Dear Abby

[Boo]

1) Do you have the right to judge someone in the absence of facts? 2) Do you have the right to judge someone, even with the benefit of ‘condemning’ facts, when perhaps your own life would not pass scrutiny in certain personal areas (I have no knowledge of you but assume you, like ALL of us, are less than perfect)?

Yes to both, it's called an opinion, of which we all have one. I am amazed that mine though is creating quite such a stir & warrants such scrutiny.!!

Maybe you would have felt better if I had said " oh yes invite them to sit with us, become best freind forever with his hooker & start going out on fun double dates." Well, no, just not gonna happen.

So once again, for the cheap seats: As per the op senario, I would assume he was cheating or about to & would be polite to his companion but not continue the conversation beyond an introductions.

[astral]

Does it matter if you are in Thailand?

This can happen anywhere.........

[Chaimai]

Yes to both, it's called an opinion, of which we all have one. I am amazed that mine though is creating quite such a stir & warrants such scrutiny.!!

I think you find it is because you were the first to call him a CHEATING PIG!

(Which, of course, he probably is)

[Boo]

but that also is my opinion, I don't like cheaters & imo someone who cheates, man or women, is a pig.

[girlx]

You knew girlx, you knew!

no i didn't know until after the fact, why would i post otherwise

[dingdongrb]

Boo has already labelled him as a cheating pig whereas I might be aware that he has just discovered that his wife has been having a 2 year affair with her work colleague. In which case SHE is a cheating bitch and good luck to him

We can only go by the op & as the op hasn't mentioned a marraige breakup or affair on the wifes part, then yes, cheating pig.

Sorry Boo, you've just jumped in and tried, judged and convicted the guy with your own assumptions...

Nowhere in the OP has GuestHouse said that this man is cheating on his wife. GH has merely said that the woman is "clearly" a prostitute. There is no mention of what exactly the relationship between them is. There are many reasons why this could be a perfectly innocent scenario, although it might in your view be unlikely.

Examples: Perhaps the prostitute is his wife's sister. Maybe it's his daughter - all prostitutes are someone's daughter. Maybe he is doing an interview for a book. Perhaps he wants to improve himself and learn to empathise with someone that he used to judge and has realised the error of his ways. Perhaps he hit her with the car and knocked her dinner out of her hand, so feels obliged to compensate. Perhaps his wife has died since you last saw him..

Abby says: Introduce your wife and then see what happens...before making any further decisions Always remember your manners, and do not be so quick to judge... Treat people as you would like them to treat you. And if you must judge, remember people should be treated as innocent until proved guilty...

Very good AFKAF... well put... It appears that all the ladies assume sex has ocurred when really the OP is merely taking her to dinner. But will all know what assume means (I think). I mean from the information the OP applied was sex between the two even mentioned. I don't see it...

...and yes, Boo I do have a word I call cheating wives, although it cannot be said on here or else I may be suspended, as I have been suspended before for saying much less....

[Boo]

It appears that all the ladies assume sex has ocurred

really, all the ladies? I thought it was just me who has commented on it?

[dingdongrb]

It appears that all the ladies assume sex has ocurred

really, all the ladies? I thought it was just me who has commented on it?

..but that's your opinon, or perhaps you do know all the facts (the sex of all the posters).

[haybilly]

So here's an Etiquette Question (Hypothetical of course).

Suppose that you are out for dinner one evening with your wife, Bangkok, Pattaya, Chiang Mai or wherever it is you live in Thailand.

While waiting to take your table a friend/colleague greets you and introduces you to the woman he is with.

The woman is not his wife, you are sure of this because you know his wife. Your wife does not know the guy's wife, but may very well meet her at some time in the future. – That aside the woman is clearly a 'prostitute' from some bar or other (for arguments sake, you are sure of that, because you know precisely which bar she works in).

Your friend introduces this woman.

(Keeping to the situation as described and without getting sidetracked).

What is your response?

Do you return the introduction, introducing your wife to this couple?

Ignore the introduction?

Invite the couple to join you both?

Or some other response?

I thought that this was ThaiVisa--NOT the moral maze--what has this to do with anything--I'm surprised that so many intelligent posters, led by GH, have bothered with this.

[F1fanatic]

As a farang (ex) wife whose husband went out to bars with a prostitute without her knowing - I would like to clearly state DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH HIM AND TELL THE WIFE - PLEASE!!!

I repeat again - please don't just ignore the poor wife who has no idea this is going on!!

[dingdongrb]

As a farang (ex) wife whose husband went out to bars with a prostitute without her knowing - I would like to clearly state DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH HIM AND TELL THE WIFE - PLEASE!!!

I repeat again - please don't just ignore the poor wife who has no idea this is going on!!

Ignore her? I might scream out her name during the heat of the passion.

How do you know the wife has no idea? Did the OP state this in the limited facts given? (I didn't see it.) For all we know it might have been his 50th birthday and the prostitute was a BD gift from his wife.

[steveromagnino]

Do you return the introduction, introducing your wife to this couple?

Ignore the introduction?

Invite the couple to join you both?

Or some other response?

Obviously your Thai wife is the one who is most important in this interaction, so you should obviuosly show and treat her with respect of not having to spend time with the bar girl.

I would recommend to be polite, greet your friend, say hello to his ho, and then wish them a happy dinner without introducing your wife by name; you could either say my wife and I are pleased to meet you, then not introduce her name. Generally, Thai people can pick out night workers extremely easily, as can virtually anyone that has spent a lot of time here; if the woman is passable enough not to look like a night worker, then all the better and less embarrassing for your wife (as it is bad enough that she has to stand near an obvious night worker for any length of time, as a 'good person' would not hang around with people like that)

You should not ask them to join obviously; no decent person particularly wants to hang out with bar hos for anything other than ho activities. Just wish them a nice dinner, let them go on their way, and then best to never speak of the matter again, especially to the guy's wife - never be the bearer of bad news.

Typically, being that I know a lot of expats here, I run into this situation somewhat regularly, and it is unpleasant for the various GFs of mine at the time, but amusing to us to then gossip about the lack of taste in the bargirls chosen in most cases.

Edited July 31, 2008 by steveromagnino

[Mossfinn]

Your friend introduces this woman.

The introduction would be the key, if she is a partner, friend or relation and that would determine my reaction.

If a relation, warmly return the greeting and possibly request them to join, if a friend ( could be ambiguous here ) return the greeting and move on, if obviously a partner, coldly return the greeting and quickly move on.

[Crushdepth]

As a farang (ex) wife whose husband went out to bars with a prostitute without her knowing - I would like to clearly state DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH HIM AND TELL THE WIFE - PLEASE!!!

Yeah but how do you know that his wife doesn't know? My experience in Thailand is that a *very* large proportion of the population has one or more gigs or indulges in 'casual aquaintances', and a suprisingly large proportion of spouses know and accept the fact (although they may not like it).

I once did make the mistake of 'telling the spouse', a close friend, that she was being cheated on. She didn't believe it, both her and her partner ended up hating me and he just kept at it anyway. These days I just mind my own business, people have to sort out their own relationships.

Re. the original post, I'd react the way I normally react regardless of who my friend was with, although I might give him a minor lecture later on, if he was a particularly close friend.

[steveromagnino]

Your friend introduces this woman.

The introduction would be the key, if she is a partner, friend or relation and that would determine my reaction.

If a relation, warmly return the greeting and possibly request them to join, if a friend ( could be ambiguous here ) return the greeting and move on, if obviously a partner, coldly return the greeting and quickly move on.

if obviously a bar girl, and your wife is not, it is not really appropriate to ask them to sit together for no reason other than to be nice to your friend.

Perhaps other people's wives are different, but generally most Thai people care about how they appear, and guilt by assocation.

Doesn't make a guy look that good either.

[ozzydom]

So here's an Etiquette Question (Hypothetical of course).

Suppose that you are out for dinner one evening with your wife, Bangkok, Pattaya, Chiang Mai or wherever it is you live in Thailand.

While waiting to take your table a friend/colleague greets you and introduces you to the woman he is with.

The woman is not his wife, you are sure of this because you know his wife. Your wife does not know the guy’s wife, but may very well meet her at some time in the future. – That aside the woman is clearly a 'prostitute' from some bar or other (for arguments sake, you are sure of that, because you know precisely which bar she works in).

Your friend introduces this woman.

(Keeping to the situation as described and without getting sidetracked).

What is your response?

Do you return the introduction, introducing your wife to this couple?

Ignore the introduction?

Invite the couple to join you both?

Or some other response?

Definately invite them to join you , because hypothetically ,I am at the next table, and I want to see how you talk your way out of a Bobbit job when the "bar lady" says , " Hi GH , hav,nt seen much of you at the bar lately".

[Boo]

Definately invite them to join you , because hypothetically ,I am at the next table, and I want to see how you talk your way out of a Bobbit job when the "bar lady" says , " Hi GH , hav,nt seen much of you at the bar lately".

Classic

[MonkeyHouse]

You knew girlx, you knew!

no i didn't know until after the fact, why would i post otherwise

Thats what they all say.

[MonkeyHouse]

Hey boo

Why did you delete my post that stated in it you called the guy "A CHEATING PIG"

[Mossfinn]

Your friend introduces this woman.

The introduction would be the key, if she is a partner, friend or relation and that would determine my reaction.

If a relation, warmly return the greeting and possibly request them to join, if a friend ( could be ambiguous here ) return the greeting and move on, if obviously a partner, coldly return the greeting and quickly move on.

if obviously a bar girl, and your wife is not, it is not really appropriate to ask them to sit together for no reason other than to be nice to your friend.

Perhaps other people's wives are different, but generally most Thai people care about how they appear, and guilt by assocation.

Doesn't make a guy look that good either.

Crikey, you type quick Steve,

however, I will follow my own moral code and not have others impose their own on me, a further however, I had answered following my own rules, but would quickly take on board the reaction from the wife, yet another however though, if she was introduced as his daughter and the first impression of 'airs and graces' was not too over powering, I would probably still ask for them to join us.

I am not in the game of bias against the profession of a friends daughter.

[dingdongrb]

Definately invite them to join you , because hypothetically ,I am at the next table, and I want to see how you talk your way out of a Bobbit job when the "bar lady" says , " Hi GH , hav,nt seen much of you at the bar lately".

Opinion....

[Boo]

MonkeyHouse

Hey boo

Why did you delete my post that stated in it you called the guy "A CHEATING PIG"

Did I, or do you think I did? FYI, there are quite a few other mods on this forum too.

[MonkeyHouse]

As a farang (ex) wife whose husband went out to bars with a prostitute without her knowing - I would like to clearly state DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH HIM AND TELL THE WIFE - PLEASE!!!

I repeat again - please don't just ignore the poor wife who has no idea this is going on!!

If she doesnt know then it wont hurt her will it? Its when she finds out that is when the shit hits the fan.

Anyway why is everyone taking this so serious? weill i mean 1 person.

[MonkeyHouse]

MonkeyHouse

Hey boo

Why did you delete my post that stated in it you called the guy "A CHEATING PIG"

Did I, or do you think I did? FYI, there are quite a few other mods on this forum too.

Oh ok! It was just strange that lots of people repeated your phrase "cheating pig" but mine was the only one to get deleted?

nevermind anyway.

[ozzydom]

Definately invite them to join you , because hypothetically ,I am at the next table, and I want to see how you talk your way out of a Bobbit job when the "bar lady" says , " Hi GH , hav,nt seen much of you at the bar lately".

Opinion....

Deduction..... Knowing a lady is a prostitute and which bar she works at is not the sort of information you gain from reading tea leaves.

[Boo]

dont know let me look for the post, but as I still have the post of mine here was it only cheating pig that you referred to in your post?

edit: nope, I see why it was deleted, you made a comment on moderation, nothing to do with "cheating pig" at all.

[MonkeyHouse]

Anyway you lot are missing the point.

If the guy is with a bar girl then he isnt cheating! He is simply paying for her company, now if he was with a non bar girl then i would say he was cheating.

[MonkeyHouse]

dont know let me look for the post, but as I still have the post of mine here was it only cheating pig that you referred to in your post?

You know what i said boo, I said i didnt think moderators where meant to talk like that!

Now you see it now u dont!

[F1fanatic]

I actually find it quite frightening how many people ignore my response as farang wife this has actually experienced this!

TELL HER!!!!

A thai wife or g/f may react differently, but believe me, a farang wife want's to know - I will never forgive the farangs who didn't tell me what my husband was up to!

[ozzydom]

Hey boo

Why did you delete my post that stated in it you called the guy "A CHEATING PIG"

Boo did not ,I did, Comments in open forum regarding mods actions is a no no.

I am in a benevolent mood that is why it was only deleted and no other action taken.

Take it as a friendly reminder of where the boundaries lie.