Sin Sod Again

[tmd5855]

Rich guy comes to your house, has a few beers, talks story, brings himself down to your level and doesn't make a show of it...

Hmm, not such a bad guy. I would have thought he would be a putz...

You explained well what I put down.

Its others, who, for their own reasons will not re-appraise their opinions as they gain more experience of a subject.

Its their loss

Edited September 29, 2008 by tmd5855

[thesunset75]

Why my mom asked for 3 Mil. THB ?????

Sorry mom we cant afford that amount (bf and i we both says that before I decided to move to NL) left my mom with a broken dream

[torrenova]

Married before - sinsot = 0

Hooker before - sinsot = 0

Has kids already - sinsot = 0

You are westerner - sinsot = 0

Now some have issues with the last one but I don't. The party should be at least part covered (if not all) by the envelopes received on the day.

For some, they do get other Thais to pay sinsot but that is there will likely be no future assistance. As most westerners assist at some time, one could argue that no immediate payment should be made.

Strange though that some who advocate "buying" their bride get narked off with BiB and others scams. Still, many guys pay up because they are thinking with their small heads and not the big one. Rationalising that is is not "big money" back home is one of the daft arguments they use.

Just where they get the Thai family to pay for the wedding and all that jazz because that is what happens in the west seems to have been forgotten.

[dumball]

Why my mom asked for 3 Mil. THB ?????

Sorry mom we cant afford that amount (bf and i we both says that before I decided to move to NL) left my mom with a broken dream

Let me think now ??????? One human wants another human_______Pays another human to own that human that he wants ?????????

What is all the uproar we read about across the world about HUMAN TRAFFICKING .

It is all about sex , he wants it when he wants it or needs it , they want the money to oblige him to get it .

There is a similarity no matter how you cook the (golden) goose .

[thesunset75]

Married before - sinsot = 0

Hooker before - sinsot = 0

Has kids already - sinsot = 0

You are westerner - sinsot = 0

Now some have issues with the last one but I don't. The party should be at least part covered (if not all) by the envelopes received on the day.

For some, they do get other Thais to pay sinsot but that is there will likely be no future assistance. As most westerners assist at some time, one could argue that no immediate payment should be made.

Strange though that some who advocate "buying" their bride get narked off with BiB and others scams. Still, many guys pay up because they are thinking with their small heads and not the big one. Rationalising that is is not "big money" back home is one of the daft arguments they use.

Just where they get the Thai family to pay for the wedding and all that jazz because that is what happens in the west seems to have been forgotten.

Is that your rule to have a Thai wife ?

[thesunset75]

Why my mom asked for 3 Mil. THB ?????

Sorry mom we cant afford that amount (bf and i we both says that before I decided to move to NL) left my mom with a broken dream

Let me think now ??????? One human wants another human_______Pays another human to own that human that he wants ?????????

What is all the uproar we read about across the world about HUMAN TRAFFICKING .

It is all about sex , he wants it when he wants it or needs it , they want the money to oblige him to get it .

There is a similarity no matter how you cook the (golden) goose .

Nothing about sex.

It was all about faces my mom and family (who never willing to loose) wants, then mentioned that amount by how wealth we are (i am) I told my mom im not an object for sell...

She dont get any Sin Sod from my ex husband but after i was a widow I gave her and family so much more than their expected.

So i am the wealthiest of the family and they though if this farang want to take her away he should give 3 mil. Sin Sod which we both disagree.

When I decided to marry the new bf mom says if you want to marry him, how much Sin Sod he will give, - i will ask for 3 Mil. but my bf and i broke all the faces and dreams by moving here with out wedding thing.

I decided to sell my property and move here in NL and left them gossiping negative mind to us.

If we want to live in Thailand then we will do what the family wants and same as all the problems you guys have here.

Tell me if i made a wrong decition by moved here without sin sod/wedding/ save the familys faces ? then I will go back and have a big wedding party.

Sorry for reader that i put toomuch personal thing.

[AdventureAsia]

i would never pay for something like that, why u gotta pay he parrents to marry their child? Its just some bullshit thai people like to say to suck some cash out of farangs.

[thesunset75]

i would never pay for something like that, why u gotta pay he parrents to marry their child? Its just some bullshit thai people like to say to suck some cash out of farangs.

I knew the answer before mom asked hehehe.

The main reason was family members play a big role on it cuz they are afraid to loose faces.

They are kinda famous people in the area (yes police), but he is a good guy for other people but not on my on my case.

[AdventureAsia]

i would never pay for something like that, why u gotta pay he parrents to marry their child? Its just some bullshit thai people like to say to suck some cash out of farangs.

I knew the answer before mom asked hehehe.

The main reason was family members play a big role on it cuz they are afraid to loose faces.

They are kinda famous people in the area (yes police), but he is a good guy for other people but not on my on my case.

If a thai guy marry a thai girl does the thai guy have to pay as well or is this one of the many farang only rules?

[thesunset75]

i would never pay for something like that, why u gotta pay he parrents to marry their child? Its just some bullshit thai people like to say to suck some cash out of farangs.

I knew the answer before mom asked hehehe.

The main reason was family members play a big role on it cuz they are afraid to loose faces.

They are kinda famous people in the area (yes police), but he is a good guy for other people but not on my on my case.

If a thai guy marry a thai girl does the thai guy have to pay as well or is this one of the many farang only rules?

I know , even Thai guy he wont pay that much or i have to be actress or model or miss Thailand

Family asked because he is farang (the bankruptcy one).

[WorldwideALOHA]

i would never pay for something like that, why u gotta pay he parrents to marry their child? Its just some bullshit thai people like to say to suck some cash out of farangs.

What!?!? This coming from the guy with no visa, living on the street, begging for help and a place to stay...

I don't think you'll ever have to worry about having anything sucked out of you! However, when the Boy's in Brown and Immigration catch up with you - you may be doing some sucking, and it won't be for cash...

[dumball]

Why my mom asked for 3 Mil. THB ?????

Sorry mom we cant afford that amount (bf and i we both says that before I decided to move to NL) left my mom with a broken dream

Let me think now ??????? One human wants another human_______Pays another human to own that human that he wants ?????????

What is all the uproar we read about across the world about HUMAN TRAFFICKING .

It is all about sex , he wants it when he wants it or needs it , they want the money to oblige him to get it .

There is a similarity no matter how you cook the (golden) goose .

Nothing about sex.

It was all about faces my mom and family (who never willing to loose) wants, then mentioned that amount by how wealth we are (i am) I told my mom im not an object for sell...

She dont get any Sin Sod from my ex husband but after i was a widow I gave her and family so much more than their expected.

So i am the wealthiest of the family and they though if this farang want to take her away he should give 3 mil. Sin Sod which we both disagree.

When I decided to marry the new bf mom says if you want to marry him, how much Sin Sod he will give, - i will ask for 3 Mil. but my bf and i broke all the faces and dreams by moving here with out wedding thing.

I decided to sell my property and move here in NL and left them gossiping negative mind to us.

If we want to live in Thailand then we will do what the family wants and same as all the problems you guys have here.

Tell me if i made a wrong decition by moved here without sin sod/wedding/ save the familys faces ? then I will go back and have a big wedding party.

Sorry for reader that i put toomuch personal thing.

The sooner the Thais forget this silly 'Face' (pride) thing , the sooner 75% of their problems will go away , it is an outdated agravation .

Nothing about sex .

The 2 main problems in marriages/relationships are SEX and MONEY , just read the other ongoing thread about "Am i stupid" on the one side it is about the money and on the other side about the sex , actually , the LACK of sex . They are both connected in Thailand (more or less) you cannot have one without the other in far to many cases , that is of course , if you want to get married or j(l)ust laid .

[AdventureAsia]

i would never pay for something like that, why u gotta pay he parrents to marry their child? Its just some bullshit thai people like to say to suck some cash out of farangs.

What!?!? This coming from the guy with no visa, living on the street, begging for help and a place to stay...

I don't think you'll ever have to worry about having anything sucked out of you! However, when the Boy's in Brown and Immigration catch up with you - you may be doing some sucking, and it won't be for cash...

Don't live there no more so u r better of telling that to ur mom

[thesunset75]

Why my mom asked for 3 Mil. THB ?????

Sorry mom we cant afford that amount (bf and i we both says that before I decided to move to NL) left my mom with a broken dream

Let me think now ??????? One human wants another human_______Pays another human to own that human that he wants ?????????

What is all the uproar we read about across the world about HUMAN TRAFFICKING .

It is all about sex , he wants it when he wants it or needs it , they want the money to oblige him to get it .

There is a similarity no matter how you cook the (golden) goose .

Nothing about sex.

It was all about faces my mom and family (who never willing to loose) wants, then mentioned that amount by how wealth we are (i am) I told my mom im not an object for sell...

She dont get any Sin Sod from my ex husband but after i was a widow I gave her and family so much more than their expected.

So i am the wealthiest of the family and they though if this farang want to take her away he should give 3 mil. Sin Sod which we both disagree.

When I decided to marry the new bf mom says if you want to marry him, how much Sin Sod he will give, - i will ask for 3 Mil. but my bf and i broke all the faces and dreams by moving here with out wedding thing.

I decided to sell my property and move here in NL and left them gossiping negative mind to us.

If we want to live in Thailand then we will do what the family wants and same as all the problems you guys have here.

Tell me if i made a wrong decition by moved here without sin sod/wedding/ save the familys faces ? then I will go back and have a big wedding party.

Sorry for reader that i put toomuch personal thing.

The sooner the Thais forget this silly 'Face' (pride) thing , the sooner 75% of their problems will go away , it is an outdated agravation .

Nothing about sex .

The 2 main problems in marriages/relationships are SEX and MONEY , just read the other ongoing thread about "Am i stupid" on the one side it is about the money and on the other side about the sex , actually , the LACK of sex . They are both connected in Thailand (more or less) you cannot have one without the other in far to many cases , that is of course , if you want to get married or j(l)ust laid .

nonono : as i said nothing about sex...i skimming into other topic we discussed, Sin Sod, family and faces.

Sex is about me and bf.

[EvilDrSomkid]

I hope you picked up GH's touch of sarcasm

I hope so, it was as subtle as a sledge hammer,

Totally off topic, but your Avatar avi gif is the funniest one I have EVER seen. <deleted> me, my back still hurts from laughing. Couldn't stop...

Re. sin sod, the OP should have included a little more info regarding the situation. Status of her family, her age, his age, married before or not, kids, education, looks (yes, that is what we came here for) etc.

I have my doubts about paying sin sod, but I know that my fianceé's parents will not ask for it. They are just happy that their (eldest) daugther has found a man that loves her and that she loves him. I will GIVE sin sod if she wishes it. You dont PAY sin sod. You don't buy her, you show your appreciation for her parents' efforts in raising a charming woman. And for them to gain face, of course. Usually you get some or all back.

Her dad is a retired cop and her mom a teacher. They cannot afford a big wedding party. They NEVER ask for money.

I have offered to help, but she adamantly refuses. She says, it is up to my sisters and I to help our parents. Her dad is a cool guy and respected in his town. We went shooting once. Lots of fun. Her mom is very sweet and has a beautiful smile.

I even managed to get my parents to come here and ask for permission for us to marry next year. That really made them happy. Her parents and mine. Wonderful evening at the Crystal Grill. Good food there, BTW.

And I am not some old c... eeehm guy with a 20something Isaan(bar)girl from the sticks. We are both in our thirties. 2 years difference.

So if some people bothered to learn what sin sod really is for, we would not get this crap all the time. Of course, there is one born every minute and every hour there is a fresh flight from Farangland.

If you get yourself a bargirl you pay ZERO(sin sod that is)! You already pay for the rest, right? I make special price for you, extra expensive, OK mai?

[thesunset75]

I hope you picked up GH's touch of sarcasm

I hope so, it was as subtle as a sledge hammer,

Totally off topic, but your Avatar avi gif is the funniest one I have EVER seen. <deleted> me, my back still hurts from laughing. Couldn't stop...

Re. sin sod, the OP should have included a little more info regarding the situation. Status of her family, her age, his age, married before or not, kids, education, looks (yes, that is what we came here for) etc.

I have my doubts about paying sin sod, but I know that my fianceé's parents will not ask for it. They are just happy that their (eldest) daugther has found a man that loves her and that she loves him. I will GIVE sin sod if she wishes it. You dont PAY sin sod. You don't buy her, you show your appreciation for her parents' efforts in raising a charming woman. And for them to gain face, of course. Usually you get some or all back.

Her dad is a retired cop and her mom a teacher. They cannot afford a big wedding party. They NEVER ask for money.

I have offered to help, but she adamantly refuses. She says, it is up to my sisters and I to help our parents. Her dad is a cool guy and respected in his town. We went shooting once. Lots of fun. Her mom is very sweet and has a beautiful smile.

I even managed to get my parents to come here and ask for permission for us to marry next year. That really made them happy. Her parents and mine. Wonderful evening at the Crystal Grill. Good food there, BTW.

And I am not some old c... eeehm guy with a 20something Isaan(bar)girl from the sticks. We are both in our thirties. 2 years difference.

So if some people bothered to learn what sin sod really is for, we would not get this crap all the time. Of course, there is one born every minute and every hour there is a fresh flight from Farangland.

If you get yourself a bargirl you pay ZERO(sin sod that is)! You already pay for the rest, right? I make special price for you, extra expensive, OK mai?

Wish all Thai woman have a great bf / husband like you, everybody happy and important thing is love.

[Maizefarmer]

i would never pay for something like that, why u gotta pay he parrents to marry their child? Its just some bullshit thai people like to say to suck some cash out of farangs.

Nothing bullshit about it - its part of Thai culture and had been practised between Thai's for hundreds of years.

In its proper form and context Sin Sod is partly an expression of sincerity and commitment by the groom towards his parents-in-law - and that is important in Thai culture.

The problem with Sin Sod is that it is a practise that is open to abuse for financial gain.

It's each guys responsibilty to satisfy himself that what he is doing when it comes to Sin Sod is "genuine" and for the right reasons.

Edited September 29, 2008 by Maizefarmer

[AdventureAsia]

Well i think its time for such an old tradition to end. Farangs also had tons of lame traditions in the ancients times but at least we manage to put em behind us. I vote no thank you to this 1000 year old thai tradition.

[jaochainoi]

Ok yet another thread about sinsod ... I spent a lot of time reading through them and trying to find all sorts of informations about it because I am currently wondering how to feel about the way my thai wedding seems to be going to happen. And yet I didn't find my answer yet so let me present it to you and please give me some feedback.

My girlfriend is 26 like I am, she is from Isaan part of Thailand. She comes from a farmer family, which is quite poor. She has a university degree and had a good job which she quit to visit me for 3 months. We love each other very much and just a few weeks ago, I decided to propose her.

I have been married to a thai woman before (whose parents didn't ask for sinsod because they liked me), and know quite a lot about their culture, but still in this situation i am lost.

When came the moment to discuss the sinsod, which I thought of mainly as a symbol of "readiness" for marriage and, like many wrote in forums, a matter of "face", I proposed (my mistake, maybe) 400,000 baht + gold. It seemed high to me but the reason was that her 2 sisters, married to a thai guy, seemingly paid the same amount (and I don't understand how they managed to with thai wages). When announcing it to the mother, she said she would give half back. That is still a 200,000 baht dowry that goes out of my purse.

Thinking it altogether, I think I have shown that I am responsible and can take care of their daughter. I paid for her plane tickets and cared for her when she quit her job to visit me, as I think this is fair seeing the difference in wages in thai/europe, and considering it as a good step for our future. Here, I am also supposed to pay for the plane tickets involved again, support her while she's in Thailand, pay for the gold, the thai ceremony, maybe another ceremony in Belgium.

I am trying my best to respect Thai culture but when I sum up all I have to respond for, it reaches kind of all I could save up to now. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to me that her parents understand the situation or care about helping/giving back most of the dowry like I could read on many posts.

That seems a bit too much to me and to what I could read, I have seen no case (except old man marrying young woman maybe) where such a dowry had to be paid. My girlfriends says she would like our families to be warm, but after this I rather feel very cold with them. I am not sure how to react. I talked to my girlfriend a lot but it seems important to her to "respect traditions" and it seems to be "the very average in the village". It's hard to believe when you see how poor these people are.

Any opinion?

[AdventureAsia]

Ok yet another thread about sinsod ... I spent a lot of time reading through them and trying to find all sorts of informations about it because I am currently wondering how to feel about the way my thai wedding seems to be going to happen. And yet I didn't find my answer yet so let me present it to you and please give me some feedback.

My girlfriend is 26 like I am, she is from Isaan part of Thailand. She comes from a farmer family, which is quite poor. She has a university degree and had a good job which she quit to visit me for 3 months. We love each other very much and just a few weeks ago, I decided to propose her.

I have been married to a thai woman before (whose parents didn't ask for sinsod because they liked me), and know quite a lot about their culture, but still in this situation i am lost.

When came the moment to discuss the sinsod, which I thought of mainly as a symbol of "readiness" for marriage and, like many wrote in forums, a matter of "face", I proposed (my mistake, maybe) 400,000 baht + gold. It seemed high to me but the reason was that her 2 sisters, married to a thai guy, seemingly paid the same amount (and I don't understand how they managed to with thai wages). When announcing it to the mother, she said she would give half back. That is still a 200,000 baht dowry that goes out of my purse.

Thinking it altogether, I think I have shown that I am responsible and can take care of their daughter. I paid for her plane tickets and cared for her when she quit her job to visit me, as I think this is fair seeing the difference in wages in thai/europe, and considering it as a good step for our future. Here, I am also supposed to pay for the plane tickets involved again, support her while she's in Thailand, pay for the gold, the thai ceremony, maybe another ceremony in Belgium.

I am trying my best to respect Thai culture but when I sum up all I have to respond for, it reaches kind of all I could save up to now. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to me that her parents understand the situation or care about helping/giving back most of the dowry like I could read on many posts.

That seems a bit too much to me and to what I could read, I have seen no case (except old man marrying young woman maybe) where such a dowry had to be paid. My girlfriends says she would like our families to be warm, but after this I rather feel very cold with them. I am not sure how to react. I talked to my girlfriend a lot but it seems important to her to "respect traditions" and it seems to be "the very average in the village". It's hard to believe when you see how poor these people are.

Any opinion?

u r getting scammed, i bet she lies about that that's the average payment and she lies about that thai guys pay the same.

Actually its more like 50k baht, my brother paid 30k baht. personally i hate this tradition and think its somehing they do to earn some easy cash from farangs.

[RakJungTorlae]

My X's mom said she take a 1 night stand in exchange of sinsod. As I planed never to marry a Thai I thought it was a good deal.

[jaochainoi]

I don't think she lies. I know her well and she's very trustable. Yet this "smells" and I don't know where it bugs.

Note: after more detailed informations, one sister is married to a chinese guy from a wealthy family, the other confessed that the 500,000 they had when marrying all went away in the ceremony, dowry and others. I don't really wish to "start off from zero" like that, because of unreasonable show-off for the single day of wedding.

[dumball]

I don't think she lies. I know her well and she's very trustable. Yet this "smells" and I don't know where it bugs.

Note: after more detailed informations, one sister is married to a chinese guy from a wealthy family, the other confessed that the 500,000 they had when marrying all went away in the ceremony, dowry and others. I don't really wish to "start off from zero" like that, because of unreasonable show-off for the single day of wedding.

I agree with you because you have no 'Face' to save and will have NO MONEY to start your married life together , it has been noted that sin sod is to show appreciation and commitment to the new brides family , you give this to your WIFE , unless of course you intend to include the whole family and half the village in your future life .

It has also been said that this has been a Thai tradition for a thousand years , hey guys , they gave chickens and goats , i still contend it is all about greed in most instances , but then , there are those that have a ring in their nose to lead them easily to the slaughter . Should they be willing to allow their daughter to marry a foreigner , then they should also be prepared to accept his traditions and respect his wishes , you and your wife are getting married , you should discuss what you will be happy and compatable with . You have no reason to look like 'Mr big' , unless of course , it also suits your own ego .

[RakJungTorlae]

My future wifes family have asked for 100K is this reasonable. Oh and do I get it back or NOT.

Has anyone ever got it back.

You may get half back if your future family in law follows it for tradition Instead of greed..

If its for greed I sugest you dumb her and find a Korean chick as there family will most sertantly give you money in there tradition with lots of gifts..~~~~ trippy hey!!!

Anyone got a problem with this ..well .. K M A!!!!

[TexasRanger]

That seems a bit too much to me and to what I could read, I have seen no case (except old man marrying young woman maybe) where such a dowry had to be paid. My girlfriends says she would like our families to be warm, but after this I rather feel very cold with them. I am not sure how to react. I talked to my girlfriend a lot but it seems important to her to "respect traditions" and it seems to be "the very average in the village". It's hard to believe when you see how poor these people are.

Any opinion?

Just a note as this is apparently a lucky time for marriage and there are ceremonies all over the place here in Issan now (we have 2 in our village today).

Young Thai couple married for the first time, he works overseas in construction and has been saving for a few years, he is paying 200,000 Baht.

This next one surprised me though as so many Thai culture "experts" on here are fond of saying that a previously married woman gets nothing. She is previously married, has a child and is semi litterate, the husband to be is paying 50,000 plus some gold (amount not known yet).

Just an update for all those that think sin sod only applies to Westerners.

[Pakeha]

Rather than start a new thread I'll carry on here. If I did start a new thread it would be called "this thread is not about sinsod. It's about face".

I'm getting married in one month. No sinsod has been discussed and my wife to be certainly thinks it's a silly idea as it would come from 'our' money that we have worked for together over the years. She's pretty tight with our money!

However, when other girls in the family have been married recently (so our nieces) sinsod has been received. Also, when boys have been married (our nephews) they have paid sinsod.

We are paying for the whole wedding ourselves. Now I won't be paying sinsod by way of cash because I somewhat disagree with it, and we do support my partners mum finanically already. However in order to save face for everyone - i.e. ME and mum-in-law-to-be should I make some sort of sinsod gesture? Should I provide gifts (which was my original idea - some fruit, flowers etc.)? I could give money and get it back after but that just seems stupid.

The whole family would know it had been given back so they'd think I'm a mental case. They and the neighbours around the village know what I'm like. They know I'm generous with shouting the beers and buying the kids a few gifts here and there, a modest donation to the Wat, a bottle of good whisky for the men in the family when I visit etc. But they also know I don't intend to act as a cash cow for them and they know my partner works just as hard as me for what we have. I believe we have a pretty good understanding there.

Any thoughts? I don't want to lose my face

[Pierrot]

Well i think its time for such an old tradition to end. Farangs also had tons of lame traditions in the ancients times but at least we manage to put em behind us. I vote no thank you to this 1000 year old thai tradition.

100% agree with you. Now we have prenup signed in front of lawyers and packaged honeymoon , definitively a great progress !

From selected advertisements :

"(The prenup) is about having to communicate and negotiate, which will lay a foundation for your partnership,"

"Coordinating your wedding is expensive, both financially and emotionally. By the time it's over, the married couple is tired....Who doesn't want the most bang for their buck? But at what cost? Does convenience compromise luxury? "

It's true, wedding in the west is all about romance ...

Edited March 8, 2009 by Pierrot

[Heng]

If your finances are a bit tight/you had to quit Thailand because you couldn't cut it here/or you got ripped off by your local spouse or partner (that nevermind you had half the say in beginning and developing the relationship) = log onto TV and whinge about sinsod as much as possible.

[midasthailand]

Sin Sod is not restricted to the rich. I know a girl who's family is poor (rural Isaan) her brother is marrying a Thai girl from the same social stratum and the Sin Sod is 100,000 plus 4 Baht of gold. I showed my friend this thread and she said " If a Farang marries a Farang woman there is no Sin Sod but if they divorce, she gets the lot. If a Farang Marries a Thai girl he pays Sin Sod, but if they get divorced she gets nothing (assuming they own a condo and not a house, which by law he cannot own). Her question, which is cheaper?

[G54]

Remember, she can take your sin-sod and marry you today and leave you tomorrow. No come back at all. You lose every penny / cent / satong in that case.