Biggest **** You've Met On The Road

[ProfessorFart]

Who was the biggest <deleted> you've ever met on your travels?

The one person who will remain in your memory etched in stone, the one person who you wouldn't p*ss on if they were on fire when you met them again...........

I actually have 2 but I'll just give the one for now.

It was was in Ayutthya a couple of years ago. I was on a research trip and a Thai academic who had kindly assisted me in my research had roped me into helping him get some materials for his students. I had all but finished my research and had agreed to help him in his minor project at Wat Pra Si Samphet as a sign of my gratitude for his help.

Along with one of his Phd students and a couple of coolies nabbed from the Palace grounds next door, we were removing a small section of half buried stonework from the site which was to be taken for restoration at his university by his Archaeology students. Not being an Archeologist I left the delicate stuff to them but still had to spend a lot of time scrabbling around in the dirt and getting bitten by ants.

As it was April and hotter than he11, and the work was dirty and heavy at times, I had gone off to get drinks looking somewhat dishevelled in my roughest pair of shorts and oldest t shirt.

As I was returning to the site this English bearded menace in Fisherman's pants sprung from nowhere and came trotting up to me and began to lecture me on how disrespectful I was being by wearing shorts in a holy place in a loud and irritating voice.

When I pointed out that while his sentiments were appreciated, shorts were perfectly suitable attire for ruins, he became enraged and began to bang on about how he'd lived in India for a year, and had been in Thailand for 6 months, and was at one with Asian culture and he then started ordering me to leave the ruins and stop disrespecting the Thai people.

To make matters worse his American girlfriend (also bearded) then joined in. I can't do sound effects on this forum but I'm sure you can imagine the pathetic whining din they were emitting.

Having had experience of this type before I just gritted my teeth, ignored them and carried on my merry way with them following behind. Eventually they gave up the pursuit, let me go and presumably went off to defend the Thais from the shorts and t shirt menace elsewhere in Ayutthya.

About 20 minutes later however my new found chums chanced upon us doing our thing and had a look of absolute horror on their faces to see that I was actually doing something whith Thais in a semi official capacity.

I beckoned them over and offered to show them what was going on but for some reason they'd suddenly lost their interest in defending Thai Buddhism and found some great interest in their sandals and stalked off rapidly from whence they came.

Later that evening I was having a well earned beer with my mentor and his student at Thai Po opposite Wat Ratburana when guess who walked past?

I kid you not, she was carrying a didgeridoo, and he had a small set of bongos sticking out of one of those Monk's bags, and I'll bet all the money I have that they were off for some moonlit temple earth music. Talk about taking the sterotype to the limit. Yet even then after their embarrasment of that afternoon they couldn't resist opening their uninformed gobs.

"Look at that! Drinking alcohol in front of a Buddhist monument! Some people have no respect for the local culture!!"

[cdnvic]

My travels have seen more tw*ts than Patpong in the high season, but the naked kiwi rugby player standing in a rail car full of school kids probably rates highest. (UK, circa '94).

Honorable mentions:

The aussie in Phrae who asked me how much I paid for my wife. (Little bugger sure can run, I'll give him that much ).

The smelly, lazy men in Tachileik trying to sell me a quicky with some underage girl.

The lady on a LAX-Seoul flight who told the flight attendant she didn't want the forgiener sitting near her.

And so many more who've enriched my life by making me thankful I'm not them!

cv

P.S. The above examples are I believe not representitive of their fellow countrymen. I've lived in both Aus, and NZ and find them great people. I've also spent time in Korea without getting brutally stabbed.

[et33.com]

live and let live

let go and forget it

every resentment you have within your heart

is like a rusty needle sticking into your brain cells

makes you go mad when there's beer in the blood...

[igotworms]

Great story Professor.

[Fast Eddie]

A couple of years ago in Chiang Mai i encountered a peculiar French man who i noticed on numerous occasions around town. I would often see him driving around on his motorbike wearing a black bomber jacket and balaclava, which was absurd considering the temperature, never mind how it made him look.

On several occasions he would stop and come into my friends bar, at which point he would usually produce a flashlight from his pocket which he would use to inspect the furthest recesses of the bar before sitting down and ordering a drink.

When speaking to me for the first time, he proceeded to inform me that he was an undercover agent working for Interpol investigating paedaphilia in the north of Thailand. He also claimed that he had been a member of the French Foreign Legion. His story was not very believable, as i'm sure that no undercover agent would go to such great lengths to blow their cover. Incidentally, his drink of choice everytime he came to the bar was Spy.

I tried hard to avoid his attention on the several occasions i encountered him after that as his conversation was very strange and he had a habit of suddenly becoming aggressive and threatening, culminating in one occasion when he more or less accused a good friend of mine, completely out of the blue, of being a paedophile before hitting him in the face, pulling on his balaclava, and storming off the premises.

Quite amusingly i saw him at a later date getting a dose of his own medicine from a group of scandanavians who he had obviously tried the same thing with. A very strange guy, who is at number 1 in my list of clowns i've met on my travels.

[ProfessorFart]

Hahahaha!! It wasn't Pvt Dick was it!!??

[lowersmiths]

My vote has to go to an Aussie prick on the night ferry between Surathani and Kho Pan Yang.

It was sweltering, and every berth on the ship was taken. There is a fan between every pair of shared matresses, which is plugged into a single socket directly beneath it.

Now this shaven-headed, baggy pants wearing, tribal-tattooed ###### was right at the end of the boat (and jesus did his grating voice carry)

When it was dark and the boat was underway he crept along the boat and unplugged a western woman's fan and put his battery charger in.

The woman saw this and when the prick went back to his own bed (with his fan still on obviously) she took it straight out and put the fan back on.

When dawn broke, he came over and shouted WHO TOOK MY BATTERY CHARGER OUT?? I NEED MY WALKMAN AND THOSE BATTERIES NEEDED A GOOD ZAPPING.

Everybody just looked gone out at the moron before he sat back down (nearly in tears).

What an idiot.

[cdnvic]

When dawn broke, he came over and shouted WHO TOOK MY BATTERY CHARGER OUT?? I NEED MY WALKMAN AND THOSE BATTERIES NEEDED A GOOD ZAPPING.

Everybody just looked gone out at the moron before he sat back down (nearly in tears).

What an idiot.

"It's all about me" seems all too common an attitude lately. Even ten yrs or so ago 'backpackers' were independant travellers. Nowadays so many of them are whining prats who can't take care of themselves, let alone deal properly with other travellers.

cv

[Khutan]

cdnvic, I think honorable mentions are the go....

The best is this idiot teacher at XYZ school who likes a tipple at lunch time and even at morning tea time.

I like the odd spot, but ###### this guy has a bender in the middle of the day whoops

sad part is the idiot doesn't realise most of the kids parents are high ranking Govt officials. So the day I read XXX-YYY has been sent to IDC for deportation, I wouldn't even think twice.

The others co to certain "professional drivers" you see in Thailand, who need 5 - 8 meters of clearance when they pass someone who is on the left. I mean think of it, a truck is parked on the side of the road, and other drivers need to swerve 5 meters or more to pass them... how wide do they think their vehicle is.

The last one as a group is upcountry motorcycle drivers. Their driving habbits astonisk me. Well I can't be too sad, look at the death toll for these people, but as an example, cutting-off the XXXThani - Bangkok bus when you are travelling 25km/h slower and giving less than 5 meters warning......

They are mine.

[350torana]

Worst person i have met on the road.... Flying Bkk to Dubai with Thai International. Have a toddler who is active and loves to cause trouble,I accept some ppl want to sleep but controlling a toddler is not an easy task. But, the English woman who said" keep your half breed under control " I was shocked. My wife told the Thai staff and she got really shitty service for the rest of the flight , stupid cow.

[Guest dr farty]

Who was the biggest <deleted> you've ever met on your travels?...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

After reading some of your pompous, self-indulgent ramblings on this forum, I feel obliged to nominate you as a likely contender.

[ProfessorFart]

Sadly though we've never met as I don't go to boy bars.

[cdnvic]

Sadly though we've never met as I don't go to boy bars.  

sucks to get burned on the first post eh?

[donna]

For me it would have to be a Dutch guy who I came across in Sumatra. We were crammed into a coaster bus from Padang to Lake Toba. About 13 hours in all I think. He had this stupid stick thing and had to disrupt the whole bus to put the thing on the top luggage rack and told everyone not to touch it as he got it from Siberut Island and it was very special to him.

I was sitting up the back chatting to the bus staff, listening to crappy Diana Ross songs (the locals tape, my walkman - just want to clarify that) and making the best of the long journey.

We got off for lunch, and I proceeded to get some great Sumatran food. He asked me what I was eating and I told him what it was. He proceeded to tell me what crap I was eating and that I should eat nasi goreng! I told him to shove his nasi boring right up his clack.

He then proceeded to tell me that whilst on Siberut Island he felt so good because he donated all of his medical kit to the local indigenous people. I was feeling like a bit of a stirrer at this stage because he had been driving me crazy with his loud voice and carry on, so I asked him why he donated this kit. He told me that so many people died every year from diarrhea (spelling) and that we should all give them immodium and all of our pain killers such as panadol. I don't feel that this is necessary, and most indigenous people don't react well to this sort of medication because they have never had it before. And they also have natural cures for such problems (God, even here we do).

I did not go to Siberut Island, but I told him that I did not feel that we should be donating such things as they have the potential to harm them more than anything because they will be used in wrong quantities etc.

The guy drove me crazy with his 'world knowledge', slagging off of any nationality if you weren't Dutch, and I was glad to wake him up at 4am when I was leaving for the next part of my journey just to say goodbye to him.

Oh yeah. He left that ###### stick on the bus, too. And didn't we all know about it!

[ZOVOX]

I once met this german guy, about 60 years of age, on my visa run to penang by train. The guy could only speak German and thai, and insisted on talking to every foreigner on the train, even though no one could understand him and were trying to ignore him. I had learnt a little bit of german at school and picked up a little thai whilst living here, so i kinda understood what he was trying to say, so out of sympathy i spoke to him a little. But then he decided to lift up his trousers and show me his scabby, wrinkly legs - apparently, he had some kind of skin infection. God, I nearly puked !!!

[donna]

Eeeeew!

[NedKelly]

I kid you not, she was carrying a didgeridoo, and he had a small set of bongos sticking out of one of those Monk's bags, and I'll bet all the money I have that they were off for some moonlit temple earth music. Talk about taking the sterotype to the limit. Yet even then after their embarrasment of that afternoon they couldn't resist opening their uninformed gobs.

Professor fart

This is typical.......all these freaks you see around ...hahah....I have to laugh atmyself saying something like that.......anyway, these hippies are always so sure they are politically correct and know everything........the woman was carrying a Didgeridoo..........for the Aboriginal people in Australia it is Taboo for a woman to touch one !!! So what in the &*^%&^ was she doing carrying one !??? Stupid turd is all I could say !!

[jackr]

For me it would have to be a Dutch guy who I came across in Sumatra.  We were crammed into a coaster bus from Padang to Lake Toba.  About 13 hours in all I think.  He had this stupid stick thing and had to disrupt the whole bus to put the thing on the top luggage rack and told everyone not to touch it as he got it from Siberut Island and it was very special to him. 

I was sitting up the back chatting to the bus staff, listening to crappy Diana Ross songs (the locals tape, my walkman - just want to clarify that) and making the best of the long journey. 

We got off for lunch, and I proceeded to get some great Sumatran food.  He asked me what I was eating and I told him what it was.  He proceeded to tell me what crap I was eating and that I should eat nasi goreng!  I told him to shove his nasi boring right up his clack. 

He then proceeded to tell me that whilst on Siberut Island he felt so good because he donated all of his medical kit to the local indigenous people.  I was feeling like a bit of a stirrer at this stage because he had been driving me crazy with his loud voice and carry on, so I asked him why he donated this kit.  He told me that so many people died every year from diarrhea (spelling) and that we should all give them immodium and all of our pain killers such as panadol.  I don't feel that this is necessary, and most indigenous people don't react well to this sort of medication because they have never had it before.  And they also have natural cures for such problems (God, even here we do). 

I did not go to Siberut Island, but I told him that I did not feel that we should be donating such things as they have the potential to harm them more than anything because they will be used in wrong quantities etc. 

The guy drove me crazy with his 'world knowledge', slagging off of any nationality if you weren't Dutch, and I was glad to wake him up at 4am when I was leaving for the next part of my journey just to say goodbye to him. 

Oh yeah.  He left that ###### stick on the bus, too.  And didn't we all know about it!

I know a Dutch guy like this, Donna, but pretty sure he's not the one, although very similar with his dislike for any nation. Where do they get the notion they are some sort of superior race? Obviously just a few bad apples because the Dutch are generally a good bunch. If you meet him again, just ask him where abouts in Germany did he say he was from.

[ronnoi]

Who was the biggest &lt;deleted&gt; you've ever met on your travels?

The one person who will remain in your memory etched in stone, the one person who you wouldn't p*ss on if they were on fire when you met them again...........

I actually have 2 but I'll just give the one for now.

It was was in Ayutthya a couple of years ago. I was on a research trip and a Thai academic who had kindly assisted me in my research had roped me into helping him get some materials for his students. I had all but finished my research and had agreed to help him in his minor project at Wat Pra Si Samphet as a sign of my gratitude for his help.

Along with one of his Phd students and a couple of coolies nabbed from the Palace grounds next door, we were removing a small section of half buried stonework from the site which was to be taken for restoration at his university by his Archaeology students. Not being an Archeologist I left the delicate stuff to them but still had to spend a lot of time scrabbling around in the dirt and getting bitten by ants.

As it was April and hotter than he11, and the work was dirty and heavy at times,  I had gone off to get drinks looking somewhat dishevelled in my roughest pair of shorts and oldest t shirt.

As I was returning to the site this English bearded menace in Fisherman's pants sprung from nowhere and came trotting up to me and began to lecture me on how disrespectful I was being by wearing shorts in a holy place in a loud and irritating voice.

When I pointed out that while his sentiments were appreciated, shorts were  perfectly suitable attire for ruins, he became enraged and began to bang on about how he'd lived in India for a year, and had been in Thailand for 6 months, and was at one with Asian culture and he then started ordering me to leave the ruins and stop disrespecting the Thai people.

To make matters worse his American girlfriend (also bearded) then joined in. I can't do sound effects on this forum but I'm sure you can imagine the pathetic whining din they were emitting.

Having had experience of this type before I just gritted my teeth, ignored them and carried on my merry way with them following behind. Eventually they gave up the pursuit, let me go and presumably went off to defend the Thais from the shorts and t shirt menace elsewhere in Ayutthya.

About 20 minutes later however my new found chums chanced upon us doing our thing and had a look of absolute horror on their faces to see that I was actually doing something whith Thais in a semi official capacity.

I beckoned them over and offered to show them what was going on but for some reason they'd suddenly lost their interest in defending Thai Buddhism and found some great interest in their sandals and stalked off rapidly from whence they came.

Later that evening I was having a well earned beer with my mentor and his student at Thai Po opposite Wat Ratburana when guess who walked past?

I kid you not, she was carrying a didgeridoo, and he had a small set of bongos sticking out of one of those Monk's bags, and I'll bet all the money I have that they were off for some moonlit temple earth music. Talk about taking the sterotype to the limit. Yet even then after their embarrasment of that afternoon  they couldn't resist opening their uninformed gobs.

"Look at that! Drinking alcohol in front of a Buddhist monument! Some people have no respect for the local culture!!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

you forgot to pack you AK47?

[sbk]

The israeli guy who snapped his fingers at the older Thai waiter and yelled at him from across the restaurant, "BOY"

[whiteHrs]

The israeli guy who snapped his fingers at the older Thai waiter and yelled at him from across the restaurant, "BOY"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hahahaha thats funny.

I am always verry polite in restaurants etc... you never know what they do to your food in the kitchen .

a simple sign from the waiter is enough to poison your food .

and the story about the dutch guy sounds funny.

I think you should have tryed some nasi goreng ,thats what we always order in holland.its good. I think you just old grumpy man.if that the worst you saw thats nothing.

I was once walking at bkk market with a large bottle of beer.when all of the sudden this guy with his fat ass.bounced me .and my bottle broke on the floor .you dont believe what happend every body begun to shout ,HE YOU ,PICK UP ,HE YOU.

so I thaught ######you ,and made a short run for it to the next street.I saw so many idiots in thailand you wont believe.

you know what I really hate is this whiteboys that come thai with there whitegirlfriends.and really think they cool cause of that.(they think there no sextoerists).eehhh just filty .and many farangs have a attitute in thailand.like look how cool I am being in thailand.and than you have those japs leave there roomdoor open if they have barfined 2 girls.etc.. etc.. and I simply hated all hotelstaff I encountered in thailand ,exept that they make my clothes smell like flowers(walking the street with the smell of a flower) they always asking for money .the only one I give tips is the girls that clean my room etc.. the rest they can have when I bookout .###### greedy people

once I was passing the hall in my hotel,when this whiteguy

[ProfessorFart]

I told him to shove his nasi boring right up his clack.

Clack!! I like that and am going to use it in future!

[samran]

I've posted this before, but it bears repeating:

Funny (and true) story...

I was sitting in a pub back in Melbourne with a couple of mates after just getting back from a year and bit in Thailand during the mid 90's where I had been been studying and then working for a economics and engineering counsulting firm, mainly translating thai to english.

So here I was at the pub, sitting there chatting away with my mates to a couple of English girls who had just spent 8 months in Thailand. Pretending I knew nothing about the place I asked them what it was like. They were telling me about how great the people were how facinating the culture was and how they had immersed themselves in Thailand, especially up in the hilltribe regions.

So, with my mates saying nothing, but with huge grins on their faces, I asked "so you speak a bit of Thai then??" This girl replied "yes...fluently".

Now, let me just stop you all here for a second. A bit of background: I grew up in Australia speaking English. I spoke Thai as well, but mainly to my grandma and aunties and uncles speaking non formal Thai (or gutter thai if you prefer). I had just returned from a year in thailand, 6 months or which was translating documents, where I had learnt my formal thai and to some extent, technical Thai.

On top of that, I am a person when it comes to the Thai language, who still (compared to the average thai) has a loooooooong way to go. So I can watch a current affairs show on Channel 11 here no worries, but watching a soap on channel 3 is still a bit of a struggle. I am pretty good a sucking up to authority now to get what i want, but I can also shout someone down in gutter thai pretty well too.

Back to the pub: So I said to her, "wow thats fantastic!" So I asked her something in Thai (I can't remember what I said, but it was polite). She looked at me confused. I asked her again in Thai...speaking louder and more slowly. Still no response. She looked even more confused and slowly began realising she had been set up from the start.

My mates started laughing their heads off. One of them mentioned that I was half Thai and she was full of "sh*t"

She screamed at me "you aren't Thai" trying to call my bluff blabbled something in what she called "thai". I had no clue what she said (perhaps she is like our current PM who only speak Chiang Mai thai properly...but I digress), I then pulled out some Thai ID and her face went white. My mates laughed even harder.

Needless to say, she got up and stormed off. It was a very very funny night!

[Jockstar]

I've posted this before, but it bears repeating:

Funny (and true) story...

I was sitting in a pub back in Melbourne with a couple of mates after just getting back from a year and bit in Thailand during the mid 90's where I had been been studying and then working for a economics and engineering counsulting firm, mainly translating thai to english.

So here I was at the pub, sitting there chatting away with my mates to a couple of English girls who had just spent 8 months in Thailand. Pretending I knew nothing about the place  I asked them what it was like. They were telling me about how great the people were  how facinating the culture was  and how they had immersed themselves in Thailand, especially up in the hilltribe regions.

So, with my mates saying nothing, but with huge grins on their faces, I asked "so you speak a bit of Thai then??" This girl replied "yes...fluently".

Now, let me just stop you all here for a second. A bit of background: I grew up in Australia speaking English. I spoke Thai as well, but mainly to my grandma and aunties and uncles speaking non formal Thai (or gutter thai if you prefer). I had just returned from a year in thailand, 6 months or which was translating documents, where I had learnt my formal thai and to some extent, technical Thai.

On top of that, I am a person when it comes to the Thai language, who still (compared to the average thai) has a loooooooong way to go. So I can watch a current affairs show on Channel 11 here no worries, but watching a soap on channel 3 is still a bit of a struggle. I am pretty good a sucking up to authority now to get what i want, but I can also shout someone down in gutter thai pretty well too.

Back to the pub: So I said to her, "wow thats fantastic!" So I asked her something in Thai (I can't remember what I said, but it was polite). She looked at me confused. I asked her again in Thai...speaking louder and more slowly. Still no response. She looked even more confused and slowly began realising she had been set up from the start.

My mates started laughing their heads off. One of them mentioned that I was half Thai and she was full of "sh*t"

She screamed at me "you aren't Thai" trying to call my bluff blabbled something in what she called "thai". I had no clue what she said (perhaps she is like our current PM who only speak Chiang Mai thai properly...but I digress), I then pulled out some Thai ID and her face went white. My mates laughed even harder.

Needless to say, she got up and stormed off. It was a very very funny night!

555555555555555555555555

[Khutan]

Needless to say, she got up and stormed off. It was a very very funny night!

I wonder if she knew this Thai : Som-num-na !!!

[chonabot]

The israeli guy who snapped his fingers at the older Thai waiter and yelled at him from across the restaurant, "BOY"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hahahaha thats funny.

I am always verry polite in restaurants etc... you never know what they do to your food in the kitchen .

a simple sign from the waiter is enough to poison your food .

and the story about the dutch guy sounds funny.

I think you should have tryed some nasi goreng ,thats what we always order in holland.its good. I think you just old grumpy man.if that the worst you saw thats nothing.

I was once walking at bkk market with a large bottle of beer.when all of the sudden this guy with his fat ass.bounced me .and my bottle broke on the floor .you dont believe what happend every body begun to shout ,HE YOU ,PICK UP ,HE YOU.

so I thaught ######you ,and made a short run for it to the next street.I saw so many idiots in thailand you wont believe.

you know what I really hate is this whiteboys that come thai with there whitegirlfriends.and really think they cool cause of that.(they think there no sextoerists).eehhh just filty .and many farangs have a attitute in thailand.like look how cool I am being in thailand.and than you have those japs leave there roomdoor open if they have barfined 2 girls.etc.. etc.. and I simply hated all hotelstaff I encountered in thailand ,exept that they make my clothes smell like flowers(walking the street with the smell of a flower) they always asking for money .the only one I give tips is the girls that clean my room etc.. the rest they can have when I bookout .###### greedy people

once I was passing the hall in my hotel,when this whiteguy

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your mind seems to resemble a bad acid trip Bro , take any Ketamine recently?

[RamdomChances]

The biggest **** i've met was in my house.

A while back my nearest neibour poped around cos he had a mate from Pattaya staying with him, fine showed him round, and started having a few drinks. Turns out this gut has a bar in pattaya, and is in the process of being ripped off big time, he he's loaded though (so he say's) cos he can make 2-300,000 bht in england, the only prob is he cant get back cos he's overstayed buy about 2 years and cant afford the money for the fine!! Although his bar is really good and makes lots of money!!

As the night goes on he's getting more self opinonated and starts geting into the all thai women are out for one thing and I'm stupid for buying all the stuff up here. I point out that my mother-in-law gave us the land and house, to which he replys I'm lying cos no my mother-in-law wouldnt of been able to afford the land, house ect and would never give them away for free.

I'm starting to get a bit p1ssed off by now, so tell him to watch his mouth and he should get out of Pattaya more, my mate is doing his best as well. Then he comes out with "what bar did you meet your misses in" ... "Oh she probably did'nt work a bar cos she's a bit fat for it". Now where I come from thats fighting talk and being your typical short bloke, I dont need much asking!! So I oblige him by splitting his nose all over his face and throwing him off my balcony (only 1 floor). My mate goes to see if he's ok and when he comes around a bit he says he wants to call the police!!

Fine I say as the police station is just across the road and they are all cousins of my misses. My mate explains to him how much of a bad idea that would be and takes him to the local hospital for a check up. They kept him over night, last I ever saw of him.... thankfully

[chonabot]

Nice one RC , unfortunately these tw@ts are all too common in Pattaya.

[ProfessorFart]

RC was the first one to do what we all wished we had have done i.e give them a good twatting!!

[RamdomChances]

If I was out somewhere I would of just left, but as it was my house, I thought it better if he left You would'nt belive how much sh1t I got off the misses for doing it, even though he was a twatt and asking for it. Oh well can't please every one