Next Step In My Life?

[Worldvisitor]

Hello all,

This is my first post, I read many of your posts before submitting one. Since you seem like an enlightened bunch, here I go.

Although I subscribe to the buddhism philosophy, my knowledge of its theory is non-existent, although I've read many books by the Dalai Lama and several others by different "enlightened authors".

As far as I can remember (5-6 years old), I've always felt an unease about the world, as if it was unnatural. I decided anyway to try to fit in and go to university, meet my wife and have a child.

The shift, or was it really just natural inclination came 6 years ago, after several months of unhapiness related mainly to my work.

I started to get into light meditation. I didn't feel it went anywhere at the time become of my non-commitment I suppose.

But shortly after stopping, things started to shift slightly, several things in my life that I deemed important started to waned in importance, you can guess... money, consuming habits, I sold my TV!!!, social gathering, the absolute need of having friends, etc..

Also at that time, I started to travel to South East Asia on a yearly basis. I guess a natural inclination that surfaced. I've been mainly to Burma and Cambodia.

Finally, 6 months ago, I started to meditate seriously 1 hour a day, body awareness one day and stillness with breath awareness the other day. How do I feel now? Well more and more detached from everything, I even contemplate the idea of quitting my work, but I need a backup plan you can imagine; I don't feel interested anymore in the troubles of day.

So I'm at this confusing crossroad in my life, where I am entangled in a family life but self wants not much of the world. To reassure you, I'm not suicidal in any ways, to the contrary I celebrate each day.

It's only that... well what is the next step for me?

Thanks,

P.

[jumnien]

Serve others and be kind to all.

[manjara]

You don't say how old your child is, or what your relationship with your wife is - so I am assuming you have no dependents.

Sounds like you should check in to a Buddhist temple and become a monk for a while. I don't know how much money they would want from you for a year or 2, perhaps nothing, but more likely an amount to cover some expenses.

There is a lack of monks in some of the small village temples (my wife's village only has 1 ageing monk in a fairly large temple).

I don't pretend to understand the path to enlightenment, but in thailand it is quite common for people in your position to go to the temple and work out what they want from their life.

In my opinion the only purpose in our lives is to leave a positive impression on others, whether that is our children, or complete strangers. If the lives of just 2 people are improved because of our own actions, then we have achieved something. Detaching ourselves from our own wants/needs is one thing, but completely isolating oneself from society in general will not benefit anyone.

As the previous poster said, find a way to serve/help others which brings you some level of satisfaction.

Confucius said that 'Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life'

[Worldvisitor]

You don't say how old your child is, or what your relationship with your wife is - so I am assuming you have no dependents.

I have 2 dependents, my daugther is 7 and I have a good relationship with my wife.

I don't pretend to understand the path to enlightenment, but in thailand it is quite common for people in your position to go to the temple and work out what they want from their life.

I suppose this is a good option; I thought about a 10 day vipassana retreat in belgium.

Detaching ourselves from our own wants/needs is one thing, but completely isolating oneself from society in general will not benefit anyone.

Well if you become a monk, and meditate toward better humanism, you are providing benefits.

As the previous poster said, find a way to serve/help others which brings you some level of satisfaction.

Confucius said that 'Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life'

I agree with this, leaving a good impression is the only thing. I gues Confucius touches the nerve, my job, which I don't like. but then the implications are great.

P.

[IMA_FARANG]

Hello all,

This is my first post, I read many of your posts before submitting one. Since you seem like an enlightened bunch, here I go.

Although I subscribe to the buddhism philosophy, my knowledge of its theory is non-existent, although I've read many books by the Dalai Lama and several others by different "enlightened authors".

As far as I can remember (5-6 years old), I've always felt an unease about the world, as if it was unnatural. I decided anyway to try to fit in and go to university, meet my wife and have a child.

The shift, or was it really just natural inclination came 6 years ago, after several months of unhapiness related mainly to my work.

I started to get into light meditation. I didn't feel it went anywhere at the time become of my non-commitment I suppose.

But shortly after stopping, things started to shift slightly, several things in my life that I deemed important started to waned in importance, you can guess... money, consuming habits, I sold my TV!!!, social gathering, the absolute need of having friends, etc..

Also at that time, I started to travel to South East Asia on a yearly basis. I guess a natural inclination that surfaced. I've been mainly to Burma and Cambodia.

Finally, 6 months ago, I started to meditate seriously 1 hour a day, body awareness one day and stillness with breath awareness the other day. How do I feel now? Well more and more detached from everything, I even contemplate the idea of quitting my work, but I need a backup plan you can imagine; I don't feel interested anymore in the troubles of day.

So I'm at this confusing crossroad in my life, where I am entangled in a family life but self wants not much of the world. To reassure you, I'm not suicidal in any ways, to the contrary I celebrate each day.

It's only that... well what is the next step for me?

Thanks,

P.

Are you satisfied with your life and it's direction?

If you are not, why not?

If you are not satisfied, how would you change that?

Don't ask others for answers, the only answers are in your heart.

Look there.

A clue: there is no liberation outside of everyday life.

Or also:

There are but three things to practice.

Simplicity, understanding, and compassion

These three are your greatest treasures.

Simplicity and clarity in your speech and actions (right action).

Thus your words and your practice are united as one

Understandung in deed and practice (right thinking)

By this all beings are reconciled as one.

Compassion in deeds and action (right practice)

In this all beings are treated well and fairly.

Follow these three treasures, and you will gain wisdom and merit

Not my words or thoughts but those of Ahjan Chah.

[jumnien]

Do your duty. If you don't know what your duty is, find out. Above all, get a teacher or guide. Do not go it alone in spiritual matters.

[Brucenkhamen]

As you have dependants and your family life is good you shouldn't be thinking of doing anything as drastic as becoming a monk.

Meditating for an hour a day is a good first step, the next step is doing some retreats. You should be able to integrate a couple of 9-10 day retreats a year into a life of work and family. Hopefully the retreats will deepen your practice so that that you can continue to deepen your path in your day to day life.

If you need recommendations on centres close to your home let us know.

[camerata]

The shift, or was it really just natural inclination came 6 years ago, after several months of unhapiness related mainly to my work.

I started to get into light meditation. I didn't feel it went anywhere at the time become of my non-commitment I suppose.

But shortly after stopping, things started to shift slightly, several things in my life that I deemed important started to waned in importance, you can guess... money, consuming habits, I sold my TV!!!, social gathering, the absolute need of having friends, etc..

Also at that time, I started to travel to South East Asia on a yearly basis. I guess a natural inclination that surfaced. I've been mainly to Burma and Cambodia.

It sounds like you are looking for an escape from the world, and particularly your job. I think the real "power" of the Buddha's teachings are that they help us deal with the world rather than escape it. I don't think you can even contemplate leaving your wife and child, even though the Buddha himself did this (!). It would be better to use the teachings to gain more equanimity in your daily life. On the mundane level, you might seriously try and find a job that you enjoy.

You might also want to expand your reading. There's a lot more out there in addition to what the Dalai Lama has written. Make sure you have the basics covered as well as specific topics. Since you are visiting Burma and Cambodia, it would be useful to read some books by Theravadin teachers too.

[Worldvisitor]

It sounds like you are looking for an escape from the world, and particularly your job

Not an escape from the world, but mainly of my work. I love the world. You need to know that I'm an avid musician, I quit music to finish up university, that's something I've been carrying all my life. That's probably the main reason of my lingering unhapiness.

I agree that I should pursue occasional retreats, I already have one scheduled in December.

And what should I read at this point? Anything specific?

Thanks, P.

[Worldvisitor]

Hello all,

This is my first post, I read many of your posts before submitting one. Since you seem like an enlightened bunch, here I go.

Although I subscribe to the buddhism philosophy, my knowledge of its theory is non-existent, although I've read many books by the Dalai Lama and several others by different "enlightened authors".

As far as I can remember (5-6 years old), I've always felt an unease about the world, as if it was unnatural. I decided anyway to try to fit in and go to university, meet my wife and have a child.

The shift, or was it really just natural inclination came 6 years ago, after several months of unhapiness related mainly to my work.

I started to get into light meditation. I didn't feel it went anywhere at the time become of my non-commitment I suppose.

But shortly after stopping, things started to shift slightly, several things in my life that I deemed important started to waned in importance, you can guess... money, consuming habits, I sold my TV!!!, social gathering, the absolute need of having friends, etc..

Also at that time, I started to travel to South East Asia on a yearly basis. I guess a natural inclination that surfaced. I've been mainly to Burma and Cambodia.

Finally, 6 months ago, I started to meditate seriously 1 hour a day, body awareness one day and stillness with breath awareness the other day. How do I feel now? Well more and more detached from everything, I even contemplate the idea of quitting my work, but I need a backup plan you can imagine; I don't feel interested anymore in the troubles of day.

So I'm at this confusing crossroad in my life, where I am entangled in a family life but self wants not much of the world. To reassure you, I'm not suicidal in any ways, to the contrary I celebrate each day.

It's only that... well what is the next step for me?

Thanks,

P.

Are you satisfied with your life and it's direction?

If you are not, why not?

If you are not satisfied, how would you change that?

Don't ask others for answers, the only answers are in your heart.

Look there.

A clue: there is no liberation outside of everyday life.

Or also:

There are but three things to practice.

Simplicity, understanding, and compassion

These three are your greatest treasures.

Simplicity and clarity in your speech and actions (right action).

Thus your words and your practice are united as one

Understandung in deed and practice (right thinking)

By this all beings are reconciled as one.

Compassion in deeds and action (right practice)

In this all beings are treated well and fairly.

Follow these three treasures, and you will gain wisdom and merit

Not my words or thoughts but those of Ahjan Chah.

Thanks everyone for you answers, actually all the answers are there. Also it's in my heart, and I know exactly what my heart wants, I have then to reconcile this with my reality.

P.

[rockyysdt]

I agree that I should pursue occasional retreats, I already have one scheduled in December.

And what should I read at this point? Anything specific?Thanks, P.

Hi P.

Half the battle is being aware of your actions and why you choose them.

You appear to be very self aware, and this will assist you to avoid making rash or incorrect decisions.

I envy your planned retreat for December.

Retreats involve intensive periods of silent meditation.

I'd be working on perfecting my sitting position, as poor posture can lead to physical pain and muscular tension, both hindering your progress.

My philosophy is to be in a seated position and at one with gravity.

A position in which you can totally relax all muscle groups.

The Buddha was given a bushel of straw with which he was able to raise his hips, achieving a more comfortable lotus position.

You might experiment with cushions and or a kneeling stool.

I've attached a photo of a kneeling stool I built myself with inspitation from forum members.

It allows a three pointed foundation (two knees and your bottom) but takes the weight off your legs.

When you kneel you tuck your legs underneath. The seat has a forward slope allowing you to achieve a spinal posture in balance with gravity.

I've learned that any tension in the body will lead to activity in the mind.

A deeply relaxed body will automatically quieten the mind.

The best way to be at one with gravity is to lie on your back, but an upright seated position is superior as it allows the chackras to be correctly aligned.

The problem with the lotus position is that for many westerners, it leads to leg cramping and muscle tension.

Sorting out your meditative posture will give you the edge and maximise your experience during an intensive retreat.

I recommend reading "The Posture of Meditation", by Will Johnson

Rocky

Edited October 9, 2008 by rockyysdt

[Worldvisitor]

The problem with the lotus position is that for many westerners, it leads to leg cramping and muscle tension

Thanks for the tips; but I can only meditate on a chair, the vipassana retreats are well aware of westerner problems, so they provide simple chairs.

I might build your kneeling stool, I'll let you if I do.

I did try the lotus position for a week with my hips elevated. It didn't do much good for my lower back...

From what I can gather around, the lotus position is not a necessity. The important thing as you mentioned, is not to feel any muscular tension.

P.

[rockyysdt]

The problem with the lotus position is that for many westerners, it leads to leg cramping and muscle tension

Thanks for the tips; but I can only meditate on a chair, the vipassana retreats are well aware of westerner problems, so they provide simple chairs.I might build your kneeling stool, I'll let you if I do.

I did try the lotus position for a week with my hips elevated. It didn't do much good for my lower back...

From what I can gather around, the lotus position is not a necessity. The important thing as you mentioned, is not to feel any muscular tension.

P.

I had the same problem P.

Even after 10 months of hip stretching and use of cushions I couldn't maintain lotus without considerable muscle tension.

Here is a link to assist with with building a seiza chair.

http://www.digitalunleashed.com/downloads/...ion%20Bench.pdf

I like to use hardwood, but if you're travelling consider pine for lightness, and hinges to fold back the legs.

If you're taller than 5ft 5in add 3cm to the height of the legs.

I started my meditation using a simple chair and continued this for many years.

I eventually became rigid with my practice and tended to avoid other postures for fear of disrupting my practice.

I remember a story about a novice meditator who was instructed by his teacher to practice meditation using a specific technique.

Each day he'd report to his teacher until after some months he had achieved a deep level of experience.

One day the teacher instructed him to abandon everything he had been taught and to begin practicing with a totally different technique. Alarmed that he would have trouble meditating, he begrudgingly obeyed.

To his surprise he soon overcame any set back and went on to experience deeper levels.

He learned to overcome fear and attachment and was able to meditate more easily in uncontrolled environments.

I suspect that unless a chair is ergonomically designed to correctly support the spine, it leads to slumping forward, compression of the stomach and or produces a posture against the force of gravity causing muscle tension.

The Seiza position gives the stable three pointed foundation shared by the lotus position, whilst allowing the spine to adopt a free natural and resilient alignment. Our spines have a natural curvature. By constantly rocking over time from side to side, and backwards & forwards in ever decreasing circles you'll achieve further refinement of the ideal position. This ideal position will never be fully achieved and changes over time, but minute refinement towards the ideal will accelerates ones experience. Seiza overcomes the leg cramping but if you're worried about knee soreness you can practice on a 2 inch thick sorbethane mat.

The most important thing which you will gain is total muscle relaxation by not fighting against the force of gravity.

Total muscle relaxation automatically leads to the silencing of the mind.

Edited October 10, 2008 by rockyysdt

[camerata]

Not an escape from the world, but mainly of my work. I love the world. You need to know that I'm an avid musician, I quit music to finish up university, that's something I've been carrying all my life.

Sorry, by "world" I really meant the 9-5 humdrum existence that we are all obliged to live to some extent or other.

And what should I read at this point? Anything specific?

For a "nuts and bolts" book, try Ven. Gunaratana's Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness. For an inspiring book, try Ajahn Sumedho's The Mind and the Way.

[Worldvisitor]

Not an escape from the world, but mainly of my work. I love the world. You need to know that I'm an avid musician, I quit music to finish up university, that's something I've been carrying all my life.

Sorry, by "world" I really meant the 9-5 humdrum existence that we are all obliged to live to some extent or other.

And what should I read at this point? Anything specific?

For a "nuts and bolts" book, try Ven. Gunaratana's Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness. For an inspiring book, try Ajahn Sumedho's The Mind and the Way.

Thanks a lot, I'll get the books.

P.

[Worldvisitor]

The problem with the lotus position is that for many westerners, it leads to leg cramping and muscle tension

Thanks for the tips; but I can only meditate on a chair, the vipassana retreats are well aware of westerner problems, so they provide simple chairs.I might build your kneeling stool, I'll let you if I do.

I did try the lotus position for a week with my hips elevated. It didn't do much good for my lower back...

From what I can gather around, the lotus position is not a necessity. The important thing as you mentioned, is not to feel any muscular tension.

P.

I had the same problem P.

Even after 10 months of hip stretching and use of cushions I couldn't maintain lotus without considerable muscle tension.

Here is a link to assist with with building a seiza chair.

http://www.digitalunleashed.com/downloads/...ion%20Bench.pdf

I like to use hardwood, but if you're travelling consider pine for lightness, and hinges to fold back the legs.

If you're taller than 5ft 5in add 3cm to the height of the legs.

I started my meditation using a simple chair and continued this for many years.

I eventually became rigid with my practice and tended to avoid other postures for fear of disrupting my practice.

I remember a story about a novice meditator who was instructed by his teacher to practice meditation using a specific technique.

Each day he'd report to his teacher until after some months he had achieved a deep level of experience.

One day the teacher instructed him to abandon everything he had been taught and to begin practicing with a totally different technique. Alarmed that he would have trouble meditating, he begrudgingly obeyed.

To his surprise he soon overcame any set back and went on to experience deeper levels.

He learned to overcome fear and attachment and was able to meditate more easily in uncontrolled environments.

I suspect that unless a chair is ergonomically designed to correctly support the spine, it leads to slumping forward, compression of the stomach and or produces a posture against the force of gravity causing muscle tension.

The Seiza position gives the stable three pointed foundation shared by the lotus position, whilst allowing the spine to adopt a free natural and resilient alignment. Our spines have a natural curvature. By constantly rocking over time from side to side, and backwards & forwards in ever decreasing circles you'll achieve further refinement of the ideal position. This ideal position will never be fully achieved and changes over time, but minute refinement towards the ideal will accelerates ones experience. Seiza overcomes the leg cramping but if you're worried about knee soreness you can practice on a 2 inch thick sorbethane mat.

The most important thing which you will gain is total muscle relaxation by not fighting against the force of gravity.

Total muscle relaxation automatically leads to the silencing of the mind.

Thanks that really interesting. I will try it.

P.

[sabaijai]

It sounds like you are looking for an escape from the world, and particularly your job

Not an escape from the world, but mainly of my work. I love the world. You need to know that I'm an avid musician, I quit music to finish up university, that's something I've been carrying all my life. That's probably the main reason of my lingering unhapiness.

I agree that I should pursue occasional retreats, I already have one scheduled in December.

And what should I read at this point? Anything specific?

Thanks, P.

What about music? Any chance of getting back into that? Not necessarily performance, if that's not practical for you, but a job related to the music industry.

[Worldvisitor]

It sounds like you are looking for an escape from the world, and particularly your job

Not an escape from the world, but mainly of my work. I love the world. You need to know that I'm an avid musician, I quit music to finish up university, that's something I've been carrying all my life. That's probably the main reason of my lingering unhapiness.

I agree that I should pursue occasional retreats, I already have one scheduled in December.

And what should I read at this point? Anything specific?

Thanks, P.

What about music? Any chance of getting back into that? Not necessarily performance, if that's not practical for you, but a job related to the music industry.

Well I'm currently writing material and will put up a website, but working in the music industry...never they're not interested in music just profits.