33 Year Old Brit Looking For Life Advice From Elders

[unhappyfarang]

I am a recently turned 33 year old Brit Male. I was born and raised in the South of England in a small, semi -rural backwater. I spent the first 25 years of my life in this enviornment amongst a decent, hardworking, but simple folk. Went to an ordinary school, the grammer, punctuation and lack of clarity in this post will probably reflect that. Anyway, I'll do my best. In 2001,When I was 25/26 I ventured out into the world and discovered Thailand, a 6 week trip. Later that year I returned a second time and ended up staying for 9 months. During this time I met a Thai girl. When it was time to return to the Uk I asked her if she wanted to come with me, she said yes. We endured the vigours of the visa application process which although not originally intended, involved marrying. She was 32 years at the time. Now she is in her late thirties although she could easily pass for mid - twenties, some have even put her at early twenties and she is 39!

She is an extraordinary human being, a simple Issan woman, but she has exceptional qualitites and she is beautiful too. Guys, young and not so young approach her all the time when she is out and about, here, in the UK. She is a warm, compassionate, person. Non-judgmental, no strong opinions or hangups, not greedy, doesn't want for too much, and places virtually no demands on me. She is well - liked by most she comes into contact with, but sometimes I can't help but think, or even pick up the vibes from other people that we are "sterotyped". Anglo/Thai relationships, I have learnt, are looked at with suspicion in my homecountry. I sometimes feel a slight discomfort whilst out in public and I often wonder how we are perceived by my fellow countryman/women.

We live a relatively isolated life here in the UK. Rent a nice little apartment, Work, home, food, movie/book. She likes to chat with friends/realtives on the telephone - normal I suppose. If I were with an english girl, ( In my teens and terrible twenties I had plenty of English girlfriends!) I think people would be more accepting. I have 3 sisters, two elder, one younger, and I have often has negatives things slighted at my relationship. "Ignorant w-class englishman marry Thai women", "Guys with Thai women are sad/losers etc", "Thai women are greedy, money hungry etc" Even at a family gathering my elder sister has deliberately put "Little Britain" on the TV, and made everybody quieten down to watch the "tingtong macdonald" sketch!! (Some of you will know who I mean). Is it envy? Maybe they're right? I don't know. But either way, it doesn't make me fill to good about the relationship.

As a result of all this I am confused as hel_l. What are people thinking about us, even my family? Am I being ridiculed behind my back etc etc. Anyway, she misses Thailand like hel_l. Her relatives seem to want her back too. She says she is happy with her life in the UK, but I think she is just tolerating it. I am not a man of means and also my age restricts me too, so Thailand is out for me. Although I love her, I can't help think that I made a mistake bringing her back to my homecountry. As I said earlier in the post she is coming up to 39. When Iwas in my mid-twenties, she was my age. Now she is approaching middle-age, so the age difference, although it hasn't changed in actual years is kind of different.

In a way, the relationship, and the resulting responsability of helping her settle in the UK has come before my establishing of myself. I should have gone to university and been establishing career/home (at least this society says). Now I am working a routine job and rentiing an apartment - All my friends have houses. I am living in a kind of Cultural limbo. Although I am living in my own/country/culture I am kind of detatched as I am not really moving amongst my own people. I also have a bit of Thailand fever and my relationship keeps it alive in a weird kind of way. If it ended, for whatever reason, I feel my connection with Thailand and its people, will be lost forever. Now I am a farang in farangland with a vague connection with you lot. Being a farang in farangland, really in farangland, could be difficult for me.

I still haven't ruled out University. Is 33 too old to obtain a belated education? Is it worth it? Should I figure out a way to try and make some kind of life together in Thailand? Should I live the rest of my life in the UK? Have I f******d my life up? Am I a complete loser?Am I being ridiculed beacuse I am married to a Thai? Should she return to Thailand alone? I keep asking myself these questions. I grew up in a house of relative dysfunction, amongst some pretty complex personalities. The simplicity of my wifes personality is theraputic. The last thing I need is a complex relationship. I have had enough of complex people. Complex people are half my problem now in the west.

This post may be full of contradictions or even make no sense at all. I have just poured out onto my laptop. I am quite a sensative guy so please go easy on me. I am not going to even read and check what I have written beacause I will probably not post so here goes, i am hitting sumit right now......

[unhappyfarang]

Sorry Submit, not summit. Whoops. Just realised , wrong section. This was supposed to go in the general topics section. Can this be moved?

[Mobi]

Sorry Submit, not summit. Whoops. Just realised , wrong section. This was supposed to go in the general topics section. Can this be moved?

Just cut and paste and open it as a new topic in the general Topics, and request a mod to close down this one, or delete it yourself if your edit button is still open

[zorro1]

Your an average guy with an average job, average apartment, very average family and you have an above average wife. She should be the one posting here if you get my drift.

[lannarebirth]

Your wife sounds very nice and it's good that you appreciate her. It is not easy to find someone with the qualities you've cited and you should count yourself fortunate. In 4 years you will be 37 years old. You could be 37 with a univ degree or not, up to you. A degree I imagine will give you greater choices in your life, and increased income potential. It might even be your ticket back to Thailand, if that's what you want.

One thing that comes through clearly in your post, is that you are far to occupied with what other people may or may not be thinking about you and your relationship. You've got to let that stuff go friend. If you need counseling to let it go, then get it. Good Luck

[PrBkkPr]

For God's sake do not the least be bothered about what other think! As long as both of you love each other and have an honest and respectful relationship for one another and are happy with each other...thats all that matters! Ignore whoever, be it your family or freinds who try to insult either of you or look down on you. Try to solve wahtever other problems that you might have and try to bring yourselves up in a positive way. Do do compare you life with other people, on the outside appearance they might appear as though they have made it.....but they too coulod be having problems that we do not know about.

My parents were of a mixed marriage where both sides of the family disowned them. My parents rented a single room and ate one meal of porridge a day while my mum who has to miss out on her education, sewed at home to raise money to put my dad throu Uni.They raised 4 sons of which I am the youngest and put all of us through Unversity education and built an amazing business empire for us. They did this all out of love for each other. My mum is currently 86 and my dad passed away three years ago at an age of 88.Till his last days, both of them we ever so in love with each other and I know my mum still misses him terribly.

What I am saying is that as long as the both of you love each other sincerely and are willing to upgarde your lives for each other things will work out. Stop letting anyone else effect you thoughts. be positive and 33 is still young for you to direct your life towards a better future. Think carefully and plan carefully for whatever new endeavours that you want to undertake and be positive about things. (You are the winner dude!)

[unhappyfarang]

The Internet amazes me. I am sat here in the South of England on a quiet Sunday afternoon at my computer sharing my problems with people on the other side of the world. Thanks for the replies. Having no trustworthy confidant here in the UK and feeling the need to protect/shelter my wife from the crappy attitudes of those around me here, I have felt alone with these problems for a long time. But now a release

[bottleymike]

i have been down this road, as I am English, and my wife is Thai. We lived 3 years in England before I had the good luck to be offered early retirement and we moved to thailand, where we have lived for another 3 years.

When living in England ARE YOU AND YOUR WIFE HAPPY?

If so, no one else matters.

Tell your friends (as I did) that I have married a Thai lady. She is not white, and if you don't like it you can get F**ked.My friends accepted this, but had they, or my family not accepted this , then this is THEIR problem .not yours.

The only thing I will advise you of is that sooner or later your wifes family will expect to get inrto your wallet.Be prepared for this, as it will happen.

In the meantime, enjoy life. Your only here once.

[unhappyfarang]

It's like I am sensing a real two-facedness around me. Being a good host, whenever family or friends visit, my wife puts on a good spread. Even if somebody pops buy for 10 minutes, she will take the time to make tea, a snack even. She will even take the trouble to cut and slice fruit and present it to our guest gourment style! Obviously no complaints there. She takes good care of me too. Although I try to transcend gossip etc I have heard through the great vine that people have commented on this hospitality in a negative way and have been calling her "Servile". <deleted>! Human beings are really testing my tolerance limits these days

[bkkblueeyes]

Sounds to me you have a very careering girl and you should relax a bit because if these things keep eating your mind It might cause relationship troubles soon.

Yeah agree with post above ..

It sounds to me she wants to stay with you and you better chill and smarten up for her.

Make your self a future goal on coming here and staying around your girls family and friends.

what about moving somewhere Ells ?? have a bit of an adventure in the U.K move to a bigger City where bigger opportunities.

I’m sure if you look you might just find a job that can land you some freedom to come to Thailand more often or even be based here?

Who gives a crap what anyone ells thinks. Stick your down tongue down her throat in front of everyone !!!!!

33 is not old at all for doing a UNI course

By the way your getting advice form a 26 year old.

[Maestro]

As suggested by the OP, I am moving this topic from the Health Forum to General Topics.

--

Maestro

[JUDAS]

First of all unhappyfarang I would like to thank you. After reading your OP, especially the description of your wife it just reconfirmed how lucky I am. Your wife sounds just like mine and she's from Issan too.

Thankfully I don't live in the UK anymore but I can imagine the idiotic perception some people may have of a mixed relationship with a Thai lady. Stereotyping is nothing more than, in my opinion, a total lack of understanding or the willing to learn about others. Perfect examples can be found on this site with comments stating that all Issan girls are bar girls or only after your money etc. Idiotic beyond belief.

I wonder how you would react if you found out someone was insulting or belittling your parents, sister etc? Well buddy, your wife is now YOUR family, YOUR future. I would make it totally clear to all concerned that if they had any issues with my wife they could 'get lost'. You might even find that people show a lot more respect for you and your wife if you bring this situation right out in the open instead of having it fester in the background.

Your wife is your family. Protect and be supportive of what is important to you. Wish you the very best of luck.

[unhappyfarang]

My second eldest farang sister is the worst culprit. She has always been a troublesome person. Everytime I part company with her I endure a debilitating depression which often lasts for days. I think she is an extemely disturbed, bitter, hateful woman. This is difficult for me as it is family, but over the years I have seen her in action enough times to be very weary of her being in the company of my wife. She is an inward, narrow, gossipy cow who has never even left the disadvantaged socio-economic enviorment of her birth. Every time I see her she tells me how she has fallen out with this friend, that co-worker etc. She has severe personaltiy problems and deep down I think she hates herself. She has suffered with Anarexia and has had numerous mental breakdowns. She has recently turned 40, but she has the mindset of like a 9 year old.

Growing up she gave me hel_l. She is devious and a gameplayer. She delights in putting Thailand/Culture/People down, which offends me and when I tell my wife the things she says, her too. Most of the insults are vague, indirect ,but certainly said for an effect. About a year ago I decided that enough is enough and I quit any kind of contact with her. I recently made contact again out of duty but the woman hasn't changed, in fact she has got worse. I have not met a more tortured soul in all my life, but I just can't be near her anymore. Being a sensative boy growing up, she was very damaging to me, I resent her for this.

[unhappyfarang]

But I AM FRIGGING COUNCIL ESTATE. My whole f****** world view and the first 3 decades of my life were spent on a P***** council estate. All my family live on a Council estate! The hypnosis that I am now under as a result of the influences of w/class scum from a young age follows me everywhere I go. It's like swimming in a dirty pond and trying to come out clean - But it should never have been this way, it never should never have been this way. Choices/circumstance of parents, Thatcher years, social mobility for me, as a second class citizen, in the UK, w/out a degree,at 33 is impossible. The only thing I can now do is "pretend". My Inferiority Complex.

[bkkblueeyes]

But I AM FRIGGING COUNCIL ESTATE. My whole f****** world view and the first 3 decades of my life were spent on a P***** council estate. All my family live on a Council estate! The hypnosis that I am now under as a result of the influences of w/class scum from a young age follows me everywhere I go. It's like swimming in a dirty pond and trying to come out clean - But it should never have been this way, it never should never have been this way. Choices/circumstance of parents, Thatcher years, social mobility for me, as a second class citizen, in the UK, w/out a degree,at 33 is impossible. The only thing I can now do is "pretend". My Inferiority Complex.

I know how it feels swimming in a dirty pond as I fell in to one when i was washing my dog.

Just chill man.

you need a holiday.

[burman]

You would honestly like to know what I would do in your position?

Leave. Sod it off and fly to Thailand, find a job, open a business, try a different way of living.

Edited May 25, 2008 by burman

[unhappyfarang]

Sorry, just having a pre-mature m/life crisis. Who am I ? What have I done? Why didn't my parents have any money? Where did my twenties go? Did I make a mistake marrying? Why didn't I get a decent education? Holed up in a flat in the UK getting weaker........Everytime charlie squats in the bush he gets stronger, been here a week now............................

[bkkblueeyes]

Sorry, just having a pre-mature m/life crisis. Who am I ? What have I done? Why didn't my parents have any money? Where did my twenties go? Did I make a mistake marrying? Why didn't I get a decent education? Holed up in a flat in the UK getting weaker........Everytime charlie squats in the bush he gets stronger, been here a week now............................

Yeah that charily is a tricky one.

No you haven’t made a mistake marrying your girl. Prob the best things that’s happened to you.

Life could be a lot worse.

You really need to chill.

[unhappyfarang]

It's great the way the use of this forum and the resulting replies from my post enable me to "see myself" and my circumstances from the outside in. Me caught up in the petty details of life in the west, you over there looking at me thinking <deleted>?

[distortedlink]

I am a recently turned 33 year old Brit Male. I was born and raised in the South of England in a small, semi -rural backwater. I spent the first 25 years of my life in this enviornment amongst a decent, hardworking, but simple folk. Went to an ordinary school, the grammer, punctuation and lack of clarity in this post will probably reflect that. Anyway, I'll do my best. In 2001,When I was 25/26 I ventured out into the world and discovered Thailand, a 6 week trip. Later that year I returned a second time and ended up staying for 9 months. During this time I met a Thai girl. When it was time to return to the Uk I asked her if she wanted to come with me, she said yes. We endured the vigours of the visa application process which although not originally intended, involved marrying. She was 32 years at the time. Now she is in her late thirties although she could easily pass for mid - twenties, some have even put her at early twenties and she is 39!

She is an extraordinary human being, a simple Issan woman, but she has exceptional qualitites and she is beautiful too. Guys, young and not so young approach her all the time when she is out and about, here, in the UK. She is a warm, compassionate, person. Non-judgmental, no strong opinions or hangups, not greedy, doesn't want for too much, and places virtually no demands on me. She is well - liked by most she comes into contact with, but sometimes I can't help but think, or even pick up the vibes from other people that we are "sterotyped". Anglo/Thai relationships, I have learnt, are looked at with suspicion in my homecountry. I sometimes feel a slight discomfort whilst out in public and I often wonder how we are perceived by my fellow countryman/women.

We live a relatively isolated life here in the UK. Rent a nice little apartment, Work, home, food, movie/book. She likes to chat with friends/realtives on the telephone - normal I suppose. If I were with an english girl, ( In my teens and terrible twenties I had plenty of English girlfriends!) I think people would be more accepting. I have 3 sisters, two elder, one younger, and I have often has negatives things slighted at my relationship. "Ignorant w-class englishman marry Thai women", "Guys with Thai women are sad/losers etc", "Thai women are greedy, money hungry etc" Even at a family gathering my elder sister has deliberately put "Little Britain" on the TV, and made everybody quieten down to watch the "tingtong macdonald" sketch!! (Some of you will know who I mean). Is it envy? Maybe they're right? I don't know. But either way, it doesn't make me fill to good about the relationship.

As a result of all this I am confused as hel_l. What are people thinking about us, even my family? Am I being ridiculed behind my back etc etc. Anyway, she misses Thailand like hel_l. Her relatives seem to want her back too. She says she is happy with her life in the UK, but I think she is just tolerating it. I am not a man of means and also my age restricts me too, so Thailand is out for me. Although I love her, I can't help think that I made a mistake bringing her back to my homecountry. As I said earlier in the post she is coming up to 39. When Iwas in my mid-twenties, she was my age. Now she is approaching middle-age, so the age difference, although it hasn't changed in actual years is kind of different.

In a way, the relationship, and the resulting responsability of helping her settle in the UK has come before my establishing of myself. I should have gone to university and been establishing career/home (at least this society says). Now I am working a routine job and rentiing an apartment - All my friends have houses. I am living in a kind of Cultural limbo. Although I am living in my own/country/culture I am kind of detatched as I am not really moving amongst my own people. I also have a bit of Thailand fever and my relationship keeps it alive in a weird kind of way. If it ended, for whatever reason, I feel my connection with Thailand and its people, will be lost forever. Now I am a farang in farangland with a vague connection with you lot. Being a farang in farangland, really in farangland, could be difficult for me.

I still haven't ruled out University. Is 33 too old to obtain a belated education? Is it worth it? Should I figure out a way to try and make some kind of life together in Thailand? Should I live the rest of my life in the UK? Have I f******d my life up? Am I a complete loser?Am I being ridiculed beacuse I am married to a Thai? Should she return to Thailand alone? I keep asking myself these questions. I grew up in a house of relative dysfunction, amongst some pretty complex personalities. The simplicity of my wifes personality is theraputic. The last thing I need is a complex relationship. I have had enough of complex people. Complex people are half my problem now in the west.

This post may be full of contradictions or even make no sense at all. I have just poured out onto my laptop. I am quite a sensative guy so please go easy on me. I am not going to even read and check what I have written beacause I will probably not post so here goes, i am hitting sumit right now......

It sounds like you are not fulfilled in your life and maybe stuck in a rut, or so you think.

I met my Thai wife in England, her Uncle was the Thai ambassador at the Thai embassy in Kensington, London. We married in England 22 years ago 1987. I was 33 my wife 32. I am 56 now.

The reality is that to live long term in Thailand requires being financially stable with savings and a regular income. I was not able to retire in Thailand until my 50^th birthday, when I made a profit from the sale of my house, had a company pension and hopefully will acquire my state pension in another 9 years.

Leaving Britain for Thailand in the hope that you may find work is not advisable, unless you have enough funds to create your own company or some special skills. When I was 33, which seems 5 minutes ago, I too had a strong desire to just pack up and move to Thailand. But I had to be realistic and think positive, knowing that at that time no way was I in any position to leave my job and home in the UK.

The best thing is to give yourself an aim, build up and than decide what you want to do when the situation is right.

Edited May 25, 2008 by distortedlink

[Nignoy]

have read your threads with great interest,have you tried getting in contact with some of the thai /english support groups or if you are in surrey joining one of the thai social clubs, you seem to have a great relationship with your wife so dont worry about any one else. Nignoy

[richardb]

Spot on Nignoy. Join the thailand-uk.com forum. A lot of the families meet up at the big Thai events and there is the odd dinner or trip organized by members. I may be having a little party next month ( London ) and the northern England lot are going camping!!!! Anyway you may meet other couples.

Richard

[garro]

Dear OP, depending on other people for your self-worth is the road to madness. People will think all type of silly things about other people and there is nothing you can do about this. All you can do is take charge of your own feelings and stop allowing others to determine these feelings. At the moment you sound like a plastic bag in the wind who is completely dependent on others for any sense of who you are.

[Naam]

based on the description of your wife you could be a happy MAN. presently you are just an unhappy BOY. my advice: "GROW UP!" and tell all who look down on your wife "GET STUFFED!"

[wamberal]

Sorry, just having a pre-mature m/life crisis. Who am I ? What have I done? Why didn't my parents have any money? Where did my twenties go? Did I make a mistake marrying? Why didn't I get a decent education? Holed up in a flat in the UK getting weaker........Everytime charlie squats in the bush he gets stronger, been here a week now............................

If there are things about your life that you do not like, change them. If you cannot change them, either accept them, or remove yourself from the causes.

It sounds as though you have a good relationship with a good wife. In my humble opinion, this is now by far the most important relationship of your life. Do whatever you can to build on this relationship, and do not allow family or other obligations to damage either the relationship, or your or your wife's happiness.

It is never too late to study. In fact, in the world in which we now live, continuing self-development is becoming a requirement for most of us.

Build on your strengths, avoid or overcome your weaknesses. Sometimes the best way through a wall is around the end, you do not have to go through the middle, smashing bricks. That is the hard way. There is usually an easier way, just think calmly and you will usually find it.

[Bagwan]

This may come across as being harsh but I suggest that the next time you pull yourself, you pull yourself together. If you are not satisfied with your life you have only yourself to blame, so do something about it - or stop whining.

Maybe you should sit down with your wife and discuss your life situation, define what is causing so much discontent and work out an action plan to resolve your dissatisfactions. You each are halves of a single entity and it is necessary that you are both singing from the same hymn sheet. You want an education? Ever heard of evening classes? Get whatever you need to make enrollment with the Open University an option. Family and friends (friends?) bugging you? Get shot of them and surround yourself with people more in tune with your NEW self. Life is what you make it so don't expect any handouts, particularly in this day and age.

Maybe you are thinking that I am unfeeling. WRONG! I started life on a council estate, born into a family that eventually became too large given the resources of my parents. I went to Grammar school and so lost all my friends because I was too 'posh' for them (had to wear school uniform, shoes instead of boots, did homework) and endured the barbs of some of my new classmates from less reduced circumstances, and in particular from the schoolmasters, because of my background. Snobbery and reversed snobbery were all the rage then. I felt a total lack of support from those around me and gave up trying. I left school at the age of 15, having got special dispensation and joined the Royal Navy - we used to have one then - and soon found out what life was all about. Using the educational facilities provided, I put myself in the frame for consideration for a commission but having a 'Sarf Lundun' accent closed that door in my face. After serving for 10 years I returned to civilian life and found that not much in society had changed and life was going to be very up hill particularly as I had now acquired a wife and 2 children. Even my father harangued me for having the temerity to buy a house in Wimbledon - who did I think I was he asked.

I spent our life's savings in enrolling at a private college and acquired computer programming knowledge and skills while holding down a job as a postman. Armed with a diploma, I pestered the computer manufacturers for a job and found employment as a trainee computer operator. Ten years later I had reached the dizzy heights of Operations Support Manager for Europe's largest manufacturer. My employers financed my enrollment at Open University and I picked up a Batchelors Degree in Computer Science.

I write this not for approbation but to show that opportunities exist and that you can change your life. 'Up to you' as we say in LoS. Totally disenchanted with my family whose offerings included 'you are lucky, you can pass exams', I cut them out of my life and haven't had any contact with them for 40 years. IMO the adage that blood is thick than water is emotional claptrap. There is nothing logical in the proposition that you have to even like somebody just because you had the same parents. I did however take on board one of those smaltzy homilies originating from the other side of the pond - Every day that you don't do your best, is a day wasted.

I retired 17 years ago at the age of 55, my son is a Chartered Accountant and my daughter is married to the Chief Executive of a London borough so it is not only your life that changes if you make the effort; there should be a significant knock on effect for your offspring and her that does the ironing.

Perhaps my message is 'Do what you want to do, be who you want to be', you only get one life and it is up to you to make something worthwhile of it. I was appalled when discussing with a messmate what we were going to do when we returned to civilian life and he said that he was going to be a bus driver in Manchester; he was amused that I had far loftier ambitions. He became a bus driver and retired at 65 as an Inspector. He says now that he has no regrets and has to date enjoyed a happy and contented life. I am happy for him that he found what he considered his niche in life and indicates to me at least that fame and fortune are not imperative to enjoy a successful life.

The only person who can stop you being what you want to be and going where you want to go is YOU.

[aries27]

dont see any problem. the OP did not really say the wife wanted to go back to thailand, did he? it seemed he assumed. he should ask her straight. if she is unhappy in UK and would prefer to go back to thailand, then that is option one, for OP and wife to live in TH. but if the wife doesnt mind, then what is the problem? does the wife get affected by the negative comments. the OP didnt say. it seemed he is though...

if the wife is unaffected, OP shouldnt be too. i mean, people talk, especially people who have problems. that is why you should look beyond them. pretty soon, if they see you are happy and contented and dont really care about them and their negativeness, they would even get influenced by your attitude and change. believe me, it happens.

so what's the problem. you should even thank your lucky stars. OP should just carry on, love his wife, get loved by her, take the university degree and be happy.

you worry too much!

[freitag1]

Happiness comes from inside. Just don't care what others think as long as you are happy.

The point is we can't choose who we have as our relatives so usually most people end up having some whackos in their family. Whatever. For my part I treat them like other people I don't like which means I basically don't care about them.

If you consider moving to Thailand plan it well and take your time before you make the move. I would pick up "making money online" as a hobby. You can build up one or two websites in your free time. This is fun, you will get to know lots of interesting people and if you do it well can pay your bills in the UK or in Thailand.

Good luck!

[dee_jai_maak_maak]

My second eldest farang sister is the worst culprit. She has always been a troublesome person. Everytime I part company with her I endure a debilitating depression which often lasts for days. I think she is an extemely disturbed, bitter, hateful woman. This is difficult for me as it is family, but over the years I have seen her in action enough times to be very weary of her being in the company of my wife. She is an inward, narrow, gossipy cow who has never even left the disadvantaged socio-economic enviorment of her birth. Every time I see her she tells me how she has fallen out with this friend, that co-worker etc. She has severe personaltiy problems and deep down I think she hates herself. She has suffered with Anarexia and has had numerous mental breakdowns. She has recently turned 40, but she has the mindset of like a 9 year old.

Growing up she gave me hel_l. She is devious and a gameplayer. She delights in putting Thailand/Culture/People down, which offends me and when I tell my wife the things she says, her too. Most of the insults are vague, indirect ,but certainly said for an effect. About a year ago I decided that enough is enough and I quit any kind of contact with her. I recently made contact again out of duty but the woman hasn't changed, in fact she has got worse. I have not met a more tortured soul in all my life, but I just can't be near her anymore. Being a sensative boy growing up, she was very damaging to me, I resent her for this.

You sound like a very unhappy family unit (except for your wife, thankfully). You seem to have very low self-esteem. You should not be looking for approval of your life choices from your friends or family. You have chosen your wife and she sounds like she deserves better than for you to doubt her worth just because the people around you are imbeciles. You can't change your family, but you can distance yourself from them and keep it that way, and you can sure as he_ll change your "friends".

That said, are you sure they do disapprove? I used to have a Thai girlfriend. She visited the UK three times. Never once did I perceive any inkling of hostility or disapproval from friends, family or even acquaintances. Everyone was dying to meet her, and were fussing over her when they met her. And then begging her to show them how to cooik Thai food (cheeky s*ds! ). But then again, I wouldn't have given a sh*t if they did have a problem. I'd have told them to <deleted> off.

Contrary to popular belief, the UK is not populated solely by white working class tattooed neanderthal skinheads. It's a very multicultural place (not always happily so, I'll admit). But if you live on a sink estate in a slum area, populated by morons and/or Daily Star readers (I offer no apologies to Daily Star readers; you should know better. ) then you have get the <deleted>*k out. Go to a city. If you live in London, for example, no one will care if you and your wife are from different races. It would hardly look out of place there, believe me.

As for education, go for it. I've just finished a degree via the Open University, and I'm older than you (but not that much! ) It's tough studying and working, but it can be done. The alternative is to study full-time and incur debts in the fom of student loans (in which case, do NOT go to London as the living costs would push up the debt). But again, it can be done.

I came from a sh*thole area. I left. Buses, trains, planes, cars............they can all take you away from where you are to somewhere better.

Whatever you do, do something. Good luck.

[Bluelotus]

I think your problem may require some professional assistance. Are you certain that you are not suffering from a form of depression or a sense of unworthiness ? Why won't you allow yourself to be happy ? You have more than most on this rock.