Marriage Proposal

[Eastender]

What is the traditional way to propose marriage? Other than asking her parents I mean. e.g. In the UK we supposedly go down on one knee, offer a ring and say "will you marry me".

How should one traditionally propose to one's TGF?

[GuestHouse]

Ask the girl first then if she accepts speak to her mother.

Normally you will be expected to marry soon after the proposal.

You will also be expected to agree the dowery when you speak to her mother..

[Eastender]

F***, I forgot about the dowry.

[ProfessorFart]

Get saving for those buffalos Eastender!!

[Eastender]

For a girl who is 29 years old, and has lived away from her parents for about 5 to 8 years, do you think talking to her parents (and the dowry) will be 'expected'. I mean, I'm sure it'd be nice, but they don't speak any English, and during our one meeting with the mother she didn't speak any English and seemed quite suspicious of the foreigner.

[lukamar]

For a girl who is 29 years old, and has lived away from her parents for about 5 to 8 years, do you think talking to her parents (and the dowry) will be 'expected'.  I mean, I'm sure it'd be nice, but they don't speak any English, and during our one meeting with the mother she didn't speak any English and seemed quite suspicious of the foreigner.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes....

And you may be in for real Thai Culture Immersion as well.

When we arrived at her parents for this all the relatives had gathered as well. Kind of akin to buying a new car with 35 commissioned salesmen dealing with you.

Don't worry about English... chances are that you will not know what you have agreed to... 5555555 Just try and figure out how many zeroes are at the end.

[Eastender]

How many buffalows is she worth? Do they compare it to her beauty, or intelligence, or maybe my circumstanes (I hope it's either her intelligence or my circustances, and they take my debts into consideration)? How much do buffalows go for?

p.s. Prof Fart, I first 'met' you on the T.T. sereral years ago!

[Eastender]

lukamar. You're scarring me.

Another naive question - do you think my g/f would be happy with a just me and her legal wedding- or is that rediculous?

[lukamar]

lukamar.  You're scarring me.

Another naive question - do you think my g/f would be happy with a just me and her legal wedding- or is that rediculous?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Don't be intimidated, it's not that bad... Pa and Ma wanted 100,000 but settled for 10,000 and a 100,000 Bt loan for a car. They covered all the costs of the wedding out of the 10,000Bt and we gave them the 100,000bt for the car as a gift rather than a dowery payment when they found a car (the car cost a lot more than 100,000 bt) they liked a year later.

Would your GF be happy with you and a a legal wedding is only a question she can answer and i think you should ask her that question. My wife and i wanted a small family wedding so we did not give a lot of warning before we got married.

[ProfessorFart]

Lukamar isn't to far from the truth here. Expect a family gathering when you first meet the folks and there will be family members out for a slice of the pie!

I've been to these types of affairs a good few times with mates and boy was I glad my missus is English. There was some very heavy questioning and on some occasions downright hostility.

What was your old TT handle Eastender?

[Eastender]

Beano. I joined in the good old days, well, about 3 or 4 years ago before I first went east. And now my circumstances have changed a lot. As have many people's I guess.

[Eastender]

Professor, it's nice to see someone on here with an English wife. I get sick of the 'once you're with a Thai woman you'll never go back' attitude.

[ProfessorFart]

Didn't we meet in on a piss up Woodstock/Playskool briefly a few years ago?

[Eastender]

Possibly, cause I went to that T.T. union with my then English, (as me), g/f. I'm sorry but I can't picture tyou or anyone. We were a bit pickled by then as no-one had put out the cactus plant on the table as a sign of where to meet, so met up quite late.

Anyhow, a lot changed for me since then, from travelling, to teaching, to spiltting up, to meeting present g/f.

And now I'm back in Bracknell, on my second bottle of wine!!!

[Khutan]

Thai woman you'll never go back' attitude.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

I thought it was an interesting thread I started.... http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5454&hl=

Now being married and done all that, in the traditional manner, I assume you fine my point of view will have no value.

[ProfessorFart]

At the end of the day Mattnich, Thai, English, Madagascan, Gambian, it doesn't make a jot of difference where a woman comes from. Theres some good and some bad everywhere.

What I find disturbing is this blinkered attitude amongst many Western men that Thai women are better than Western women.

When I read or hear stuff like 'you wouldn't get an English wife to have your shirts ironed and your mangoes peeled' then I know that there are too many blokes in Thailand who've wed for the wrong reason.

Seems to me that many blokes have a bad experience in the West, then head to Thailand and get c*ntstruck by getting a girl many years their junior. They then somehow find it easy to forget about all of the horror stories one hears about Thai women especially those met in bars.

When I hear a bloke saying stupid things about a woman because she is from the West I just remind them that their failed marriage probably wasn't an overly joyous occasion for their ex wife either.

At the end of the day I have met too many blokes in Thailand who've said things like 'Now I've had a Thai I won't go back to a Farang' only to meet them again and hear their tales of woe from their failed exploits with Thai women.

Only a total cretin would really think that a woman makes a better choice of wife on the strength of her nationality.

Thats my ten cents worth on that matter. Now back to proposals.........

[sua yai]

Exactly, back to proposals.

Just ask her - that's all that's necessary.

It's a difficult one, but if the family get in the way then you'll quickly find out where you stand.

[RamdomChances]

As far as I'm aware traditionaly, there is no great thing about asking the girl to marry you more like you just talk together and if you both want to get married, then you tell your parents. Then usually it would be your parents and her parents that would get together and discuss how much sin sod (dowry) and when it would be (usually consulting a monk to get an auspicious day). Then would come the engagment party, where the gold part of the dowry would be given with a small party, followed later by the wedding cerimony. The actual regestration can take place at any time, or not at all and is no big deal here.

Proff Fart I agree totally there are good and bad women everywhere (same with men), to marry someone based on their nationality is crazy, then again I'v seen many a posting along the lines of " I wont marry a thai cos I'm not going to buy a wife!!!" sin sod is just part of the tradition here, admitdly it does get twisted sometimes where a falang is concerned, but then again, if a rich thai man was going to marry a poor thai girl he would be expected to give more than a poor thai man!!

Usually it all works out much cheaper than getting married back home anyway, even with the sin sod.

[Heng]

Yeah, usually it's just mutual agreement (and a given that if you've been dating for awhile or sleeping together -with no direct payment involved and not just for fun-... you're going to get married sooner than later), not an actual proposal. So, poor things, they are basically just sitting around waiting with each passing day that you're going to announce that it's time to reserve a hotel ballroom, arrange for the Chinese set dinner, and print invitations, etc.

But if you want to throw in a formal proposal, it wouldn't hurt anything.

[sua yai]

What's the difference between "mia" and "fairn"?

The family over here don't differentiate.

Once you're living in a home together, she's your "mia", come what may, regardless of the legal situation.

[Heng]

In conversational use, 'mia' is less polite than 'fairn.' You can be married and call your wife your 'fairn' (as it doesn't necessarily have to translate to boyfriend/girlfriend).

Country folk though don't seem to consider 'mia' (when referring to one's wife while talking to parents, strangers, or anyone higher up the social hierarchy) impolite use though.

[Eastender]

Thanks for the replies.

The 'Eastender' handle actually relates to where I was living for 1.5 years in Bangkok, the east end in Bangkapi.

Sadly, I'm now about 40km west of London, in Bracknell.

[BadboyBrown]

When i got married, we decided on a dowry of 99,999bht which was just a show for the tradition and 9 being a lucky number, my wifes mum passed away and the father was out off the picture a while ago so he wasnt even consulted about the forthcoming marriage.

After the wedding the 99,999 went into our bedroom draw under lock and key..........

Family that had travelled far or helped out with the preparation for the wedding we helped out, totalling about 5000.

Its a true measure of the girl and the family your marrying into when you get to this stage.

There are some f*****g &lt;deleted&gt; people here......

My wifes younger brother married recently and i was quite shocked to see how his wifes family and neighbours acted............ 30,000 bht was agreed and it was assured that a healthy wedding would have been provided out this.... Whisky and sticky rice........

Just a visit to meet the family can be bad enough. A bg from our village returned with a farrang to meet the family, i felt alot of pity for him.... in one night her family and friends gatherd on mass totted up 5000 on alcohol then gave him a lift to the hotel when he was smashed then ran up another 5000 in the hotel bar and restaurant.

Dont be fooled - the dowry is a tradition - if the wedding plan falls inline with tradition you have to take it on the hin otherwise dont have it. Unless you want your bank accounts raped.