Write Your Own Thai Song

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The endless barrage of very similar sounding popular Thai songs has led me to attempt an exhaustive and scientific analysis of them.

Words

There are important several phrases required, which form 80% of all songs. The main ones being:

Chan rak Ter

Kit tung ter

Talot pai

Mia ru ja tam arai

hua jai

mai kaujai

sia jai

Concept

Infatuation with someone else, who unfortunately isn't reciprocating.

Voicing

Imparts impression that the singer is about to break down into tears.

Intonation

Males: Imperative that the singer suddenly shoots up three octaves, as though his <deleted> have been subject to instantaneous high compression.

Females: An impossibly high tone, with a vague "whispering" quality, giving the impression that she is about 13 years old.

Electronic processing

I also suspect that there is a lot of electronic processing in achieving a match between the music key and the singer. I base this on years of aural punishment at the hands of karakoe and sing-a-song girls, who, in spite of being the professionals practicing every night, utterly fail to engage their vocals in the same key as the music.