don't worry about it dottie, you'll be posting your views like a veteran soon & if you feel someone if giving you a lot of grief or flaming there is always the report button.

don't worry about it dottie, you'll be posting your views like a veteran soon & if you feel someone if giving you a lot of grief or flaming there is always the report button.

Heh heh, hopefully won't need to resort to that. However, if the original poster does come out here and wants to meet up, she is most welcome to contact me (I presume there is a mechanism for doing this on TV - haven't quite worked it all out yet). I am very sociable, almost always positive about Thailand/Thais and happy to swap stories about experiences in Thailand, despite my previous comments about getting drunk around town! Oh and I am Bangkok based.

As a woman, I've generally felt safe in Thailand, a lot safer than I feel in most American cities, and I've travelled alone in both.

Things you could do:

Would it help your father to be able to reach you at all times? It's really cheap to get a Thai simcard for your mobile phone, and I know it also makes me feel safer to have a working phone on me, especially at night.

Would it be an option to stay with a host family? Would something like that make your father feel safer?

If you're coming with a study abroad program, can you get more information on where you'd be living (on campus?), where you'd be studying, etc -- maybe knowing the specifics would help your father be reassured?

I found that most of avoiding problems in Thailand uses the same common sense as back home:

don't drink without having trusted friend to watch your back

avoid drugs like the plague

avoid taking taxis at night by yourself if you can. if you have to take one after a night of clubbing or something, bring a shawl or something to cover up your sexy outfit in the cab, don't act visibly drunk, and carry your mobile phone.

above all, trust your instincts!

It's completely unacceptable for Thai men to touch Thai women they don't know, and (I think sbk mentioned this first) if you act super, super offended if one of them tries to touch you, they will realize you know "the rules of the game" and usually back off. but i never found sexual harrassment to be a big problem in thailand, especially not on the scale that i hear it happens in places like morroco or india. most thai men are respectful, in my experience.

i don't know if this gives me any real security, but it makes me feel safer in a place like Thailand: i always try to make friends and get to know the people on my street, chat with them, go back to the same restaurants, use the same taxi driver if I can -- so I'm not just an anonymous person, but someone they know, so i feel like they might have my back and give a shit if something happened to me.

oh, i think the biggest risk in thailand, as qualtrough was saying (wow, I'm agreeing with qualtrough -- this is a historical occasion! :-P are the roads. The roads are dangerous. I travel by train or plane when I can, to avoid the roads, never take night busses anywhere, and have a few seconds chat with taxi drivers before getting in to see if they are visibly drunk or high (a lot of them are, unfortunately).

good luck with your studies, i hope it works out!

I couldn't agree more with the things in red. Getting known in your neighbourhood is most important. If people know you, they will watch out for you much more. I make sure I buy things regularly from my local shops and restaurants and always acknowledge stall holders so they can see I'm not stand-offish and remember my face.

Even just giving a smile and greeting to the security guard outside the US ambassador's house means he now writes the taxi number plate down on a piece of paper to give to me when I'm getting a taxi home from work (I flag them them from there because there is a handy pull-in which means I don't get rushed into hopping into the taxi by the rest of the traffic ... don't actually work there)! That's why I like life in Thailand. The little things make me happy!

Not encountered too many taxi drivers being drunk or high, but I have had a couple of taxi drivers who've been on the night shift and actually fall asleep at the wheel while waiting at the traffic lights.

Welcome, Dottie! We have more than a few things in common as I also lived & worked in Bangladesh although probably quite a while before you were there (1987-1991....four LONG years in purdah!)

Hi Dottie, WELCOME

What a good first post! Nice to hear your fresh comments. I often take the numer of a taxi driver I trust and use them frequently - motorbike and car

If you want to meet up and exchange phone numbers with people you click on their name on the left in the box and then click send message - it's called a PM (Private Message) as no one else can see it. We're not allowed to put phone numbers or email addresses in the forum

Jarinda - I am working on getting you the phone number at Thammasat

Seonai

Minus of course all the fruitless arguments about just how safe per se Thailand is or isn't, in comparison to wherever else!.

Actually, that's an opinion not a fact, but thanks for your input.

As a matter of FACT, safety concerns, danger signals, and strategies are going to differ from one place to another. If we still have trouble acknowledging that here, then a generic, token, safety guide is what will be fruitless.

But hey - maybe you guys can model it on the detached nature of the Lonely Planet, by excluding the experiences of women who have actually been in danger.

Kat,

I thjink you misundrestood my post.

I wasn't in any way implying that keeping safe in Thailand didn't involve Thailand-specific problems and measures. That's why the suggested pinned notice was safety tips for women in Thailand, not safety tips for women in general!

And I haven't seen anyone in this thread deny that there are differences from place to place.

What I was calling fruitless was the arguing about whether or not Thailand is, all things considered, more or less dangerous than other places. Strikes me as fruitless because (1) Obviously it depends on which other place one is comparing to and (2) regardless of how it does or doesn't rank compared to some other place, there are still risks here for women.

Right - I understand you and please don't misunderstand me: I wasn't ranking Thailand or commenting on where is more or less dangerous. Rather, I raised the rhetorical examples of other places to get past the truisms offered here that it is all the same everywhere concerning women's safety. Unfortunately, at times it does seem as if some of us have to jump through several hoops to make a simple point without baseless condescension or dismissive remarks. However, I can see you and I are in agreement on your points one and two above, and those were also my points all along, so for me, seeking consensus on this hasn't been fruitless

Have a good night, Sheryl.

* And Welcome, Dottie!

Edited November 5, 200718 yr by kat

Welcome, Dottie! We have more than a few things in common as I also lived & worked in Bangladesh although probably quite a while before you were there (1987-1991....four LONG years in purdah!)

Hi to everyone and thank you for all your welcomes. That's really nice! Sorry, been offline for past week moving house.

Sheryl, not sure what nationality you are but, if you are Brit or Canadian, you're more likely to know about the great organisation that is Voluntary Service Overseas, which sends vols to developing countries to share their skills, ie. you learn from the people and country you are sent to, not just telling the locals what to do. I was with VSO in Sylhet in north-eastern Bangladesh from 2002 to 2004 ... a challenging time, as you'll no doubt appreciate but an experience I never regret. Taught me a load about myself and makes Thailand feel like paradise. As I tell any moaners about Thailand, they should spend time in Bangladesh!! Would love to swap "war stories" with you though!

On that note, thanks for the tips about Private Messaging, will definitely give that a shot. Still working out how you get your "avatars" (is that the word for it).

Cheers again everyone, thanks for all the useful comments and tips. Have a great week!

Wow, I've been offline for a few weeks and had some catching up to do with the reading. Update on my trip, I'm giving my dad a two week deadline to approve my trip, or I'm going to just apply without his consent. I have enough money that I can afford the plane ticket and most living expenses without his help, plus I'm going out for several scholarships in the coming months. However, he is being swayed a little and I've given him plenty of resources that he could look into to correct his misconceptions. Thanks everyone for all the help!

I'll be wary when I'm living in bkk about safety, some people mentioned that bad things can happen anywhere and I know that's true, I just try to be careful about what I can prevent. (Learned that lesson with the VT shooting last year, unpredictable things happen that are scary)

Wow, I've been offline for a few weeks and had some catching up to do with the reading. Update on my trip, I'm giving my dad a two week deadline to approve my trip, or I'm going to just apply without his consent. I have enough money that I can afford the plane ticket and most living expenses without his help, plus I'm going out for several scholarships in the coming months. However, he is being swayed a little and I've given him plenty of resources that he could look into to correct his misconceptions. Thanks everyone for all the help!

I'll be wary when I'm living in bkk about safety, some people mentioned that bad things can happen anywhere and I know that's true, I just try to be careful about what I can prevent. (Learned that lesson with the VT shooting last year, unpredictable things happen that are scary)

"I'm giving my dad a two week deadline....." said the 20 yr old daughter.....

Well, you better hope he didn't read this, speaking about misconceptions:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?sh...155471&st=0

Parents (in this case a Father) DO CARE about their children, and especially if it's a 20 year old daughter going away to a far, far away country.

It's not only his right, it's his DUTY to care about his daughter.

I think the OP has still a lot to learn in life. I don't think she speaks with a lot of respect about her father.

Guess, who has to to help her when she ends up in problems

"I'm giving my dad a two week deadline....." yeah yeah...

LaoPo

Thanks you beat me to posting that link.

Jorinda, be VERY careful if you come here....... please. You seem really naive, just try to be cautious and be on guard, don't wander alone if you can help it....

Damian

Wow, I've been offline for a few weeks and had some catching up to do with the reading. Update on my trip, I'm giving my dad a two week deadline to approve my trip, or I'm going to just apply without his consent. I have enough money that I can afford the plane ticket and most living expenses without his help, plus I'm going out for several scholarships in the coming months. However, he is being swayed a little and I've given him plenty of resources that he could look into to correct his misconceptions. Thanks everyone for all the help!

I'll be wary when I'm living in bkk about safety, some people mentioned that bad things can happen anywhere and I know that's true, I just try to be careful about what I can prevent. (Learned that lesson with the VT shooting last year, unpredictable things happen that are scary)

Thailand isn't VT, Kansas, the UK or Bangladesh, it's Thailand, and the experiences and cues will be different. Your assimilation of those differences will also be significantly influenced by where you are coming from and encountering them for the first time. If you travelled through Bangladesh as a single, young woman, Thailand will seem much less complicated. However, this is also a matter of coping strategies and management, and not necessarily fully representative of everyone's reality, i.e. "it has been safe for me, therefore Thailand is safe for everyone," et al.

But, you have this full thread, and the full scope of this forum, so I don't have too much else to say that hasn't been said. You have everything at your disposal to inform yourself, and that is the best element for personal safety anywhere.

Why do some people think Jorinda is naive? It always seems that if people on this bored find that a person is young then they automatically assume they are naive, stupid, don’t know what they are getting themselves into etc... In reality I have met just as many naive, stupid, clueless etc... 50 year olds as 20 year olds (actually its probably even more in Thailand).

As for the murdered Japanese girl link, yes be careful, but people get murdered everywhere. You could find news articles like that for every country in the world including America.

Lao Pao, get a sense of humour, she is 20 not 15, how old do you need to be before you can do things without parents permission with your own money? 30?

Jorinda you might want to hide the newspapers - a female Japanese tourist has just been murnered in Thailand

Why do some people think Jorinda is naive? It always seems that if people on this bored find that a person is young then they automatically assume they are naive, stupid, don’t know what they are getting themselves into etc... In reality I have met just as many naive, stupid, clueless etc... 50 year olds as 20 year olds (actually its probably even more in Thailand).

As for the murdered Japanese girl link, yes be careful, but people get murdered everywhere. You could find news articles like that for every country in the world including America.

Lao Pao, get a sense of humour, she is 20 not 15, how old do you need to be before you can do things without parents permission with your own money? 30?

This has nothing to do with my sense of humor. Maybe you don't have a daughter -yet- ?

LaoPo

Right, but since everything is the same to him, he probably can't really understand the difference between a 20 year old and a 30 year old travelling alone for the first time.

Right, but since everything is the same to him, he probably can't really understand the difference between a 20 year old and a 30 year old travelling alone for the first time.

Exactly, and as any daughter knows, dad's are different with their daughters regardless of their age. My dad worries about me and I'm hardly 20 anymore. Its just what concerned dads do.

Right, but since everything is the same to him, he probably can't really understand the difference between a 20 year old and a 30 year old travelling alone for the first time.

Exactly, and as any daughter knows, dad's are different with their daughters regardless of their age. My dad worries about me and I'm hardly 20 anymore. Its just what concerned dads do.

You can say that again. Mine are just reaching their teenage years but I know I am always going to worry when they're not nearby my wife or I, no matter what their age.

Yes, very true as well.

Off-topic a bit, but my dad always warned me about guys, he said "I am a man and I know what those guys are thinking about my daughter!"

Yeah, my dad said the same. Must be a dad thing.

Off-topic a bit, but my dad always warned me about guys, he said "I am a man and I know what those guys are thinking about my daughter!"

Umm... I think this situation can be reversed, I can see moms being extremely protective of their boys, with pretty much the same reasoning...

Your biggest danger here will be transport-related. Stay off of motorbikes and away from tuks tuks to the extent possible, sit in the middle of tour buses, never in the very front or very back. Take the train for long distances. Sit in the front of taxis as you can always find a working seat belt there, and wear it. Do all that and you will go a long way towards minimizing the greatest risk you will face here.

Kudo to you for your acting street smart!

Way to go!

Maybe you and other women can start a new topic sharing such good experience and ask that it be pinned. That can benefit many future females coming to Thailand.

I really don't think I'm that naive...I'm younger than most of the people on the board but I spend a lot of time in Richmond VA (it usually ranks as the murder capital of the U.S) and I'll be living there this summer, it's not like I've never been around a city or had to take safety measures. I'm asking about safety issues in Thailand because it's in a different country, there are different cultural attitudes that impact crime and risk and I was sure there were other women who get grief from over protective dads, especially considering Thailand's seedier reputation. I know atleast with Americans that it's a cultural standard to be more protective of girls than boys, and travel is one of those issues that parents get very protective over. I was kind of curious to hear about other oppositions that girls had to go through before coming to Thailand. And I know some people think I'm overly dependant on my parents because I actually want them to agree with my decision, but in reality most college students would rather ship out to a conventionally safe area that they don't want to go to than fight with their parents or pay for it themselves. Money being the big issue with approval, there's no one who can afford college without their parents or loans.

And yeah, my dad says a lot of the same things your guys does..."I know what boys are thinking" "I won't be there to help you" etc etc. I think they have a tendency to view girls as forever 12. I think with boys it's different, I've met very few parents who were overprotective of their sons, not that that's proof but that's another cultural double standard.

Right, but since everything is the same to him, he probably can't really understand the difference between a 20 year old and a 30 year old travelling alone for the first time.

Of course there is a difference and of course parents are going to worry about you and try to stop you doing anything that may put their kids at risk. The fact of the mater is though that by the age of 20 you or old enough to make your own decisions and choose what you do whether your parents like it or not (if your paying for it yourself that is). You can’t keep your children cooped up forever (unless you want them to become unable to look after themselves, perhaps like quite a few posters here). And by the way Kat, she isn’t traveling alone for the first time.

Edited November 27, 200718 yr by madjbs

And yeah, my dad says a lot of the same things your guys does..."I know what boys are thinking" "I won't be there to help you" etc etc. I think they have a tendency to view girls as forever 12. I think with boys it's different, I've met very few parents who were overprotective of their sons, not that that's proof but that's another cultural double standard.

No, they don't.

They're just scared to death something will happen to their daughter(s).

But, you're right; parents are not in the same way -over-protective with sons. The reason is obvious, isn't it, and it's NOT a double standard.

One doesn't read too many times about an innocent boy raped (or worse) by a girl in the bushes.

LaoPo

Off-topic a bit, but my dad always warned me about guys, he said "I am a man and I know what those guys are thinking about my daughter!"

Umm... I think this situation can be reversed, I can see moms being extremely protective of their boys, with pretty much the same reasoning...

Ya no.... my mom bought me condoms when I was 15.... I dont think dads do that for their daughters.... unless they are from Quebec heh.

Damian

I disagree entirely Lao Po and Jorinda, I worry about my son just as much as I would a daughter and always will do as he's the most precious person ever in my life. Boys get abducted frequently and men are more likely to get into a situation where they could be beaten. I would by him condoms when he's old though enough Damian - your Mum sounds cool

I didn't have a dad around to give me such good advice, but instead I had a street smart savvy mum who had lived her own life independently and wanted me to do the same. She pushed me to go out and travel, and never tried to put her own fears on me. I know she did and does worry about me, I am her baby. And I have caught her off guard at times and realised how worried and sad it makes her to see me go. But she knows that the experiences that I have now will shape the rest of my life and never wants me to have regretted not taking a chance that is given to me. *sniff* I love my mummy!!

Of course you want your dad to agree with your decision, we never like to disappoint our parents if we have any respect for them. Try and empathise with his fears and alay them as much as possible. Explain that you need to experience these things now to enrich your life. They should be happy that they have a daughter who is curious and open minded enough to want to go out into the world. Explain that there are thousands of girls that do the same every year and who come back safe and sound.

I personally have never had any negative experiences in Thailand. The seedy sex side is in no way a threat to a single girl travelling on her own. I am not saying it is a safe place, nowhere is. But by being alert, listening to other people, and surrounding yourself with people who will look out for you, you can protect yourself to a certain degree.

Good luck!

i really just remembered when i was 21 and had the same sort of arguement with the folks: i wanted to travel to england/scotland whatever, and the parents just pulled the 'we are paying so u cant choose' (that is how i more or less ended up in israel btw, zionist parents said 'israel' safe on a kibbutz study program or mcdonald's to work !!! well, a foreign country anywhere is better then mcdonalds so went for that. they thought i was safe on a summer program ha ha they didnt of course take into account the fact that american girls like us loved to go to the arab shouk in east jerusalem for the 'native' experience-- had several narrow escapes cause american girl= sex in those days in the more 'middle eastern' areas. and i did take some chances that we (well i) wouldnt have done at home, but less stupid than some of the other people in the group-- same as in europe short trip (traveled on an american military train night time to berlin and was almost raped by an american soldier - at that time i used to wear my hair in two braids and looked about 14 ys old......god how dumb could i have been -- and yes i was more naive(read: stupid) way back then. )

my father to this day obsesses about his daughters and now of course the granddaughters. it is a father thing for sure.

lao pao the whole point of parenthood is to teach our kids independance and ability to 'make it', so u let them do things that may seem slightly or even really unsafe, but try at the same time to let them know they have a 'fall back' in case of problems, and also, try to give them the 'tools' to assess situations and deal with them if they end up in a 'situation'. parents that are over protective prevent their kids from learning survival skills, and parents that dont give a s-hit also prevent their kids indirectly from learning ways to assess situations. its a fine line indeed.

its the same as letting your kids swim in the deep end. u have to teach them to swim but then u have to allow them to try their skills even if there is a risk involved but u are there in the beginning to help if things go wrong. later in life, what u do is up to u only. it sounds like jorinda does have a grip on reality. her father will let her go in the end, but will probably give her extra bucks FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY with strict instructions to phone at set intervals, and she will probably do some rather stupid things but hopefully if her head is on straight (no getting drunk jolinda) she will have a great time, learn a lot, develop more survival skills so that she will make it to the age of 22 + (until 120 yrs as we say here) with learning experiences for the most part good.

and yes , i gave my boy condoms and a lecture, and my daughter too (just in case, cause the guys here ... well, mid eastern attitude) so together with her army issue mace required, she has a condom tucked in with her tampons.

which reminds me: jolinda, that u may want to bring with u also... your favorite brand, it saves trying to find them in a thai supermarket/drugstore and never leave home without them....

bina

I disagree entirely Lao Po and Jorinda, I worry about my son just as much as I would a daughter and always will do as he's the most precious person ever in my life. Boys get abducted frequently and men are more likely to get into a situation where they could be beaten. I would by him condoms when he's old though enough Damian - your Mum sounds cool

Are you talking about this sentence: "parents are not in the same way -over-protective with sons" ?

If so, I think you have to see that remark in the context of the thread 'Traveling as a Young Woman in Thailand'. Also you can't judge that since your son hasn't reached the age of the OP yet and you don't have a daughter I believe.

I assure you that parents DO judge a daughter and son differently and that they worry more -overprotective- about a daughter than a son of the same age, when they knock the door and say: "Hi Pap, Hi Mam, I'm going to Thailand (or country X)...."

Believe me, I know, I've been there, I've seen it, and protected my daughter from falling into traps and dangerous situations (I could write a book!)....and at the same time I didn't worry -as much and overprotective- about my son; on the contrary.

I am a father too you know and maybe I have a little more experience than most of the Ladies here since I'm older and view this 'daughter' worry-thing from a father's & man's point of view, not a women's.

Seonai, if you write a sentence like: "Boys get abducted frequently and men are more likely to get into a situation where they could be beaten."'you're probably talking 'boys' at a young age and 'men could be beaten' ending up in fight....with men.

I think you're overreacting and exaggerating that boys get abducted frequently but that's also not what the thread is about.

LaoPo