Thai Boyfriend Stole My Money

[seonai]

Agreed MTVM - your name is far too long to repeat!!! Where's the OP?? Come on tell us more...

[maluko]

I have had relationships in farangland like this too... sometimes it is better to just walk away, the material stuff isn't important. Just consider yourself lucky that you aren't there and it isn't in front of your face. You are able to make a clean break. I also learned the same lesson- my first Thai boyfriend was one of those layabouts happy to spend my money and do nothing. It amazes me I hooked up with him but the culture was exotic and appealing and I wasn't paying attention to my normal standards. SOOO glad I got rid of him, even if I lost money to do so. He just called me yesterday actually, after 2 years of no contact. Full of stories about how he was going to do this and that to win me back- it's nice to be able to scoff at him. You will get over this guy- plenty of fish in the sea.

Well said, it could be advice for men and women,it amazes me still when the knights in bright shining armor get there girlfriend to give up bar work and go back to wait in the village while they get a visa.if one of these girls was worth her salt she would want to get a normal job,not to sit on her @ss in udonburilat or somewhere,we all know they love the nightlife and having friends around and as soon as the farang is in the air so is her @ss !,.ill go so far as to say if you have a single partner that dosent want to work or you dont want them to work you more than likely have a renta wife/husband,.

you are right but i can't help but be skeptical.

I have never met an ex- bar girl who had decided to start a normal work....the most of them have got laziness as established custom !

it is a fact in there !

[mikethevigoman]

I have had relationships in farangland like this too... sometimes it is better to just walk away, the material stuff isn't important. Just consider yourself lucky that you aren't there and it isn't in front of your face. You are able to make a clean break. I also learned the same lesson- my first Thai boyfriend was one of those layabouts happy to spend my money and do nothing. It amazes me I hooked up with him but the culture was exotic and appealing and I wasn't paying attention to my normal standards. SOOO glad I got rid of him, even if I lost money to do so. He just called me yesterday actually, after 2 years of no contact. Full of stories about how he was going to do this and that to win me back- it's nice to be able to scoff at him. You will get over this guy- plenty of fish in the sea.

Well said, it could be advice for men and women,it amazes me still when the knights in bright shining armor get there girlfriend to give up bar work and go back to wait in the village while they get a visa.if one of these girls was worth her salt she would want to get a normal job,not to sit on her @ss in udonburilat or somewhere,we all know they love the nightlife and having friends around and as soon as the farang is in the air so is her @ss !,.ill go so far as to say if you have a single partner that dosent want to work or you dont want them to work you more than likely have a renta wife/husband,.

you are right but i can't help but be skeptical.

I have never met an ex- bar girl who had decided to start a normal work....the most of them have got laziness as established custom !

it is a fact in there !

it is a very hard habit to break it seems, we have all heard these stories of wives with plenty of money that will still turn a trick if they can get away with it,.its money every time, i am absolutly convinced that if a farang gave a bg a million dollars she would think,if he can afford that he must have more and go after it !

[maluko]

I have had relationships in farangland like this too... sometimes it is better to just walk away, the material stuff isn't important. Just consider yourself lucky that you aren't there and it isn't in front of your face. You are able to make a clean break. I also learned the same lesson- my first Thai boyfriend was one of those layabouts happy to spend my money and do nothing. It amazes me I hooked up with him but the culture was exotic and appealing and I wasn't paying attention to my normal standards. SOOO glad I got rid of him, even if I lost money to do so. He just called me yesterday actually, after 2 years of no contact. Full of stories about how he was going to do this and that to win me back- it's nice to be able to scoff at him. You will get over this guy- plenty of fish in the sea.

Well said, it could be advice for men and women,it amazes me still when the knights in bright shining armor get there girlfriend to give up bar work and go back to wait in the village while they get a visa.if one of these girls was worth her salt she would want to get a normal job,not to sit on her @ss in udonburilat or somewhere,we all know they love the nightlife and having friends around and as soon as the farang is in the air so is her @ss !,.ill go so far as to say if you have a single partner that dosent want to work or you dont want them to work you more than likely have a renta wife/husband,.

you are right but i can't help but be skeptical.

I have never met an ex- bar girl who had decided to start a normal work....the most of them have got laziness as established custom !

it is a fact in there !

it is a very hard habit to break it seems, we have all heard these stories of wives with plenty of money that will still turn a trick if they can get away with it,.its money every time, i am absolutly convinced that if a farang gave a bg a million dollars she would think,if he can afford that he must have more and go after it !

yeap, and if she has got enough money with that her familly would certainly not have the same way of thinking...bg are sometimes under very hard pressure...

[bina]

BOYFRFIENDS, CANT U GUYS READ?!! THE GIRL IS TALKING ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND, NOT A BAR GIRL....

well, chinagirl, u wont get anything back, just chalk it up to experience and dont ever give money or expensive presents... doesnt matter if its farang or thai....

bina

[britmaveric]

BOYFRFIENDS, CANT U GUYS READ?!! THE GIRL IS TALKING ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND, NOT A BAR GIRL....

Same Same but different.

[tattoodrob]

BOYFRFIENDS, CANT U GUYS READ?!! THE GIRL IS TALKING ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND, NOT A BAR GIRL....

well, chinagirl, u wont get anything back, just chalk it up to experience and dont ever give money or expensive presents... doesnt matter if its farang or thai....

bina

ohhhhh theres a big difference here thai boyfriend......and bar girl.......same same but different .and no need to shout

[BalthazarBeefheart]

Life is always about learning from your mistakes - to me your biggest mistake was continually running back to the US for a month or so. Did you expect your kept man to stay at home and entertain himself (euphemism) wondering what you were up to. He goes out and gets a bit of fluff and then your dear mates grass him up. The final straw is that desire to reclaim gifts.

I am sorry but I find your behaviour reprehensible and actually pity the guy. It's not your fault as I have very rarely encountered women who really understand mens' needs.

I think maybe if you find yourself in this situation with another b/f you may like to consider investing in a male chastity belt - I've seen them on sale at MBK - at least I think thats what they were ! Lock em up for month while you do your family stuff.

Cheers BB There is no such thing as free sex.

[isabelle17]

Life is always about learning from your mistakes - to me your biggest mistake was continually running back to the US for a month or so. Did you expect your kept man to stay at home and entertain himself (euphemism) wondering what you were up to. He goes out and gets a bit of fluff and then your dear mates grass him up. The final straw is that desire to reclaim gifts.

I am sorry but I find your behaviour reprehensible and actually pity the guy. It's not your fault as I have very rarely encountered women who really understand mens' needs.

I think maybe if you find yourself in this situation with another b/f you may like to consider investing in a male chastity belt - I've seen them on sale at MBK - at least I think thats what they were ! Lock em up for month while you do your family stuff.

Cheers BB There is no such thing as free sex.

Hmm...well, so are you saying that every girl who goes away from her boyfriend for a a month or so should immediatly become suspicious and assume that he is cheating? Sorry, but I have to disagree with that point. I have been away from my Thai boyfriend for a few months now...and as far as I know he's not cheating. Of course, I trust him. Trust is important in any "good" relationship. Anyway, I doubt a male chastity belt would have done much good in that case! He at least would have still spent the money. Personally, my advice..which is something I do...keep the money to YOURSELF. Unless your married to the guy, dont give him money (unless its like a measly 20 baht for dinner or something, haha...)

[seonai]

My Thai husband always gives me all the money from our small business and even when I am in Uk he sends me money

[sbk]

As girlx rightly pointed out, these relationships can be had anywhere. Using people isn't strictly a "Thai' trait but, IMO, a very sad human one. It doesn't necessarily follow that the OP's boyfriend was on the game simply because he was with her. Nor does it necessarily follow that he was a kept man because she paid the rent. It could simply have been that she was not willing to stay in what he could afford. Suggest posters who leap to conclusions about people's motives stop and think first

All it suggests to me is that he is a cheater. He'll cheat on the new one as well, cheaters always do.

Chinagal, since he appears to be a cheater, you are better off without him. I wouldn't worry too much a repercussions, as long as it is apparent you have a support system and people who care about you instead of being alone and at the mercy of people around you then you are most likely going to be fine. Just, as I said before, don't take him back if he suddenly "realizes" his mistake and wants you back. Cheaters always cheat.

[Prakanong]

I have had relationships in farangland like this too... sometimes it is better to just walk away, the material stuff isn't important. Just consider yourself lucky that you aren't there and it isn't in front of your face. You are able to make a clean break. I also learned the same lesson- my first Thai boyfriend was one of those layabouts happy to spend my money and do nothing. It amazes me I hooked up with him but the culture was exotic and appealing and I wasn't paying attention to my normal standards. SOOO glad I got rid of him, even if I lost money to do so. He just called me yesterday actually, after 2 years of no contact. Full of stories about how he was going to do this and that to win me back- it's nice to be able to scoff at him. You will get over this guy- plenty of fish in the sea.

Well said, it could be advice for men and women,it amazes me still when the knights in bright shining armor get there girlfriend to give up bar work and go back to wait in the village while they get a visa.if one of these girls was worth her salt she would want to get a normal job,not to sit on her @ss in udonburilat or somewhere,we all know they love the nightlife and having friends around and as soon as the farang is in the air so is her @ss !,.ill go so far as to say if you have a single partner that dosent want to work or you dont want them to work you more than likely have a renta wife/husband,.

you are right but i can't help but be skeptical.

I have never met an ex- bar girl who had decided to start a normal work....the most of them have got laziness as established custom !

it is a fact in there !

I know a few bar girls who now have "Normal" jobs and this includes those not sponsored by a boyfriend ie they are supporting themselves from theire own "Normal" work.

As Shakespeare in King Lear points out though - the policeman who lashes the whore does so because he wants to use her services (Christopher Hitchens - God is NOT great)

[seonai]

[seonai]

My smile was in response to SBK's post not Prakanong - we must have posted at the same time

[mikethevigoman]

BOYFRFIENDS, CANT U GUYS READ?!! THE GIRL IS TALKING ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND, NOT A BAR GIRL....

well, chinagirl, u wont get anything back, just chalk it up to experience and dont ever give money or expensive presents... doesnt matter if its farang or thai....

bina

YES WE CAN READ ! just change bg for bb. same results ,.

[mikethevigoman]

Life is always about learning from your mistakes - to me your biggest mistake was continually running back to the US for a month or so. Did you expect your kept man to stay at home and entertain himself (euphemism) wondering what you were up to. He goes out and gets a bit of fluff and then your dear mates grass him up. The final straw is that desire to reclaim gifts.

I am sorry but I find your behaviour reprehensible and actually pity the guy. It's not your fault as I have very rarely encountered women who really understand mens' needs.

I think maybe if you find yourself in this situation with another b/f you may like to consider investing in a male chastity belt - I've seen them on sale at MBK - at least I think thats what they were ! Lock em up for month while you do your family stuff.

Cheers BB There is no such thing as free sex.

Id better add a ps to this, im sure he is talking about bar sorts only, as if you have a "normal" relationship then its not unusual to think that you can go away for a while and your partner remains faithful,.if you feel the need for a chastity belt and have no trust you really are on a slippery slope and it WILL end in tears ,.

[mssabai]

I think the only reason that this always seems more common in Thailand is that in farang/Thai couples there is usually an imbalance in material wealth - unless they have a business together or something similar. Either the farang has saved money in their country to bring here, or they are working here at substantially higher wages than their partner (for instance english teachers earn as a minimum three times what their Thai counterparts do). The problem then is that the money aspect can start to become a positive thing about the relationship, and when other things go wrong, the money may be used as a reason to stay. If you have fallen out of love with someone, and you are staying with them because of the comfortable life they can offer you then resent will creep in as you are not happy and the use of the money may be used as a weapon. You may feel it is your 'right' to spend or take money.

I am more conscious of the use of money in my relationships here than I am back home, simply because I have so much more of it than my partner does and I never want him to see the money as a reason to be with me. I have seen a lot of girls go down the route of buying expensive gifts (and I am sorry Chinagirl, but I think buying a bike for someone after 5 months of dating is very extravagant, as is providing for someone whilst you are out of the country - is giving him a place to live not enough?). Yes if I want to go for a nice meal and my bloke has no money, I will pay because on 9000 baht a month - I would not expect my boyfriend to pay for my expensive farang meal when he would be happy with 20 baht noodle soup. Same goes for if I want to go to BKK say I know my fella has no money but I want a travelling companion - I will foot the bill for the hotel, he will pay for his travel and we will generally share food. Yes if the relationship continues (which in this case it didn't anyway) then further down the line, when we are actually making a life together, I would be happy to use my money to provide a comfortable life and future for us both (ie starting a business), but it would be on equal terms and legally the portion of the business that I funded, would belong to me.

One cultural point to note is that I have noticed in Thai relationships the wealth is always equally spread. It's swings and roundabouts - if you have no money I will look after you and vice versa. I have certainly been treated, even though my boyfriend has earnt so much less than me, and so this makes it seem fair when I am funding us having a good time.

[mssabai]

My sister had a Thai boyfriend, he was a member of a band in Mae Hong Son where she was teaching. She applied for and accepted a job in Japan but could not take him with her so he agreed to wait until she finished her contract (2 years) before moving to Australia to get married. He could not wait and chose to go off with a penniless Thai girl. My sister came back to Thailand to confront the Thai boyfriend and was attacked by the Thai girlfriend who told her ' stay away form my boyfriend and go find one of your own kind!'. He gave up a much better lifestyle for a local girl that offered nothing. That Thai fella had zero sense and could only think of what he was getting at that moment.

I really do not agree with this post - I do not believe you should never stay in a relationship for the lifestyle it offers you. Perhaps he just fell out of love with your sister and in love with this 'local girl that could offer him nothing' (other than herself). To me the fact that he did this shows that he had a great deal of sense and integrity and was looking at his happiness long term and not just the material benefits that the relationship with your sister could provide him with.

[BalthazarBeefheart]

Life is always about learning from your mistakes - to me your biggest mistake was continually running back to the US for a month or so. Did you expect your kept man to stay at home and entertain himself (euphemism) wondering what you were up to. He goes out and gets a bit of fluff and then your dear mates grass him up. The final straw is that desire to reclaim gifts.

I am sorry but I find your behaviour reprehensible and actually pity the guy. It's not your fault as I have very rarely encountered women who really understand mens' needs.

I think maybe if you find yourself in this situation with another b/f you may like to consider investing in a male chastity belt - I've seen them on sale at MBK - at least I think thats what they were ! Lock em up for month while you do your family stuff.

Cheers BB There is no such thing as free sex.

Id better add a ps to this, im sure he is talking about bar sorts only, as if you have a "normal" relationship then its not unusual to think that you can go away for a while and your partner remains faithful,.if you feel the need for a chastity belt and have no trust you really are on a slippery slope and it WILL end in tears ,.

Yes sorry I have made a silly mistake - I feel so naiive cos I am now informed that what I saw at MBK and thought were male chastity belts are in fact meant for female use. I won't go into details as I don't want to cause offence and I think I have been censored here already.

Love and Peace BB

[isabelle17]

So then theres the question of...how much should I spend on my boyfriend, especially if I am the one with more money? Where exactly should the line be drawn? What if he was in the hospital and needed money...?

Sorry, this might be a little off topic...but all this "money business" in relationships got me thinking about it...

[vegas]

How does the saying go? "Step over a pound to pick up a penny". I see this in love, business etc. Thais see only what is in front of them on that day. They'd rather take what's offered to them in that instance than bide their time and wait for the big reward. Yes it's a generalization and also a true one.

[swain]

So then theres the question of...how much should I spend on my boyfriend, especially if I am the one with more money? Where exactly should the line be drawn? What if he was in the hospital and needed money...?

Sorry, this might be a little off topic...but all this "money business" in relationships got me thinking about it...

hospitals and motorbikes ....? I think when it comes to someones health you have to bite the bullet or at least I would. bikes, clothes etc... they are meaningless in the long run.... health and or life and death... is another thing completely.

Edited January 14, 2008 by swain

[orchis]

If you give a motorbike you should never take it back that's just sour grapes,

you created a co dependent by giving him stuff and when he didnt behave like a trained monkey you took it back. Get real, grrrl.

[mssabai]

How does the saying go? "Step over a pound to pick up a penny". I see this in love, business etc. Thais see only what is in front of them on that day. They'd rather take what's offered to them in that instance than bide their time and wait for the big reward. Yes it's a generalization and also a true one.

A generalisation bordering on racism I think. How on earth can you say that about an entire country full of people? I know plenty of Thais who are constantly thinking about the future. I am not sure in what area you work, but I would say that you have not yet met any of the 1000s of Thais in this country who study hard, work long hours in a bad job for minimal pay - all to furnish their parents house with a new toilet - or whatever. You are just plain wrong. The big reward in your case was a relationship with your sister who had money. But he obviously wasn't happy with her so what kind of reward would it be for him - wait for me for 2 years and you will be set up for life? And people say that Thais are materialistic...

[mssabai]

So then theres the question of...how much should I spend on my boyfriend, especially if I am the one with more money? Where exactly should the line be drawn? What if he was in the hospital and needed money...?

Sorry, this might be a little off topic...but all this "money business" in relationships got me thinking about it...

I guess I always try and think of it in terms of what I would do for a good friend - trying to take out the romantic aspects. If he was in hospital and had no money, then of course you would help him. If though he suddenly sprang on you the need for money for treatment for an ongoing complaint that he had before he met you, then maybe think a little harder about it. I don't know - I have never had a problem with drawing a line, but then I have never been with anyone who has asked for anything.

As a sideline, there is a very amusing piece on the web written by a woman giving her experiences of being duped by a bar boy. The list of what he got out of her was endless, but my personal favourite was asking her for 20k baht to fix the suspension on his motor bike that she had apparently broken because she was fat. There are some real con artists out there - and they are good at what they do, but just try to surround yourself with people you trust who are able to be more objective than you are when in the first throes of love and they will tell you when you are going too far.

[mssabai]

If you give a motorbike you should never take it back that's just sour grapes,

you created a co dependent by giving him stuff and when he didnt behave like a trained monkey you took it back. Get real, grrrl.

Too right

[blizzard]

whats wrong with a guy falling for a penniless thai girl? she may offer him true love,

the non thai girl should know you cant buy thai boys, they not after money...............lol, like many thai girls are.

[blizzard]

**aggressive post removed**

when you non thais go overseas 4 an extended amount of time what is yr thai bf or gf supposed to do?

[sbk]

Once again, trollish and aggressive posts have been removed.

[Samuian]

,.ill go so far as to say if you have a single partner that dosent want to work or you dont want them to work you more than likely have a renta wife/husband,.

Spot on, how true!