Thai marriage

[thaisabai]

I am together with a Thai girl from Khorat since 2 years. love her very much and believe I want to marry her one day. she has been married, is divorced and has a son, who calls me Papa. despite her taking the pill whenever I come to Thailand, I managed to get her pregnant during my 2 months stay. we discussed solutions, but she hardly speaks nglish and is worried about her father, having a baby and not being married. Can I get away with a non-binding Thai wedding at her home place with monks etc...? How much do I pay her father? Is he the one who decides how much to pay? I am just not 100% ready yet for a legal wedding. Would like to wait until she speaks nglish and I speak Thai better. Anyone any experience with this sort of problem?

[Edward B]

she hardly speaks nglish

Would like to wait until she speaks nglish and I speak Thai better.

So, how do you communicate with each other? Could be the reason she's pregnant. ???

We need more info (eg. ages) before we can advise. There's many threads here about dowries too.

Also, what do you mean by "get away with..."???

[lopburi3]

She is afraid of father but has spent two years with you and her son calls you papa?  Something does not add up.  Obviously father must know what has been going on and she is already divorced with child so no sin sot 'should' be expected.

I am sure a traditional wedding would be appreciated if you are up for it.

[foolwholaughsatdeath]

My situation is somewhat similar.  I had been with my girlfriend from Khorat (who speaks english, but had never been married or had a boyfriend) for a little over a year when I got her pregnant (despite using birth control too).  I wasn't sure at the time if I wanted to get married or not so it was pretty stressful.  But I also was worried about her reputation and what she was going through.  We discussed solutions and I was willing to support whatever decision she made.  She knew I wasn't ready to get married just yet, but  I promised to take care of her and the baby no matter what.  

She eventually decided that she wanted an abortion and we looked into finding a hospital or clinic that would perform one.  Abortion is illegal here, but like anything else, if you have money and connections, exceptions are made.  My gf is a nurse so it wasn't too much trouble to find a clinic.  Abortions were 6000 baht at the time.  We went to two appointments and had made payments when my gf got a sudden change of heart, so we needed to find a new solution.  Again I wasn't ready to get married so we needed to be somewhat creative.

I ended up buying her a gold diamond ring, and she told her friends and family that we planned to get married, but not in Thailand but in the U.S., next year.  We then had a tam boon ceremony (making merit) which is not a wedding, but was an occasion for her to invite all her co-workers, family, and friends and show them that our relationship was serious.  We had it at local wat in Khorat and the cost of the ceremony and feeding about 100 monks and people was around 8000 baht.  

Another reason for not marrying your girl in Thailand is that she will basically lose her right to own property here.  A lot of well-educated thais who marry farang men, get married abroad but never register their marriage here for that very reason.  Something else to bring up if you don't want to get married now.  

Anyway, despite some moments of severe stress, everything is fine now.  And even though we are not legally married yet, her reputation was saved and no one gossips or slanders about her.  The best part is we now have a gorgeous 5 month baby girl.

Hope this might help you out.

[buasaard]

Another reason for not marrying your girl in Thailand is that she will basically lose her right to own property here

This is not true anymore. Infact now a thai citizen can own land but her husband must declare that the land has been bought with her own money.

See http://www.phuketgazette.com/issuesanswers...ails.asp?id=431

Would like to wait until she speaks nglish and I speak Thai better

Maybe you will have to wait long expecially because you are living in Thailand.

It's my experience as I've been married with a thai woman for 16 years now and we live in my country (Italy).

We know a lot of thai people here and very few of them can speak a good italian. Most of them have sons and daughters and have difficulty to communicate with them.

My wife eventually learned an understandable italian after about 10 years that she lived here and only after attending a school.

Now she's one of the girl that speaks better italian (but only understandable italian).

After one year I understood that we couldn't stay together without understanding (had a lot of arguments because didn't understand each other) and learned thai language much quicker than she learned italian.

Maybe english is easier...

despite her taking the pill whenever I come to Thailand, I managed to get her pregnant during my 2 months stay

Maybe she didn't take the pill and thought "Only a few days mai pen rai".

[wolf5370]

I married my first wife - a farang - at 18 y/o when she fell pregnant. She had lied to me about being on the pill - she even showed me the blister pack with the pills missing - but threw them away. Married her because I was young, naïve and thought it was the honourable thing to do. I have made many really stupid decisions in my life, but they all fade into insignificance against that one. Worst 18 months of my life (divorce took longer than the marriage lasted!). Can’t stress enough, do not marry for nobility, marry because you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her.

As a divorcee and a mother, she requires no dowry. Her first husband would have paid this if it was necessary. Pay for the wedding/party by all means if you decide to go ahead, but no need for ‘sin sot’.

Why get married now? If you love her, but are not ready to make a binding commitment, then get a blessing or have a family (unregistered) wedding just to keep her from further shame.  

I believe she can buy land (Thai spouse) as long as you make a written pledge (contract?) that states that the land is hers and you have no claim to it. Thus, following a divorce, it belongs to her solely (in fact it does from day one).

[pnustedt]

Seems to me that your not taking your responsibilities seriously. You seem to be concerned about the semantics of the wedding and losing face.

You are to become a father and you have a responsibility for the upbringing of your child. The baby isn't going to wait for you to learn Thai or her to learn English!

[Mali]

Been with her for 2 yrs and she hardly speaks English.

I think she is too stupid to be save, if after 2 years with you and still can't speak much English; assuming that you have tried your mighty hard to teach her. Maybe you should ask yourself that will she ever be up to your standard. No matter how much you think you love her (or how good the sex is), you will never pull yourself to marry this uneducated Issan girl. Pygmalion or my fair lady is just an old man fantacy.

[meow_mee]

Been with her for 2 yrs and she hardly speaks English.

I think she is too stupid to be save, if after 2 years with you and still can't speak much English; assuming that you have tried your mighty hard to teach her.

mee try mighty hard speak engish too..but me english not good still...maybe is a fantacy?

[pnustedt]

I think she is too stupid

Yeah, but he doesn't seem to be the sharpest tool in the toolshed - maybe a match made in Heaven?

[chonabot]

Been with her for 2 yrs and she hardly speaks English.

I think she is too stupid to be save, if after 2 years with you and still can't speak much English; assuming that you have tried your mighty hard to teach her. Maybe you should ask yourself that will she ever be up to your standard. No matter how much you think you love her (or how good the sex is), you will never pull yourself to marry this uneducated Issan girl. Pygmalion or my fair lady is just an old man fantacy.

Hmmm , one of the worst post replies I have ever read.

The uneducated can be educated , hence the terrible grammar in Mali's post. Re-read Pygmalion ,Mali , maybe you missed the point of Shaw's tour-de-force.

Thaisabai , you need to do some soul searching and look at some of the decent post replies.

Do you want her to leave Thailand , do you want to live in Thailand? The welfare of your child is more important than loss of face/dowry.

Good Luck!

btw it's nice to be back

[Kan Win]

Hi Thai Sabai,

but she hardly speaks nglish

Would like to wait until she speaks nglish and I speak Thai better.

 Anyone any experience with this sort of problem?

Yes, Her nglish ? What language is this? Better learn more Thai (this will help you a great deal) and do the right thing by her (Tam Boon with all the timmings in a Wat)

::

LOL

(This is the first day of the rest of your life) (Love Story - the Movie)

From : The Land of Peace and Love

Kan Win

:cool:

[Mali]

Hi Chonabot,

I am sorry about my broken English post. I am still learning. I wouldn't mind if you can correct it and post a better grammar version online. I will help me to be a better English writer one of these days. I  guessed my satire did not come through due to the not so good English. At any rate, I am glad that it has generated few replies.

It is obvious that English is not my first language. However, I am standing by my opinion about what I think may be the true feeling of Thaisabai. Is it possible that he is not serious about that poor Issan girl? Sometimes people just try to come up with some reasons to justify what they want to do or have done. He may just want to have cheap clean sex (compare to those disease ridden bar girls) with her but feel guilty about using this poor uneducated woman for his own pleasure. If you read his article between the lines, you may find that he was more worried about himself and his money than his Issan woman.

As some farangs in this site had pointed out that if one wanted good, cheap clean sex, one should head for small villeges in Issan where the poverty is ramplant and the women are hungry. But there are some draw backs such as language barrier, unwanted or unplanned children, responsibily, as Thaisabai found out. Unlike dealing with the bar girls whom ones can just slam, bang, here is the money, thank you, mamm, ones may experience some problems as Thaisabai.

As someone once said, why buy the cow it you can have the milk for free. May be Thaisabai has to be more honest and tells the poor woman what he really wants.

I am trying by best to write a good English post, but feel free to correct it and post a better version.

Mali

PS. Did you read Bausaard's post? Isn't he great?

[meow_mee]

Why don't you just get neutered?

Wouldn't that would be the cheapest and safest solution?

[plachon]

your English is great mate, it's just your prejudices that suck.

you just try going into an Isaan village looking for "good, clean, cheap sex" and see how far you get. Chok dee hombre! And what kind of "hunger" were you referring to exactly?

[Mali]

Hi Plachon,

I think you misunderstood my article. "looking for cheap clean sex in small Isaan villages was not my idea; I found it in this website when some older expats told the new comer expats."  Thanks for the encouragement about my English.

Mali

[chonabot]

Why don't you just get neutered?

Wouldn't that would be the cheapest and safest solution?

Errrr Bunny boiler troll alert!

[Mali]

Hi Plachon,

Have you ever tried to do that and had no result? In that case, you may need to sharpen your skill. What kind of hunger was it? I could only guess; I would say the basic needs; food, shelter, be loved and someone to love. I would not claim that I understand what poverty is since I have never experienced one. However, I have seen enough while growing up in Thailand. I am sorry if I misunderstood your comment. In general, fairy tales almost always refer to a prince helping a fair lady in distress. However, in Caravelle’s case I think it is the opposite.

[plachon]

Mali, first of all, apologies as I think I may have jumped to conclusions about your gender. Now I realise you're a sweet smelling jasmine flower and not a hairy Latin PCOM (politically correct on a mission), i understand a bit better where you're coming from. And no, I never tried to do "that" (whatever "that" is exactly), as almost from Day 1 in Thailand, I lived in villages observing the score re. cultural and social mores. I think I understand a bit about some of the common Thai misconceptions about farang and farang misconceptions about Thais, which forums like this can sometimes highlight and sometimes reinforce. The trick is to know when comments should be taken with a pinch of salt or when they're serious, which unfortunately can be tricky for non-native speakers. But like I said (sincerely), your English is coming along great, so stick with it.