Please Tell Me What I Am Getting Into... If Possible.

[ITF]

Read if you dare, it's long and personal. If you can bare with it please leave me a comment. If not, please f*ckoff!

Hello everyone, frequent visitor here but have never got personal. Today is that day. I'll jump right into as that is my nature.

I've been to Thailand three times, the first of which was with a Thai born friend so right off the bat I was open to many things about Thai culture. Pre-dating that even, many of my local friends are Lao or Thai born, and I have been very close with them for years ---- meaning, I have a great understanding and appreciation for the culture. Onwards... obviously this is about a female friend I met on one of my visits -- otherwise I would not be seeking "expert" advice.

We met in a round about way.. she was a front desk clerk at a hotel I stayed at while taking leave from my friend on first visit to Thailand. Her english is broken, but easily acceptable.... beyond that, we can speak on things on a deeper level than most females I meet - black, white, hispanic or asian. What I mean to say is we work on a very simiiar wave length. We have had discussions about life and life experiences.. be it relations with opposite sex or just general life experiences, and upon each conversation we have drawn closer. My first vist mainly involved expieriencing the country, both with my friend and with the girl I have met -- to separate myself from the average tourist.. well, let's just say this.. the average tourist pisses me off. If you have spent some time in the country -- which I have done much of by now, I hope you know what I mean -- and you are the type of person I seek advice from.

Onwards and upwards, we have hit it off.. we speak regularly on the telephone when I'm not in the country and when I am, it is life as I hope it would be. The reason for my posting is because of questions that arise when we are apart -- as mentioned, when together life is good.

A history - we are similar in age, her being slightly older.. something we can handle without problem. She's been through marriage, with 1 child, while I have been through semi-marriage (common-law living) for an extended peroid of time. Needless to say we are both emotionally secure in what we want.

Following my first visit, among every day life - she enrolled in a program at one of the Thai Universities. Specifically, Thai massage. She took this very seriously from my understanding, and has graduated both the first and second "levels" (excuse my ignorance, I say levels meaning she has taken more than one course/semester on the subject). Following this I took another trip to Thailand in whch we frequently saw each other - albeit did not stay together every day as I did not want to be a burden on her everyday life staying at her place.

Onwards from this, she has taken a course in German - and since dedicated herself and passed the course. In the back of my head I take this as her wanting to wanting to improve herself so as to be able to leave Thailand so we may be together for more time than my time off work allows.

She is very involved with her family -- parents, uncles, brothers and most importantly to her, and I willl concede - myself -- her daughter who is now 5 years old. She is not from a rich family by any means - but at the same time has never asked me for money.. but I have given some on a few occassions. Of this I am accepting, believe me I know the way foreign money is viewed within Thailand, so it was not done lightly.

I'm sure there is more I could go into, and if you have stuck with me thus far I thank you. I will now ask my main question, and it is this, although multi-parted:

Since passing the University courses (during which she was the eldest in the class but took it in stride) - we have maintained contact on a good level. Beyond this, she has landed a job in Germany as she expected in taking the German language course. Next month, she will travel there -- which obviously means her travel Visa was accepted by the government. She's very busy with preparing for this life changing event, and thus has little time to speak on the telephone. When we do, it is essentially about nothing - and combined with the lack of text/sms messages to me, has made me somewhat wonder --- among other things -- as to how much do I put into this.

We get along great and have shared many stories about life experiences together. When together, we get along great -- I consider myself an expert falang within Thailand now, both thanks to her and my friend, more-so her.

However, the doubt in my head remains -- marriage and life is a long term proposition. Even with her being in Germany we remain far apart -- although not as far. To toot my own horn, I'm an extremely elligable bachelor - I have a great job with a good income, I own property and vehicles. Health care is taken care of, basically I'm in a comfortable position whether we can take it to the next level or not.... and the next level would be what makes me most happy. My reason for posting is - as her flight and life changing trip to Germany approaches, we speak very little on the telephone and I even find her hard to reach, which is unuusal. This is not the first time this has happened - which when so far apart can leave to some doubt -- but at the same time I think to myself -- it's not an easy change in life, and when I am not there life must go on. I used to love it when she'd call, or SMS me - but those days are few and far between.

Am I being paranoid or is it just a hiccup in the path of life? Ask me questions if I have not covered it all - I am very serious about my feelings with her, and I belive her with me --- so it is not a subject I take lightly. I like to know I'm making the right decision about things, yet on this topic I'm not clear. Once again, if you stuck with me this long, I hope to hear your advice.

ITF

(I wrote so much without spell check I just can't proof read it.. apologies for any errors.)

[dinthailand]

Read if you dare, it's long and personal. If you can bare with it please leave me a comment. If not, please f*ckoff!

Hello everyone, frequent visitor here but have never got personal. Today is that day. I'll jump right into as that is my nature.

I've been to Thailand three times, the first of which was with a Thai born friend so right off the bat I was open to many things about Thai culture. Pre-dating that even, many of my local friends are Lao or Thai born, and I have been very close with them for years ---- meaning, I have a great understanding and appreciation for the culture. Onwards... obviously this is about a female friend I met on one of my visits -- otherwise I would not be seeking "expert" advice.

We met in a round about way.. she was a front desk clerk at a hotel I stayed at while taking leave from my friend on first visit to Thailand. Her english is broken, but easily acceptable.... beyond that, we can speak on things on a deeper level than most females I meet - black, white, hispanic or asian. What I mean to say is we work on a very simiiar wave length. We have had discussions about life and life experiences.. be it relations with opposite sex or just general life experiences, and upon each conversation we have drawn closer. My first vist mainly involved expieriencing the country, both with my friend and with the girl I have met -- to separate myself from the average tourist.. well, let's just say this.. the average tourist pisses me off. If you have spent some time in the country -- which I have done much of by now, I hope you know what I mean -- and you are the type of person I seek advice from.

Onwards and upwards, we have hit it off.. we speak regularly on the telephone when I'm not in the country and when I am, it is life as I hope it would be. The reason for my posting is because of questions that arise when we are apart -- as mentioned, when together life is good.

A history - we are similar in age, her being slightly older.. something we can handle without problem. She's been through marriage, with 1 child, while I have been through semi-marriage (common-law living) for an extended peroid of time. Needless to say we are both emotionally secure in what we want.

Following my first visit, among every day life - she enrolled in a program at one of the Thai Universities. Specifically, Thai massage. She took this very seriously from my understanding, and has graduated both the first and second "levels" (excuse my ignorance, I say levels meaning she has taken more than one course/semester on the subject). Following this I took another trip to Thailand in whch we frequently saw each other - albeit did not stay together every day as I did not want to be a burden on her everyday life staying at her place.

Onwards from this, she has taken a course in German - and since dedicated herself and passed the course. In the back of my head I take this as her wanting to wanting to improve herself so as to be able to leave Thailand so we may be together for more time than my time off work allows.

She is very involved with her family -- parents, uncles, brothers and most importantly to her, and I willl concede - myself -- her daughter who is now 5 years old. She is not from a rich family by any means - but at the same time has never asked me for money.. but I have given some on a few occassions. Of this I am accepting, believe me I know the way foreign money is viewed within Thailand, so it was not done lightly.

I'm sure there is more I could go into, and if you have stuck with me thus far I thank you. I will now ask my main question, and it is this, although multi-parted:

Since passing the University courses (during which she was the eldest in the class but took it in stride) - we have maintained contact on a good level. Beyond this, she has landed a job in Germany as she expected in taking the German language course. Next month, she will travel there -- which obviously means her travel Visa was accepted by the government. She's very busy with preparing for this life changing event, and thus has little time to speak on the telephone. When we do, it is essentially about nothing - and combined with the lack of text/sms messages to me, has made me somewhat wonder --- among other things -- as to how much do I put into this.

We get along great and have shared many stories about life experiences together. When together, we get along great -- I consider myself an expert falang within Thailand now, both thanks to her and my friend, more-so her.

However, the doubt in my head remains -- marriage and life is a long term proposition. Even with her being in Germany we remain far apart -- although not as far. To toot my own horn, I'm an extremely elligable bachelor - I have a great job with a good income, I own property and vehicles. Health care is taken care of, basically I'm in a comfortable position whether we can take it to the next level or not.... and the next level would be what makes me most happy. My reason for posting is - as her flight and life changing trip to Germany approaches, we speak very little on the telephone and I even find her hard to reach, which is unuusal. This is not the first time this has happened - which when so far apart can leave to some doubt -- but at the same time I think to myself -- it's not an easy change in life, and when I am not there life must go on. I used to love it when she'd call, or SMS me - but those days are few and far between.

Am I being paranoid or is it just a hiccup in the path of life? Ask me questions if I have not covered it all - I am very serious about my feelings with her, and I belive her with me --- so it is not a subject I take lightly. I like to know I'm making the right decision about things, yet on this topic I'm not clear. Once again, if you stuck with me this long, I hope to hear your advice.

ITF

(I wrote so much without spell check I just can't proof read it.. apologies for any errors.)

from what you say, it sounds a bit like the honeymoon period is over and she is ready to move on.

hope this helps and good luck

hope other posters will come up with something too

[donna]

ITF, i think that she is avoiding you for a reason....and I think that the reason is that she doesnt want to deal with the fact that she is going to Germany to see someone else...

I am not sure how easy it is for a Thai to just 'land a job' in Germany, especially after only just completing her language course.

but I do hope that you manage to pick up the pieces and move on (if, indeed, I am correct in my assumption). remember that not all of us are like this. some of us women really are lovely - it just takes a special person to see that.

[bonobo]

ITF, i think that she is avoiding you for a reason....and I think that the reason is that she doesnt want to deal with the fact that she is going to Germany to see someone else...

I am not sure how easy it is for a Thai to just 'land a job' in Germany, especially after only just completing her language course.

but I do hope that you manage to pick up the pieces and move on (if, indeed, I am correct in my assumption). remember that not all of us are like this. some of us women really are lovely - it just takes a special person to see that.

Without knowing anything about her or anymore than what you have written, my gut feeling is that Donna is correct in her assumption.

[Pakeha]

'Landed a job in Germany'. If I'm going to make a rash judgement based on very little information I would have to say I think Donna is correct... Sorry. And she is also correct about some women being lovely. I've got one of them so there must only be another one left .

Find someone wholly committed to you. Thai women are usually quite full on if they're interested in you.

[loong]

Almost certainly, Donna is right on the button.

I don't think you are as wise to the Thai way as you think- sorry

[BEENTHEREDONETHAT]

Donna is spot on. I'm sure your friend has the ability to contact you. So just drop it and if the relationship means anything to her she will contact you, if she doesn't that pretty much answers your question. Good luck!

[patklang]

Bingo,

She has a german boyfriend

[fred2007]

Like every body else I agree with Donna, one does not have to take a course in German to go to Germany. Ok if Donna is wrong you can blame all of us

[hhgz]

"To toot my own horn, I'm an extremely elligable bachelor - I have a great job with a good income, I own property and vehicles. Health care is taken care of, basically I'm in a comfortable position..."

You've made it clear that you are financially secure. How about emotionally secure? Desperation is not attractive, from any perspective.

[patklang]

You havent tooted your horn enough,not enough money,not enough property and not enough cars,shame the other guy was considerably richer than yow.

[pumpuiman]

Tell her you plan to meet her plane in Germany. I imagine she'll come up with a reason for you not to.

She just got her long awaited visa that her German boyfriend sponsored.

He paid for the German lessons, and the massage courses.

Sorry...it's obvious when viewed from afar my friend.

Move on and good luck.

[473geo]

Ever think the hotel she worked at might have a chain - job swop programme - would explain the requirement to learn German.......and she would not get to choose which country, would obtain a visa easily - and she has learnt German quickly.

just a slightly different slant on things...

[patklang]

Just hope this german guy isnt going to get her to work in a massage place in the reiperbarn(spelling)

[McLovin]

You already know the answers im sure.

She has had a German boyfriend/sponsor all the time. Not that easy to land a job in the EU after completing a massage course.

Stop being in denial, be thankful that she hasn't taken all your cash and move the f** along. The more you hang on, the more pathetic will be. Sorry for the harsh words. I wish you well

[meom]

Don't give up mate. Once in Germany she might get bored with her boyfriend and you could be her savior

[spacefruit]

Read if you dare, it's long and personal. If you can bare with it please leave me a comment. If not, please f*ckoff!

As you offer two options, (above). Here is my comment.

You are spectacularly naive, self obsessed, arrogant and a little bit desperate.

Some of my best friends are just like you.

(No offense intended, but wrapping it up in sugar, like your unwillingness to proof-read, would be too much effort.)

[pothai]

Has German boyfriend....probably for a few years since her baby was 1 year old

[britmaveric]

I'd say has a german husband/bf - although helpful to learn German, far more fruitful to learn english at the end of the day since most Germans speak english.

[bergen]

Agree with donna ...............and most of the others

Time to move on.

Btw.......... I would ask her if she have a German boyfriend/sponsor

[onnut]

I read that long post so I will reply even if its the same reply as the rest.

sorry dude, she is off to Germany because there is a guy waiting for her. if she wanted to be with you, then she would improve on your lingo not german.

sorry mate, you were just her back up plan in case the Germany trip fell through.

[rgs2001uk]

Read if you dare, it's long and personal. If you can bare with it please leave me a comment. If not, please f*ckoff!

Hello everyone, frequent visitor here but have never got personal. Today is that day. I'll jump right into as that is my nature.

I've been to Thailand three times, the first of which was with a Thai born friend so right off the bat I was open to many things about Thai culture. Pre-dating that even, many of my local friends are Lao or Thai born, and I have been very close with them for years ---- meaning, I have a great understanding and appreciation for the culture. Onwards... obviously this is about a female friend I met on one of my visits -- otherwise I would not be seeking "expert" advice.

We met in a round about way.. she was a front desk clerk at a hotel I stayed at while taking leave from my friend on first visit to Thailand. Her english is broken, but easily acceptable.... beyond that, we can speak on things on a deeper level than most females I meet - black, white, hispanic or asian. What I mean to say is we work on a very simiiar wave length. We have had discussions about life and life experiences.. be it relations with opposite sex or just general life experiences, and upon each conversation we have drawn closer. My first vist mainly involved expieriencing the country, both with my friend and with the girl I have met -- to separate myself from the average tourist.. well, let's just say this.. the average tourist pisses me off. If you have spent some time in the country -- which I have done much of by now, I hope you know what I mean -- and you are the type of person I seek advice from.

Onwards and upwards, we have hit it off.. we speak regularly on the telephone when I'm not in the country and when I am, it is life as I hope it would be. The reason for my posting is because of questions that arise when we are apart -- as mentioned, when together life is good.

A history - we are similar in age, her being slightly older.. something we can handle without problem. She's been through marriage, with 1 child, while I have been through semi-marriage (common-law living) for an extended peroid of time. Needless to say we are both emotionally secure in what we want.

Following my first visit, among every day life - she enrolled in a program at one of the Thai Universities. Specifically, Thai massage. She took this very seriously from my understanding, and has graduated both the first and second "levels" (excuse my ignorance, I say levels meaning she has taken more than one course/semester on the subject). Following this I took another trip to Thailand in whch we frequently saw each other - albeit did not stay together every day as I did not want to be a burden on her everyday life staying at her place.

Onwards from this, she has taken a course in German - and since dedicated herself and passed the course. In the back of my head I take this as her wanting to wanting to improve herself so as to be able to leave Thailand so we may be together for more time than my time off work allows.

She is very involved with her family -- parents, uncles, brothers and most importantly to her, and I willl concede - myself -- her daughter who is now 5 years old. She is not from a rich family by any means - but at the same time has never asked me for money.. but I have given some on a few occassions. Of this I am accepting, believe me I know the way foreign money is viewed within Thailand, so it was not done lightly.

I'm sure there is more I could go into, and if you have stuck with me thus far I thank you. I will now ask my main question, and it is this, although multi-parted:

Since passing the University courses (during which she was the eldest in the class but took it in stride) - we have maintained contact on a good level. Beyond this, she has landed a job in Germany as she expected in taking the German language course. Next month, she will travel there -- which obviously means her travel Visa was accepted by the government. She's very busy with preparing for this life changing event, and thus has little time to speak on the telephone. When we do, it is essentially about nothing - and combined with the lack of text/sms messages to me, has made me somewhat wonder --- among other things -- as to how much do I put into this.

We get along great and have shared many stories about life experiences together. When together, we get along great -- I consider myself an expert falang within Thailand now, both thanks to her and my friend, more-so her.

However, the doubt in my head remains -- marriage and life is a long term proposition. Even with her being in Germany we remain far apart -- although not as far. To toot my own horn, I'm an extremely elligable bachelor - I have a great job with a good income, I own property and vehicles. Health care is taken care of, basically I'm in a comfortable position whether we can take it to the next level or not.... and the next level would be what makes me most happy. My reason for posting is - as her flight and life changing trip to Germany approaches, we speak very little on the telephone and I even find her hard to reach, which is unuusal. This is not the first time this has happened - which when so far apart can leave to some doubt -- but at the same time I think to myself -- it's not an easy change in life, and when I am not there life must go on. I used to love it when she'd call, or SMS me - but those days are few and far between.

Am I being paranoid or is it just a hiccup in the path of life? Ask me questions if I have not covered it all - I am very serious about my feelings with her, and I belive her with me --- so it is not a subject I take lightly. I like to know I'm making the right decision about things, yet on this topic I'm not clear. Once again, if you stuck with me this long, I hope to hear your advice.

ITF

(I wrote so much without spell check I just can't proof read it.. apologies for any errors.)

says it all really, cant wait to read your book when it comes out.

Edited January 25, 2009 by soundman
Fixed formatting.

[jcon]

Ever think the hotel she worked at might have a chain - job swop programme - would explain the requirement to learn German.......and she would not get to choose which country, would obtain a visa easily - and she has learnt German quickly.

just a slightly different slant on things...

Could have been a possibility, if it weren't for the decline in communications as she gets closer to moving to Germany and making this "life change." People who are truly in love will become even closer during such 'a life change' as they will be looking to each other for advice, reassurance, etc. etc. to strengthen their love-bond before making such a move. Any woman would be leaning on her partner, for emotional support, if she was actually embarking on a big change and was actually in love with him... Since the communication seems to be dwindling to nothing as d-day approaches, I'm gonna have to go with donna and the other posters and posit that she has (probably has always had) a German bf...

Consider it a lesson learned... hope we're all wrong, but it seems as if it's going the way of so many 'relationships' that are started in this manner... stay away from Pattaya balconies.

Has the OP even come back to post a response?

[RAZZELL]

The OP could be German? He never said

What type of hotel and how old was she? Don't tell it me was the Nana

Otherwise, German bf. Who paid for the massage/german lesson's? Knowing what a hotel receptionist earns, I doubt she'd have much money left.

RAZZ

[mrtoad]

Does the OP wear Speedo's?

As been mentioned before, I'm guessing that some other German is slipping her a frankfurter.

[Pakeha]

I've been to Thailand three times,

I consider myself an expert falang within Thailand now

says it all really, cant wait to read your book when it comes out.

Agree with this - just didn't want to stick the knife in.

OP - I've lost count of how many times I've been to LOS, have a thai fiance and daughter with her, speak thai ok, have traveleed the length and breadth of Thailand and I still consider myself a relative amatuer.

What makes you think you're an 'expert falang' out of interest? Are you extremely pale?

[waza]

Donna hit the nail on the head in my opinion. You sound more like a plan B, or maybe C.

I have been coming to Thailand for 10 years, maybe 2 to 3 trip a year. Have had a Thai GF for the last 4 years and I consider myself a novis Farang in Thailand.

Edited January 25, 2009 by waza

[hunterdavies]

Hahahahahahahah, shit that was a funny read!!

yes 'expert' falang! extremely pale, Rgs i salute you my king among men

Edited January 26, 2009 by hunterdavies

[UncleFrank]

Does she scream vundebar when you make love?

[jimmym40]

Read if you dare, it's long and personal. If you can bare with it please leave me a comment. If not, please f*ckoff!

Hello everyone, frequent visitor here but have never got personal. Today is that day. I'll jump right into as that is my nature.

I've been to Thailand three times, the first of which was with a Thai born friend so right off the bat I was open to many things about Thai culture. Pre-dating that even, many of my local friends are Lao or Thai born, and I have been very close with them for years ---- meaning, I have a great understanding and appreciation for the culture. Onwards... obviously this is about a female friend I met on one of my visits -- otherwise I would not be seeking "expert" advice.

We met in a round about way.. she was a front desk clerk at a hotel I stayed at while taking leave from my friend on first visit to Thailand. Her english is broken, but easily acceptable.... beyond that, we can speak on things on a deeper level than most females I meet - black, white, hispanic or asian. What I mean to say is we work on a very simiiar wave length. We have had discussions about life and life experiences.. be it relations with opposite sex or just general life experiences, and upon each conversation we have drawn closer. My first vist mainly involved expieriencing the country, both with my friend and with the girl I have met -- to separate myself from the average tourist.. well, let's just say this.. the average tourist pisses me off. If you have spent some time in the country -- which I have done much of by now, I hope you know what I mean -- and you are the type of person I seek advice from.

Onwards and upwards, we have hit it off.. we speak regularly on the telephone when I'm not in the country and when I am, it is life as I hope it would be. The reason for my posting is because of questions that arise when we are apart -- as mentioned, when together life is good.

A history - we are similar in age, her being slightly older.. something we can handle without problem. She's been through marriage, with 1 child, while I have been through semi-marriage (common-law living) for an extended peroid of time. Needless to say we are both emotionally secure in what we want.

Following my first visit, among every day life - she enrolled in a program at one of the Thai Universities. Specifically, Thai massage. She took this very seriously from my understanding, and has graduated both the first and second "levels" (excuse my ignorance, I say levels meaning she has taken more than one course/semester on the subject). Following this I took another trip to Thailand in whch we frequently saw each other - albeit did not stay together every day as I did not want to be a burden on her everyday life staying at her place.

Onwards from this, she has taken a course in German - and since dedicated herself and passed the course. In the back of my head I take this as her wanting to wanting to improve herself so as to be able to leave Thailand so we may be together for more time than my time off work allows.

She is very involved with her family -- parents, uncles, brothers and most importantly to her, and I willl concede - myself -- her daughter who is now 5 years old. She is not from a rich family by any means - but at the same time has never asked me for money.. but I have given some on a few occassions. Of this I am accepting, believe me I know the way foreign money is viewed within Thailand, so it was not done lightly.

I'm sure there is more I could go into, and if you have stuck with me thus far I thank you. I will now ask my main question, and it is this, although multi-parted:

Since passing the University courses (during which she was the eldest in the class but took it in stride) - we have maintained contact on a good level. Beyond this, she has landed a job in Germany as she expected in taking the German language course. Next month, she will travel there -- which obviously means her travel Visa was accepted by the government. She's very busy with preparing for this life changing event, and thus has little time to speak on the telephone. When we do, it is essentially about nothing - and combined with the lack of text/sms messages to me, has made me somewhat wonder --- among other things -- as to how much do I put into this.

We get along great and have shared many stories about life experiences together. When together, we get along great -- I consider myself an expert falang within Thailand now, both thanks to her and my friend, more-so her.

However, the doubt in my head remains -- marriage and life is a long term proposition. Even with her being in Germany we remain far apart -- although not as far. To toot my own horn, I'm an extremely elligable bachelor - I have a great job with a good income, I own property and vehicles. Health care is taken care of, basically I'm in a comfortable position whether we can take it to the next level or not.... and the next level would be what makes me most happy. My reason for posting is - as her flight and life changing trip to Germany approaches, we speak very little on the telephone and I even find her hard to reach, which is unuusal. This is not the first time this has happened - which when so far apart can leave to some doubt -- but at the same time I think to myself -- it's not an easy change in life, and when I am not there life must go on. I used to love it when she'd call, or SMS me - but those days are few and far between.

Am I being paranoid or is it just a hiccup in the path of life? Ask me questions if I have not covered it all - I am very serious about my feelings with her, and I belive her with me --- so it is not a subject I take lightly. I like to know I'm making the right decision about things, yet on this topic I'm not clear. Once again, if you stuck with me this long, I hope to hear your advice.

ITF

(I wrote so much without spell check I just can't proof read it.. apologies for any errors.)

AS some previous poster said, "she has a German boyfriend"

RIGHT ON....

She's using you as a back up. Ask to see her employment acceptance papers. She either has a tourist visa or a finance visa to go see her #1 boyfriend. If that doesn't work, she'll fall back on you.

I know you don't want to hear this, but that's my take on this situation.

Good Luck.