What Would An "old Hand" Do ?

[Storekeeper]

I've been legally married for about 6 months now and brought the Thai wife to Japan with me. You wouldn't believe how easy it was...didn't even need a visa. My problem is I'm not adjusting to this marriage thing well. 2nd marriage for me and I should have known better. The present wife is really good to me and I honestly believe I pulled a good one. But, the dog inside me is rumbling and I want off the <deleted>' leash. Should I feel any remorse in sending her back to her humble surroundings? What if I let her stay with me here and then walk away when my time in Japan is over ? Know of any issues I should be concerned about ? Walking away may be my only choice...I don't think she'll go away easy. If I file for divorce in Thailand it's a three year process for me if she doesn't agree, right ?

** I've posted this on another board previously several weeks ago...this board sounds like there might be an oldtimer with experience to give me some feedback.

[Tornado]

Why did you marry her in the first place? 6 months in and you want to "kick her to the curb"?.

You should feel like an ass! disposable wives?, your a jerk mate!

I hope she gets all your cash and her family comes looking for you.

What happen to marriage being sacred?, the terminology you use is degrading, shag hoars instead, you obviously not grown up enough to enter a marriage.

No wonder some of these girls are so messed up!

[ThaiGirlTeen]

I hope she gets all your cash and her family comes looking for you.

.

I agree, i feel sorry for her already, what a jerk she married.

[falong]

I've been legally married for about 6 months now and brought the Thai wife to Japan with me. You wouldn't believe how easy it was...didn't even need a visa. My problem is I'm not adjusting to this marriage thing well. 2nd marriage for me and I should have known better. The present wife is really good to me and I honestly believe I pulled a good one. But, the dog inside me is rumbling and I want off the <deleted>' leash. Should I feel any remorse in sending her back to her humble surroundings? What if I let her stay with me here and then walk away when my time in Japan is over ? Know of any issues I should be concerned about ? Walking away may be my only choice...I don't think she'll go away easy. If I file for divorce in Thailand it's a three year process for me if she doesn't agree, right ?

** I've posted this on another board previously several weeks ago...this board sounds like there might be an oldtimer with experience to give me some feedback.

Simple answer

CASH buyout.

Buyback your freedom!

What is her background? Village girl? How long have you known her?

Chances are shes not all thrilled about living outside of LOS anyway.

Should you feel remorse? Are you human?

People here accept long distance marriages--as long as you can afford it.

[hkthai]

I've been legally married for about 6 months now and brought the Thai wife to Japan with me. You wouldn't believe how easy it was...didn't even need a visa. My problem is I'm not adjusting to this marriage thing well. 2nd marriage for me and I should have known better. The present wife is really good to me and I honestly believe I pulled a good one. But, the dog inside me is rumbling and I want off the <deleted>' leash. Should I feel any remorse in sending her back to her humble surroundings? What if I let her stay with me here and then walk away when my time in Japan is over ? Know of any issues I should be concerned about ? Walking away may be my only choice...I don't think she'll go away easy. If I file for divorce in Thailand it's a three year process for me if she doesn't agree, right ?

** I've posted this on another board previously several weeks ago...this board sounds like there might be an oldtimer with experience to give me some feedback.

You've allready have your mind made up so throw her out the fXXXXn door. I am sure she will be OK in the hands of the Yakuza while you go back to the candy store exploring the endless aisles at Thai's R Us.

For all the horror stories of greedy and selfish Thai girls...well here's the other side of the mirror!

[Storekeeper]

I probably deserve your response. But what am I supposed to do ? Just stay married cause it's the right thing to do ? I do feel bad that's why I'm asking. If I let her stay her for a couple of year she can walk away with nearly 2,000,000 baht from a honest job. She didn't ask for it but I already built her a $20,000 house. So its not like I'm leaving her high and dry. I'm even willing to put her two kids through college even if we divorce. Am I really that morally warped ?

[BKK_banger]

No, of course you are not, everyone makes mistakes.

You have screwed her life up and she will find it hard to attract another husband when she returns but this is not your fault, it is her fault for not being able to satisfy you. You are the victim here of an incompetent Thai wife.

Order her back to her village, to the house you so generously built even though it is of sod all use to you, and make her stay there. Ignore her protests, you are the wronged party. Once she is out of the way you can relax and go back to chasing the ladies.

Send her about 6,000 Baht per month, this should be more than enough for the whole family. Better still she can get a job and you send her nothing.

And post her name on the Internet so no other neanderthal will become a victim of her wickedness and/or incompetence. You can do this at www.craphubbies.com

[IamMaiC]

He should get rid of her and see what happens after that Maybe the males in her family will treat him good as their stuffing something into his mouth after they have cut it off.

[IamMaiC]

Why even bother to Marry What did u do just wake up and Ohhhh I don't feel like being married anymore. How about you give us another line I'm gonna pay for her kids to go to college Yeah Right.

I wish I was her brother I'd kick you to the curb more than once

[sonthaya]

Why did you marry her in the first place? 6 months in and you want to "kick her to the curb"?.

You should feel like an ass! disposable wives?, your a jerk mate!

I hope she gets all your cash and her family comes looking for you.

What happen to marriage being sacred?, the terminology you use is degrading, shag hoars instead, you obviously not grown up enough to enter a marriage.

No wonder some of these girls are so messed up!

I must agree with Tornado and others, you are a jerk.

[medicinebox]

Have to agree on this. Why the fukc do people rush into marrages on a whim. You're probably going to tell me you've been with her for years. Whatever.

"You think you've found a good one?" Just remember that she is probably the last good one you will find. Good ones are far too rare to be wasted on the likes of you.

[Simbo]

I listen to all your views, but the plain fact is the marriage isn't working for one partner. It could just as easily have been her. Having decided you don't want this woman, Get her back los first, then do the deed. You have already paid enough out, she was a bar girl before, I'm sure, so she can go back to that. We all make mistakes, to live with it is folly. Some people have the philosophy that if you make your bed, lie in it. Rubbish! Get out as soon as you can. It takes one year apart to get a divorce, if she agrees or not. I know, because I've done it. Don't feel guilty, they will do you given half the chance. Good luck.

[Spee]

I've been legally married for about 6 months now and brought the Thai wife to Japan with me. You wouldn't believe how easy it was...didn't even need a visa.

I'm having a hard time buying the whole premise of your post. First off, one does not simply enter and stay in Japan without a visa. They tend to not react well to those kinds of situations, unless of course one is juiced in with the mob. Second, are you nihon-jin or gai-jin? If nihon-jin, my guess is that you may have "married" her under false pretenses. Sorry, this is my first time ever saying this on the forum, but I smell a troll.

[Up2U]

If not a troll, then let's look at the whole thing.

The guy apparently has a job in Japan - assume reasonably well paid. Has married a Thai girl with two kids, taken her to Japan - with or without kids?

He is now feeling the restrictions of marriage - second marriage - probably felt the same after the first.

If he is not yet mature enough to live within those restrictions - and is therefore like the majority of men - should he continue to keep his wife by his side, when she can probably sense that he wants to get out and about?

He says he has built her a 2 mill house in her village. This must be a mansion - my wife is doing same for less than 1 mill. He also says that he is prepared to pay for kids education, so on.

Personally I would suggest he talks the whole thing through with his wife and gets her view. If she would like to go back to LOS (and most Thai ladies I know are much happier at home) then allow her to go, give her a monthly cheque and go your own way. Both will probably be happier. If you later agree to a divorce by mutual consent, with appropriate cash settlement, then this only takes one visit to the Amphur.

Try and be mature about things - we can't all run around screaming 'I want that! I want that!' like five-year-olds. But neither should we chain people in relationships that have gone sour.

[IamMaiC]

I think it's only gone sour on one side HIS!!!!

[CMguy]

I would recommend you listen to the wise words of Up2you. If the relationship is truely sour, that is to say you have tried to salvage it with no success, then staying together just because others think its the right thing to do is the wrong thing to do. You will probably grow bitter towards one another. If you get out amicably the loss of the relationship will be less painful on both of you in the long run. The fact that you are willing to help her out financially is commendable.

I would caution you against getting married again ( if ever) without giving a lot of thought as to why the past ones did not work.

[meom]

You're a f***wit to get married again but oke the situation is already there and if the marriage doesn't work out there's no point in staying together. I assume that her two kids are from her previous relation so she's been married before as well or what?

With the right "financial incentive" you might be able to divorce as friends if that's what you want. On the other hand if she and her family might want to get even I would advice to stay far away from LOS the coming years.

[medicinebox]

My Aunty married the same man twice.

THE DIVORCE DIDN'T WORK OUT..........BOOMBOOM!!!

[Storekeeper]

Thanks for all the feedback and especially all of the kicks in the backside. My initial post was really inappropriate and I should have thought it out more clearly although I don't regret the post as a whole. It's not a troll post...I'm a 42 year old male and have been in the US military for nearly 26 years. No visa required for entry to Japan because of SOFA sponsorship rules. I had been single for 10 years after a 13 year marriage to a Japanese female and I got married for no one single reason. But one I will point out is that it only took me a couple of years to be thoroughly finished with the Thai bar scene. And thoughts of seperating have nothing rooted in any desire to go back to one night stands with bar girls. My troubles are solely rooted in having a difficult time adjusting from total freedom to being in a marriage partnership. My first marriage was bliss for me...it was the ex-wife who didn't like the restrictions. Where I met my wife (33 years old) is not important but I do know I met somebody who will never cheat on me and will never cheat me period. And she has a couple of wonderful children who also played a part in my mind when I went through with the marriage. You all gave me pointed advice and I appreciate it...I'm glad you didn't soft shoe me. She and I have been in some heavy conversations the past several weeks and I''l leave it at that. It may just be growing pains and I think the right thing to do is give it some more time. I think a couple of years is reasonable.

[rod_kalashnikov]

 

[Storekeeper]

Rod,

Thanks for the feedback. You're right about the emotional connection. It's impossible to accurately describe or explain every possible thing that led up to me asking this question. I could have said or phrased things in certain ways to point blame at my spouse...but that's not my way. I would rather have everybody throwing stones at me for being a jerk farang than somebody saying..."Well, you shouldn't have married a BG!" I will look at things positively and I will try to make this work...but when it's time to leave Japan I'm not going to just stick it out cause it's the right thing to do if things still aren't the way they should be. You've all helped me to take a couple of steps back...and re-consider from a moral and ethical viewpoint. I'll be straight with you...I will not pay anything that I'm not comfortable with even if it were to mean loss of permanent entry privileges to Thailand. I'm hoping for now that things will improve with her getting a job. I do believe we have a chance to make it work but it's more dependent on me improving on my side. Her future does also weigh heavily on my mind. And to tell you the truth I don't want to look back a few years from now and be caught asking myself why I let her get away. Thanks for the responses to all.

[Spee]

It's not a troll post... No visa required for entry to Japan because of SOFA sponsorship rules. I had been single for 10 years after a 13 year marriage to a Japanese female ...

Apologies and consider the troll comment in my initial reply withdrawn.

SOFA sponsorship is a way around the visa rules that I had not considered. The way your initial post came out, I thought maybe you were nihon-jin in a sham marriage. I think that happens a lot with Japanese men and Thai women.

Also understand what you may have gone through in the first marriage. It is common for Japanese women to seek more independence, often through divorce, as they get into their mid-30's to early 40's. Based on what I know from gai-jin friends that I have in Japan, marriage to a Japanese female can be tough after the initial honeymoon years are over.

Sounds like maybe both you and your spouse deep down want things to work, and are just having difficulty working through it. Hopefully everything will work out for you.

My TGF/fiance' gets down and depressed about things sometimes, especially being apart from family. I have to remind her often that sometimes life is good, sometimes life is bad, but stay together and everything will be okay.

Chok dee ...

[rod_kalashnikov]