike - refuse sex until you get some proper grub. If you can't do that - refuse foreplay.

Be strong!

[JetsetBkk]

Frustrated & hungry,

Soundman.

Go on strike - refuse sex until you get some proper grub. If you can't do that - refuse foreplay.

Be strong!

As intumult said, is everything OK in that department? I'm sure if you went for counselling, the question would be asked eventually.

[DamianMavis]

I'm generally a nice guy, so when you read this man..... Im just trying to get through to you, I'm sure you are a nice kind gentle man and don't usually deserve to be criticised BUT that therein lies the problem, you are TOO nice, I would say weak. Everyones tip toeing around trying to say it nicely... .even the women are embarrassed for you man but are too polite to say it straight, Ill say it straight. And if you think Im wrong and a complete a hole you can tell me to my face if you ever bump into me and that will be fine.

This family CRISIS, and it is a crisis, is 100% wholely and completely your fault. You wanted advice or sympathy? This is not your wifes fault, or your maids or anybodys' but you. You are the man of the house and you have completely shirked your responsibilities as the main decision maker and king of his castle. Sound sexist? Maybe, but your woman would not be disrespecting you to the point of losing complete interest in the children you 2 spawned together if you had been a man this whole time instead of "asking" her to do the things that are her god given duties as a mother. Such as being concerned for her families (ESPECIALLY CHILDRENS) health and welfare. Honestly in my opinion it is too late, once you let things get this bad, only a miracle could fix it. You needed to set rules and boundaries at the first sign of trouble. Now your wife wont even prepare food for her children in any way (not even store bought) and expects them to eat junk food and fend for themselves. This is abuse. And it is disgusting. And like I said it is your fault. Doesn't matter if she works, nothing matters when it comes to your childrens health and well being. Doesn't matter if she yells at you, YELL BACK. Be a ###### man. Threaten divorce (and fracking mean it), do what you got to to help your children. This is just a single sign, it can only get worse.

Your maid wont listen to you? Seems like she thinks your a weakling not worth paying attention to as well. GET RID OF HER. I've got Thai emplyees, I EXPECT and accept a certain amount of laziness and incompetence, if one of them actually went against my words and didn't do what I told them too REPEATEDLY they would be fired with no thought. You say its a headache like you have no control and you are a vicitm.... JEEZE be a man! You're HER boss right? Your children's health is of upmost importance and some ignorant git is hurting your children by feeding them crap. STOP HER. Be strong.

You need to take control of your house hold right away and get your sheet together because it is out of control. You are the man and it is your responsibility. Stop feeling like a victim and acting like one, you're children are counting on you.

So ya that was harsh, Im sorry, I think what is happening in your family is absolutely unacceptable, when children suffer there is an emergency. I have very strong opinions about families and male/female relationships.

Damian Mavis

[Tinkelbell]

quoted........"this is a strange situation soundman. did your wife grow up in a privalaged family and never learn how to cook? maybe she is embarrased that her food tastes bad? its also weird that your house workers cant cook. most thai people seem to know there way around the kitcheen. its also strange when you say there is nowhere to take out food, you live out in the sticks or what? ................................................................................

..........

I was wondering the same too. I had know many girls who were born into a privileged families. Let me tell you, these little princesses never once let their feet in the kitchen. They had maids and other household helps to fetch everything they want down to even washing their underwares. They were chauffeurring to school and everywhere. Never had to lift a finger on anything.

But these so-called princesses woked up to the reality of life as soon as they gone to further their study in the US or EU. Living alone in foreign land. They learn fast about taking care themselves: to cook, to shop, to study, to drive, to budget the expenses, to pay bills etc. Not only they earned higher degrees, they also experienced the real life lessons which made them become a better man/woman.

I had met several Thais who are holding Ph.D, or Master degree from the West, who could cook a very good Thai dishes and doing his own laundry when they're back to live in LOS.

Soundman, have you ever consider to have food delivery ? It's very popular among two incomes household. There are many food catering company, they are happy to do the job for you. Their food taste great, clean and prompt service.

[sendbaht]

Wow, after reading this, all I can say is...I am so lucky!

[mellow1]

That's what all those people, with pushcarts and little storefronts sell. Food to take home or eat on the spot. It's easier to buy it, than fight with her. Find a few decent places, and stop off with the kids, to and from school. Of course you can always fight about it, but you will loose. Have a nice day, forget about it, and try to be happy. There is no way your wife is wrong, she is not only a woman, but she is also Thai.

[mogoso]

Wow, your situation is certainly different from mine. No kids at home, but shared responsibilities. I make breakfast, no ones home for lunch, but my wife cooks wondereful Thai food most everynight.

Occasionally I'll make Lasanga or Chicken Pot Pie or something other, but my stomachs very happy.

[mikethevigoman]

Soundman, there is something wrong here.

In fact it is so wrong, that when I first read your post I thought it was a troll until I spotted your familiar name as the OP.

I think you have posted this to receive reassurances that you are not out of line by being upset and angry at your wife's unreasonable behaviour.

Well I think you can see from the replies that you are not wrong, and that you have some serious issues to address.

Your wife's behaviour is very atypical, and suggests, as some have already said, that there may be serious underlying problems. Perhaps depression, stress, post natal depression, or a general breakdown in marital relations.

The "Dantes Inferno" incidents are also of concern. Yes we all know how many Thai ladies have fearsome tempers, but frankly this is not acceptable and not a good basis for a happy family life.

Sorry mate, but you have some work to do here - but all is not necessarily lost.

Be patient, talk to her and she if she needs some help.

Good luck.

Superbly put Mobi,you come across with the personality of the golden as your avatar,. i wish you were a close friend of mine, honestly,. Edited October 6, 2007 by mikethevigoman

[candoman89]

"refuse foreplay" classic

Where can I get one of those bell thingys?

seriously, you should insist on changing roles. Let her get up early (Thai lady up early ) and get the kids ready, clean the bins (whatever they are ) drive everyone around etc. and you insist on doing the cooking. Make her wait for you to get home and come home late so she will have gone maybe 3 hours without eating (insist on no nibbling).

After the first day you will have a tired hungry Thai wife at home . Maybe then she will see the errors of her ways. If she still doesn't buck up then take her down to the local pub to interview potential lasses to work as maids.

Don't look at this as a problem...........look at it as an opportunity.

[rixalex]

I'm generally a nice guy, so when you read this man..... Im just trying to get through to you, I'm sure you are a nice kind gentle man and don't usually deserve to be criticised BUT that therein lies the problem, you are TOO nice, I would say weak. Everyones tip toeing around trying to say it nicely... .even the women are embarrassed for you man but are too polite to say it straight, Ill say it straight. And if you think Im wrong and a complete a hole you can tell me to my face if you ever bump into me and that will be fine.

This family CRISIS, and it is a crisis, is 100% wholely and completely your fault. You wanted advice or sympathy? This is not your wifes fault, or your maids or anybodys' but you. You are the man of the house and you have completely shirked your responsibilities as the main decision maker and king of his castle. Sound sexist? Maybe, but your woman would not be disrespecting you to the point of losing complete interest in the children you 2 spawned together if you had been a man this whole time instead of "asking" her to do the things that are her god given duties as a mother. Such as being concerned for her families (ESPECIALLY CHILDRENS) health and welfare. Honestly in my opinion it is too late, once you let things get this bad, only a miracle could fix it. You needed to set rules and boundaries at the first sign of trouble. Now your wife wont even prepare food for her children in any way (not even store bought) and expects them to eat junk food and fend for themselves. This is abuse. And it is disgusting. And like I said it is your fault. Doesn't matter if she works, nothing matters when it comes to your childrens health and well being. Doesn't matter if she yells at you, YELL BACK. Be a ###### man. Threaten divorce (and fracking mean it), do what you got to to help your children. This is just a single sign, it can only get worse.

Your maid wont listen to you? Seems like she thinks your a weakling not worth paying attention to as well. GET RID OF HER. I've got Thai emplyees, I EXPECT and accept a certain amount of laziness and incompetence, if one of them actually went against my words and didn't do what I told them too REPEATEDLY they would be fired with no thought. You say its a headache like you have no control and you are a vicitm.... JEEZE be a man! You're HER boss right? Your children's health is of upmost importance and some ignorant git is hurting your children by feeding them crap. STOP HER. Be strong.

You need to take control of your house hold right away and get your sheet together because it is out of control. You are the man and it is your responsibility. Stop feeling like a victim and acting like one, you're children are counting on you.

So ya that was harsh, Im sorry, I think what is happening in your family is absolutely unacceptable, when children suffer there is an emergency. I have very strong opinions about families and male/female relationships.

Damian Mavis

Harsh but spot on.

The key to it is laying down the ground rules from day 1. Start on day 2 and it's already too late - you've already exposed your weak under-belly.

[soundman]

Wow - Thanx everbody for putting an opinion forward. What a different cross section of views.

Some of them have had me rolling around in stiches for last ten minutes of reading.

Especially Mr Vigo.

Mr. Mavis, while I can see where you are coming from, you are a little off the mark there. That is normally the advice I am dishing out to some small business owners when things start to go pear shaped & they need to pull their fingers out to rectify the situation. Appreciate straight talk none the less.

I suppose in any relationship, you have to take the good with the bad. My wife is a star in many areas, however, food preperation & personal financial responsibilty (read shopping restraint) are not her best traits. Sheltered childhood I suppose.

Guesthouse's comments on a more disciplaned eating regime make sense too. Reminds me of my childhood. Not the easiest thing to implement with Thai's & their grazing habits though.

Once again thanx for the replies to a thread where I was letting off a little steam at a situation that gets to me once in a blue moon.

Feel free to continue the debate as to whose responsibility it is to prepare the daily meals.

Cheers,

Soundman.

[Suszzy]

Why Won't The Wife Organise Dinner?,

she had enough.. sorry....just kidding..!!

she had a bad day in the office...maybe????