Hi I get really irritated by my Thai partner's sucking and eating noises when we have dinner... and the smell of some of the food is so bad that I can't kiss him for hours afterwards. I love him in every other way but this is really becoming an issue and I don't know how to say it without hurting him or even making him angry. When we eat with other Westerners in a restaurant he doesn't make so much noise

Any ideas girls?

Well, let me tell you what my mother explained to me when I asked her about my dad's annoying habits.

My dad has a midnight snack nearly every night and leaves the crumbs and peanut butter covered knife on the counter. When I asked her didn't it drive her crazy she explained to me that at first, yes it did. But then she thought about it and she realized that there were alot of things he did for her because he loved her. And she realized that she could put his peanut butter knife in the dishwasher. As she said, "It's just a small thing"

There is no reason to let the little things annoy you. When you really think about it, is it a relationship breaker? If not, then let it go. It is not what is important about him or your relationship.

Hi Ladies,

Sbk, I love your peanut butter knife story. Kinda remember it from another post, I think. From my experience, it's so true that we have to let the little things go. Thankfully my DH is willing to do the same.

That said, there are some things I find easier to let go than others. In all honesty, Nampeang, I'd probably have a hard time with what you describe. Many years ago I broke up with a boyfriend who continually had the most horrible garlic breath that I couldn't kiss him. I'm sure his mom made great Italian food, but I couldn't deal with it a couple hours later. I didn't know how to tell him, so I just broke up with him. Probably not the best way to have handled it, as I left it to the next girlfriend...

Now since I eat with my better half quite a lot, if the experience was unpleasant, for me over the years something like what you describe might be hard to handle.

The breath thing might be a good place to start. Can you get him to see a dentist, who might talk to him about dental hygiene? Otherwise, something more direct might help: I love kissing you, but I'm not fond of the smell of dinner two hours later. Pls can you brush/floss/use mouthwash?

I know that's not romantic, but it might be a small price to pay for years of avoiding or disliking kissing him.

Cheers, Misty.

Its quite common Thais eat like this , Asians actually .

Chinese are the most worse , even spitting and all you can think of while dining .

Actually it does taste better when eating with the mouth open , the air coming in

but it is horrible to hear and look at .

One thing you could say that in the West it is asocial behaviour ( maimi mareyaat ) ,

so if he please could have some manners when you're around .

About the smelling of the food I think you women should not complain too much, if it

tastes good I think one must enjoy , like eating Durian , who cares about the smell ,

its a blessing .

Hi I get really irritated by my Thai partner's sucking and eating noises when we have dinner... and the smell of some of the food is so bad that I can't kiss him for hours afterwards. I love him in every other way but this is really becoming an issue and I don't know how to say it without hurting him or even making him angry. When we eat with other Westerners in a restaurant he doesn't make so much noise

Any ideas girls?

Well, making eating noises doesn't sound that bad. I make farting noises. Anyways, joking aside, maybe you should just talk to him. YOu say that you don't know how to say it without hurting himor making him angry. Just find a sweet way to bring it up in conversation? LIke if he is doing it at dinner just go, "You know I really love you, but could you stop doing that?" Something like that. If it were me, and there was something that irritated the girl I was with, I would want to know. I am sure that if there was something you did that he found irritating, you would want to know too. It's just finding a nice, and non confrontational way to bring it up. Just think about it.

Its quite common Thais eat like this , Asians actually .

Chinese are the most worse , even spitting and all you can think of while dining .

Actually it does taste better when eating with the mouth open , the air coming in

but it is horrible to hear and look at .

One thing you could say that in the West it is asocial behaviour ( maimi mareyaat ) ,

so if he please could have some manners when you're around .

About the smelling of the food I think you women should not complain too much, if it

tastes good I think one must enjoy , like eating Durian , who cares about the smell ,

its a blessing .

Had the misfortune of being in a hotel in Cambodia recently that was occupied mostly by Chinese. Totally disgusting burping for 20 mins at the table at full strength while making sucking sounds and and tooth pick jabbing away all at the same time. We had free breakfast but after the first day we paid elsewhere. For me it would be a relationship breaker but didn't bother my Thai G/f at all

Edited April 24, 200818 yr by zorro1

I recognize it, great post SBK...so true you shouldn't be blinded by the little practicall things in you [love]life and concider somethimes its the bigger pictures that makes you love someone.

Although I think you must be able to express your irritation [in a normal way..]

My Bf used to spit..not really a lot but IMO really a disgusting habbit!

I just asked him not too, he still does just not when Im around...and I'm sure he puts up with these things of mine wich he doesn't appreciate that much [although they dont involve, loud farting, burbing, etc... ]

Hi I get really irritated by my Thai partner's sucking and eating noises when we have dinner... and the smell of some of the food is so bad that I can't kiss him for hours afterwards. I love him in every other way but this is really becoming an issue and I don't know how to say it without hurting him or even making him angry. When we eat with other Westerners in a restaurant he doesn't make so much noise

Any ideas girls?

Yeah, he's a freaking peasant and the fact that he curtails his obnoxious eating habits only when he's with you, alone, is because he knows he must show some facsimile of a civilized human being in front of other farang. See? He's aware it's downright rude and offensive to you. Never mind 'hurting him', he's offending you. Why? Doesn't he lub you too? But he can be trained out of it, just point out it makes you feel totally sick every time he does it. It'll stop. Had the same problem with a guy in the UK.

Hi I get really irritated by my Thai partner's sucking and eating noises when we have dinner... and the smell of some of the food is so bad that I can't kiss him for hours afterwards. I love him in every other way but this is really becoming an issue and I don't know how to say it without hurting him or even making him angry. When we eat with other Westerners in a restaurant he doesn't make so much noise

Any ideas girls?

Yeah, he's a freaking peasant and the fact that he curtails his obnoxious eating habits only when he's with you, alone, is because he knows he must show some facsimile of a civilized human being in front of other farang. See? He's aware it's downright rude and offensive to you. Never mind 'hurting him', he's offending you. Why? Doesn't he lub you too? But he can be trained out of it, just point out it makes you feel totally sick every time he does it. It'll stop. Had the same problem with a guy in the UK.

Euhmmmmm?! yeah right....

haha my ex thai bfs had the same problem, used to annoy the crap out of me... no manners these boys

Oh absolutely, dump him. He must be awful if he makes noises when he eats and as for eating smelly foods, well, unforgivable sin. Imagine what awful things he must be eating, nothing like the blue cheese so many people in the west favor, no, nothing at all like that.

Christ, I must have my priorities all wrong then, when I value honesty, decency, kindness and love over something as important as smelly foods and noisy eating habits.

My wife laughs when she sees bread crumbs on my side of the bed in the morning, leftovers from my midnight peanut butter toast as well. I don't actually eat the toast in bed, the crumbs fall down and gets trapped in my chest hair and then end up in the bed if I forget to shake 'em off outside.

She thinks it's even funnier when she actually witnesses bread crumbs on my chest.

My brother and I shared an apartment and he sapped like a madman, drove me insane.

You are right SBK, love can help in these matters. I am going to try to do what you and Submaniac said and try to ask my partner about it in a good moment

dont sweat the small things. life is too short.

sheesh.

dont sweat the small things. life is too short.

sheesh.

"life is too short. " see this is exactly why, I would move on immediately.. had an Employer, like that, every time we went for a business dinner he slurped and ate like an animal... later I always had an excuse...if it would be my GF, wife... I would certainly ask her to try to stop it, so with bad breath or other body odors, poking the nose, clearing throat and spitting out in front of others, especially whilst eating...always believed this is part of being civilized, good manners etc. ... It's simply ignorant!

Edited April 25, 200818 yr by Samuian

depends on which country you are in i guess. in some countries its good manners to make the noises.

it begs the question: are we trying to impose our western mannerisms on the rest of the world just because we think its right? how would we react if we went to, say, china, where noises are a big part of eating. what would we say if they were offended at our 'quiet eating' and tried to get us to be noisy eaters?

cant say i think much of body odour - and living in indonesia, i am surrounded by it. one lovely guy in my office has a bit of a whiff about him and i did mention it to one of my co-workers to see if someone could say something and its just as much a sensitive issue here as it is for all of us.

i was in hospital once in bangkok and a thai girlfriend was there to look after me. she slept in the room and was there during my worst moments of 42 degree temperatures when i was in the depths of malaria. every time i turned over in the bed, she was up and helping me. every time i looked like vomiting she was there helping me.

in the morning when she was showering, she made the worst noises clearing her throat and spitting. but did i have the heart to tell her to stop it? no way. to have her there with me was a life saver, and the fact that she made a few (gross) noises whilst in the bathroom was such a minor thing that i pushed it out of my head and forgot about it.

depends on which country you are in i guess. in some countries its good manners to make the noises.

well..? I have been brought up in a society where the mentioned behaviors are understood as "not good manners" and I think, that there is something right about it, hygiene is one part... why it is prohibited by law in Singapore?

it begs the question: are we trying to impose our western mannerisms on the rest of the world just because we think its right? how would we react if we went to, say, china, where noises are a big part of eating. what would we say if they were offended at our 'quiet eating' and tried to get us to be noisy eaters?

Nobody is trying to "impose"... at least not me! I will leave the scene, table whatever! I do not, under no circumstances to put up eith bad manners, may it beexcused by cutlure, tradion or what so ever, it's rude... and ignorant.

In Papua New Guinea, Borneo it was Custom to cut off the head of strangers, enemies... tradition, culture, let em keep doing, eating Shark Fin Soup, Tiger Bones and Penis, Rhino Horn, Ivory etc. cool?, because it is some traditional, cultural background?

..........she was there helping me.

nothing unusual for a friend to help...?

....in the morning when she was showering, she made the worst noises clearing her throat and spitting. but did i have the heart to tell her to stop it? no way. to have her there with me was a life saver, and the fact that she made a few (gross) noises whilst in the bathroom was such a minor thing that i pushed it out of my head and forgot about it.

Well, no, she was in the bathroom..... that is o.k. you became a witness of these Noises, because it was more or less the same room, close proximity, maybe she wanted to "cover" some other noises... which are by some considered "gross"..

Ahh well... after all..less ego, some common sense, some respect, towards each other, good manners and behavior, being friendly and polite aren't hurting anyone, do they?

im not saying that you, Samuian, are trying to impose manners on thai (or whatever) society. im posing a question about westerners in general. nothing personal at all.

my husband also does the noisy throat clearing hawking up the goop morning noises; he also burps and farts but only at home and not among company... i have learned to fart with freedom because of this.... it makes us a more intimate couple... ))

as for spitting, that is a real no no although in israel many many ethnic groups do spit. among us more anglo/european types its a disgusting thing so i have told him, when he is in private, in the woods, do what he wants, when he is in public in public areas, NO SPITTING...

on the other hand, his 'natural' behaviors have loosened up my 'prudish' daughters (my son is a master farter but blames it on the boxer!!!) ....

as for food, only pla raa is off limits for kissing after eating... a few sprigs of mint at the dinner table (or basil) chewed after a meal does wonders... i've seen many issaan thai doing that.... its also good for digestion...

Totally do not believe this is a Thai man issue. Just a man issue. Or just a person issue. Certainly never something I have noticed. But lets not get started on the morning hawking chorus shall we.......

as for food, only pla raa is off limits for kissing after eating... a few sprigs of mint at the dinner table (or basil) chewed after a meal does wonders... i've seen many issaan thai doing that.... its also good for digestion...

the answer to the food smells problem is just to eat the same thing isn't it? Moo tod gratiem is particularly potent! But I actually don't mind it. I love raw garlic with kaow ka muu and if he is going to come home stinking of garlic, I feel I can eat as much as I want!

me too LOVE the garlic with khao kha moo

I only asked a simple question no need for people to get all hot under the collar. Donna your example is ridiculous. Of course your friend would help you in hospital. I am talking about sucking fish heads, bones, picking teeth at the table etc. I merely wondered how others felt/dealt with this

In some cultures the burps, belches , and slurps are considered good manners.

I actually can't watch my thai family eat as it makes me feel a abit ill, not the noises just the way they just shove food in. I can't eat very fast due to gastric problems & when I see them shovelling it in at a rate of knots it turns my stomach . My husband doesn't make too many noises but the stinky food is a problem & he now knows to either chew gum or brushes his teeth before bed otherwise the acrid smell after eating certian foods pervades the room all night.

Interestingly I didn't notice the smell so much when I was a smoker but since quitting nearly 4 years ago my sense of smell has become really sensitive & he has never been a sloppy eater but does eat very very fast, which can be annoying when out to a nice meal cause I have to take a while to digest everything so he ends up clearing my plate too.

dont sweat the small things. life is too short.

sheesh.

??? life is the longest thing you can do

And it is still too short

Something that is quickly realized shortly after one's 40th birthday

I only asked a simple question no need for people to get all hot under the collar... I am talking about sucking fish heads, bones, picking teeth at the table etc. I merely wondered how others felt/dealt with this

Fair enough.

One suggestion : seize whatever opportunity may present to raise the issue of cultural differences about eating. You might say you read that some cultures find the smell of by-products of lamb or dairy products very offensive, even if these were eaten the day before. Say you'd never thought about this -- never considered, as you pay good attention to matters of hygiene, that you might unwittingly have an offensive smell. Ask if he ever finds your smell off-putting. And then ... .

yo

The sprigs of mint or breath mints as an after-meal habit could help somewhat with the taste for kissing, but some odours are more pervasive and odour is very important to intimacy. I can understand why this bothers you. You might do some research about natural "cleansing"/"counteractive" foods ? (I have no idea ).

As for the eating methods, I think all you can do is either tell him that you enjoy the meal all the more when he modifies his habits (and again, raise the issue of how you might unwittingly be offending) or adapt.

Good luck and let us know how it goes .

Edited April 26, 200818 yr by sylviex

I only asked a simple question no need for people to get all hot under the collar. Donna your example is ridiculous. Of course your friend would help you in hospital. I am talking about sucking fish heads, bones, picking teeth at the table etc. I merely wondered how others felt/dealt with this

You are trying to re educate a peasant and its bothering you and that's why your here. This is no easy task, leopards don't change their spots etc etc. This is not a simple question and everyone has their right to express their point of view. "hot under the collar " is just your perception which you are entitled to of course

my husband also does the noisy throat clearing hawking up the goop morning noises;

Thank goodness my husband doesn't do this on a daily basis, only when the temperature drops and he gets stuffed up. Nothing has the power to turn my stomach and induce such extreme waves of nausea as this noise. The sound is so incredibly disgusting and I have no qualms in threatening divorce if he does it when we're in public! Even in private I ask him to go out of hearing reach from me to do it as it literally makes me want to throw up when I hear it! Other then that, he's a gem, so I reckon I'll keep him