Thai Boyfriend Stole My Money

[torrenova]

Sorry but I find that many Thais seem to think they deserve something akin to payment for the time they spend in a romantic relationship. I know one girl who is often criticised by others because she is in a relationship of some 3 years standing with a guy who has considerable assets in Thailand and elsewhere but she does not have a house or car in her name. The girl in question is happy but others think she is selling herself short and should have some "payment". In other words, they reduce the relationship to one of prostitution.

The OP was stupid but the guy proved himself a right shit and for people to defend him whilst he stole from his benefactor is not beneficial in portraying Thais in a good light.

[Theyreallrubbish]

Sorry but I find that many Thais seem to think they deserve something akin to payment for the time they spend in a romantic relationship. I know one girl who is often criticised by others because she is in a relationship of some 3 years standing with a guy who has considerable assets in Thailand and elsewhere but she does not have a house or car in her name. The girl in question is happy but others think she is selling herself short and should have some "payment". In other words, they reduce the relationship to one of prostitution.

The OP was stupid but the guy proved himself a right shit and for people to defend him whilst he stole from his benefactor is not beneficial in portraying Thais in a good light.

Can you point out what he stole? I must be thick or something but as far as I can tell he kept 12,000 Baht he was given, paid the January rent and still vacated the shared home within 2 days after being told by two strangers to do so without damaging or removing anything.

I don't know about you, but if I'd rearranged my life to fit in with someone else's and then was given 2 days notice to become homeless and without transportation I would kick up a hel_l of a lot more of a fuss than this guy did.

My personal view is that the Thai guy fell for another girl, partly no doubt due to his being left on his own for months at a time, and the OP for her own self-esteem needs prefers to portray him as a scheming dishonest scam artist who she caught out and kicked out rather than accept she was usurped by another woman.

It actually frankly shows the racism that is widespread. If they had both been white, it would have been purely an issue of him being a cheater, but because he his Thai it is easy to label him as a male prostitute and thief and have others go along with that view which supports the OPs psychological need.

Despite the fact that the OP IN HER OWN POSTS has not referred to any theft or scams by the guy and posted herself how he was reasonable to the point of self-sacrifice in vacating his home in two days.

I have sympathy for the OP. Its not easy to accept that someone you have a relationship with prefers someone else and I understand the lashing out. I have no sympathy for all the others who supported the view he's a thief and a scam artist with no evidence other than the fact he's Thai.

Best of luck to the OP. I hope you get over it soon and get happy soon.

[Momo8]

It goes to show that money can't buy love.

The guy wanted out simple fact.No man likes being paid for or controlled indefinitely.He returned the bike and paid the rent,moved out,end of story.The OP should be careful about choosing a partner next time.This guy did the right thing and 12 000 is a pittance to take,if he was a player he could have kept both girls and continued getting money out of the OP.

[isabelle17]

Hmm...well, so are you saying that every girl who goes away from her boyfriend for a a month or so should immediatly become suspicious and assume that he is cheating? Sorry, but I have to disagree with that point. I have been away from my Thai boyfriend for a few months now...and as far as I know he's not cheating. Of course, I trust him. Trust is important in any "good" relationship. Anyway, I doubt a male chastity belt would have done much good in that case! He at least would have still spent the money. Personally, my advice..which is something I do...keep the money to YOURSELF. Unless your married to the guy, dont give him money (unless its like a measly 20 baht for dinner or something, haha...)

You go away for MONTHS and really believe he innocently waits for you and only masturbates to keep himself satisfied in a country with an abundance of women and easier access to sex? Hmmmm..... Sorry for being a jerk but I truly believe you are going to get a big shock one day. Going away for a few weeks is acceptable, a few months is a ridiculous request of abstinance.

The op is probably a troll, but to me if you treat someone like a whore they will act like one. I have never given ANYTHING to any Thai girlfriend (in my past). Maybe he did have a job, but I sincerely doubt it, this was a kept man and she encouraged his behaviour by giving him things in exchange for his love (if he's unemployed than his sole source of income was her and he worked his "job" to keep the money flowing), this is exactly the same mistake countless men make here.

Damian

You go away for MONTHS and really believe he innocently waits for you and only masturbates to keep himself satisfied

totally agreed... especially if he is thai- not only because of the rampant thai male promiscuity, but because they have no guarantee that you will come back from farangland, and thus feel they have nothing to lose.

if you treat someone like a whore they will act like one

very good point, damien i almost always agree with your posts! also i have realized that one mistake i made in the past with a thai boyfriend was to invite him to live with me and share my "farang" life... i believe ms sabai pointed out earlier that the difficulty in this arises when the boy realizes he is not all that into the relationshp, but he will stay because of the many benefits of living like a farang. it is very difficult to expose a thai person of low economic status to the foreign way of living, and then expect them to go back to thai life when the relationship is over. in the future, i will make an effort to date people who are as well off as i am, or if i date someone who does not have much money, i will keep that separation between his life and mine.

Wow. Okay. Damian. I will honestly say that I don't appreciate your post. Thats your opinion, fine. Did I ask you to respond to my personal life? No. I was using my personal life as an example. I am gone from Thailand for a few months because I am going to school in the US. You don't know anything about my boyfriend, except that he is Thai. So...I think its very stereotypical and rude of you to assume that all Thai men are cheaters. Granted, I know some Thai men who have cheated. But I also know American men who have cheated. This happens in EVERY single country. It would be no different if my boyfriend was American, British, or whatever. Its called trusting a PERSON. I dont care that he is Thai. I dont care where he is from. I know him and you dont. Maybe your the type of guy who wouldnt wait around for his girlfriend for a few months. And if for some reason he did cheat on me, okay, then that would be a lesson learned. Right? I am not worried about it because I trust him. I just hate it when people stereotype. Thats all.

girlx-okay.."especially if he is Thai." I am sorry that you had bad experiences like that in your past. I have had those as well, as have many other people. But once again...stereotyping much? And actually, I already have my plane ticket to go back...and he knows this.

So please, unless I ask for personal advice, dont give any.

[girlx]

sorry but it is not stereotyping, it is a fact of thai culture. thai men were polygamous up until 1935. prostitution is deeply ingrained into the culture at every level of society. the richer and more powerful men boost their status with "mia nois", minor wives. thai men believe it is their right to have more than one woman. that is a fact. there may be cases where a thai man is married to a farang woman, and they have discussed the faithfulness issue, and because it is important to her he makes an effort to stay true. but my belief is he just makes an effort to hide it better. EVERY single thai man i know has cheated on their girlfriend or wife. EVERY SINGLE ONE in the past 8+ years of travelling here. they do not believe it is wrong. thai women are not as accepting of this as they once were, but it has not changed things. this is different from england or america, etc. because in the west we are brought up with the idea that cheating is wrong and that we want to stay with one partner. so yes, i do believe it is valid to assume because he was thai, he was less likely to be faithful. and i know that some of the other women on here get angry at this assertion, but i believe they are in denial and i stand by it.

Edited January 18, 2008 by girlx

[girlx]

girl you sound like such a nice person.

why dont you just stay away from all poor thai boys! middle class and hi so thai girls dont want them.

well, i have never judged any boyfriend by their bank balance, but i have learned that the economic imbalance does present special problems. like i said though, it doesn't mean i will stay away from "poor" men, it just means i will keep a separation between my life and theirs. i don't care if a guy is poor as long as he does something with himself, has some passion for life, and is good to me. but i don't like being in a position where i have to wonder if the feeling is gone for him and he is just sticking around because of the material benefits. it is not fair to him or to me to put him in that position.

[zaza]

My sister had a Thai boyfriend... He could not wait and chose to go off with a penniless Thai girl...He gave up a much better lifestyle for a local girl that offered nothing.

Except a girl that shares his own language and culture and "understands" his Thai nature. Maybe that is worth something to him

Same reason the thai bgs keep there thai husbands whilst with their farang,.......

So True

your words in that line will be like your avatar and hit on few members' heads .........

[blizzard]

do like poor thai girls do, go for the gold.

if west ern women accept thai man gonna cheat you might as well get one that can support hisself.

[isabelle17]

sorry but it is not stereotyping, it is a fact of thai culture. thai men were polygamous up until 1935. prostitution is deeply ingrained into the culture at every level of society. the richer and more powerful men boost their status with "mia nois", minor wives. thai men believe it is their right to have more than one woman. that is a fact. there may be cases where a thai man is married to a farang woman, and they have discussed the faithfulness issue, and because it is important to her he makes an effort to stay true. but my belief is he just makes an effort to hide it better. EVERY single thai man i know has cheated on their girlfriend or wife. EVERY SINGLE ONE in the past 8+ years of travelling here. they do not believe it is wrong. thai women are not as accepting of this as they once were, but it has not changed things. this is different from england or america, etc. because in the west we are brought up with the idea that cheating is wrong and that we want to stay with one partner. so yes, i do believe it is valid to assume because he was thai, he was less likely to be faithful. and i know that some of the other women on here get angry at this assertion, but i believe they are in denial and i stand by it.

A fact. Okay. I guess I can say that your assumption or opinion is a fact. Not. Unless you have done social scientific research on this issue and hold a phd in the sociology/psychology of cheating (ahaha) than it is not a fact.

I do know that Thai men were polygamous. Keyword: Were.

I am not saying you are not right (although I dont agree about ALL thai men being cheaters...thats a little high, dont you think?) I know plenty of Thai men who cheat (as well as American men...) I am simply trying to say that I dont appreciate you saying in regards to me being away from my boyfriend for a few months "Yes. He is cheating on you." Like I said, you dont know anything about him except that he is Thai. You dont know his economic status, his personality, etc.

so yes, sorry, but you are stereotyping. That is my opinion, and I am sticking to it.

Oh, and about the mastrubation comment damian, how do you know he was even "getting" any from me in the first place?

I thought that comment was especially vulgar and disrespectful, which was the main reason why I am responding to your post.

I am hoping I dont have to argue about this any longer. We have different opinions then, lets leave it at that.

[fletchsmile]

...I think its very stereotypical and rude of you to assume that all Thai men are cheaters. Granted, I know some Thai men who have cheated. But I also know American men who have cheated. This happens in EVERY single country. It would be no different if my boyfriend was American, British, or whatever. Its called trusting a PERSON. I dont care that he is Thai. I dont care where he is from. I know him and you dont. ...

sorry but it is not stereotyping, it is a fact of thai culture. thai men were polygamous up until 1935. prostitution is deeply ingrained into the culture at every level of society. the richer and more powerful men boost their status with "mia nois", minor wives. thai men believe it is their right to have more than one woman. that is a fact. there may be cases where a thai man is married to a farang woman, and they have discussed the faithfulness issue, and because it is important to her he makes an effort to stay true. but my belief is he just makes an effort to hide it better. EVERY single thai man i know has cheated on their girlfriend or wife. EVERY SINGLE ONE in the past 8+ years of travelling here. they do not believe it is wrong. thai women are not as accepting of this as they once were, but it has not changed things. this is different from england or america, etc. because in the west we are brought up with the idea that cheating is wrong and that we want to stay with one partner. so yes, i do believe it is valid to assume because he was thai, he was less likely to be faithful. and i know that some of the other women on here get angry at this assertion, but i believe they are in denial and i stand by it.

Isabelle,

It's not my place to "judge" your relationship, and each is different. Generalizing though: while having other women (or men) happens as you say in all countries, and all nationalities, I would disagree with the comment that there would be no difference.The key differences I see in Thailand and people who live here (including expats and Thais) are:

1) Acceptability.

2) Face and lack of confronting others about their actions.

3) Availability.

These 3 are all a reflection of culture, country and nationality. i.e there's some very different external and cultural factors at play here.

Before someone jumps to conclusions, I guess I should add I'm married to the loveliest lady I've ever met in my life, and am well aware of what I could be throwing away. That's down to us as individuals though, and not external country/culture factors.

Girl X,

Think there's a lot in what you wrote. Harsh at times, but a lot in it

[girlx]

We have different opinions then, lets leave it at that.

agreed, this debate has been done before on this branch.

peace

[mikethevigoman]

Catching up reading. Really interested to see how people assume a non working guy must have been a bar boy and make moral judgements about having a 'kept man'. Can't wait to explain to my newly unemployed 35 year old chubby & balding guy that he is now the equivalent of a male hooker, tee hee hee.

Whats even funnier is nowhere did the OP state he was not working, or that he was a bar boy or even that he was a kept man. Just that she paid the rent and gave him money to pay the rent when she wasn't there. Oh, she did buy him clothes and a motorbike, but every woman buys her man clothes. As for the gift of the motorbike, I don't see how that makes him a kept man either

I don't particularly want to pass judgement on the situation, so won't. But come on ladies, you both come across as a little biased in trying to deny the obvious if you're saying he isn't a kept man. Let's re-read a few of those "just that..." quotes:

"I generally leave 2 months of rent money plus a bit extra for boyfriend"

"driving around in the nice moto-cross bike that I had bought him.."

"wearing the nice clothes that I had bought"

"sleeping in my bed with another girl" (most people would say "our bed")

"spending my money and living it up" (not "our money")

"...he had already spent the remaining 12,000B in the bank".

"... it was hitting him that he had little possessions left"

Forgive me if I missed it, but I didn't see a single reference to the guy contributing anything financially. Only that he had received a lot of gifts, spends her money, and had emptied all that was in the bank account.

BTW I happen to think this post is a troll. I can never understand trolls tho', and it does regardless raise a few interesting points, and general responses.

True or not, the lady in the OP got taken for a ride by a kept guy. The message being it happens to ladies as well as guys. Whether a real post or not I don't know, but it happens. It's unfortunate for those who are taken advantage of (male or female) as they are often just nice people.

just change the word boyfriend for girlfriend and it makes sense !

[DamianMavis]

Isabelle, I didnt actually stereotype in my post, go back and read it again. Sorry if the word masturbation offended you, I think you are perhaps a little young and having this debate is ill advised.

Damian

[DamianMavis]

Hmm...well, so are you saying that every girl who goes away from her boyfriend for a a month or so should immediatly become suspicious and assume that he is cheating?

YES. Boys will be boys.

My Thai husband always gives me all the money from our small business and even when I am in Uk he sends me money

Sending money to keep you sweet darling, pound to a penny he has a bit on the side whilst you are away.

i always like to giveadvice when one is supicious wot they got is a real partner. tell the thai gurl or boy you havung financial difficulties and the moeny will cease flowing freely and that they will have to get a job. what they do will give you the answer you dont want to hear.

people always say it aint about the money. the one saying this usually has money. for the one that doesnt have money it is in many cases about the money.

Apologies for the above, I couldn't resist.

Blizzard has a good point here. I am 35 yo and have lived here for nearly 2 years. I met my g/f about 18 mnths ago and she has been well provided for. She does not work, and I do not want her to. I would rather have her company for 24 hrs a day, than she work for 10 hrs a day for peanuts. I have never left her alone in that time btw.

Then came the time that I ran out of ready cash and had to free up some assets in the UK (property, long term investments). I explained this to her, and told her I was skint. Then her savings account materialised, and over the 2 months I was penniless borrowed her entire savings (200k). She had not a scrap of evidence of my assets in the UK, but freely gave all that she had, and had saved for years to build. This has now been replaced btw.

I have never had a g/f in the UK offer her life savings in times of need, and whilst I was a bit suspicious of her at first (reading all the doom-mongerers on here), I now trust her more than any woman I have ever met.

I did not do this as a test, I genuinely mis-calculated how much physical cash I needed to bring with me. Next time I will pre-empt before I am skint, but I reckon that this would be a good way to check out the intentions of any g/f, b/f that you have been with for a while, and are thinking about further commitment.

I have just one thing to say... MARRY HER!

Damian

[sbk]

I think you are perhaps a little young and having this debate is ill advised.

Damian

Careful about the assumptions you make about people there Damian

[Boo]

yawn, are we really having this discussion again girlx, suggest you look up the definaition of fact. I wont get into this again with you but in future try to use the words, "in my expereince" & "in my opinion" rather than "this is fact" when discussing the whole of the male polulation of thailand ok. You couldn't possibly know what EVERY thai man will, wont or would do in their relationship based on the very few examples you have witnessed.

And damien, don't you dare come to this forum & patronise Issabelle, she is right, she didn't elaborate on her partner & you & no one else on this thread knows him. Unlike the op, she has not provided any information beyond that she is away for a couple of months for you to make any kind of comment on him.

[girlx]

sorry but it is not stereotyping, it is a fact of thai culture. thai men were polygamous up until 1935. prostitution is deeply ingrained into the culture at every level of society. the richer and more powerful men boost their status with "mia nois", minor wives. thai men believe it is their right to have more than one woman. that is a fact. there may be cases where a thai man is married to a farang woman, and they have discussed the faithfulness issue, and because it is important to her he makes an effort to stay true. but my belief is he just makes an effort to hide it better. EVERY single thai man i know has cheated on their girlfriend or wife. EVERY SINGLE ONE in the past 8+ years of travelling here. they do not believe it is wrong. thai women are not as accepting of this as they once were, but it has not changed things. this is different from england or america, etc. because in the west we are brought up with the idea that cheating is wrong and that we want to stay with one partner. so yes, i do believe it is valid to assume because he was thai, he was less likely to be faithful. and i know that some of the other women on here get angry at this assertion, but i believe they are in denial and i stand by it.

i stated FACTS (underlined above), not opinions. up to you if you choose to be blind to them.

Edited January 18, 2008 by girlx

[Boo]

Prove them please, specifically these two;

the richer and more powerful men boost their status with "mia nois", minor wives. thai men believe it is their right to have more than one woman.

I would really like to see you try but it will be impossible because this is your opinion based on your experiences & not fact. Not every rich or powerful man will have a mia noi just as not every thai man beleives it is his right to have more than one women.

Some other cultures or religions practice polygamy but not every man will chose to exercise that right, just because it is allowed doesn't mean that it will be done. Seems quite straightforward to me.

[girlx]

here for example is a fascinating article on the siamese history of polygamy and how westerners came in and tried to assert their values on a culture of what they considered to be heathens. what you guys don't understand is i am not bashing thai men for wanting (and taking) more than one woman... i am simply stating that it has always been their culture to do so. we see it as "wrong", they do not. differences in cultural perspective.

While the foreign aspect of prostitution in Thailand and the Philippines may garner the most attention and money, most of the customers, patronizing the cheapest establishments, are native: "[a]ccording to reliable surveys of sexual behaviour, every day at least 450,000 Thai men visit prostitutes"47 (emphasis mine). Thus, much of the impetus sustaining the incredible rate of prostitution in Thailand is cultural; "Thai men think it is their right to have cheap sex, ... and there are enough poor Thai women to make it possible."48 Prostitution in many cases has become integrated with initiation rights: "[f]or many Thai men, a trip to the neighborhood brothel is a rite of passage, a tradition passed from father to son."49 Certainly, prostitutes play a large part in forming the sexual identity of young Thai males; "a demonstration of heterosexual orientation by having sex with a female prostitute is an important rite of passage for some groups of Thai men."50 This is borne out by the available statistics: "tudies show that the majority of Thai men have their first sexual experience with a prostitute - the act is often a part of high school and university hazing rituals - and that 95% of all men over 21 have slept with a prostitute."51 In addition to rites of passage, the activity of visiting a whorehouse has become a social activity in many cases, "'Sex with prostitutes seems to be a way for men to enjoy each other's company,' notes Barbara Franklin of Care International, ... 'It is often part of a night out with friends who share food, drink and sometimes even sexual partners.'"52

This fosters a deep imbalance in the attitudes most Thai men have towards women and sex; "[m]ost men consider women to be either sexual objects of obedient homemakers."53 And the rift between the sexes deepens when one considers the sexual roles prescribed each:

And while it is perfectly acceptable for men to visit prostitutes, premarital sex between men and women who are dating is strictly forbidden. Many Thais believe that this double standard has helped create the thriving sex trade. "In Thailand, women are supposed to be chaste until marriage and monogamous afterward," says writer and social critic Sukanya Hantrakul. "Men are supposed to be promiscuous."54

Indeed, a survey of both sexes by the Deemar Corporation in 1990, bore out that "80% of males and 74% of the females responded that it was 'natural for men to pursue sex at every opportunity."55

-from this paper

Edited January 18, 2008 by girlx

[Boo]

Ok yes, fascinating but where is the proof that it is was & still is practiced by ALL thai men There is none. That is what people object to, not your opinion that it is true but your insistance that you are the only one who is right & everyone else, who live with trusted & repsected partners must be wrong about their character cause 100 years ago it was common for men to have multiple wives & by them being thai & male.

Really, you should try to think outside the box a bit & to be a bit more open minded, thai people are raised with a culteral history just as we are, just becuase american people in the past used to lynch black people for being black & keep slaves doesn't mean that you beleive these things to be right, does it?

[sbk]

I think it is a fact that polygamy has been widely accepted in Thai culture but it is most certainly not fact to suggest that all Thai men will have more than one wife or girlfriend or believe it is their right.

Girlx did state that she has not met a Thai man who has not cheated in her 8 years. May I suggest that her experiences are limited to a certain type of man and that the men who don't cheat most certainly aren't the ones hanging around farang girls. To state that one's experiences are fact and indicative of a nation as a whole is well, a bit simplistic, don't you think?

Also, got to add one thing here, girlx your paper discusses Thai men visiting prostitutes. Of all the Thai men I know with multiple wives not one single one of them has EVER married a prostitute. If visiting a prostitute were indicative of having mia nois then Nevada would be filled with bigamists

[Boo]

80% of males and 74% of the females

which also suggests that 20% of men & 26% of women didn't . So again, not all right?

[girlx]

it is my opinion that every thai man is non-monogamous, i will give you that. but i base this opinion on facts, and over 8 years' of experience meeting men from all classes and areas of thailand. you do not have to agree with my opinion. but you can not deny the facts which have been written many many times on this very subject. monogamy is not a cultural priority for men in thailand.

& again-

what you guys don't understand is i am not bashing thai men for wanting (and taking) more than one woman... i am simply stating that it has always been their culture to do so. we see it as "wrong", they do not. differences in cultural perspective.

Edited January 18, 2008 by girlx

[blizzard]

i also thought mr mavis contribution about chouk wowing was vulgar and uncalled for. some kind of reprimand should be in order.

[Boo]

it is my opinion that every thai man is non-monogamous, i will give you that.

fine

but i base this opinion on facts,

No it isn't as already said, wont go over it again but you have no proof to back up your facts even the article you posted agreed that it isn't ALL.

and over 8 years' of experience meeting men from all classes and areas of thailand. you do not have to agree with my opinion.

I don't but have no issue with you stating your opinion

but you can not deny the facts which have been written many many times on this very subject.

yes I can, many articles are written about a percentage of the population based on studies from a segment of the whole polulation & not all the whole

monogamy is not a cultural priority in thailand.

In your opinion

[girlx]

no, that is a well documented fact.

but you believe what you want to believe. no point in trying to argue it further.

[sbk]

Agreed. We can agree to disagree. I know quite a few Thai men who don't cheat on their wives, but you wouldn't believe me anyway so there is really no point in continuing a discussion when your mind is made up. So, we'll just agree to disagree that it is 100% of Thai men

Anyway, what happened to the OP? Perhaps she has been scared off

[blizzard]

if you were her would you want to show your face again?

[beginner]

Agreed. We can agree to disagree. I know quite a few Thai men who don't cheat on their wives, but you wouldn't believe me anyway so there is really no point in continuing a discussion when your mind is made up. So, we'll just agree to disagree that it is 100% of Thai men

Anyway, what happened to the OP? Perhaps she has been scared off

How do you know they are telling the truth? (I am not opining on whether you are right or wrong, just wondering why you are so certain).

Another Thai cultural feature is that 'truth' is often a very amorphous concept created to reduce the possibility of losing face. Westerners do the same with their 'little white lies' but in Thailand its a commonplace art form.

'Facts' are presented to please the recipient and ensure neither party loses face. What is the truth? Up to you. You often hear exactly what the Thai person thinks you want to hear.

It seems that Thai culture means no qualms of conscience or guilt feelings about what we would call outright lieing.

[Onnutrd]

I hope you have a better life without the prick.

Anyway, I reckon you should just inform the police within your area of what has happened (just the basics) and let them know in particular that he used your money without your consent. Make sure they have this, somehow recorded in their system.

You can use it as a pre-caution, if something happens next time. And, if something does happen in the future, the police will know what has occurred recently and can use it against him if he does something harmful to you, or your friends. Perhaps you could also inform your bank of what's happened, just for the record.

Good luck!